Until the World Dies
by SciFiRN
Summary: Dean went to hell and left Sam and the others to move on. Follows Season 4. Sequel to Sparring Sessions, but I'll give you enough info to follow along without reading it. RATED M for EXPLICIT Sexual Content!
1. Tears Like Razorblades

**Disclaimer:**I don't own anything or anyone you've seen on the show. I own my OCs and the original story. I make no money on this, it's only for entertainment, so take that into consideration before you call the lawyers...pretty please.

_**Note: **This is a sequel of sorts for my story Sparring Session. Please don't let that discourage you. I'll reveal enough about the characters as the story moves forward so that it makes sense. You don't have to read Sparring Session to follow, but it might be helpful. _

_Several OCs appear here:_

Logan_ (Shane Logan Anam McCree): Bobby's niece, daughter of his sister, Amanda and Owen McCree. She's 24 and due to a ritual performed by her parents, her actual father is the angel Iaoth. Iaoth has the power to destroy demons. Logan has power also, but she doesn't understand it completely. She also has a brother, Finley (Finn). __Logan and Dean were together, sort of.__.. _

Finn (_Finley Addis Bas McCree): Logan's older brother__. Due to a deal Owen made to save Amanda and Bobby, Finn is half demon. His father is Vetis, who hated Azazel and now hates Lilith. __Finn was possessed by Azazel and then tortured/raped his family and sister. _

Kate_ (Katrin Elizabeth Ross): Kate was Sam's lover from the last story. She's around, well because people like her and so does Sam. She's a normal girl, lives in Colorado and works as a Flight Medic and Mountain Resuer._

Ryan (_Ryan Visintine): Kate's best friend._

_Any questions PM me, I'll be more than happy to answer what I can...or you could read Sparring Session._

**Until the World Dies**

_About two weeks after Dean dies…_

Sam drank. He drank to forget and so he wouldn't remember. He drank to avoid feeling anything. He'd tried the crossroads demon, they wouldn't deal, no one would talk to him, help him. He didn't even want a deal, just to trade places with Dean.

His phone rang again and he didn't answer it. He knew it was either Bobby or Kate. He didn't want to talk to either of them. He'd spent some time with Bobby, but after they'd buried Dean, well he'd started to feel smothered. Kate, he went to see her right after he left Bobby. He spent time with her, but realized he was pulling her down, and taking a lot out of her. After two days in Colorado, he left.

They had talked a couple of times after that, but he couldn't do it anymore. Talking to her hurt, she was so sweet to him and he didn't want sweet. He wanted to wallow in his hurt. He wanted to feel punished. He hadn't answered her calls in almost two weeks, his hand drifted to the leather bag still hanging around his neck. It hung there, Dean's amulet safe inside now, and he wished it would do its job; actually make him feel safe.

He titled back the bottle of Jack and frowned when nothing poured into his mouth. He looked at it, a little cross-eyed, and then hurled it at the side of the building with a curse. He wasn't numb enough to stop drinking, but he wasn't sober enough to do anything more about it. He glanced to his knuckles. They were covered in blood, he was pretty sure one was broken. It hurt, he didn't care.

He hadn't been hunting, only trying to find away to bring Dean back. It was killing him and he knew it. He was okay with that too. He didn't deserve to live, not if Dean was gone…he just didn't deserve it. He failed his brother and it broke his heart.

He spent his time drinking, working out and fighting, in fact, he'd been fighting pretty regularly. He fought all comers; he fought four or five guys at a time. He didn't care when he got hurt. He liked it, the physical pain somehow burying the emotional pain. He pushed himself off the side of the car, glancing back at her smooth, dark shape with a frown. He trailed a hand over the hood and down the line of the trunk. She reminded him of Dean and the knife twisted in his heart once more as he moved toward his room.

"Sorry Dean…so fuckin sorry, man… I couldn't save you, we couldn't do it…were close, but couldn't do it…can't do it now…" He stumbled and staggered up the stairs, like a pinball through the hall. It would be the same tonight. Pass out on the bed or the couch, sleep, wake, and then vomit. He'd run then, work up a sweat and force all the alcohol from his blood. Then he'd punish himself with push-ups, chin-ups and sit-ups until he could barely move. As soon as it was late enough he'd be drinking again.

He pushed the door closed behind him and then realized that tonight wasn't the same. This was the night he was ambushed. He looked her in the eye and prayed she would do it. He wanted it to end, but it was Ruby, she saved him and things changed…so many things changed.

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Logan spun and the machete sunk deep into the vampire's neck. The vampire fell, hurt but not dead. The knife stuck halfway in his neck. She laughed morbidly. It always amazed her how people thought it was easy to behead someone. Even fully sharpened, if you didn't strike with the knife blade perpendicular to the neck, or it slammed into one of the vertebra the blade would stick. She pressed her foot into the thing's chest and yanked back hard, to dislodge the blade.

The being struggled, pushed at her foot as it lay there bleeding on the dirty floor. She smiled, lifted the knife and struck once and then again before the head lolled free. She stood over the body, panting, her eyes glazed over with anger. The thing had killed an entire family of five, including the nine-month-old baby girl. She kicked the head and it spun away into the shadows.

Blood clung to her, some on her face and arms. She knew she didn't have any open cuts. She was careful. She moved out of the dilapidated house, found the kerosene in her trunk and then burned the place down.

As the house burned, she sat in the car, head resting heavy on the steering wheel as she watched the flames. She didn't stop the tears. This was when the emotion caught up to her. Out of habit, she tucked hair behind her ear. She knew it needed cut and she made a note to do it soon. She sighed and started the car. She already had her next hunt lined up, and the next, and the one after that. She didn't plan on stopping until something out there made her stop.

She fumbled on the seat beside her until she found the phone. Five missed calls, two voicemails and several text messages. She knew Sam was alive. He would text her from time to time, and she'd text back. Neither of them gave any info on location. Sam's always said, "drnk n brethn," and she'd always send back, "Stll hnting". Bobby would call and she'd text him back, she refused to speak to him. He begged her too though.

Ignoring the text messages for now, she dialed voicemail and hit the speaker button. The first call was Bobby.

"_Checking in on you Logan and I'd wish you'd call me. I'm worried about you and Sam too. You heard from him yet, cause I still haven't. Don't rightly know if he's alive or dead. If you're not gonna call, please send me a message, girl. I really want to see, Logan. Miss you and I love you. Stay safe."_

She hit the key to delete and let the second message play.

"_Hey Logan, just wanted to tell you I already miss you. Take care of yourself baby and watch out for my little brother will you, oh and Bobby too. That old man needs someone to check in on him every once in awhile. Just stay safe and remember everything I said, baby…everything." _ There was a pause, a hitching sob and then. _ "Okay, you understand? Bye, Logan."_

A small sob passed her lips and she wiped at her eyes as the voicemail scrolled through her options. She didn't listen; she knew by heart what key to hit to "Save to Inbox". She saved the voicemail and sent a text to Bobby. Just let him know she was alive and what she'd done. She knew he'd track her, but she'd be two states away before he got close. She let the phone drop to the seat and put the car in gear. She was tired and the GPS told her she had one hundred odd miles to go before she could rest.

Rob Zombie's, _Living Dead Girl_ blared through the speakers, she shifted and spun the tires out in the gravel as she headed toward her next hunt.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Bobby put the empty bottle on the table, sliding aside four or five others in the way. He felt so old, older than he had in years. He wiped a hand over his face and grabbed another bottle from the wooden crate on the kitchen floor before moving back to the living room. He settled down in front of the computer and typed in he information Logan had texted him, looking for a clue to where she was. It didn't take him long to find the story of a family of five slaughtered in their home. She was in Montana, but he knew that by now she was already moving on. Where, he had no idea.

He hadn't heard from Sam in a long time, though a few weeks ago, Logan had told him that she'd gotten a text from him. Bobby had faith the boy was still alive. He had to hold onto that, because if he didn't he'd break. John, Dean and Sam…it would be too much and he knew it. He sighed and slumped into the hard wood chair. He opened the liquor bottle and drank. He knew there wasn't enough alcohol to numb the pain in his heart, but it did help him not care, even if it was only for an hour or two.

He'd been on the phone with Kate earlier. She was scared and worried. Sam wouldn't answer and he wouldn't call. He drank more and closed his eyes. He'd told her that Logan got a message from him a few weeks ago, but that no one had heard anything since. He'd promised to call her if he heard anything and then he asked if she'd heard from Logan. She hadn't. They had said goodbye.

Bobby went back to researching his next hunt.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Taylor Swift's _Tim McGraw _played on the jukebox and Kate sighed, flipped the phone closed and slipped it into her pocket. She leaned forward; both elbows resting on the bar and let her head hang. She was hurt and angry, but she also understood. She knew what it was like to lose the last of your family and feel alone in the world. She just wished she could be there to help. According to Bobby, Sam had just disappeared after Dean died. Logan was off hunting and while she hadn't called, she at least texted him.

Right after Dean died; Sam had come to see her. He only spent two days with her. They'd holed up in her apartment, mostly in her bed. She let him grieve, knew he needed it. He hadn't said much, but he'd cried and he'd been angry. They'd even fought some, but he'd left on decent terms, still hurting and in Kate's opinion, broken.

A glass of white wine appeared beside her hand and she smiled.

"Thanks Ryan."

"Anytime Katie…anytime," he shoved her shoulder as he claimed the stool beside her. "Still not taking your calls, huh?"

She looked up and shifted her head in his direction. "Nope, talked to Bobby and he said Logan gets a text from him every once in awhile. Just enough of a message to let her know he's alive."

Ryan frowned and drank his beer as he watched the girl beside him. He sighed, "Kate, I'm really sorry."

She smiled and picked up the wine glass. "For what?"

"That you're hurting." He played with the label on his beer bottle. "I know how much you like him."

She rolled her eyes and snorted. "Hey, I like him, but it's not like we had anything more than a really hot week or so." She sipped her wine, letting it roll on her tongue before she swallowed. "I just kinda hoped that there might be something more."

"Yeah, it's really sad about Dean and all. He was a great guy, I liked both those boys." He took a long drink from his bottle. "You heard from Logan at all?"

"No, she won't answer either." She sighed. "She's really hurting too, she loved him."

"I know." He rolled his shoulders and finished his beer. "You gonna spend the night at my place again or you want me to crash with you?"

"Your place tonight." She swallowed, there were memories at her place, and she wasn't in the mood to deal with them right now. "What you got to watch?"

Ryan smiled and slid his beer bottle across the bar, catching it with one hand and then pushing back to his other hand. "Well, are you in the mood for some sexy Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson, because I have _Fool's Gold_. " He held up a hand, "I know it's not award winning cinema and all, but dirty-sexy McConaughey can make up for a multitude of sins." He waggled his eyebrows at her and winked.

She giggled and finished off her wine. She stood and straitened her t-shirt. She grabbed Ryan's hand and pulled him from his stool as she slipped an arm around his waist. She sighed when he draped an arm over her shoulder. "You know, it's a good thing we agree on our choice of men." She slapped his ass. "Don't you think Kate Hudson's a little hot, though?"

Ryan gasped and slapped a hand over his heart as he pulled back a little and stared at her in shock. "Oh, pahleeze…" He cocked his head and waved a finger at her as he lisped his next lines. "I'm a gay man, honey…I'm not into you girls."

She rolled her eyes, "Oh, for heaven sake, Ryan. You like men, but I've know you like women too, so cut it out." She shoved his chest, "And don't go all flamer on me now. You're my best friend and I refuse be classified as a fag hag."

He laughed and pulled her against him in a big hug, before he bent her over his arm and kissed her soundly on the lips. He straitened them up and pulled back, just keeping his arm over her shoulder. "I'm just waiting for you to realize that I'm the man of your dreams baby." He herded her toward the door. "Besides, I'd defend your honor to my grave."

She smiled, willing to pretend, for now at least, that she wasn't missing and terribly worried about Sam. "Let's go drool over McConaughey, then."

_**Note:** Okay, thanks for reading and for everyone who read ALL the way through Sparring Sessions. I hope you enjoy the start. Just setting the scene. The first parts of this story are going to focus alot on Sam and the others and what was going on while Dean was in hell. We'll get a peek at Dean too, but not quite yet. _

_You know the muse is picky and she likes to hear from you, so bring it on. The good and the bad. The action will start soon....  
_


	2. Moving On and Breaking Down

**Moving On and Breaking Down**

_Late May 2008_

Ruby swore to him that she could teach him how to do it. She said he'd be strong enough to take Lilith out, to destroy her once and for all. He didn't know if he could really believe her, he'd seen the vision of the future. Hell, even his power combined with Logan's hadn't been enough to keep her from taking Dean.

It didn't matter if she was lying. Sam was desperate. He had nowhere else to turn. He was impressed that she wasn't riding some poor girl's body. Doing that meant she'd taken him seriously, it wasn't something she had to do and besides, she was right; Dean was gone, and Lilith's death was the only thing that might help him move forward; it was the only thing that might keep him from destroying himself.

Sam tried, but everything distracted him. The never-ending pain in his heart, the look on the poor schmuck's face as the demon taunted him, even Ruby's breathing. He listened to her words, and tried to do what she'd taught him. He wanted it to work, but he knew it wouldn't, he just couldn't get the focus down. He just couldn't concentrate.

He tried and the pain started. The intensity of it startled him, there was little to no build up, just the sudden, overwhelming pain in the center of his head. It felt like something was trying to bore its way through his brain and it took every ounce of his willpower to hold on, even for the limited amount of time that he did.

The demon moved, started to flow outward and then his concentration buckled. The man laughed as the smoke poured back into his mouth. Once again, Sam tried. He focused; hand outstretched and poured all his strength into it. He pulled the demon out by force of will, but it was a struggle. His vision swam as the pressure in his head built and he would swear his eyes were bulging from his skull. He tasted the blood in his throat, felt it run from his nose and he knew his eyes would be bloodshot for days. The pain broke his concentration and the demon snaked back inside.

Sam's arm dropped and he gripped his head, gasping for breath. He heard the demon laughing at him and as the pain receded, he looked up and watched Ruby thrust the knife through his throat, severing his spinal cord in one thrust.

"Not funny."

Sam stared, struggled to catch his breath and slow his heart rate. He didn't speak, just grabbed the whiskey drank and after Ruby cut the man's bonds, he carried him out into the woods to bury him beside the other four failed exorcisms.

Looking back later, he'd try to figure out how things ended where they did. He would blame himself, Ruby, alcohol, desperation and in some small way, he'd even blame Kate. He tried, again he tried, and that's what he ended up blaming it own once he finally made peace with it. He blamed it on his shitty will power. He couldn't exorcise a demon with his will, so how the hell could he keep one out of his bed.

He was desperate for some small amount of comfort. He needed it. He hurt so damned much inside. He had failed so many people, so many times. If it weren't for him, his mother would be alive. If it weren't for him, his dad would probably still be alive. Dean was dead because of him; traded his own soul to keep him alive, bring him back and what the hell did he have to show for himself? Nothing.

There wasn't a point where it suddenly happened, but it did; Sam had fallen. He'd sank so low that he came to be sitting in a dilapidated cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere with a demon bitch shoving his hand down her pants, and god help him, she was right. She was warm and soft and he wanted so desperately to find some kind of release. He so needed to loose himself for a little while with someone who wouldn't judge him the way he judged himself, with someone he couldn't hurt, someone who didn't hurt for him.

Damn it, he wanted to hurt someone, to tear them apart. He felt violent and frantic and here was a demon that was used to the depravity of hell. He knew he could do whatever he wanted. He knew he could take what he needed from her and he knew she wouldn't complain or criticize. He knew she'd just smile and beg for more.

Her words taunted him, her hands tempted him and his will crumbled. He kissed her, and his hand twisted almost savagely into her hair. Clothes fell away, fingers found skin with bruising intensity, tongues and teeth and pain and want, all of it came together in a sudden rush of body against body.

Sam gasped and moved. He didn't want to stop, not when her teeth bit into his shoulder and drew blood, not when she screamed as he thrust harder and impossibly deeper. He couldn't have stopped if he wanted to, even after she backhanded him hard or as he watched his hands circle her throat. He smiled, actually fucking smiled, as he watched the bruises blossom, and he still didn't stop. It was violent and it was wrong and it was exactly how he felt; it was exactly what he needed.

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_First Week of June 2008_

Logan sat in the bar and nursed the same beer she'd been nursing for the past hour. She was waiting on information, but was starting to worry because the guy hadn't shown yet. She sighed long and deep and then pushed the beer away as she checked her watch. She was more than pissed. This was the second contact that hadn't shown up in the past two weeks. She was about to stand, when someone walked through the door.

She watched the woman move into the bar and survey the place. The lighting was dim and the woman's face was in the shadows, but Logan knew who it was the second she stepped into the bar. Just like, she knew the exact moment that the woman spotted her.

Back to the bar, one elbow resting on the scarred wood, Logan watched. The woman ducked around several tables and then was there. She took the stool directly to Logan's left and tapped the bar to get the bar tenders attention.

"What can I get you?"

The dark haired woman shrugged. "Whatever you have on draft." She glanced to Logan and arched a dark eyebrow.

Logan shook her head and the bartender wandered off to get the drink.

"What are you doing here Ruby?" Logan frowned and turned to face her companion. She studied the woman beside her. This was a new body, but she knew who it was. She could sense her and feel her. She knew why and she shivered.

Ruby smiled and let her eyes wander over Logan. "Like the hair." She licked her lips before she slid the beer the bartender had just left from the counter and took a sip. "You look good."

Self consciously, Logan fingered her, now short, hair. She had decided to cut it and she did. It was short and angular. The uneven layers falling randomly around her head and she'd dyed it so that the ends were black. It was sharp and dangerous, so much more the way she felt lately. "You too."

The dark haired girl was pretty, but so different from the previous body Ruby had possessed. Logan sensed nothing other than the demon. There was no tortured soul inside. She frowned.

"What's with the body?"

Ruby chuckled. "You sensed that? That's kinda hot." The toe of her boot traced along Logan's calf as their eyes locked. "Like I told Sam, I just recycled." She shrugged. "The soul left at the moment of death and took up the payments." She ran a hand down her side. "I really like it. It's nice to have a body all to myself again."

Logan nodded and watched as Ruby drank her beer. She'd only met Ruby once, just before Dean had died. She'd freed her from the devil's trap that Dean had tricked her into. There was something different about Ruby then and it had intrigued her. This Ruby was even more different. She couldn't pinpoint it and it was bothering her.

The mug settled onto the bar heavily and Logan was jolted from her thoughts. She watched as Ruby smiled again, her tongue running over her lips. The demon cocked her head to the side and played her fingers through her hair.

"What are you doing here Ruby?"

"She's not here." Ruby pushed the empty mug down the bar and then reached out to brush a piece of hair from Logan's forehead.

"Who's not here?" Logan grabbed the hand in her hair and pulled it down to hold it flat against the bar. A shudder ran through her.

"Your daughter…she's playing with us, and trying to draw Sam out."

Logan leaned in, eyes serious. "Have you seen Sam?"

The seductive smile that spread across Ruby's face gave Logan pause. Her words confirmed her suspicion.

The demon laughed and pulled her hand from Logan's grip. She ran her fingers up the other woman's arm, fingertips skittering playfully. "Oh, I've seen him…and trust me it's as good as you think it is."

Something flared inside her. It was similar to the way she felt around Sam. The way her power pulsed to life and throbbed when they were together. This wasn't as intense, but it was something. She knew part of the reason for it and as she watched the demon beside her, her thoughts drifted back to when she'd first met the demon.

_She told Dean that she felt a demon in the house and he left her. He said he knew it was Ruby, he knew Sam would summon her. She dressed and then followed Dean. She slid quietly down the cellar stairs and stayed in the shadows. She watched, she listened and after they took the knife from Ruby and left her in the trap, Logan moved closer._

"_Who are you?" Ruby stood, arms crossed over her chest in anger. _

_A smile slid across Logan's face and shook her head. "Does it matter who I am?" She raised an eyebrow. "You don't sense anything?"_

_She watched the blonde's eyes widen. "Something, but I don't know what." She glared. "You helping me or you just here to piss me off?" She raised her head in the direction the boys went. "You know you might want to follow them, they'll be leaving soon."_

_Logan chucked. "They won't leave without me and if they do, I can catch up." She circled the trap. "What is it you think Sam can do to save Dean?"_

"_You know, I really don't know why the hell I should tell you anything."_

_Logan closed her eyes and when she opened them, they were an eerie, pale blue and energy spiraled through the space between them. Logan lifted her hand and watched as an odd pulse of power thrummed to life in her palm. "Well, I can hurt you."_

_Black eyes suddenly stared out at her. "I've heard stories about you. Read the prophesy, but I never believed it. None of is did."_

_Logan lowered her hand and watched Ruby's eyes return to normal. "So, how about telling me what it is Sam can do?"_

_Ruby sighed. "He can't do it now, he hasn't practiced, he hasn't learned because he's been too stubborn and he's listened to his idiot brother."_

_Logan chuckled and let her eyes return to their normal blue. "Well, you get points for thinking he's an idiot." She rolled her eyes and then swallowed the emotion that rose to a head. "He makes me want to kill him myself sometimes. Stubborn, jackass is gonna die because he won't let us help him."_

"_You love him." Ruby stated. "I can help you. Maybe, even if we can't kill her, maybe we'll be able to wound her, but you have to let me out."_

_Logan knew that for some reason this demon actually wanted to help the brothers. "Why do you care? I mean you're already lost. No chance for redemption and all once you go as far as you have, right?"_

"_Yeah." Logan watched Ruby's face darken. "But, Dean doesn't deserve hell…you have no idea how bad it's going to be for him." Ruby shuddered and shook her head. "Sam, well, I just want to see Sam happy."_

_Logan quirked her brow at her last words, but didn't comment. She watched the demon and nodded. "I'll free you, but you'll stay out of sight until you can be helpful."_

_Ruby nodded. "Fine by me."_

_Logan pulled a crate from the wall and stood on it to reach the trap Dean had etched on the ceiling. She pulled a knife from the sheath on her belt and gouged out enough of the old wood to disrupt the circle. She felt the pop as the circle fell and then hopped down._

_Ruby was still watching her and she nodded at her. "You're free, but one more thing."_

"_What?" Ruby asked impatient to leave._

_Logan reached over and grabbed the demon by the lapel of her brown jacket. She pulled her hard into her chest. "Don't fucking double cross us or I'll destroy you. You understand?" Her eyes were pale blue and her threat was heavy in the room._

_Ruby nodded. "I got it." _

_Logan reached up, pulled the blonde's head lower, and pressed their lips together. She held on for the few seconds that Ruby fought. Another few seconds and Ruby was kissing her back. She smiled and deepened the kiss. It was rough and heady and when Logan bit down on the tender edge of Ruby's tongue, the demon's moan echoed into the basement._

_Logan did the same to her tongue and waited for the shock of powers she expected. She wasn't disappointed. When their blood mingled, a low thrum rushed through her. It wasn't nearly as powerful or intoxicating as the kiss she had shared with Sam, but the rush was there._

_One final sweep of her tongue and Logan pulled away, once again smiling when Ruby groaned, this time in frustration. She licked the taste of the other woman from her lips and shook her head. "I'll know when you're around now, and you'll probably know it when I am." She released her hold on Ruby's jacket. She winked. "By the way, that was really nice."_

_Ruby stared, confused and shocked. "What the hell was that?" She couldn't help pushing Logan's hair over her shoulder. "Fuck that was intense."_

_Logan chuckled and stepped back. "The blood is power. I'll recognize your presence now, you'll recognize mine, because we just exchanged a bit of power. It might come in handy one day." She shrugged. _

_Ruby fingered her lips and frowned. "Well fuck me."_

_Logan laughed and moved toward the stairs. "That is not an impossibility." She walked up the stairs smiling as Ruby made a strangled noise in the back of her throat._

Logan suddenly came back to herself to find Ruby standing in front of her gently shaking her shoulders.

"Hey? You with me now?"

"Huh…my mind just wandered there for a sec." Logan shifted on her stool. "You mind?" She lifted her shoulder under Ruby's hand.

The demon smiled and shook her head. "No, I really don't." She sighed and stepped back. "But I have to catch up with Sam. I just wanted you to know, that Lilith's killing anyone you talk to. She's afraid of you and she's not about to let you find her."

Logan stood, reached into her hip pocket and then dropped the ten dollar bill on the bar. "You said she's after Sam though. Isn't she afraid of him too?"

Logan watched Ruby smile as they walked out of the bar. "Yeah, she's afraid, but right now he hasn't figured out how to use his power."

Logan stopped suddenly when Ruby grabbed her hand.

The demon's voice was quiet and serious, but her eyes sparkled with mischief. "I think that's going to change really soon."

"What the hell does that mean?" The demon's tone made Logan wary.

Ruby smiled and shook her head. "I think Sam needs a little push in the right direction. He needs a little incentive to use his power, that's all."

They were outside the bar and in front of Logan's car. "Ruby, what are you planning?"

"Nothing that's going to hurt anyone," She frowned. "At least I don't think it will. I could use you as backup though."

"Backup for what?"

"Just show up here in two weeks." She pushed a business card with an address scrawled on the back into Logan's hand. "That's it, you show and you only interfere if you absolutely have to."

"Ruby, I don't think…" The press of Ruby's lips cut off Logan's words and despite herself, when Ruby's tongue slid against hers she kissed the other woman back.

Logan leaned into the kiss and then stood, shocked when Ruby pulled back.

"Two weeks. I'll call you and tell you more that day."

The demon turned and disappeared leaving Logan panting and wondering what the hell was going on.

**Note:**_ Okay, so second chapter down. What do you guys think? You know I wanna hear from you, so don't disappoint me. Feed the muse and stroke her so she's good to you and to me. Thanks for everyone of you who left a review. I love you all!_


	3. Leaves You Broken and Makes You Better?

_**Mid June 2008**_

Ruby flipped the headlights off and looked around the deserted parking lot. She knew he was close, but he still caught her off guard when she exited the car. She suddenly found herself pressed roughly against her car.

The man pulled her arm painfully up behind her and she grunted.

"Ruby…I wasn't sure you were gonna show. I mean you've gotta know that there's a pretty price on your head." He whispered gruffly in her ear.

She struggled against him and then brought the heel of her boot down hard on his foot, but he didn't let her go. "If you were planning on claiming it you would've done it already. Let me go so we can talk."

He laughed and yanked harder on her arm. "How is it to have your own body? I mean the soul in this one gave up twenty seconds after I took him, but I can still feel him sniveling and crying in his little corner."

Her free hand dropped to her side and moved behind her to between them. She traced his cock through his pants. "Let me go and I'll show you just how nice it is."

Her companion snorted and then let her go as he took a step back. "I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last thing in hell." He waited for her to turn around and then continued. "I'm intrigued. Lilith wants you, but she wants the Winchester brat worse, so it would be better for me to take him and leave you for someone with less ambition." He smirked down at her.

Ruby shook out her arm and nodded. She knew how demons thought, how they were always planning and scheming to climb higher up the food chain and she knew Luther. She knew he was desperate to get out of the trouble he'd found himself in with Ronwe. If Lilith favored him, Ronwe would leave him alone since she outranked him by miles.

"Good, but you'll need to bring someone else with you. Do what you want with the family, but don't kill them. The girl is bait. We know how Lilith favors the young ones." She crossed her arms over her chest and watched Luther while her eyes scanned the area. It paid to be cautious. "Winchester will show and then he's yours."

"You know Ruby, you saved his ass last time, so how do I know you're not going to double cross me? Why save the boy if you planned on handing him over."

She snorted and narrowed her eyes at the other demon. "He won't fuck me. Told me he'd send me back to hell himself if he saw me again." She flashed an evil smile at him. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, except perhaps a demon scorned…"

Luther threw his head back and laughed so hard tears were in his eyes. "It would figure that it would come down to that with you. You're such a slut aren't you?" He moved forward, again pressing her back against the car. He lowered his head. "A human man and he's no match for you…it's poetic justice." He pulled her up and against his chest. "Deal. You bring him and I'll take him. You double cross me and I'll make sure it's the last thing you ever do." He kissed her roughly before letting her go.

Ruby wiped the back of her hand over her mouth and then spit. "Just do your part."

"Count on it."

Ruby blinked and he was gone.

_**The next day…**_

She'd taken the time to lay it out, showed him the signs that Lilith was around and he believed her. Every part of it, even her fighting him like she didn't want him to go. She wasn't expecting him to put the knife to her throat and stare her down. She watched the conflicted emotions in his eyes and her knees went weak went she saw his lust.

He left her leaning against the wall. Her breathing was erratic while a dangerous thrill of desire pulsed hard and low in her belly. She fingered her throat with one hand as she pulled her phone from her pocket with the other and dialed Logan.

"He'll be there in an hour…Just watch, if it looks like things are going south, then you step in….Yeah, I'm sure, just don't let him know you're there…I'll buy you a drink later when it all works out…Like I said, if it looks like one of us is getting hurt…Fine then…bye."

She flipped her phone closed and smiled. With some luck, today would be the day that Sam figured out how to use the power that Azazel gave him. She pulled her keys from her pocket and headed out the door.

_**Same Day…**_

The phone fell to the bed and then she pushed herself upright. Every muscle ached and she moaned when she finally sat on the edge of the bed. She let her head hang forward on her shoulders taking in the bruises on her naked torso. Her hand drifted over her left side and she winced. She knew the poltergeist had broken her ribs when it knocked the bookcase on top of her.

She sighed; she hadn't intended to be up yet, though she never slept well anymore. Dreams and nightmares pounded through her head constantly. She rolled her head back and looked up to the ceiling and refused to cry. She promised herself there wouldn't be tears for herself anymore.

She stood, moved gingerly to the bathroom and turned the shower on. She looked at herself in the mirror and frowned. She missed what she used to see. The hopeful, fun-loving person she used to be. She didn't like who she was now, but she didn't know how to be anyone else.

Her fingers gently caressed the ink on her left hip. Her eyes shut and she whispered, almost prayer like. "I miss you."

She swallowed four Motrin before she showered, dressed and hurried to the address Ruby gave her. She knew she was the first one there and she took the time to do some surveillance. She circled the house. There was a couple, the daughter and two demons. She watched as the demons teased and tortured the parents while they threatened the little girl, who sat at the dining room table wearing an Alice-in-Wonderland blue and white dress.

Logan watched them. She wouldn't stand back and watch if they hurt anyone no matter what Ruby told her. Besides, she still didn't know what Ruby's plan was. The only thing she knew was that she was the backup. She returned to the driver seat of her car to wait. The music was low, making just enough background noise to keep her mind from wandering off too much.

She didn't see the car, but she recognized Sam immediately as he moved up the sidewalk in the fog. She sat up, her heart pounded and emotion pulsed through her. She wanted to run across the street and pull him into her arms. She wanted to cry with him and for him. She wanted to talk about missing Dean, but she was also afraid.

It was that fear that made her want to run, and never remember. Seeing Sam and remembering made the pain fresh again. It made her regret and no matter how much she hated it, she did regret falling in love. A big part of her didn't believe that the pain was worth it and that made a part, buried deep inside angry.

Once Sam was inside, Logan crossed the street so she could watch while being close enough to help. She watched as Sam approached the little girl and then the two demons were on him. He dropped the knife as the bigger of the two pressed a forearm into his throat and forced him into the wall. She almost moved to the door, but Ruby moved in from the back of the house and Logan settled back down to watch.

Ruby stabbed the smaller demon and then attacked the other one. Logan watched as Sam ran to get the girl to safety while Ruby fought the big demon. She still held the knife, but after several seconds, it clattered to the floor. Logan considered walking, but Sam was still in the building she was almost at the door when she felt an overwhelming amount of power pulsing through the area.

She hesitated and then moved back to the window. Sam was behind the man, hand outstretched. His face distorted with pain and something darker as he concentrated on the demon. Logan gasped as the black smoke poured from the man's mouth and then he collapsed onto the floor. The smoke sank into the floor in a glowing flash. Logan caught Sam's face, there was blood dripping from his nose. He said something to Ruby and then she was in front of him.

Something inside Logan flared as she watched Ruby with Sam. The demon's arms were around him and she wiped the blood almost tenderly from his nose before she kissed him. Logan turned from the intimate act and moved back to her car. She didn't want to watch them. She didn't want to be reminded of how much she wanted someone to hold her, someone to want her, someone to comfort her, even if it was just for the night and she never saw the person again. She wouldn't let herself feel pleasure, unless it was when she was fighting and killing.

Dean was in hell; why should she feel pleasure when he was being tortured in ways that no human should even know about. She grasped her chest as the pain and terror rose up in her mind again. It still bubbled up from time to time. The memory of the vision she'd had of Dean in hell; the vision she'd shared with Sam when they'd kissed. The vision that told them both, that no matter what they did, Dean was dying and going to hell…forever.

She slipped into the car and grabbed the steering wheel, she gripped it tight and waited for the shaking to stop. Anger, pain and loneliness threatened to overwhelm her. Seeing Sam had torn the wound wide open and she knew it wouldn't die down for sometime. She fought the urge to scream. She wanted to hurt someone, kill something. She understood why Sam was with Ruby, she wouldn't judge him. He found a way to deal with his loneliness.

Ruby wouldn't expect him to smile, she would let him feel dirty and wrong. Being with her wouldn't make him feel guilty for not saving Dean. Logan wiped at the traitorous tears on her face and sobbed. She threw her head back and screamed, "FUCK!" She pounded on the steering wheel and hated how weak she suddenly felt. This is why she didn't call Bobby. This is why she didn't call Sam or Kate.

Her phone chimed. She wiped her face and pulled it from her pocket. She opened the message.

"Club K 4th/Main 11pm."

"What the hell, Ruby…damn it." She folded the phone back into her pocket and started the car. She wanted food and she wanted to go back to bed and since it was a long way until eleven, that's exactly what she was going to do.

_**Several hours later…**_

Sam threw the shovel into the trunk of the car and slammed the trunk shut. He let his hand slide over the black paint and the pain slide past the dam he'd erected around it. He slid to the ground, back to the tire and wept. He used his power. He'd promised he wouldn't, but in the end, he did it anyway. He let Ruby convince him to do it and now he had one more reason to hate himself; it was one more reason he was a failure.

Sam wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his head on his knees. He hated when he broke down, but burying bodies meant he wasn't able to save someone. The family had been grateful. They thanked him repeatedly and the entire time he wanted to scream, "Stop it! I'm no better than then!"

_Lips Like Morphine_ rang into the silence and Sam pulled the phone from his pocket. He debated answering, and gave in. He wiped his nose and flipped it open.

"Hey." He knew she could tell he was crying. He didn't try to hide it, he just wanted to hear her voice. He wanted a reminder that someone cared. Someone who didn't want something from him.

"Sam, thank God."Kate sobbed into the phone. "I'm so worried about you. Please tell me you're alright."

He sobbed, he couldn't answer and she whispered into the phone, soft shushing noises and words of comfort.

"Kate…I can't tell you I'm okay…I'm a long way from it."

"I wish I could make it better. I miss you. I want you to come see me. You need to be with people who care about you."

"I can't." Guilt about Ruby made him feel sick in his stomach. "I feel so dirty, Kate. I don't want it to rub off on you."

She snorted. "Sam, stop being stupid and give it a rest. You're not dirty and nothing's gonna rub off on me."

"You don't understand…it just…you…I can't help it. It hurts when I feel happy…I don't want to hurt you."

She laughed sarcastically, "You don't want to hurt me? How is ignoring my calls not hurting me?" She sighed into the phone. "Listen to me, Winchester. I know how you feel. I know you're hurting…I lost my father, my brother and my grandmother. I know you feel guilty every time you smile, but you have to remember that he'd want you to smile. I know Dean would want you to go one living the life he wanted for you. I know he told you that. He wanted you happy…" Kate was crying, Sam could tell. "Sam, please don't give up on life…don't give up on us…"

Her words hit him hard. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the car. He sighed, deep and long. "God Kate…I wish I could be there. There are things you don't know. I wish I didn't feel so guilty, so lost…fuck, I wish things were different."

There was a long silence. "Sam, you have a choice and right now you sound like you've given up."

Sam prickled, "Shit, I've been swimming in guilt and pain and fighting every day to survive and you're trying to tell me I've given up." His free hand fisted by his knee. "Fuck you, Kate."

"It's okay to be angry at me." She sniffed into the phone. "At least you're telling me how you feel, not keeping it bottled up."

Sam stood and paced beside the car. "You want to know how I feel? Fine. I hate myself for being too weak to fight Dean when he was alive. I could have saved him, Kate. Do you know that? I could have saved him and it took a demon bitch to show me that." He stopped pacing and stood in the dark, beside the car in the middle of some strip of dense woods.

Tears ran down his face. "I'm angry that you keep trying to make me feel better. It pisses me off that you won't let me be angry and bitter that Dean is dead." He laughed bitterly. "You think you know how it feels, but you don't. Sure, you lost people you loved, but did they die to keep you alive? Do you understand that Dean gave up his soul to save mine? My soul, Kate…a soul that deserves hell because of things that some demon did, he traded himself for me."

Sam ran a hand through his hair. He could hear Kate crying on the phone and a part of him was sorry, but it felt good to let go. His voice was low. "I saw him in hell Kate. When I kissed Logan and we had that vision, I saw it." A sob caught in his throat. "You don't know what they're doing to him…even I don't understand it all. Oh, god Kate…I prayed I was wrong that it wasn't real, but it is. I know it and it's worse than you could ever imagine."

Nausea overwhelmed him and he turned to lurch away from the car. He vomited into the brush, heaving until there was nothing left to bring up. He wiped his mouth. He finally heard Kate pleading and then put the phone back to his ear.

"Sam, please answer me…are you okay…Sam, please."

Sam's breath was harsh against the phone. "I'm here."

"Please…you should come see me, or tell me where you are. I'll come to you."

He shook his head. "I can't Kate…I…please, just let it go."

An irritated sound filtered through the connection. "You shouldn't be alone, it's not right."

"Kate, let it go." Sam huffed and pushed a shaky hand through his hair.

"No, Sam I won't. Let me take care of you for a while…please. I don't like that there isn't anyone there for you."

"Shit Kate, listen I'm…"

"Sam, don't tell me you don't need anyone. I swear, you and your brother were inseparable, he's gone and you're hurting…please…I…"

"Enough Kate." Sam yelled into the phone. "I told you to let it go, shit…I'm not alone, Kate. Okay. I'm not fucking alone."

There was silence and Sam was startled that he'd yelled. He hadn't meant to tell Kate anything, but she pushed and he wasn't stable, hell, he knew he was a long way from stable.

"What do you mean by that, Sam?" Her voice was quiet and serious and buried in worry.

"It means exactly what it sounds like. Kate….I'm sorry…fuck, I never meant for this to happen."

A strangled sound, a deep breath then, "Sam…okay, I'm not going to lie and say that didn't hurt, but I understand."

Sam could here her cry. He imagined the hurt on her face and it made him feel like shit.

"We never promised each other anything, Sam and just because I wanted more, doesn't mean you did." She sighed. "I wish you would have told me sooner, I could have moved on, but if you ever need a place to crash…you know where I am." She sobbed. "I still care about you. Goodbye Sam."

She was gone before he could respond.

Sam spun and screamed. A loud, feral sound tore from his throat as bitter anger tore from his soul. He hurled the phone into the woods and heard it slam into something solid and shatter. "Dean, you fucking son of a bitch! Why….why…damn it…" Sam fell to his knees and wept.

_**Note:**_

_Okay, so I know so many of you are pissed right now, but everyone's hurting and things are probably not gonna be good for a while. I can't promise a happy ending, but I can promise a fun ride. Please don't give up on me. It will get better. _

_Now, don't be afraid to tell me exactly what you thought. I love hearing from you so please let me hear it._

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed!! I love you all. Also thanks for all the alerts and favorite adds. You guys make me happy too. Lurkers, hey don't be afraid to say hello. I promise I won't bite :D  
_


	4. Feels So Good, Feels So Numb

_**NOTE/Warning:** Okay, things get interesting this chapter, but I always have a reason. Okay, well usually. If you didn't notice, the rating changed from T to M, which means that smut will ensue. So, after the page break there's another warning. If you don't like, don't read. _

_Special thanks to Dean's evil little hunter. You helped me more than you think._

_Thanks to all my readers in advance and I hope you like it.  
_

**Feels So Good...Feels So Numb**

Kate sat staring into the empty fireplace and let the tears fall. If only Sam wouldn't have answered, then she wouldn't know and she wouldn't hurt. Inside, a part of her had known that the chance of them being together was slight. Sam had his life, she had hers and she wasn't sure if that was ever going to change.

When her phone rang, she ignored it; _It's Raining Men_ meant it was Ryan. She glanced at the clock and sighed. They were supposed to meet Greg and Lori for dinner, but she didn't feel like going. She pulled the pillow from the couch and wrapped her arms around it as she lay down on the couch to cry. A knock sounded on the door and she ignored that too.

"Katie? You there?"

She could hear Ryan through the open window, but she knew he couldn't see her. Then her phone rang again.

"First, I can't believe you actually still have that as my ringtone." He snorted and sang, "_Tall, blond, dark and lean_…Now, I know you're in there Ross, so open up or I'll be forced to cut the screen and climb in the window." The phone stopped ringing. "Last chance, I'll claim it was in the line of duty. You know I'll do it."

Kate sat up and turned toward the door. Ryan had his face pressed against the screen, nose smooshed as he tried to see into the apartment. She got up and let him in.

His eyebrows rose, "What the hell Kate? You look like shit."

Kate flipped him off and turned back to the couch. "I don't feel like going out Ry. Just go and tell them I'm sorry." She dropped onto the couch, pulling her feet up under her bottom as she nestled into the armrest.

Ryan shook his head and moved past her into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of Amstel Light. Then he dug in a drawer, found the opener, popped the tops and then settled himself beside Kate on the couch. He held one bottle to her while he drank from the other.

"Oh no you don't….you are so not sending me alone to eat dinner with the preacher and his wife." He sipped and shook his head. "I don't care if Matthew McConaughey himself turned up at your door and tied you to the bed…even then I'd make you come with me."

Kate held the bottle, but didn't drink. "I'm really not in the mood."

Ryan pushed the bottle to Kate's lips. "Drink woman...you have the appearance of needing alcohol in large quantities, besides it's Friday and we aren't on call until Monday."

She took a long drink.

"You talked to him didn't you?" Ryan set his beer on the table.

Kate motioned to the table and glared.

"You talk and I'll use a coaster." He picked a soapstone coaster up from the little caddy. He held it up between two fingers and arched an eyebrow. "Otherwise, you're gonna end up with a nasty white ring on that table baby."

Kate drank, downing half the bottle. She sighed and nodded. "Yeah…he finally answered."

Ryan frowned as he lifted his bottle and slid the coaster beneath it. "I'm sorry, Katie." He turned to face her, his hand fell to her knee. "You want to talk about it?"

She played with the neck of the bottle, her eyes watching her fingers and shrugged. "Not much to tell."

"Whatever. That's a huge lie and you know it. If there wasn't anything to tell you wouldn't be crying." He stood, tapped her shoulder, waited for her to slide away from the armrest, then he sat, put her bottle on a coaster, pulled the pillow from her arms and laid it on his lap. He pulled her back so that her head rested on the pillow. He let his fingers play through her hair. "Talk…"

She took a breath and caught his eyes. "I told him I wanted to see him…I didn't think he should be alone and then I pushed him…wouldn't let it go. He didn't want to tell me and I should have listened. I should have dropped it. He told me he wasn't alone." She sobbed, turned to her side and pressed her face into Ryan's chest. "He said…he was with someone else."

"Shit that's cold." He pulled her tight. "You want me to kill him for you?"

She half laughed even as she sobbed into his shirt. "You won't even kill a spider, Ry."

He snorted. "Well spiders kill the bad bugs and they don't make you cry." He pressed a kiss in her hair. "You're my best friend and I really would do it for you….Okay, maybe not me, but say the word and I'll hire someone to do it for you."

"That's almost romantic."

"So you find arranging a murder romantic." He looked at her with a crooked smile. "I'll keep that in mind if I ever decided to seriously pursue you."

"Your mother will be thrilled." She sat up and wiped her eyes as she sighed, leaning her head back into Ryan's shoulder. "Why can't I just find a nice local guy?"

"I can't find anyone to date either." He raised an eyebrow. "You do remember my last date don't you?"

Kate shivered and nodded. "Yeah, and if it weren't for Sam, Dean and Logan you might not have come out of that alive."

He shrugged. "Maybe." His arms wrapped her tight and he squeezed. "My solution is we should just move in together and keep cats."

"You're allergic."

"Yeah and you hate them, so what?" He tickled her side until she squirmed out of his arms. "Come on, let's get you dressed. You can't go out in that." He made a disgusted face and grabbed her hand to pull her from the couch. "You fix your face and I'll find a nice top to go with those jeans."

She let him help her up, leaned into his chest and sighed as he pulled her tight. "I'm not giving up on him."

"I know you aren't. It's not your style." He pushed her hair away from her face and leaned back to see her face. "He deserves a swift kick in the balls, because I really don't like him hurting you. I mean I know you guys weren't together that long, you weren't exclusive, you didn't make any promises. I understand that you like him, he's damn handsome, his body is to die for and from what you've said he's spectacular in bed." He winked. "So, I get why you want more, but..."

Kate straightened up and wiped her face, determined to be positive. She shook her head. "But nothing Ry, I know what you think. Just promise to keep me sane and remind me every once in a while about reality. Can you do that?"

His eyebrows shot up as he gasped. "Oh honey, I only do real and remember what you told me when I was dating Vanessa?" He cocked his head and waited until she nodded. "You better, because I almost disowned you when you said that to me."

Kate sighed and let Ryan kiss her on the forehead. "Well it sounds like shit advice from this side, so now I see your point."

"Tell me about it. I remember calling you a bitch…and meaning it." He gave her a harsh look. "You want me to remind you what you said?"

"No." She sighed. "I remember."

Ryan nodded. "Good, but since it pissed me off, I'm gonna anyway. Stop letting people walk all over you, stand up for yourself and stop letting yourself get hurt. If he makes you feel this bad, get rid of him." When she frowned he shook his head. "I know sucks to hear don't it."

She nodded and sniffed back more tears.

He paused and watched the tears gather in her eyes. "Really Kate, you can't keep letting yourself get hurt. I know you like him and all, but if there is any kind of relationship he has to be part of it. This can't be a one sided thing where you do all the work and he gets all the benefit." He paused and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Damn it, I don't like that you get hurt simply because of who you are. You let people in too fast Katie and when you get hurt, I can't help but think it's all your fault." He hugged her again and shook his head.

"If you never let people in, you'll never find love, Ryan." She whispered against him.

"Maybe, but you don't get hurt either, and I never said you couldn't ever let them in. Just not as fast as you do."

"You remember that Vanessa really was a bitch, Right? Once she found out you liked men as much as women, she was a completely different person." She looked at Ryan with half a smile.

"Yeah, I know that now, but not in the beginning." Ryan leaned back and wiped her face with his thumbs. "I just hope you don't find out that Sam's a piece of shit bastard."

She frowned at him. "He's not. He's hurting and confused and like you said, we never made a promise." She took a deep breath and moved away from him with a short nod. "Okay, so find me something to wear while I do damage control." She giggled. "Lori will have me spilling in the first five minutes." She moved to her bedroom. "Maybe Greg's heard something from Bobby?"

Ryan nodded and followed her. "Yeah, maybe…" He said with a frown as he wandered to her closet, "What about that red t-shirt with the black sequin trim?"

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

_WARNING: FEMSLASH ahead...don't like, turn away now!_

Once again, Logan sat at the bar. Once again she was alone and waiting. This time, however, she was actually trying to get drunk, and doing a damn fine job of it. She'd arrived at the bar at ten, an hour before she was to meet Ruby, and she hadn't stopped drinking since she slammed down the first three shots of whiskey.

Even though her back was to the entrance to the bar, she felt Ruby move toward her. The hand on her shoulder didn't surprise her either. She slammed back another shot and held the glass to the sexy blonde at the end of the bar in thanks. She watched him wink. She grabbed Ruby's hand and pulled it around her shoulder when he started moving toward her.

He paused and she shook her head at him before motioning to Ruby. The man's smile widened, but he sank back onto his stool. Less than a minute later two shots and two beers arrived in front of her.

Ruby smiled and picked up a beer. She turned to the blonde, took a long sip and then slid her hand down Logan's side while the man watched.

Logan shivered as she stalled Ruby's hand. "What're you doin?" Logan yelled over the music.

Ruby settled beside Logan and smiled as she pressed her lips to Logan's ear. "Playing along…you started it." She laughed and then tossed back one and then the second shot. "Now, I'm catching up."

A long pull from her bottle and then Logan glared at the demon. "Why am I here?"

"We're celebrating." She pulled the bottle from Logan's hand and tipped it back, took a long drink and then handed the bottle back to her.

"Celebrating what?"

"Sam's finally accessing his power. Didn't you see?" Ruby's face showed her excitement. The glare on Logan's face brought Ruby down a notch. "What? Come on…this is what we need if we're gonna take Lilith out."

"He's risking his soul, but of course you wouldn't care about that. Would you?" Logan finished off the beer and reached for the other.

Ruby wrapped her hand around Logan's and the bottle. "I do care about him." She lifted her eyes to Logan's face. "I don't care if you believe me or not."

She watched the other woman and for some reason she believed her. She still didn't trust her, but she believed Ruby wanted what she thought was best for Sam. Logan sighed. "I believe you." She tugged at the bottle and drank when Ruby finally let go. "If this is a celebration, we're gonna need more liquor."

Ruby laughed and turned to get the bartender's attention. The woman moved close and Ruby yelled over the bar. "Six shots of tequila."

The bartender nodded and lined up the glasses. She filled them sloppily and slid them across the bar.

Ruby pushed a fifty across the bar and said something else to the bartender, who nodded and turned to her next customer.

Ruby dragged the glasses toward her, leaving three in front of Logan. She lifted one and waited for Logan to do the same. "To power." She held the glass up and then tossed it back.

Logan smirked and then did the same. She slammed the glass upside down on the bar and picked up the next. "To seeing Lilith dead." She held up the glass, waited for Ruby and then together they downed the liquor, slamming the glasses to the bar with wide smiles.

Logan shook her head. "Fuck I'm drunk." She winked and motioned to the third glass.

Ruby nodded and they picked them up. Ruby moved close, so that her lips could brush Logan's ear. "To pleasure." She pulled back to see Logan's eyes as she lifted the glass to her lips. Her tongue traced the rim as she watched her eyes widen. She lifted her hand and traced it up Logan's denim clad thigh.

Logan shivered. She'd been avoiding people who knew her, people who cared. It hurt to know they wanted to help, to make it better when she knew that was impossible. There was no way to make it better, but recently she'd had an overwhelming need, a primal desire to be touched. It was reassuring to know that someone wanted to touch her. Human touch was something taken for granted, but it felt so good, Ruby's simple touch felt so damn good.

Logan let her eyes drift shut as she nodded and lifted her glass. She leaned forward, into the heat radiating from Ruby's body. "To pleasure…" She whispered just before she drank and then slid the glass across the bar.

Ruby purred and drank, her fingers trailed back down Logan's thigh as she began to move to the music. Her hand slid up to Logan's hand and she pulled her from the stool and toward the dance floor.

"Ruby, come on…" Logan whined and tried to pull her hand back even as she stumbled behind her.

The other woman ignored her and pulled her past the bodies on the dance floor and slid between a couple of guys. She grabbed Logan's hips and slid behind her, hand moving to encourage Logan to dance.

Logan shook her head, but gave in. She turned to face Ruby and let the music take her. She wasn't sure what the song was, but it ended and the next started right before the first even died away.

_I feel so good, I feel so numb yeah…_

Logan threw her head back and swayed her hips, her body moving to the frantic beat of the music. Two large hands on her hips spun her and she turned danced with the man, cute, but not her type. She let him grind and then spun back to Ruby, in time to see her run her hands down the chest of the guy she was dancing with. A flicker of heat settled in her belly and she ruffled her hands through her hair.

Ruby turned and Logan was there, moving sinuously, her hands sliding sensuously through her hair. She pressed against Logan, hands fell to her hips, to press them closer. She smiled her encouragement when Logan's hands found her shoulders and slid around her neck then she moved her hands up Logan's side, just teasing the side of her breasts.

Logan gasped and when Ruby leaned in, she met her half way. Lips touched and melded as tongues thrust against each other. They'd kissed twice before, but this was different. Logan knew she wanted to take this further. Ruby was safe and dangerous and she wouldn't care if Logan wasn't around in the morning. Logan knew she'd probably regret what she was doing, but she didn't care. She needed to feel wanted. She needed to remember what it felt like to be held. She moaned and pulled Ruby closer.

Ruby pulled away with a laugh as the music ended and they were surrounded by catcalls and applause. She glanced around, grabbed Logan's hand and moved toward the door. She looked to Logan and winked, "Time for us to go, baby." Then she turned to the crowd, mostly men, some of which were offering to join them. "Show's over boys and trust me, you couldn't afford either one of us."

Logan laughed and followed Ruby outside. She'd gone less than twenty feet toward her car when she was pressed against the wall. Ruby's hands teased along the hem of her shirt, fingernails moving against the sensitive flesh of her right hipbone. She gasped and her head fell back.

Ruby's mouth found Logan's neck and she sucked and kissed to her jaw, teeth nipping sharply as her hand moved up to her breast. "Shit, Logan…you have me so damn hot for you right now."

Logan growled, her hand slid into Ruby's hair and then she kissed her hard. Tongue and teeth pulled, as she moaned into her mouth. She grabbed Ruby's belt and pulled her so that her thigh slid between the other woman's legs.

Ruby smiled against Logan's lips and she rubbed herself against her thigh. She pulled back, "Where's your car?" She asked, breathlessly between kisses.

Logan pointed and then found herself pulled toward it.

Ruby paused by the car, her hip pressed against the door. "Come on…" She reached and pulled her close, lips by her hair. "I want you…fuck, I need you…" Her hand slid down between Logan's legs and she pressed along the seam of her jeans. She smiled when Logan gasped and purred. "You need me too, so hurry the hell up."

Logan nodded and then growled in anger when Ruby dropped her hand and moved to take the keys. "What the hell?"

Ruby laughed, "You're too drunk." She opened the door and got in before leaning over to open the passenger door. She started the car and waited.

Logan pouted and moved to the other door. She climbed in with a grunt and slammed the door. "My car, take care of it." When Ruby smiled, she added. "I'm twenty miles away. You?"

A hand teased through Logan's hair and then down her shoulder. "Five miles, so I guess you're spending the night at the Yellowbird Inn…"

Logan watched Ruby lick her lips and nodded as Ruby pulled out of the parking lot and turned left.

Less than ten minutes later Logan stumbled into room 258. Ruby had her pressed back against the door almost before it was shut. Lips pressed hard and then pulled away.

"Need to salt the threshold." Ruby mumbled against Logan's neck. "And check the ones on the window."

Logan nodded and swallowed even as her hands pulled at Ruby's shirt. "Okay, just hurry."

She chuckled. "Yeah…I will, trust me." She eyed Logan and smiled wickedly. "Why don't you get more comfortable?"

"Sounds like a wonderful idea." She pushed away from the door and pulled her t-shirt over her head. She dropped it on the chair by the window and looked at the salt line as she did so. "This one's good." Then she toed off her shoes as she watched Ruby pour salt along the threshold. Her socks and belt fell to the floor and then Ruby was on her.

Ruby's eyes were wide, pupils full black, almost as if she'd let her demon side slip, but she hadn't. "You are so sexy, Logan…shit, you turn me on." Her hand moved softly over Logan's lace covered bra, pausing to tease the nipples before she stepped back and pulled her own shirt over her head. She didn't pause but reached back and unhooked her bra then moved to her pants.

Logan smiled and grabbed her hands. "Let me…" She bent and kissed Ruby's lips gently. Her tongue just teasing over her bottom lip and then little kisses to her ear and then down her neck to her breasts. She paused and then released Ruby's hands to drag the backs of her hands over Ruby's dark nipples. She watched the them pucker and harden and then she backed up, pulling Ruby behind her until she felt the bed behind her knees. She sat and let her thumbs brush over her nipples before leaning in to pull one into her mouth.

Ruby's head fell back in a long drawn out moan while her hands moved into Logan's hair. "Fuck."

Long strokes of her tongue and then her teeth grazed the nipple, bit down and pulled back before soothing with her tongue again. Logan's hand teased Ruby's other breast, twisting and pulling in time with her sucking and biting. She felt the heat pool between her legs and she pressed her legs together. She pulled back and looked up at the other woman. "God, I need you to touch me…"

Ruby's laugh was husky, "Trust me, I am not god, but I can touch you." She pushed against Logan's shoulders until she lay back on the bed. She pulled Logan's bra straps down her shoulders, watching as her nipples hardened before moving to Logan's jeans. Her fingers teased under the waistband, again nails lightly dragging and teasing before sliding the button free and pulling the zipper down. "Up." She mumbled as she dragged the tight denim over Logan's hips and down her legs.

Logan shivered in anticipation as she watched Ruby look at her. Ruby dropped the jeans and smiled down at her. She knew that look; it was predation. Ruby wanted her and was going to have her. A powerful spike of lust shot through her, the feeling of it almost shocking in it's strength. "Please…"

Ruby nodded as she undid her own jeans and pushed them off. Then she moved back to the bed. She moved to the center of the bed and knelt, pulling Logan up so that she knelt with her, facing her.

Hands moved over skin, found sensitive spots. They kissed and bit, nails dragging down backs and tangling in hair. Gasps and moans filtered through the room as then clung to each other, but Logan wasn't satisfied. She pushed Ruby backward and smiled down at her as she knelt between her knees.

"It's been too long…" Her hands rested on Ruby's ankles and slowly began to move up while she watched the other woman's breath catch and give.

"Too long for what?" Ruby moaned and gripped the sheet beneath her. "Sex or another woman?"

Logan paused with a small smile. "Both, but I meant another woman mostly." She teased the underside of Ruby's knees with her nails and then watched her fingers trail up her thighs.

Ruby let her legs spread wide and she shivered when Logan traced the creases of her thighs. Her hips lifted. "Stop playing Logan…shit."

Her eyebrows shot up. "What do you want?" The fingers of her left hand settled just over Ruby's pubic bone. "Shit, you're so wet and slick." One finger traced down between her lips, just teasing her clit and then all the way back before retracing it's path. "You want more?"

Ruby growled and her eyes flashed black, before returning to normal. "Stop playing and touch me." Her hips thrust upward and Logan rewarded her by sliding two fingers deep inside. "Fucking, hellfire…shit and damn." She hissed.

Logan moaned at the feel of the tight wetness clamped around her fingers. Her own body throbbed and ached. She let Ruby thrust against her fingers and then pulled them out and trailed them up Ruby's belly and back down. Then she lifted the fingers to her mouth and let her tongue drag along the tips. She shivered and smiled. "You taste sweet."

Ruby grit her teeth and her left hand slid between her legs to touch herself. Fingers moved inside and pulled out to circle her clit before finding her mouth. She licked her wetness from her fingers and nodded. "Yes, I do…"

Logan smiled and then dropped to the bed, her mouth hovering just above Ruby's smooth center. She breathed out and slid then lowered her head.

When Logan's tongue touched her, she arched up off the bed with a scream. Logan knew exactly what to do with her mouth and tongue. Long strokes followed by short ones. Teeth pulled and nipped and then Logan's tongue was deep inside. She couldn't help arching up and into it, she couldn't help pressing Logan's head down against her and she couldn't help moaning long and loud when Logan's fingers slid back inside her to curl upward and thrust in time to the motions of her tongue.

Logan moaned against Ruby. She was so turned on, she could barely concentrate on what she was doing. Her free hand fell between her legs and she rubbed at herself even as her she licked and bit at Ruby. She pulled Ruby's swollen clit into her mouth and held it between her teeth, flicking it with her tongue before she sucked on it, bobbing up and down, sliding her fingers in and out. She felt Ruby flutter around her fingers and she increased her pace until the other woman went stiff and arched hard up beneath her. She ground down on her own fingers, so close as she slowed her tongue, now soft, soothing strokes against the entire length of Ruby's labia. She pulled her finger's from between her own legs and lifted her head before she moved up Ruby's body.

Ruby watched Logan smile and slide up beside her fingers wet with sex teasing nipples as lips met. Ruby licked the taste of herself leisurely from Logan's mouth and enjoyed the way she squirmed against her hip. She could feel Logan's wetness moving against her. She chuckled and purred as she stretched. "That was better than I thought it would be."

Logan made a desperate sound in her throat. "I'd thank you if I could think past the ache between my legs…" She kissed Ruby and shivered when Ruby ran a hand down her side and then between her legs. Then she groaned when Ruby barely touched her. "Shit. You better fucking touch me, bitch."

Ruby sat up, threw her head back and laughed. "Don't worry baby, I'll take good care of you." She pushed Logan so that she was on her back and smiled down at her. "And calling me bitch just turns me on." Ruby dragged her nails over Logan's breasts, her fingernails leaving dark red scratches behind.

Logan hissed at the sharp pain before moaning when it felt like there was a direct circuit to her clit. Her body arched off the bed, but Ruby pressed her back down, just before her mouth claimed Logan's right nipple.

Ruby didn't do anything gently. Teeth and suction, fingernails and pinches, but it pushed Logan close, stoked the fire of her lust. Ruby knew what she was doing and she did it well. The line between pleasure and pain was always a little blurry, but she knew that the line blurred even more as lust grew.

Ruby's mouth pulled, bit and teased Logan's nipple while her hand drifted lower, over her hip and then lower. Her thumb dipped between her legs to circle Logan's clit. She pressed firmly and made slow circles, pressing the hard nub against the bone below it.

Logan whimpered and moved against Ruby's hand. She wanted and needed more. Tears of desperate emotion and loss pressed against her eyelids. She hadn't touched herself since Dean's death, she hadn't let anyone else touch her either and now a demon was getting her off.

She closed her eyes tight and concentrated on her body, ignoring the sudden, odd buzzing in her head. Instead, she focused on the feel of warm breath and skin against her own, of arms wrapped around her. She savored the deep breathing and the sounds of sex. She was so close when Ruby pushed a finger inside, thrust it hard and then did it again.

Ruby felt something, a subtle shift of energy. She looked up from Logan's breast, eyes darting through the room as realization came to her. She watched Logan's face, smiled and then husked, "Don't fight it baby…just let go." She added another finger and slid them in and out sharply; all the while, her thumb pressed and pulled her clit.

Logan gasped and then let go with a short cry. She arched up off the bed with a gasping moan followed by a distressed sob when the buzzing in her head intensified. She glanced to Ruby, satisfaction and confusion on her face.

Ruby smiled wide at Logan and bent to kiss her softly as her fingers stroked her one last time before slipping out. She lifted them to her lips, slid them completely into her mouth and sucked them carefully. Then she turned to the door.

She dragged her fingers slowly from her mouth and held her hand out. "Want a taste, Sam?"

_**Note:**_

Well, if you read all this, thanks and hope you enjoyed it. There is more to come, wanna guess? HA! So, let me know what you thought. If you liked it or hated it, or just were okay with it. I can take it, I'm a big girl. So, feed the muse and let me know. Thanks to all my readers, reviewers, alertists and everyone who added me to a favorite list. I love you all.


	5. Hold On, Let Go and Feel Everything

**A/N: **Okay, so another warning: If you didn't read the last chapter, don't read this one. If you did, well hope you enjoy this one.

_A little earlier…_

Sam leaned against the trunk of the car and tilted back the bottle. He took long swallow and then grimaced as he eyed what remained in the bottle. His laugh was bitter. He was drunk, but it hadn't made a difference in the way he felt. He still felt like shit.

He wiped a tired hand over his eyes and stared out over the river beside the parking lot. The small park was empty, just him, his thoughts and Jack. He returned the bottle to his mouth and finished off the rest of the liquor. "Even Jack's gone now…" He smirked and then threw the bottle with a drunken swing of his arm. It didn't go far, but did manage to roll down the embankment to the river. He heard the bottle shatter and he grunted in satisfaction.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" He mumbled and reached for the two strips of leather around his neck.

He pulled Dean's amulet from beneath his shirt, hand fisted around it. He felt the tears, but didn't care. There wasn't anyone to see them now…no one. He sighed. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore, man." He snorted. "I mean I was the right from wrong guy. Wasn't I?"

A sound made him lift his head and his free hand went to his waistband to wrap around the pearl grip of the gun. He held his breath, head cocked to the side, suddenly and completely alert despite the alcohol buzzing his brain. Two joggers came into view and Sam relaxed a little; hand still on the gun as he watched them move past him. He continued to watch until he was sure they were gone before relaxing completely back against the car.

A finger traced the amulet. "I'm so lost…don't know where to go or what to do." A growl, "'Remember what I taught you. Remember what Dad taught you…' Fuck, Dean I can barely remember who I am anymore." He giggled, then, "I'm beyond drunk."

His fingers found the other leather strip and he pulled the medicine bag Kate had made for him from his shirt. He fingered the soft leather and then held it to his face. He inhaled deep and bit back the pained sound that rose in his throat. He could smell her scent; see her smile and the little sparkle that was always in her eyes. He groaned at the memory of how she looked at him and the way she'd felt curled beside him. His hand fisted harshly around the bag.

"I'm sorry." He reached for the strip with both hands and lifted it over his head. He looked at the small bag in his palm. He traced the subtle beadwork and the runes he'd added to the bag to make it stronger. "So, sorry…" He brought his arm back to throw the bag in the direction he'd sent the bottle.

As his arm came forward, he paused. He knew the liquor had fucked up his thoughts. He wasn't ready to let it go. Kate meant something to him. She was another link to Dean and he had so few of them. He wrapped the strips around the bag and pushed it into the pocket of his jeans. He pushed away from the car and stumbled. He caught himself and shook his head. There was no way he could drive. He squinted and nodded. The sign for the motel was about a half mile down the road. He'd walk, and get the car in the morning.

He locked the car and patted the hood as he walked away from it. "Stay, girl." He giggled and shook his head. "Fuck, I sound like you, man…" Mentally he shook himself. He knew he'd gotten in the habit of talking out loud to his brother, especially when he drank.

He shrugged, moved the gun to the pocket of his jacket and moved on a diagonal through the grassy parts of the park, past the playground, in the straightest line to the motel. He glanced back at the car and hoped no one would bother it. He didn't think they would, it was well hidden in the shadowy corner of the parking lot, and its black paint helped camouflage it from the road.

Sam walked briskly and purposefully to the road. He had his hands tucked in the pockets of his jacket. His right hand held the gun, always aware and ready for trouble. He paused at the road, looked and waited for the traffic to clear and then hurried across the street. The motel was a few hundred yards down the road and he covered the ground quickly.

It was his habit to check for Ruby's car, so he scanned the parking lot until he found it. He nodded as he walked to their room. He was several feet from the door when something prickled up his spine. He slipped the gun from his pocket and turned his back to the building, as he flipped the safety off and lowered his stance by a few inches. His eyes moved over the surrounding area and he inhaled sharply, testing for sulfur. He saw nothing and couldn't smell anything other than the scents of recently cut grass and the fresh asphalt from the patches in the parking lot.

He shook himself, scanned the area again and then replaced the safety and slipped the gun back into his pocket. He knew he was drunk, but the sensation was strong. He just couldn't place it. He pulled the key from his pocket and opened the door quietly. The light by the bed was on and the soft sounds of sex greeted him.

Anger spiraled through his thoughts and into his gut as his eyes settled on the bed. He opened his mouth and left it there. He blinked at the sight on the bed.

Ruby leaned over a body on the bed, her mouth sucking on another woman's breast while her hand moved between the other girl's legs. The other woman had her legs bent and spread wide. Her head pressed into the mattress as she arched her hips up into Ruby's hand. Desperate sounds were spilling from her throat.

Sam stepped forward. Energy flowed and throbbed in the room. It made his head buzz while the alcohol left him fuzzy. Then Ruby lifted her head, her eyes swung toward him and then back to the woman below her. He knew then, that she knew he was there. He watched her smile and shivered when she shifted to the side, giving him a better view as she spoke to the other girl.

Her voice was husky and thick. "Don't fight it baby…just let go."

Sam watched her slide another finger inside the other girl and then roughly pump her fingers. All blood settled between his legs. His cock was heavy and thick, pressing uncomfortably against his jeans. He palmed himself through his jeans and bit his lip as he watched the other girl arch and gasp.

Sam shivered and watched her cum on Ruby's hand. Her orgasm hit him almost as if it was a physical blow. Then Ruby brought her fingers to her lips, making his breath catch before it hissed out between his teeth.

Ruby faced him, fingers still in her swollen mouth. Slowly she pulled them out and flashed him a naughty smile as she held her hand to him.

Fuck, that had him hot.

"Want a taste, Sam?"

Damn, he was lost and he knew it.

He nodded slowly, even as Ruby moved off the bed toward him. He pushed his jacket from his arms and pulled his t-shirt over his head. His shirt covered his head when he heard a strangled sound from the bed. He dropped the shirt and looked to the bed.

Logan sat in the center of the bed, hair short and dyed deep red and black. She looked different, leaner and harder. She'd lost some of the soft curve she'd had. Her eyes were the most different though, darker and dangerous.

The fingers Ruby had pulled from her mouth traced Sam's lips while her other hand sketched the hard muscle of his chest and then down his side. Idly, he let his tongue slide over her fingers, catching the musky taste of Logan and groaning when it went straight to his cock.

He reached for Ruby's hand, lowered it and then pressed them both against his chest, stilling them as he stared at the bed. "Logan…what the hell?" He dropped his eyes to Ruby. "What…shit, this is fucked up…"

Ruby laughed sexily. "What about us isn't Sam?" She purred and rubbed herself against his hard cock. "You want her." She licked at his chest, eyes on his face while she did it. "I can see it on your face. You want her, Sam…just like you want me." She freed her hands and flicked his nipples with her fingernails. "She's sweet Sam…so hot and…" Ruby paused and bit Sam's nipple hard, making him gasp, "…she likes to feel everything." She chuckled when his cock jerked through the denim.

Sam's eyes fluttered shut at Ruby's words and the sensation her hands and tongue were sending through him. He groaned and looked back to Logan.

She sat on the bed, breathing deep and heavy. Her eyes were heavy and a flush covered her chest, neck and face. When Sam's eyes found hers she shivered and felt liquid heat pour from between her legs. She felt like he was touching her and she squirmed, biting down on her lip. She didn't know what to think with her mind was still blurry from her orgasm and her blood was still singing through her veins. She was happy to see Sam and emotion rose up from where she'd buried it in alcohol.

"Sam?" Her voice quaked as she moved to the edge of the bed. Her nudity didn't bother her, it never had, but she suddenly felt very exposed. She pulled the sheet with her and stood. Her gaze swung wildly from Sam to Ruby. "I…I…I should go."

Ruby frowned at her and shook her head as she moved toward her. "Logan, please don't leave." She brushed the short hair from Logan's face and pressed against her. "We were just getting started." She looked to Sam and held her hand toward him. "Besides, Sam wants to play too. Don't you Sam?"

Sam's eyes met Logan's as he moved toward Ruby. He didn't look away, even when he grabbed Ruby's hand and pulled her away from Logan and toward himself, so that her back was to his chest. He bent over her shoulder, teeth nipping her ear and neck while his hands cupped her breasts. He watched Logan's breath catch and he smiled against Ruby's neck. "Ever since that kiss Logan..." He ran his tongue down her neck. "I've thought about you."

He twisted Ruby's nipples sharply, the way she liked, and chuckled when she squirmed against him and moaned prettily. "And seeing you with Ruby…shit, that was so hot." He let one hand drift lower, over Ruby's stomach and to the slit between her legs. "You liked it didn't you? She gets you hot, doesn't she Logan?" Sam's fingers circled Ruby's clit and he bit at her neck. "Makes you want her and all the dirty things she makes you feel. You want to fuck her hard, don't you?"

Logan shivered and worried her lip as her eyes dropped to follow Sam's hand move over Ruby's skin. She saw Ruby spread her legs and let Sam hold her up as he teased one long finger between her legs.

Ruby groaned and pressed her head into Sam's chest. Her heavy lidded eyes caught Logan's and then drifted shut when she felt Sam slide a finger inside. Her hands reached behind her and her nails dug into his hips. She arched her neck sharp to the side when she felt Sam's mouth on the column of her throat. "Yesss." She hissed and moved her ass against his erection.

Sam watched Logan and he swallowed when unconsciously she let the sheet slip. It drifted to the floor and her fingers brushed against the bare skin along the tops of her thighs. "Shit, Logan…" His voice was deep and heavy.

Ruby's eyes opened as she pulled a hand from Sam's hip and held it toward Logan. "Please, baby…stay…" She licked her lips and pouted, grinding back against Sam.

Logan bit her lip and sobbed. Alarm bells were screaming in her head, but the need throbbing through her body and the alcohol made them sound distant and far away. Her left hand reached for Ruby's and she fell forward, shaking her head side to side, but unable to keep herself from pressing into Ruby's welcome heat. She tilted her head and kissed Ruby slowly and sensuously, long thick tongue strokes meant to seduce, even though she knew she was the one being seduced.

Sam groaned at the sight of the women kissing. Ruby's gasping moan made him even harder. He pulled his hand from Ruby's waist and traced the backs of his fingers up Logan's side and then down her back to cup her ass. He slid his other hand from between Ruby's legs and then buried it in Ruby's hair, to tug her head harshly to the side. He pulled back, breaking the kiss, smiling when Ruby yelped. "Shh…" He whispered and bent to find Logan's lips.

Logan gasped when Ruby's lips were suddenly gone from hers, but the gasp ended in a moan when Sam caught her lips with his own. Fire shot through her and her grip on Ruby tightened, fingernails digging into the demon's tender skin. She pressed fiercely against the other woman with a growl, hands tugging and pulling closer as she sought more sensation…anything to heighten the heat and end the need pulsing through her in waves.

Ruby smiled as the two pressed against her. Logan's softness against her chest and Sam's unyielding hardness pressed against her back, his heavy cock rocking against her ass as he groped Logan. She purred in her throat and reached behind her to palm Sam though his jeans. She had accomplished everything she hoped for and then some and it spiked her arousal more than the physical sensations assaulting her. She smiled wickedly as she stroked Sam and ran fingers into Logan's hair.

Sam pulled away, took a step back and stood panting. He watched as, almost immediately, Ruby moved behind Logan and then smiled at him over Logan's shoulder.

They mirrored the position Sam had Ruby in just a moment before. Ruby's hands flowed over Logan's skin. She teased her nipples with one hand while her other drifted lower, just brushing the well groomed strip of hair between her legs.

Sam groaned and shifted as he rubbed himself through his jeans. He watched Logan's eyes darken and blow wide with lust. "Fuck…"

Logan shivered as Ruby touched her. She watched Sam's face, saw the stark lust in his eyes, and it heightened the heat Ruby's hands sent coursing through her. She licked at her lips and watched as Sam unbuttoned his jeans; her eyes followed every movement of his hands. Heat flooded her belly and she felt the slickness of it between her legs. She shifted against Ruby's hands as her legs fell open with a moan. She rested back against the woman behind her, wide eyes still on Sam. She never realized she was holding her breath.

Sam's eyes never left the sight of the women before him as he unzipped his pants. He smiled wide, toed off his sneakers and then pushed his jeans slowly down his hips. He kicked them off, dragging his socks off with them and then he moved toward the women, clad only in his boxer briefs. The tip of his erection pressed above the waistband and he stroked his length through the thin cotton as he moved.

Ruby smiled over Logan's shoulder. She purred. "Touch her…please…" She kissed Logan's neck, hands teasing over her body. "Touch me…hell, need you both so bad." She trembled when Sam's hand traced over her shoulder and then down to Logan's breast.

He moved to stand beside them. One hand resting on the small of Ruby's back while his other moved over Logan. The small sounds from the girls made his breathing erratic and his legs feel weak. He had to admit, two girls touching and wanting each other this way was a huge turn on.

Logan growled and moved. She turned and pressed against his left side while pulling Ruby against Sam's right. She looked up at him and smiled sexily. "Bed…" She pushed gently against Sam's chest, prodding him backward. Her hand moved down his belly to the tip of his leaking erection. She dragged a finger over the tip of him and then lifted it to her lips.

Ruby caught her hand and shook her head. "Mine…" She pulled Logan's finger, heavy with the drop of precum into her mouth and swirled her tongue around it.

Logan moaned and squirmed against Sam's hip. Her clit throbbed in time to the suction of Ruby's mouth. "God…fuck…"

Sam inhaled sharply and then pulled back to push his briefs over his hips. He climbed into bed, and lay back with his head on the pillows, propped against the headboard. He held his hand toward them. "Come here, both of you…Fuck you two are sexy as hell."

Ruby moved onto the bed and then slid up his side, nails leaving dark red trails up his calf, to his knee, over his hip and to his nipple, where she paused to play. She bent and licked his nipple, scraping her teeth over the small hard nubs and giggling when he rolled his hips into the air.

Logan watched and then knelt on the bed beside Sam's knees. She watched Ruby's hand move over him and then watched as the other girl settled against his side and leaned up to kiss him. Logan shivered when Sam didn't close his eyes, but watched her. Her hands drifted over the tops of his thighs and she let her fingers just graze the side of his balls.

Sam stiffened, arched off the bed and moaned into Ruby's mouth. His eyes closed and he pulled Ruby roughly into the kiss, biting at her lips and sucking on her tongue.

Ruby smiled and returned his kiss with equal violence before pulling back to watch what Logan was doing.

Logan smiled as two sets of eyes rested on her. She traced Sam's cock with one finger and licked her lips when it bobbed against his belly. "Tell me what you want, Sam..."

Ruby giggled at Logan. "I knew I liked you…" She bit along Sam's jaw. "You gonna let her do that to you Sam; you gonna let her make you beg?" She purred in his ear.

Sam reached forward. "Suck me, Logan." He pressed his hand to the back of her neck, pushing her head almost roughly toward his cock. "Wanna see your lips on me."

She whimpered, lowered her head and then she slicked her lips with the tip of her tongue before she gripped the base of his cock. Her tongue moved over the tip of him and she groaned as she took him into her mouth. She moved her tongue in an easy slide side to side along the underside of his cock and then she pulled back, letting her teeth drag lightly over his shaft. Her tongue swirled around the tip and then she bobbed down his length, taking him deep.

"Fuckkk yeeessss…" His head fell onto the pillow, his eyes still watching as he pressed down against the back of her neck. He lifted his hips upward with a growl.

Ruby moved, joining Logan on the opposite side of Sam. She pulled his hand from Logan's hair. "You like it Sam? Her mouth is hot isn't it? She ate me out, made me cum so hard…" She shivered and let one hand drift between her legs so she could stroke herself while she talked. She threaded her other hand into Logan's hair and then soothed down her back, letting her fingers tease the crease of her ass. She bent her head and then twisted her hand sharply in Logan's hair, pulling her mouth from Sam's cock with an obscene pop.

"Uh-uh, Logan…you're gonna have to share." She smiled when Logan pouted at her and then she leaned over and kissed her, just tracing Logan's lips with her tongue. "Mmm." She groaned and watched as Logan jacked Sam slowly up and down, hand twisting down and tugging up. She released Logan's hair and slid her fingers over his sac, massaging gently and tugging a bit rougher.

He groaned and moved into their hands. It was the most erotic thing he'd ever experienced and he was rock hard. He smiled knowing if he hadn't been regularly screwing Ruby he would have been long finished by now. He watched the two women work him, but he wanted more. He bent one knee, roughly grabbed Ruby's shoulder and bent her over his cock. "Fucking suck me…" His voice was hoarse.

Logan shivered and caught Sam's eyes. She let Ruby's hand take the place of hers on Sam's cock and watched as the demon bent over him and swallowed him down her throat in a single motion. Logan watched Sam's eyes roll into the back of his head and she smiled before joining Ruby over him. She grabbed his sac, and rolled him in her hands before resting her head on his thigh. Her tongue snaked out, dragged over his balls and licked at his base as Ruby bobbed on him.

Ruby moaned when she felt Logan's tongue teasing over Sam. She pulled off him to slide her mouth down the side of him letting Logan's mouth trace up the other side and in tandem; they sucked, licked and teased Sam's cock.

Sweat broke out across Sam's chest and face as his hands fisted in the sheets. The constant, but uneven stimulation had him hard and needy, but not quite close to orgasm. It was torture of the most erotic kind and he was enjoying it. He moved his hands, one to each girl and stroked the skin he could reach: shoulders, thighs, the sides of breasts and arms. His hand sank into Logan's hair and he pulled her gently from him, urging her up his side.

Logan lifted her head and gasped at the naked emotion she saw in Sam's eyes. Yes, there was need and want, but also an overwhelming amount of shame, pain and self-hatred. She frowned and moved up his side, pausing to lick at his hip, then his nipples, until she reached his mouth.

Sam knew the moment Logan saw him. Not the wall he kept up, or even the little emotion Ruby caught from him, but the real hurt he kept buried inside. He saw it in her eyes. He recognized it because he could see the same thing reflected back at him. His hand fell into her hair and he pulled her lips to his with a sudden urgency. He paused just before he kissed her; he breathed over her lips, voice quiet and desperate. "I'm sorry I couldn't save him…fucking sorry…"

Tears pressed into Logan's eyes and she swallowed them back even as she crushed her lips to Sam's mouth. She gasped, and Sam's tongue invaded. She let him control the kiss, let him demand and take and then she scraped his tongue harshly with her teeth. The coppery taste of his blood filled their mouths.

Sam pulled back and watched her face. He licked his lips, spreading the blood from his tongue across them. He watched Logan blink and her eyes changed. The eerie pale stared out at him and she nodded before purposefully biting her own tongue.

Ruby sucked him hard and tugged on his balls, making him groan and thrust. She knew, she could feel the power swirl in the room and it made her giddy. Her hands slid up past Sam's hips, up his sides to tease against his chest and even over the curve of Logan's hip and ass, but she never paused her mouth.

Logan moaned and shivered when Ruby touched her, then she leaned over Sam and licked lightly at his lips. Their blood mingled and a pressure built in the room. She deepened the kiss, and everything shifted. Sensation peaked, pressed in and around them, almost overwhelming. Each touch was an exquisitely, savage attack on desperate raw nerves. She felt pulled in every direction, crushed and wrenched apart all at once.

Power surged through her, she felt it as if she were a flame. She could feel it vibrating her cells and she could hear it thrumming below Sam's skin. It was strong, it was powerful and if they weren't careful she knew it could be addicting. She was suddenly hot and feverish with need. Her tongue fought and rolled in Sam's mouth. Teeth bit and scraped, as they sucked and battled. She needed more. She wanted Sam.

Sam growled into Logan's mouth. He remembered the feeling of their blood mixing before. He'd stayed up nights fighting himself and hating that he wanted his brother's girlfriend, hating that he fantasized about her. Now, he kissed her hard, the way he kissed Ruby, but the emotion behind it was different. He didn't feel the same despair Ruby made him feel. He didn't feel dirty and wrong. There was guilt, but not because of what he was doing, only because of the past he had with her. He thrust into Ruby's mouth and pulled Logan against him. She was pure and right and everything Ruby wasn't. She made him want and need and for the first time since his brother's death, he felt almost alive.

Logan pulled back and whimpered, her eyes drifting to Ruby as she paused over Sam's cock. She looked back to Sam, panted and writhed with need. She saw raw lust in his aura and she gasped. "Please, Sam…" She blinked and her eyes shifted back to their deep blue.

Sam reached for Ruby and pulled her up his side. He kissed her as she teased him with her hands. He groaned and shivered. He sat up, gripped Logan's hips and pulled her down, and under him.

She gasped when Sam smiled down at her. "What?" Confusion was in her eyes as she stared up at him from her back. She could feel his erection as it bounced against her pubic bone.

Ruby chuckled sexily and ran a finger over Logan's breast. She circled her nipple and then pinched it before bending to pull it into her mouth.

Sam's hands moved over the two girls and he smiled down at them both. "Ruby gave me a taste earlier, Logan…now I want more." He slid down the bed, his hands gripping her hips as his mouth moved over her. He breathed out against her and inhaled her scent with a groan. "You want me to taste you, I know you do Logan. I can see how wet you are…shit…" His eyes drifted shut and then his thumbs brushed down either side of her before he lowered his head. His tongue traced up her wet slit, his thumbs spread her open for him so he could thrust his tongue inside.

Logan screamed and thrust up into Sam's mouth. Her hands found his hair and she pressed him against her.

Ruby continued to suck and bite at Logan's breasts. She used her nails and teeth to abuse only to follow it up with soft touches and tender strokes from her tongue. Her own need was high and she sighed when Logan grabbed at her hips, tugging her closer. She smiled down at the other woman and groaned as she rose up onto her knees.

Sam traced Logan with his tongue. His teeth bit and his fingers moved inside. He felt her clench around him and he moaned. He glanced up when Ruby moved and his balls tightened, swelling his cock, when she straddled Logan's face.

Logan urged Ruby up and tugged at her knee to encourage her to move. She knew Ruby would know what she meant and when the demon slipped one knee to the other side of her head she smiled and slid her tongue against the smooth flesh of Ruby's pussy. She held Ruby's hips as the other girl rocked against her mouth, tongue and chin and she moaned at the taste of Ruby on her tongue.

Ruby threw her head back and groaned as she arched against Logan's mouth. "Ahhh…fucking hot, baby…hell, that feels so…damn…good." She moved urgently against Logan and when Sam's hand drifted over her ass, she screamed against her clenched teeth.

Two fingers drifted down the crack of Ruby's ass and slid easily into her tight wetness even as he tongued into Logan. He felt Ruby quiver around his fingers and smiled against Logan, thrusting his hands in the same rhythm into each woman. His tongue played and he sucked Logan's clit into his mouth, flicking it with his teeth.

Ruby came first, rocking down against Logan's mouth and back onto Sam's fingers. She arched fiercely and screamed into the room. "Holy fucking hell….yessss…." She let Sam tease her with his fingers a few more thrusts as Logan's tongue pulled at her. Then she moved to the side and found Logan's lips. She plundered the other woman's mouth and groaned when she found the taste of herself in Logan's mouth.

Logan was under an erotic onslaught. Her body was on fire. Ruby was kissing her and pulling, brutally at her breasts while Sam licked, bit and sucked at her clit. His fingers fucked her mercilessly and she bowed off the bed. Her hands gripped Sam's hair as she sobbed, franticly. She was close and the white-hot need coursing through her body was almost overwhelming.

Sam thrust into her with his fingers and suckled hard on her clit. He felt her start to slide and then with another thrust of his hand she was gone.

Logan pulled her mouth from Ruby and screamed her release. Her hands gripped and released in Sam's hair, her body vibrating as the intense orgasm flowed through her body, making her throb in time with her heartbeat. She lifted her head and found Sam's eyes; she was still possessed with the need for him. It pushed her close to insanity. "Fuck me…please…god, I need you…."

Sam sat up and stared. Logan's eyes were wet with unshed tears and Ruby was still beside her, hand moving slowly over the other girl's chest and neck. His cock was heavy and hard. He reached down and stroked himself, looking from one girl to the next. "I want both of you." His voice was thick and hoarse.

Ruby purred and moved behind Logan. She settled against the headboard and then pulled a willing Logan back against her chest. She watched Sam stroke himself with one hand and fondle his balls with his other as he watched them through heavy lids. She pressed kisses to Logan's neck and ear. Her voice was low and sexy against the other woman's hair. "Bend your knees and spread your legs." Her nose teased up Logan's jaw as she waited.

Logan nodded, and bent her knees, planting her feet on the outside of Ruby's knees as she rested back against the other woman.

Sam watched Logan bring up her knees and plant her feet, then Ruby bent her knees and drew both of their legs wide open. "Damn…"

Ruby smiled and palmed Logan's breasts while flicking her index finger over each nipple. "You wanted us both…" She nudged Logan's head to the side and kissed her cheek. "What do you think Logan? Think he can handle us?" She purred.

Logan nodded slowly, sensation from her orgasm still fresh and Ruby's hands were distracting her. She moved her left hand over herself and down between her legs. She slid a finger inside and gasped before letting the finger mover lower to circle Ruby's clit. Then, she lifted the finger to Sam. "Sam…please."

Sam growled and moved between their legs. He grabbed Logan's finger and pulled it into his mouth, pulling the taste of them both from it. Then, without a word, he thrust forward and buried himself to the hilt inside Logan's tightness. "Fucking hot…so damn hot…shit, I don't want to end this…" He moved, thrusting hard and swift into her.

Ruby smiled, hands on Logan's breasts and then Sam was on her mouth. They kissed as Sam ground down into Logan. Ruby felt herself tighten and the keening sounds that poured from Logan's throat stoked her arousal. She buried her hands in Sam's hair and pulled him close before she tore her mouth from his and pleaded against his neck. "I fucking need you Sam…fuck me."

He withdrew from Logan and laughed when she cursed in frustration. He bent close and kissed her. "Gotta share…" He sat back, and let Ruby guide him to herself and then he plowed into her with a sigh. "You two have me so hot…" He pulled out and thrust hard into Ruby. His eyes found Logan's. "You like that Logan? You like me thrusting into her right after I pulled out of you?" One large hand slid down her body and brushed over her clit. "That gets you so hot doesn't it?" He pulled out of Ruby and then thrust hard into Logan.

She arched up with a pained scream.

Sam thrust again and watched pain gloss across her eyes. He didn't stop, but moved more violently. "That hurt?"

Logan nodded and grunted. "Yes…more…don't…stop…close."

Ruby smiled wickedly as her hands moved over Sam, pulling him down and into Logan. "Hell, that's hot…"

Sam threw his head back and roared before he pulled from Logan. He slammed down and into Ruby, leaving Logan whimpering and writhing against him. He was past violence, past want and was desperate with need. Pain was something he and Ruby played with, and he wasn't disappointed when she leaned into his chest and bit at his shoulder. He gasped and he knew he was close. He dropped his head forward and leaned in to kiss Logan while his hand twisted savagely in Ruby's hair. He pulled until tears ran down her face.

Ruby's breath caught and then she panted out. "Yes…Sam…" She moved under him and her nails leaving little marks in his skin. "Gonna…fuck yes…cum!" She arched upward, legs quivering as she moaned into the room.

Sam's mouth caught her moan and after three or four more strokes, he pulled out. He pulled Logan from Ruby's lap. "Want you on your knees."

Logan swallowed and stared in confusion up at Sam. Carnal need clouded her thoughts and she was moving slowly.

Sam grabbed her hair and tugged. "Knees Logan, now."

This time she nodded and turned over, coming up on her knees, this placed her head between Ruby's legs and without thought, she lowered her mouth to Ruby's wet slit.

Sam watched, his breath caught in his throat as Logan licked at Ruby. He rose up onto his knees and nudged Logan's leg to the side as he grabbed her hips and thrust inside.

Logan gasped and then moaned harshly from between Ruby's legs. She bucked back against Sam's hips and shivered when he slammed deep inside. She threw her head back with a yelp, tears filled her eyes and she begged for more. "Please…harder, ahh, god, please."

Ruby fingered herself as she moved so she could watch.

Sam's eyes were hard, hands bruising Logan's hips and he moved into her. His hand burrowed into Logan's hair and he pulled her up and against him. Then he pulled Ruby to Logan. He thrust into her with raw brutality and bit at Logan's ear. "You want her mouth on you while I fuck you, don't you?" He pumped his hips mercilessly, slamming into her then he nodded to Ruby.

Ruby smiled and kissed Logan. She dragged her tongue down her body, pausing at her nipples before moving lower and then between her legs.

Logan's hands found Ruby's head and she couldn't help the needy sound from escaping her throat. The sensation of Sam's cock moving inside her while Ruby licked and sucked at her clit was intense. She felt herself move swiftly to the edge. One hand gripped at the arm Sam had wrapped around her body while her hand burrowed into Ruby's hair. Sam's thrusting was erratic and vicious. Sharp twinges of pain spiraled through her, but they only managed to push her closer to the edge.

Sam was hurting her, he knew it and in the back of his mind, he thought he should stop, but he wasn't able to. He wanted to hurt her, needed to and as he thrust, he slid his hand to her jaw, turning her head to the side, against his shoulder. His mouth pressed to her temple. "Need you to cum…" He bit at her ear. "Can't hold on…"

Logan shivered at the tone of his voice. The desperation and need she heard in the thickness of his voice. She nodded and moved so that she could find his lips. "Kiss me."

Sam shivered and pressed his lips to Logan's with a loud moan. He could feel Ruby's tongue moving over them both as her fingers teased over his balls, fingers dragging and pulling, before teasing the tender area behind his sac. He groaned, fuck she knew exactly how to tease him and then he thrust harder into Logan's tightness.

Logan scraped her tongue, opening the small nick she'd created earlier and then did the same to Sam's tongue. The blood flowed and her breath caught as everything came to a pinpoint of sensation between her legs. Power throbbed through the room and then she crashed while lightening flashed behind her closed eyelids and heat coursed through her body. She tore her mouth from the kiss and screamed.

Sam felt Logan's tight walls contract around him and he pulled her ass against his hips as she fell forward onto the bed. He tossed his head back and grunted, moving harder and deeper, bruising her inside and out as he listened to her whimper and groan.

Ruby hovered over Logan's back, one hand caressing soothingly up and down her back. She smiled when Logan trembled beneath her touch and Sam's demanding thrusts. She moved against the three fingers that were moving in and out of her pussy as she watched Sam slide in and out of Logan. She growled and panted, moving more heatedly against her hand. "Fucking beautiful…fuck her Sam…fuck…I'm cumming." She arched into her hand with a groan, legs shaking before she collapsed onto the bed beside Logan. She curled beside her with a purr and listened to the soft keening sounds the other woman was making.

Watching Ruby pushed Sam over the edge he pulled back and slammed deep one last time. He swelled, his balls tightened and then he came hard. The rhythmic throbbing of Logan milked him dry and made him shudder. He pulled out with a soft curse and then fell to the other side of Logan, pulling her down with him, to lay across his chest. Guilt and pain pushed up inside him, as the girl sobbed and her tears wet his chest.

Logan cried. She cried out her pain, her loss and her shame. She cried that she wasn't strong enough to walk away and that she knew she wasn't strong enough to stay. Just now, though she cried because she missed the man she loved and wished so very desperately that he was the one holding her. She didn't look at Sam, but let him hold her and thankful he wasn't trying to soothe her.

She felt Ruby moved behind her and didn't mind when the demon's arms wrapped around her and pulled her back. Ruby didn't remind her of Dean, meaning Ruby was safe. Sex for the sake of sex and she could live with that, but there was more to what she had with Sam and regret filled the void left behind by Dean. Filled it and threatened to drown her.

Ruby nuzzled into Logan's neck and murmured insignificant reassurances. She smiled and sighed in satisfaction at what she'd managed to get done in the space of twenty four hours and then she stretched, cupped Logan's breast and let sleep take her.

Sam let Logan be. His hand drifted up and down her arm, unconsciously drawing patterns; runes. The memory of doing that to Kate hit him hard and his breath caught. It was bad enough that he hurt Kate by telling her about Ruby, but he'd just fucked Logan and Logan and Kate were friends; friends because of him and Dean. Dean. The knife twisted in his heart once again and unshed tears filled his eyes.

He knew that Logan was the only woman his brother had ever loved. The overwhelming guilt of what he'd done made nausea swirl in his gut. He turned his head away from the woman on his chest and tucked his arm behind his head. He hoped that Logan would sneak out in the night. He was sure he didn't want to see the way he saw himself reflected back him from her eyes.

**Note:** Yes, there's always a reason, and eventually we will get to it. Hope you liked it, but I'll understand if you hated it. Either way, let me know, because this was was harder to write than I thought it would be...for more reasons than you're probably thinking. Tell me what you think...it's easy, just hit that little button and type in your thoughts.

Thanks to all my reviewers and adds. I love you all.


	6. Hell is What You Make of It

**Hell is What You Make of It**

Logan woke to darkness and the sound of soft breathing beside her. Ruby was gone and Sam was asleep on his stomach, head turned toward the window. She sighed as she sat up, stifling the groan as her head pounded and the room spun around her. She pushed herself slowly from the bed, careful not to wake Sam as she half-stumbled around the room to find her clothes.

Once she found all her clothes, she moved into the bathroom, closing the door before she flipped on the light. She blinked as the sudden brightness sent pain piercing into her skull. She gasped and bent heavily over the sink, setting her clothes on the small counter. Swallowing down her nausea, she turned on the shower and then back to the sink where she stared at herself in the spotted mirror. She frowned at the red-rimmed eyes that met her before she moved to the toilet, giving up the battle over her stomach.

She heaved, emptying her stomach in long agony inducing retches. She sat back, head throbbing in time with her heart. She groaned and took long, deep breaths as she waited for the feverish feeling to die away with the dizziness. When she finally felt she had enough strength to stand, she levered herself up and moved into the shower. The shower was hot and she leaned heavily against the wall with her eyes closed. She took a few minutes to savor the heat and the almost stinging sensation of the water on her skin before picking up the small bar of soap and washcloth.

She washed and rinsed, fingers tracing the rune on her side and the tattoo lower on her hip. She frowned when both throbbed. She'd gotten used to it, the odd pain that shot between the brand and the ink. She glanced down at the three-inch long Bowie knife she had permanently inked onto her body. It was a replica of Dean's favorite. It was the only thing she'd taken to remind her. Though, Sam told her to take what she wanted. She had the artist make it look as if the tip pierced through the skin of her hip and then out the other side. A single drop of blood slid down the right side of the blade and a small vine wrapped around the hilt, delicate and green. One small rosebud, just starting to bloom, sat atop the quillon and _DW-2008, _was inked on the blade. A sob caught in her throat. She shook her head, wiped her eyes and climbed from the shower.

She toweled herself dry and used Sam's comb to untangle her hair before pulling on her panties and bra. Then she dug through Sam's shaving kit and found a bottle of Excedrin, his hair gel and deodorant. She popped two of the pills, swiped his deodorant on and then squeezed out a quarter sized amount of gel. She ran the gel through her hair and then put everything neatly back into the bag. She finger styled her hair and reached for the small hair dryer attached to the motel wall. She was about to flip it on when the bathroom door slid open.

Sam stood in the doorway wearing his boxer-briefs and a sleepy, but startled look.

"I um, fuck…thought you were Ruby." He mumbled, but didn't turn away, just continued to stare at Logan as she stood in her underwear, hairdryer halfway to her head.

Logan frowned. "I'm not Sam." She glared. "I'll be gone in a few minutes."

Sam shook his fuzzy head, slightly surprised at his lack of serious hangover. "You don't have to hurry. I mean, it's okay…" He stopped, not really knowing what he was trying to say. "Logan, I, uh…fuck." He pushed a hand through his hair.

She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, I know…" A pained look crossed her face. "We fucked up Sam. Both of us and we are so fucked." She felt the tears and cursed herself for them even as she wiped at her face. She sobbed and a bitter smile lifted her lips. "I mean fuck us; fuck you and fuck me. What we did was wrong in so many ways. What kind of girlfriend am I, what kind of friend?" She snorted. "And what about you? I mean, there's Kate and…Dean…" A hint of hysteria crept into her voice. "I mean Dean's gone a little over a month and we end up in bed together?" She shook her head and let the hairdryer fall from her hand.

Sam watched; anger, shame and pain twisted in his gut. "You're right." He moved to the sink and pulled Logan against him. It was a simple expression of comfort and grief. He held her and she cried. "I'm sorry Logan…I should have been stronger. There's no excuse, it wasn't right."

Logan let him hold her while she cried. She gripped him hard, letting the pain she'd buried the day they buried Dean rise back up. She sobbed and cried out her pain. There was so much of it and now there was guilt. "It's not all your fault Sam. I was there too. I could have left, could have said no." She pulled back and looked up into Sam's teary eyes. "I loved your brother." She grabbed a towel, wiped her face and then her hand fell to her hip, touching the tattoo. "I still love him…" Her voice trailed off as her eyes found Sam's.

Sam nodded. "I know…"

She suddenly felt overwhelmed and suffocated. "I need to go, Sam." She pulled her jeans on and then her shirt before moving out into the room to sit on the bed and slide her boots on. She motioned around the room. "I'm not judging Sam, because trust me I see the attraction physically and I understand the whole sex without attachment thing, but what about Kate?"

Sam leaned heavily against the doorframe and shrugged. "It just hurts too much. I can't give what she wants and I feel so wrong trying to be happy when I deserve to feel like shit."

Logan dropped her foot to the floor and stood. She faced Sam and nodded. "It's the same reason I've avoided you and Kate and Bobby too." She ran a hand through her almost try hair, attempting to add some style to it as she glanced around for her keys. "But, maybe we're wrong." She found them on the table by the window. "Maybe we need to move on." She grunted and turned back to Sam before reaching for the door.

"You think you can do that? You think you're ready?" Sam asked bitterly.

She shook her head. "No." She opened the door and spoke without looking at Sam. "I think it's what we should do, but there's no way I'm ready to actually do it and by the way, stay away from me Sam. Because I can't handle this shit."

Sam nodded as the door closed.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

_Different time…different place…_

He cried, tearless sobbing torn from a throat raw from screams and abuse. His body arched off the table as brutal visions burned through his head. He struggled when the strips of flesh tore from his body, layer by layer. Sweat ran into the open wounds, burning like acid as he begged. He begged with everything he had for the pain to stop. He screamed that he would agree to anything if only the visions would be gone. His mouth was pried open, his teeth yanked out one by one. His nails pried were pried from his fingers and toes. Blades and needles sank deep below his skin, into muscle and bone. He was raped in every way imaginable and then several that weren't, by demons and beings he couldn't identify. He was broken and even when he should have died; he lived.

He lived to watch his torturer pull his intestines from his gut and measure them into foot long lengths before tossing them to creatures he couldn't see. But, he could hear them. He heard them in the dark, fighting and screaming for more; for one more taste. He was forced to hear them beg as he was eaten away, mind, body and spirit, until there was nothing left but a husk of who he was.

He knew it was almost over when his torturer got in his face and smiled almost lovingly. His hand cool on damaged flesh, bringing a stinging, but short reprieve from the constant agony he felt. He whimpered and sobbed. Wordlessly, he begged and begged.

His torturer smiled at him and clucked his tongue in the back of his throat as he shook his head. "Shh. Shh. I'm almost done with you." He smirked and winked as he tucked a wicked looking blade into the sheath on his hip. "Look at the bright side; you'll be all better in just a bit." The cool hand brushed what was left of the man's hair from his now lidless eyes. A wide, evil smile spread across his face. "They'll put you back together and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to play with you again."

He stepped back and laughed when the man on the table shook his head and made guttural sounds in his throat. "You have something you want to say?" His eyebrows shot up. "Well, spit it out!" He threw his head back and laughed coldly. "I'm sorry that was a bad joke, wasn't it? I should be more considerate of your disability."

The torturer bent and picked something up from the floor. He held it by the man's head and scowled. "Fucking piece of shit, you deserve everything I've done to you and more." He spit in the man's face and waved the man's tongue around the room. "You know, I understand what motivates them." His green eyes flashed hatred. "You? Lying and hurting those kids? How many over the years? Hundreds? Thousands? You don't ever deserve to say another word and when they put you back together, that's the one thing I won't let you have." He tossed the piece of flesh into the darkness and smiled when a fight broke out between two or more beings. "You'll never be able to lie and promise it won't hurt. You won't be able to beg me or anyone else to stop. No promises and no lies, I'm taking that from you."

Dean turned from the man and looked to the big, black-winged demon by the door. "I'm done with this one for now. See where Alistair wants him next." Then he pushed the heavy door open and moved out into the main corridor.

Dean frowned as he looked at his clothes. It amazed him how the blood, gore, and filth never stuck to him, but it stuck to them. It stuck to the ones on the table, the rack; it stuck to the ones in chains and hooks. He shivered as his memories flowed to his own time on the rack. Nausea swirled in his gut and he tried not to think of his time on the other side of the whip, blade and pain. He paused and leaned heavy against the wall as the scars from the hooks throbbed. He had them always and according to Alistair, they were to remind him how easy it would be to string him back up.

He rubbed his shoulder and pushed away from the hall with a sigh. He was tired, but he knew there wouldn't be any sleep. He wasn't allowed sleep or food or any pleasure, unless in involved the torture of others. The only peace he had was being free from physical pain and he was more thankful for that than he could express. The pain was beyond explanation; he had no words for it. He still dealt with the emotional pain and the knot in his gut tightened at the knowledge that doing what he did only increased that pain.

He spit onto the floor, trying to get the taste of bile from his mouth and then he sneered. Sometimes it was easy. Sometimes, the things the people did were so horrible he felt vindicated tearing them apart, but there were others. The ones that were tricked or had made stupid mistakes made him struggle. He fought with himself to hurt them and of course, those were the ones that Alistair loved to give him; the drunk drivers who hurt others, or the people forced to make bad decisions.

The first few had been easy. He said he'd do it, agreed to hurt them in exchange for the end of his own pain and then he was there. Whole again, and standing beside Alistair while the demon whispered instructions in his ear. Alistair was not only creative, but also thorough. He found a weakness and attacked it.

Dean learned quickly and earned Alistair's favor in record time. Being a favorite meant he was lucky in some ways and very unlucky in others. He definitely wasn't free and clear. On a daily basis, he fought for his right to survive as he clawed his way up the food chain. Some days he won every fight and other days he survived to lick his wounds. Having Alistair's blessing kept most of the more serious challengers away, but it also meant doing things that left him broken and so hollow he knew he might never find himself again. He barely remembered who he had been. It hurt to think of his past and his family. Those thoughts made the guilt unbearable, so he buried the memories under the pleasure he found in the pain of others and sometimes, even in the pain he endured for the _pleasure_ of others.

He'd been moving slowly, trying to put off his arrival, but he found himself at the door. He swallowed back the panic and the fear. He refused the tears and raised a shaking hand to push the door open. Alistair's presence met him and Dean steeled himself for what he knew was coming. He dreaded it, but as he pushed open the door, he let the knowledge that it wouldn't last comfort him. Alistair's laughter met him at the door.

"I've been expecting you, Dean." He laughed and motioned around the room. "Actually, we all have." He smiled and inhaled sharply. "Now come here and let us enjoy your company."

Dean shivered in disgust and shut the door behind him. He belonged to Alistair. He was reminded of that on a regular basis. There were others in hell doing the same job as Alistair, but none as competent at creating protégés. None of the others had the same ability to sense the demon inside, draw it out and encourage its growth. Alistair put on personal shows using the young up-and-comers he'd discovered as both torturer and victim.

Dean never knew which he'd be. Oh, he could fight for his dominance, it was a rule. He could challenge the one Alistair chose to torture him, and some days he did. He challenged and he won and he wielded the knife on the loser, but Dean also learned that if Alistair wanted him on the bottom, nothing could change his mind. He would be the one strung up in Alistair's playroom while the others used him the way he used his victims every day.

Now was when memories of family saved him and broke him at the same time. Dean hid behind his cockiness and his smirk. He smiled and laughed. He refused to beg. He thought of the car. He closed his eyes and felt her rumble beneath him. He pressed the gas and felt her accelerate. He remembered Sam beside him and teasing him about music and girls; he remembered pranks and jokes. He ignored his pain and let his mind wander.

He ignored the sounds of depravity around him, instead hearing Logan's laugh. He refused to smell the scent of sweat and sex and blood, instead he inhaled her sweet scent. He grasped onto those memories and prayed they would be enough to keep him sane, but he knew they weren't. He knew he wasn't the same person he used to be. He knew that he was becoming one of them.

He did as he was told and he enjoyed it. He smiled as pleasure swirled through him. He knew he'd crossed a line, and he still held onto the guilt he felt at the end of his day or week or month. That was the last bit of humanity he had. He treasured his guilt because it reminded him he was still human. No, he was never called human anymore. He was called all kinds of things: evil, depraved, disgusting. He was called devil and demon. He was told he had been worthless top-side, but was useful in so many ways now.

Alistair made him watch the others torture two sisters who had had enough of their parent's abuse and finally murdered them in their sleep. Alistair's hand held Dean's head back, and eyes open while he took him. He whispered things in Dean's ear while they watched the show. He laughed when Dean came so hard he fell to the floor beneath him.

Alistair backhanded Dean, the spurred glove on his hand tearing flesh from the young man's face. "Oh I knew I was right about you, Dean…" He threw his head back and laughed into the room as he finished and pulled away from the man on floor. He stood, fastened his clothing and nudged Dean with his foot. "You will be my successor Dean. I like the way your mind works. You are so willing, so good at what we do and yet still so stubborn. You dole out pain and destroy these delicate souls almost better than I do, but you're still holding so much back." Alistair surveyed the scene of rape and torture in the room and then bent to pull Dean to his feet. "Make yourself presentable." He glared. "You look like you were just…fucked over quite thoroughly." Alistair laughed at himself.

Dean spit to the ground and stood as he righted his own clothing. He refused the tears and the sorrow. He bit his tongue against the urge to sob. Instead, he settled coldness into his eyes and watched the man beside him. He felt the skin on his face slide and move as it was healed and he grunted his thanks. He knew better than to hope Alistair would take the pain away from the rest of his aching body. He knew he would wear the demon's scent for days and would deal with the comments and occasionally the offers from others. He also knew that it meant he would be forced to fight with the others like himself under Alistair's mentorship.

There were other's that enjoyed the attention, all of it, that Alistair granted those he favored. There were a few who would be so jealous they would attack him. He eagerly took the glass that Alistair thrust into his hand and he swallowed it down, taking a minute to lick the inside of the glass for the last bit of moisture.

Alistair's hand landed on his shoulder. "One more…I think after today, you've deserved it." The demon poured him another glass of the amber liquor and watched as Dean savored it this time. "I have a surprise for you, Dean." He laced his arm through Dean's and led him to the far end of the room.

A girl sat curled into herself, arms chained to the wall above her head. She was naked, but clean and Dean wondered how long she'd been here. She didn't appear to be as broken as many he'd seen. Her head was facing the floor; long dark hair covered the side of her face.

Alistair smiled and pointed to the girl. "She's beautiful isn't she?" He rubbed at himself through his clothes. "She's been here for quite sometime, but I wouldn't let anyone touch her…I've been saving her for you Dean. Well, you or someone else very much like you." He laughed. "I do have to say, it being you makes it so much sweeter."

Dean's eyes shot wide and he pulled away from Alistair to move toward the girl. He stopped a few feet from the girl and then looked back to the demon. "What did she do?"

Alistair shrugged and smiled. "Brutally murdered several people in cold blood."

Dean snorted and his hand fell to the knife on his belt. A thrill of adrenalinized anticipation ran up his spine. He pushed back the guilt and let the thought of breaking someone who hadn't yet been touched fill his thoughts. He smiled at his mentor. "What's so special about this one?"

Alistair's eyebrow shot up as he watched Dean move closer to the girl. "You don't recognize her?"

Something inside him sank. No, he still didn't recognize her, but the fact that he should made him very, very uncomfortable. His hands dropped to his side as he knelt close to the girl. Then he reached out to brush hair from her face. The girl flinched and excitement replaced his apprehension. "Shh, I'm not gonna hurt you baby." He spoke calmly, his voice low, hypnotic and seductive.

Her head jerked up with a sob as she swung her face, still hair covered to look at the man beside her. Hands, weighted with chains reached out to him, gripping his wrists. "Dean?" Panic and relief were heavy in her words. "Help me."

Dean startled; his wide eyes moving to Alistair and then back to the girl. He still couldn't place her, but she obviously knew him. He reached up to push the hair from her face.

She was sobbing as she leaned into him. Her tears made her hair stick to her face. "Thank god, thank god…help me."

Dean managed to get her hair off her face and then he fell back onto his ass in surprise. "Holy, fucking hell…" He scooted away, stood and then turned to Alistair. "No fucking way."

Alistair was on him in a second. One long, thin blade buried in Dean's right shoulder, through the scar from the hooks. Alistair's face suddenly shifted as he allowed his demon form to push off any semblance of humanity. "You will take her Dean and you will break her. You'll turn her into either one of us, or you'll destroy her. I don't care, but you will do your job or I'll put you back up on the rack and invite every last one of your…" He smiled and let his gaze drag suggestively over Dean. "I'll invite everyone you've pissed off, beat on, fucked and destroyed have a piece of you."

The blade in his shoulder shifted, lifted and began to tear muscle and tendon as it ripped upward. Dean bit back the scream.

"Do you understand, Dean? Because I really want to make sure you do." He released the pressure on the knife. "It won't just be them." He pressed close, his sulfur breath bathing Dean's face, making him gag. "I'll be there too. You know I'll be orchestrating and participating and this time there won't be an offer at the end of each night." He chuckled and ran his free hand down Dean's side. "There won't be a way out. I guarantee you will never. Fucking. Never. Get off the rack again." He pressed his hand, talons sharp as blades, into Dean's side to nick organs and cause pain. "I'll let you rot on the rack, never healing your body…just make you live through the agony as I invent new ways to torture you."

Dean gasped as pain spiraled through him. Waves of dizziness threatened him. He nodded weakly as he fell to his knees, head drooping to the floor. He hissed as Alistair's talons pulled free from his side. He gasped and couldn't prevent the sharp yelp that escaped his throat when the blade finally tore free from the top of his shoulder, leaving a gaping wound.

"Answer me." Alistair demanded as he pulled Dean's head back by the hair. "Do you understand me, Winchester?"

Anger, defiance and pain sharpened Dean's face. He spit out the bile and blood that had collected in his mouth. "Fuck you. I understand."

Alistair laughed and gently stroked Dean's face. "I thought you would." He motioned to the girl. "Now do your job." He released Dean and waved a hand over his body. A dull, red light filled the space and power hummed as Dean's injuries were healed. "I'll let you two get reacquainted then." He smiled and stepped back, his eyes on Dean's face. "I will be watching."

Dean nodded, but stayed on his knees as he waited for Alistair to wander back to the group on the other side of the room. When the demon was gone, Dean stood and moved to the girl. He didn't know what he was going to do. This one was worse than the others. He had no idea how he was going to hurt her.

She stared up at him, she was dirty, but Dean couldn't see any permanent damage on her. He knew Alistair hadn't lied. No one had touched her. Dean unchained her and she wrapped herself immediately around him.

She sobbed into his shoulder, "Thank god, thank god…I've been so scared."

Dean wrapped an arm around her and drew her toward the wall opposite the one she'd been chained to. "Shh, it's gonna be just fine." Something twisted in his gut as he sat her on a table. He lifted his eyes to hers and smiled. He fastened the leather restraint around her left ankle. "Don't fight. Trust me."

Her eyes darted around the room, but she nodded. She had trusted him and Sam before. She could do it again. She nodded and let him fasten her ankles and then her wrists. "Please, just help me."

Dean finished with the last strap and nodded. "I will and I know you won't believe me in a minute, but it will get better." He cupped her cheek, let a cold smile lift his lips and pulled a wickedly curved knife from the shelf. "I promise, Madison…it will all get better."

Alistair smiled when he heard the girl scream from behind him across the room. "Make me proud, boy...make me proud."

**A/N:**

Dean will be back next chapter. Things will get even more...well things will be interesting. Let me know what you thought and thanks so much to everyone who reviews! I love em all, so keep it up and feed the muse!

By the way...Special thanks to _Dean's evil little hunter_, who makes me smile when I don't always feel like it. Thanks girl!!


	7. Raised From Perdition

**Raised From Perdition**

_Hell…_

Dean bent over Madison, knife in hand, so that his mouth was by her ear. "I have to cut you, or they'll know. Make noise, scream, curse, beg…I don't care, but make it sound like I'm really hurting you more than I am." He straitened, sweat beading on his forehead as he struggled to find a way out for both of them. He fought tears, nausea and the desire to run. "Do you understand?"

Madison was terrified and she shook her head with a sob. "No…help me…please…please, don't do this." Her voice was quiet, with a thread of panic beneath her careful words.

Dean's eyes closed against the memory of her looking up at Sam. The same fear in her eyes. He growled and pressed the knife to her throat in anger. "I'm trying to help, but if I don't make you bleed, they'll know. They're like sharks; they smell blood and if they don't smell it, Alistair will make sure it won't be me standing over you. It will be one of the others and they won't think twice about hurting you." He watched the blade at her throat. "And believe me, they know how to hurt you in ways you can't imagine." He closed his eyes as he shifted to move the blade down between her breasts. "I'm sorry…" He pressed the cutting edge into her skin, just enough to draw blood.

The sharp pain made her scream. "Stop, please….no….Dean!" She writhed against the restraints, sobbing and begging beneath him. Her fear made her panic.

Dean shook, he could hear Alistair's approving laugh and something inside him enjoyed it. He was suddenly fighting the urge to give in and hurt her. He had ways to silence her, to make her quiet. There were gags and clamps, there were threats and there were other things he'd learned as well, but if she didn't scream, he knew Alistair would be on him. Usually, Dean liked it when they begged.

Tears slipped from his closed eyes, he knew now that the torture would never end. He'd never, ever be able to sit back and relax, be physically or emotionally pain free. As soon as he found a way to survive, to cope, they would find another way to make him hurt.

He opened his eyes, saw the woman beneath him and remembered how it had broken his heart that Sam had taken her life. He knew Sam could have loved her. He bit at his lip, tasted blood and bit harder. He'd always wished Sam would have let him do it. Sam shouldn't have ever had to hold the gun to her chest; he should never have had to pull the trigger. Something in him snapped and he threw his head back and laughed viciously. He could only hope Sam was happy now; he hoped Sam was happy with Kate.

He was hysterical and he knew it. He'd lost control, he was splintering and becoming something else; he was losing the last shred of his humanity. He knew that's what Alistair had planned. It was what was supposed to happen. The knife moved, pressed a little deeper, causing Madison to shriek and beg.

"Nooo, stop….pleeeeze…god help me!"

Dean shook so hard the knife clattered to the floor. Blood poured from the wicked gashes in Madison's chest and he watched the precious liquid spurt and run down the sides of the table to pool on the floor by his feet. He felt dizzy and sick. He wanted to run, to hide. After all this time, he thought he could endure, but he was wrong and for the first time since he found himself strung up in the pit, he did one thing he'd never done before while he was in hell. He begged.

It was nothing more than a silent prayer, a quickly whispered line into the air. "Please, please… god…anyone…I can't do this. Please…I'll do anything… just help me."

A loud hum filled Dean's head, thrumming through him. Madison screamed again; a loud, pained scream that brought Dean's eyes open. He blinked in confusion and sudden fear as blackness and silence surrounded him. The darkness was so black it ate sound. It even dulled and suppressed the sound of his movement. He panicked and moved, only to realize he couldn't. His hands found the rough barrier inches from his face.

He closed his eyes and saw the fear, terror and pain of hell and it made him open them immediately. The odd blackness was not as terrifying as what was in his head. He realized he was in his own clothing and real or not, he felt for his lighter. He found it and after a bit of fumbling he lit it. Panic seized him again. He was in a box. He screamed, he cried, he fought and then he realized he'd have to save himself.

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_Later…_

Dean sat in Bobby's kitchen. It had taken everything in him to convince Bobby it was really him. If it hadn't been life or death at the time, he would have found it funny. He watched the old man through his lashes. Bobby looked older. He was gaunt and haunted and it made Dean's heart twist in his chest. They'd hugged and cried and now they sat in awkward silence as Bobby fried hamburgers.

Bobby held up the last of the orange juice. "More?"

Dean nodded and smiled. "Please."

They'd already tracked Sam down, they knew where he was, but Bobby refused to head out until they ate, and Dean showered and changed. So, Dean had showered and since Bobby had held onto the duffle Dean had shoved in the hall closet, he now sat in clean clothes, the scent of hell and dirt gone. He shook his head though. He could still smell it all. Every bit of it and he hated closing his eyes because he saw it. He saw what he'd done and what he'd become. He jerked himself back to reality as Bobby slid a plate in front of him.

"Eat then we'll track down Mr. Wedge Antilles." Bobby walked away, pulled two beers from the fridge and then sat down across from Dean with his own plate. He slid one of the bottles to Dean. He watched Dean lift the burger and inhale slowly before smiling. He shook his head. "Act like you've never seen one before boy."

Dean glanced at Bobby. "It's been forever." He took a bite and smiled wide around the beef, bacon and cheese. "My gwad Bobby…heaven…"

Bobby chuckled as they ate and sipped beer. He was amazed at how slowly Dean ate everything. Almost like, it was a new experience and Bobby was almost embarrassed by the sounds of pleasure that filled the small kitchen. He chuckled when Dean made a very satisfied sound in the back of his throat. "Damn, glad we ate at home. People might have got the wrong idea."

"Funny, man…hilarious." Dean smiled, licked his fingers and then sat back. "You about done." He glanced around, antsy to get on the road as the need to see Sam pressed heavy on him.

He wasn't too surprised that Sam was hiding. It's what he would do. He hadn't asked about Logan and Bobby hadn't said anything yet. As much as he wanted to know, there was a big part of him that was unsure. He'd told her how he'd felt, knowing he wouldn't have to face the consequences. Now, he was back and things were different. He didn't really want to admit it, but even after hell, that woman terrified him. She made him so unsure of himself and tied him in knots and just thinking about it made nausea roll in his gut.

Memories of her had kept him sane, her scent, her touch, her taste, the way she smiled and the sound of her voice; all of it had managed, at one time or another, to remind him that he was still human. He pushed away from the table, suddenly close to tears. Fuck, he hated feeling this damn way. So unsure of himself, of who he was and what his place was. He needed his brother.

"Gotta move Bobby, I need to find him."

Bobby nodded and stood as he drained his beer. "Then we best get on the road."

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_A few hours earlier…_

Logan rolled her gun cleaning set into its flannel and then stood and stretched. She yawned, tossed the rolled up flannel into her bag and then quickly reassembled the Glock G36. She shook her head with a smile. She knew it was a bitch gun, but she liked it. It was small, easy to carry and lightweight. Yeah, it only held six shots, but she could deal with that. She was a good enough shot to seriously wound anything she aimed at.

She slid the pistol into the bag with the rest of her weapons and glanced at the clock. She frowned and rolled her neck on her shoulders. She was planning on moving out soon, but she needed a nap. She pulled her sleeping bag from the pack and shook it out. She was low on cash so she was squatting in some dump. She was happy to find that it was pretty sturdy and the roof didn't leak. If the trash and discarded needles were any indication, she wasn't the first person to spend time there.

She checked the doors and windows, made sure the salt lines were still in place and then curled up inside the sleeping bag. She had several more hours of daylight. Once it was dark, she'd move on. She knew it was dangerous in this neighborhood after the sun went down. She pulled her duffle closer and dug through it until she found the old Metallica T-shirt. She rolled it up under head and inhaled deeply. Dean's scent barely lingered on it, and it hurt her that she struggled to remember sound of his voice and weight of his touch.

Tears slipped from her eyes as she closed them and struggled to find sleep.

She woke an hour later to a buzzing pressure in the room and pain in her side. She gasped and rolled from her left side; the burning sensation intensified. She sat up, only to fall back with a groan as she held her side. "Fuck, what the hell…" She rolled to her side panting in pain. She closed her eyes and grit her teeth, reaching for the knife. Her hand wrapped around the hilt as the pain hit her again.

Suddenly, something changed. Things shifted and she felt that something wasn't right. She didn't know what, but something was different. Her vision whited out and she screamed as pain throbbed in her side. Then it was gone and she lay panting and sweaty on the floor with a single thought in her head.

She needed to find Sam.

She untangled herself from the sleeping bag and stood on shaky legs. Her side ached in a dull throb, not unlike it had once before. She tugged her t-shirt up and looked down at her left side. She gasped. She'd had the branded rune there since the night Finn attacked her in her sleep. She barely noticed it until she'd gotten the tattoo. After that, it would twinge every now and then. A weird pain would shoot between the two on occasion, but she figured it was just a tweaky nerve or something.

The rune she was used to seeing was Merkstave and it sat on her side, just a bit lower than her breast. Right now, she stared at it in confusion. A brand was there, but it was no longer Merkstave. It was now Uruz and she shivered. Merkstave was the same rune as Uruz, but in reverse. Now she stared at the symbol. It had gone from meaning weakness, domination by others and misdirected force to meaning strength, wisdom, untamed potential and the power of creation.

She traced the shape with her finger and shivered as a thrill shot down her side to settle at her hip. The tattoo throbbed and she traced it too, but for the first time she didn't feel like crying when she did it. She pulled her shirt down and started gathering her things.

It didn't take long and she was in the car and on the highway heading toward South Dakota. She hadn't seen her uncle since they'd buried Dean, but she knew the two of them could find Sam and right now, she had the overwhelming need to see him. She opened the recent calls, knowing that Bobby would be the last and let her finger hover over the return call key. She swallowed, pressed the key and moved the phone to her ear.

The phone rang twice.

"Singer." Bobby grunted into her ear.

Logan felt something give inside her. She'd missed him. "Uncle Bobby?"

"Shit, where the hell are you?" He sounded angry.

"On my way to you. Something's happening…" Her voice caught, almost like a sob. "I need your help."

His voice dropped. "You alright? You hurt? Something after you? Hell, Logan I've been worried sick about you."

She smiled and shook her head as she drove. "I'm okay, things are just…I don't know, but something weird happened and I have to find Sam. I can't even explain why, but I do."

There was silence.

"Bobby, you still there?"

He made a sound. "Yeah, here…" He started talking fast, in a rush. "Listen to me, Logan. I know where Sam is and I'm going there now. Where are you?"

Logan was confused. "Outside of Pittsburg."

"Good, meet me in Pontiac, Illinois. I'll get there ahead of you, so call me. Shit, hang on." There was muffled conversation and movement, then. "You got that?"

"Yeah, Pontiac, call you."

"Right. Take care and be safe."

The line went dead and Logan pulled the phone from her ear and stared at it in confusion.

"What the hell?" She flipped her phone closed and slid it into the console. "Hasn't heard from me in months and I get a fifty second conversation out of him…" She shrugged away her worry and then dropped her hand to her left side to touch the rune lightly. Then she dropped her hand with a sigh and turned up the radio.

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She swung the door open and barely managed to keep her face neutral. Neither of them knew her in this form, so they shouldn't recognize her. She bull-shitted about pizza and played it off. She smiled when Sam played it off and then she left, knowing deep inside that something big was going on. Something she knew she should fear.

She sat in her car with her fingers drumming over her cell phone. She needed answers, but she wasn't sure where to find them. Dean Winchester was back topside. You didn't just walk out of hell and you don't just leave it behind. Ruby knew exactly what it was like and she shivered. There were reasons the demons wanted out. Hell was never safe, at least up top, you knew where you stood and you could see trouble coming.

She cursed. She wasn't sure what the hell was going on, but it totally fucked up her plans. "Damn it!" She threw her phone across the seat and started the car. She needed to find answers. She pulled out of the parking lot and drove. She wasn't sure where she was going, but someone would know something and she had a few ideas how to find out who might.

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Logan pulled into the gas station and rolled her head on her shoulders. It was getting late and she didn't know where she was supposed to go. She pulled out her phone and dialed Bobby. He answered and she thought she heard sounds of a hospital paging system in the background.

"Bobby, you hurt?" She sat forward with concern.

"Huh? No, why?" His voice was quiet and slightly muffled.

She pulled a fifty from her wallet and moved out of the car to fill the tank. "Sounds like you're in a hospital. Is it Sam? Has he been hurt?" She held the phone against her shoulder as she fumbled with the gas cap and started pumping gas.

Bobby chuckled. "No Logan, it's not Sam. A friend of mine was hurt helping us; I'm just making sure she's settled. "He sighed. "Where're you at?"

Logan leaned against the car as she waited for the pump. "Currently at Stop-N-Gas, just inside Pontiac city limits, where should I meet you?" She stretched and stifled a yawn. "Been driving all damn day and I'm tired. You got a place to crash or not?"

Bobby made a sound in the back of his throat. "Yeah, Astoria Hotel, downtown, honeymo…suite…gotta…and…en's…ell…he's…Sam…there."

Logan frowned. "Bobby? I got Astoria, downtown and honeymoon suite. What the hell else did you say?"

"L..n…D…there…'s…ck…und….and…"

She growled when the line went dead. She redialed and cursed when the call went directly to voicemail. Either Bobby wasn't getting any reception or his phone went dead. The tank was full and she replaced the pump and went to pay the clerk. She asked for directions and then headed out.

Ten minutes later, she was standing outside the room trying to talk herself into knocking. She didn't see the Impala, but figured Bobby might have borrowed it from Sam. She took a deep breath and knocked. There wasn't an answer, so she knocked again.

She heard movement, then, "Sam, that you man?"

The person was moving toward the door. His voice and her mouth went dry, her vision swam and she felt faint. She swallowed and tears pressed against her eyelids. The door swung open and she was staring at Dean.

Dean looked at her in confusion, then he shut his eyes, shook his head and opened his eyes again. "Logan?" His voice was husky with emotion. "What the hell?"

Logan stared at him, her hand moving to the sheath on her hip as she backed away and shook her head. "No…" Her voice was a whisper.

Dean watched her move and stepped forward. He settled his hand over hers gently. "Logan, it's me…please don't make me do that again." He smiled softly. "Already been through it, first with Bobby and then with Sam."

Logan began to shake and she felt the warmth of tears on her face. "Dean?"

Dean wrapped her hand in his and lifted it to his chest as he pulled Logan toward him. "It's me, baby…really."

Logan hesitated for several more seconds and then she was on him. She had her arms wrapped tightly around him and she was sobbing against his shirt. "How, Dean, my god it's really you…I've missed you so damn much…love you…please be real…please don't let me wake up…"

Dean felt his own tears and pulled her tight against himself. "I've missed you too Logan. You can't possibly know how much." He pulled back and cradled her face in his hands. His eyes searched hers and he saw her happiness. He also saw her uncertainty and pain. His eyes drifted shut, he sighed and as his eyes opened, he leaned it to kiss her.

Dean's lips were gentle against hers. He used the softest touch, barely there and almost reverent. Logan couldn't help the sob that caught in her throat when her tongue traced over the seam of his lips. The taste of him pulled memory after memory with it. Her hands found his shoulders and her nails pressed into the material of his shirt. She moaned and nipped at his lips, suddenly desperate to have him against her tongue.

Dean shuddered and opened his mouth to Logan. Her tongue found his and in an unexpected rush, he responded. His hand moved into her hair and he slanted her head to deepen the kiss. He needed her. Her purity was soothing the brokenness inside him. He almost sobbed with relief as he kissed her. For the first time since he could remember, the pain of hell wasn't burning through his head. He knew it was there, but it was dull and fuzzy.

Logan moaned and kissed back with the same intensity. She pressed against him, her hands shoving his button down shirt from his shoulders as she bit and sucked at his bottom lip. She moaned when Dean's mouth left hers and moved down her neck. Her hands fell into his hair. "Please god, don't let me wake up."

Dean pulled back to watch her face. Tears clung to her lashes. Her mouth was slightly open and her lips were swollen from their kiss. His thumb brushed the tears from her cheeks as he looked into her blue eyes. "I'm really here, baby. I'm not going anywhere." He smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead as he swallowed his emotion. "I promise."

She nodded, sniffed and then pressed herself against him. She needed to touch him, to hear his heart under her ear and feel his arm around her. She clung to him and inhaled his scent as she re-familiarized herself with the feeling of being held. She savored the feeling of his breath in her hair and the way his hands skimmed her back. "I finally feel safe again."

Dean smiled in her hair and then frowned a little bit when the TV set turned on. A thrill of panic seized him, he pulled away from Logan and moved for the sawed-off.

Logan heard the buzzing long before Dean dropped to the floor holding his ears. She wasn't sure what was wrong until the glass began to crack. She ducked and glanced around. She could hear the voice, loud and powerful, but she couldn't understand he words. It didn't seem to be a threat, but the breaking glass around them was. Dean was suddenly on top of her, tackling her to the ground and as she landed, her head slammed into something hard. She fought to stay conscious, but wasn't able to, though she vaguely remembered hearing Bobby's voice.

**A/N:** Ok, so Dean's outa hell and yes, I kinda left you hanging with Madison. Bad me, I know. I'll pull that together. You know I have to put something out there now. If you saw this the newest ep, _On The Head of a Pin_, then you saw what Sam did with Ruby. OKAY, while I'm not Kripke, I just need to say that blood has played heavily in the first part of this story and even in this one and I wanted to throw something at my TV. I was so going there...still am, but now my cover is blown.

Okay, I'm reducing myself to a little bit of begging here. Please let me know you're reading. Even if you hate it, complain to me. If you love it, tell me that too. You wanna see something or you never want to see something again, either way tell me. Just hit the button and give me some feedback. I promise, it really does make me write faster.

Thanks for all the reviews and adds so far. I really appreciate it guys.


	8. The Correlation of Salvation and Love

Dean glanced into the backseat even as he dialed Sam. Logan had come to and threatened them with castration if they took her to a hospital. She swore she was fine; yes, she'd agree to concussed, but still fine. Dean smiled. She was so stubborn. He managed to talk her into taking two Vicodin that he found in Bobby's first aid kit. He shook his head with a frown when she swallowed them down with three long pulls from a bottle of Jack and then curled up on the back seat. He watched her easy breathing and something in his heart clenched when she pulled his leather jacket more tightly around her and nestled her head into the duffle she was using as a pillow.

He turned back around when Sam picked up. He made sure Bobby kept quiet. Sam went to get food and Dean told him that he and Bobby were getting a beer. When he hung up, he explained to Bobby that he lied because he didn't want Sam stopping them. Bobby frowned and they discussed the stupidity of what they were about to do, which Dean completely understood, but he felt they didn't have any choice. Resigned they found a spot to call whatever the hell it was that pulled Dean from the pit.

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Sam pulled the demon from the waitress with relative ease. He wasn't surprised that Ruby showed up, but she didn't know any answers. She was scared; he could actually feel the fear coming from her. He knew that whatever it was, it wasn't good. She was right. You couldn't just stroll out of hell, something big was involved.

Ruby pressed herself against Sam and reached for his shoulders. "Whatever it is Sam, it's big and it's scary and it has all of us terrified."

Sam's hands settled on her hips, but he didn't pull her close. A part of him cringed even as a sliver of lust moved through him. He dodged her mouth and held her hips from his. "Not here and not now."

She pouted, but nodded before stepping back and crossing her arms stubbornly over her chest. "Fine Sam, you go ahead and play righteous hunter now that your brother's back, but I'm telling you. You'll be back again soon and you'll beg me for it."

He pushed a hand through his hair and motioned to a booth. He sighed. He didn't know what he should do, but he felt he was helping and if he let himself go all emo-analysis, he'd be forced to admit that there was a part inside him, a part he never even told Ruby about, that got off on the power. Hell, since Dean went to hell, he'd found himself getting off on things he never would have considered before.

Guilt shot through him and his eyes closed briefly when heat at the memory of some of the things he'd done snaked through his thoughts. Logan. To this day he still wished…hell, he'd fucked up. He watched the demon across the table. She'd been there for him. She'd helped him, taught him. Hell she even saved his life, but he still wasn't sure he trusted her. She'd introduced him to pleasure in the darker things, to pleasure of the forbidden and the desire to use the power he had for selfish reasons. He hadn't done it yet, but he was afraid he would.

He told her that he didn't trust her, that he wasn't sure about her and he watched her pretend to be hurt, but he knew it was impossible. She was a demon. She had no feelings left to hurt.

She confused him sometimes, though. She was good at acting vulnerable and emotional, but she did what she wanted. She took what she thought she needed and with the exception of Sam, she didn't seem to care who she hurt. Even now, she sounded concerned about his relationship with Dean, but there was a part of him that was skeptical. She was a demon; he knew she had an angle. He just needed to find it.

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Dean played with knife and swung his feet. "You sure you did the ritual right?"

Bobby glared at him.

He apologized and then things went to hell, or heaven, if this Castiel character was telling the truth. He checked Bobby on the floor, made sure he was breathing and he glared up at "the angel of the Lord." He didn't believe it, he didn't believe it one bit, but this creature stood in front of him and was completely immune to every magical device and deterrent from every religion imaginable. He shook his head, stared and listened to the man who had just told him that God had work for him to do.

Dean heard something and spun to the doorway, his hand going automatically to the pistol in the waist of his jeans. He dropped his hands when he saw Logan. She stood just inside the barn, a gun in her hand as she stared at Bobby lying on the floor. She raised the gun at the man across from Dean, even as Dean shook his head.

Castiel smiled his eyes on Dean, back to the door. "Daughter of Iaoth, you have nothing to fear from me, so please lower the weapon, besides it will do you no good." He turned calmly to face Logan as a cool smile lifted his lips. He motioned to his chest. "As you can see."

Logan stumbled and was thankful when Dean was suddenly at her side to steady her. She held her head and frowned. "Is this a dream? Shit, my head is killing me." She let Dean guide her to the makeshift table and she leaned back against it. "Did you have to slam me around so hard?" She swallowed. "Damn well concussed."

He frowned when she leaned heavily against his shoulder. "You need a hospital, Logan." He tilted her face so he could see her eyes. Her pupils were drawn tight and she squinted up at him, struggling to make her eyes focus.

She giggled and groaned; her head rolled weakly on her shoulders. She petted at Dean's cheek. "Dreaming, what with you and angels...you in hell…them in heaven…" She giggled again and then rolled her head to Castiel. "You are an angel, aren't you? I can see you." She blinked and squinted. When nothing happened, she frowned. "It's not working…means I'm dreaming."

Dean was scared, she wasn't making sense. He looked to Castiel. "What the hell is she talking about?"

Castiel frowned and moved toward her. "She's injured."

The hunter snorted at him. "Yeah, thank you Dr. Feelgood. I think I had that figured before we got here. No thanks to you."

The accountant's eyes drew up and his eyebrows pulled together in confusion. "What are you saying?"

"She hit her head when you tried to make my brain melt out my ears back in the motel." He glared at the man in the trench coat. "The mirror on the ceiling was coming down and when I dove for her she slammed her head into the leg of a table." He tucked Logan's groggy head under his chin. "She's got one hell of a concussion and should be in the hospital."

Castiel watched and frowned. "She will be well." He lifted his hand, pressed two fingers to her forehead and she crumbled to the ground. "She will be restored."

Dean caught Logan as she fell. He lowered her down and knelt at her side while he glared up at the angel.

Castiel crouched beside Logan and held his hand over her head. A warm light shone and she inhaled sharply before her eyes popped open with a gasp. He pressed down on her shoulder, keeping her from sitting up. "Slowly. You will feel disoriented and ill to your stomach."

Logan nodded sharply and then immediately scrambled to the side where she vomited.

Dean moved beside her and waited until she was done, then he helped her stand. He stared openly at the angel. "What the hell was that?"

Castiel's lips lifted slightly. "That Dean, was the power of God." He motioned to Logan. "She is angelic, and I can share God's holy power with her."

Logan grunted. "Sure as hell didn't feel all that holy. Felt like someone slammed a 200 pound fist into my gut."

Dean held Logan to his side. "You alright?" He had to admit, her color was normal, her eyes were clear and he could feel her quiet strength.

She nodded and lifted a hand to the side of her head. She rubbed at the spot that had been sore; the pain was gone. She glanced to Castiel and then to Dean before nodding curtly. "Yeah, strangely, I'm perfect." She blinked and opened her pale blue eyes to look at Castiel. She could see his power and glory even without her odd sight, but with it there was so much more. "Oh my g…."

Castiel nodded. "He is your God, yes." He held out his arms and spoke softly.

It sounded lyrical, musical but Dean knew it had purpose and instinctively he knew it was language. A buzzing filled the place, but Dean's ears didn't bleed and his head didn't feel like it was vibrating into a million pieces. He watched Logan move toward the angel.

She couldn't help it. She stepped toward the being and held out her hand, not touching but feeling. Her eyes drifted closed and she let the purity of the sensation wash over her. She hummed and groaned in ecstasy as wave after wave of glorious power and grace washed over her. Then in the blink of an eye it was gone. She stumbled, and a strong arm caught hers.

"You have been blessed Shane Logan Anam. You have been blessed and you don't even know it yet." Castiel smiled and then stepped back. He glanced to Dean. "We will meet again, Dean. The Lord will send me to you when I am needed. May he keep you safe."

There was a rushing wind, Dean held his arm up to his eyes against the flying debris and then the angel was gone. He stared at Logan. "What the hell is he talking about?" He moved to Bobby, when the older man groaned. "Help me with him will you?"

She looked to Dean, a glaze of tears in her deep blue eyes. She swallowed and then shrugged as she moved to her uncle's side. "Hell if I know." She knelt beside him and scanned him for injury before looking to Dean. "What happened to him?"

Dean snorted. "He was touched by an angel and then, boom; it was sleepy time."

Logan cupped Bobby's cheek. "Hey, come on old man, wake up. You haven't seen me in ages and you wanna' sleep through our big reunion." She lightly slapped his cheek and smiled when he cursed.

"Dammit girl, I oughta turn you over my knee." He let Dean pull him into a sitting position and he smiled at his niece. "I guess I really should've done it years ago." He winked, stood and then pulled her into a hug. "Too damn late to change your evil ways now, ain't it?"

Logan pulled her uncle tight, her arms winding tightly around him. "Yeah, I'm a stubborn idjit and stuck in my ways now." She kissed his cheek. "What can I say; I learned from the best." She smiled, and wiped her teary eyes against his coat. "I missed you, Bobby."

Bobby felt emotion rise in his throat and he patted her back. "Missed you too and later, we are gonna have a long talk about you disappearing on me." He glanced around, frowned and leveled his gaze on Logan. "But, first someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and rocked back on his heels while he looked at Logan. "Yeah, well someone needs to explain it me before I can explain it to you." He watched Logan awkwardly, knowing that she knew something. He motioned around them. "For now, let's pack everything up, clear the hell out, get some chow and then some sleep." He nudged Logan's shoulder. "Sammy's probably worried about us by now."

Logan nodded, wrapped her arms around herself defensively and moved to clear out their kit. She needed to see Sam, but she really didn't want to. She picked up a shotgun and a couple of knives. She swallowed down the sudden nausea swirling in her gut and wiped the stray tears from her eyes as she watched Dean move with a hesitant grace from beneath her lashes. She saw his pain and fear and it made her heart ache. She turned when he glanced at her and flashed a wide, sexy smile. She wasn't looking forward to what was coming. The angel's words sang through her head: _You have been blessed. _She looked around, half expecting to see the angel. She frowned, "Blessed my ass, more like royally fucked over and under." She mumbled under her breath, confused about how things would play out. She grabbed the weapons and moved out to the Nova.

Dean watched her. He knew she was keeping secrets, not that they'd had a chance to talk, but he knew. He knew, just like he knew Sam was lying to him. He was positive. He knew the signs, because he was hiding his own secrets from them both.

He bundled up the last of their things and followed Bobby out of the barn. He really hoped that the secrets Logan and Sam were keeping weren't as horrible as his own. He shivered, rubbed his arms and stepped out into the night.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Sam was leaning against the Impala, his eyes moving between the entrance to the motel and the red 70 Dodge Challenger. He knew Logan was there and a part of him was terrified. He rubbed at the back of his neck. Apart from the single time Bobby had answered, grunted that they were fine and he'd explain as soon as they got there, none of them were answering their phones. The room was a disaster. The windows were blown, the mirrors destroyed and there was glass everywhere in the room. Sam had found blood, but all of their belongings were already out.

He moved impatiently; shuffling his feet and cracking his knuckles. He couldn't help but smile. He hadn't struggled to exorcise the demon in the diner. He knew why and he was thankful. As much as he was unsure of Ruby, he needed her. She helped him, she helped him hone his power, she'd given him a way to kill Lilith. He rolled his head on his shoulders and let the power course through him. Ever since the first one, ever since that night he saved Ruby, the night he slept with Logan, his power had grown. He hadn't struggled since.

His mind wandered, and then a car pulled into the lot. Headlights glossed over him and then pinned him to the car. He pushed away from the car and stood. Bobby's Nova pulled up beside him and the engine was cut. He stepped toward the car and waited.

Dean swung out of the passenger seat and then laughed at something someone said. Bobby and then Logan followed him out. Dean smiled at his brother. "Hey bro, how was that burger?"

"What the hell is going on?" Sam pointed to the building behind him. "The room's trashed. It looks like a tornado hit in there." He stepped toward the girl who sat on the hood of smaller Chevy. He schooled his face into surprise. "Logan? What the hell?"

Logan smiled and took the step to meet him. She hugged him and frowned into his shoulder. She could feel the power on him, it snapped and crackled and she inhaled the faint scent of sulfur. Her nose wrinkled and she pulled back. "Good to see you Sam." She kissed his cheek and whispered. "What the hell have you been doing?" She pulled back and looked at him.

When she pulled back Sam looked at her in genuine confusion. He wasn't sure what she was talking about. "You look good Logan. How'd you find us?"

She pointed to her uncle and added a shrug. She sighed. "You know there's some shit I have to tell you boys, but it can wait." She stretched. "I think we need to get the hell out of here before someone calls the cops on us for destroying the room. I'm hungry and we need to regroup."

She looked from man to man and then found Dean's eyes. "You drive, I'll ride with you." She tossed her keys to Sam and gave him an ornery grin when he caught them with ease. "Don't put a scratch on her and be careful the clutch is sticking between second and third."

The three men stared and then nodded.

Sam's eyebrow shot up, he was starting to relax a little. "Where too?"

Bobby watched the three of them with pride. "I say we head home. Stop tonight, sleep and then we'll make my place late tomorrow."

Dean held out his hand for the keys, his eyes searching Sam's. He pushed into his brother's space when he took them. "You alright Sammy? You look off, man."

Sam nodded, and savored his brother's presence, leaning into the familiarity of it. "Yeah, I'm good." He stepped back, feeling content and then moved toward Logan's car. "She worth driving? I mean she's not a Chevy." He grinned and winked at his brother.

Dean laughed when Logan flipped them both off.

She smiled. "Oh Sam, how soon you forget. How 'bout telling me what you're driving?"

Sam smirked and pulled open the door of her pretty car, petting the roof. "Just call me Stuntman Mike."

Her jaw dropped. "So help me Winchester, I mean it. One scratch and I'm taking it out on your ass and remember, she ain't death proof."

Sam made a mock bow and smiled. "Butterfly. The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. And I have promises to keep. Miles to go before I sleep."

Logan pulled open the Impala's passenger side door and laughed. "Ha! Funny." She started to get into the car and then paused. She caught Sam's eyes with an easy smile. "And yeah, you are so not getting a lap dance." She giggled, moved into the car and pulled the door shut.

Dean stared at them like they were nuts. They were both laughing as he pulled the door shut behind himself and started the car. "You want to fill me in?"

Logan moved closer and kissed his cheek before nuzzling her nose into the side of his neck. She inhaled deeply and shivered. "Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof, I think you'd like it." Her hands moved over his t-shirt covered chest as she curled against him. "Lots of action, good one-liners, hot girls and pretty, pretty cars." She kissed him again, this time softly on the lips. "I missed you." She settled beside him with a sigh when he put his arm around her.

"Death Proof, huh? Think I remember seeing the previews…Kurt Russell, right?" He felt Logan nod. "Sounds fun, have to watch it." He put the car in gear, hugged her close and savored the feel of simple human contact. He pulled out onto the road with a sigh.

Maybe, just maybe, things would be okay. He absently kissed Logan's hair thinking about how strange and strained things felt between all of them. "What the hell happened while I was gone, Logan? What the hell is going on?"

Logan didn't lift her head. "Our hearts broke and we fell apart. Lilith took you away from us and so help me, I'm going to kill that mother-fucking hell bitch." Her hands fisted almost painfully into Dean's side. "I want her dead."

Dean's jaw clenched and he gripped the steering wheel, her and a hundred others; starting with Alistair. He refused the tears and bit his tongue. He pulled her tighter against him, he was safe, hell was gone and Alistair was a long, long way away. Now, if only he could get the bastard out of his head.

**A/N:**

_Okay people, hope you liked this installment. I'm working hard at school at work and at home. Life just likes me busy. I love writing this story, but it gets pushed to the back burner. I wanna thank all of you for reviewing and reading and alerting and adding to favorites. I appreciate it SO much. _

_Now, if you'd let me know what you think I'd be ever so appreciative. I need the encouragement. My muse has been exiled. She's on strike and she's waiting for the end of the semester. She hates being forced into academic pursuits. So, inspire her, taunt her and beg her. Maybe, just maybe she'll give me a break._


	9. Can't You Take Me Away From Your Lies?

**Can't You Take Me Away From Your Lies? **

Dean watched Logan as she leaned against the jukebox and scrolled through the CDs. She shook her head and pressed the button, then again. He could see the irritation on her face; obviously, the playlist wasn't to her taste. He glanced around the bar and smirked. They were trying too hard to make it look cool, but at this point, he didn't care. He honestly only wanted beer and a steak. He stretched his legs out and caught Bobby looking at him. His eyebrow shot up to ask without words.

Bobby sighed and pulled at his beer before finally grunting at the man across from him. "You really okay?"

Dean pulled his legs back and leaned forward, rested his elbows on the table and glanced toward the jukebox. "What the hell is going on Bobby?" His voice was full of concern and a bit of anger. "I mean with those two. Everyone's keeping secrets and it's pissing me the hell off."

Bobby leaned back and let his eyes move over Dean's face. He tipped his bottle toward him, "And you aren't?" He finished off his beer and shook his head. "Give 'em a break boy. This morning, you were dead. Now, you're living and breathing, walking and talking…it's a hell of a lot to process."

Dean nodded absently and settled back into his seat. He looked toward the back of the bar, toward the bathrooms where Sam disappeared to and frowned. He'd been gone for more than five minutes, Dean didn't like it. He didn't like not seeing Sam. He needed to know he was safe. He sighed when just then Sam's form slid past the pool table. He watched as he stopped at the bar and then carried back four more beers. Dean smiled and drained the last bit from his bottle. "Perfect timing bro."

Sam slid in the booth beside Bobby and smiled back. "Figured you'd need another." He sipped his own beer and looked over his shoulder to watch Logan. He turned back to his brother. "What the hell, she still hasn't found anything to listen to?"

Dean shrugged. "Probably just bunch of the same stuff you have on that piece of shit music player you have." He smirked and winked.

Sam laughed. "Yeah, yeah, modern music sucks and the sound quality is so_ righteous _on those tapes of yours."

Dean chuckled and shook his head. Music was finally playing and he glanced in Logan's direction and smiled at the swing of her hips to the sound of Zeppelin. He sighed, glanced at his brother and pointed to toward the jukebox. "That's good taste in music." He watched as Logan moved by the player, hips swaying as she made another selection and then turned.

Logan smiled at Dean as she half stalked, half danced her way back to the table. Zeppelin always made her want to move and besides, she knew they were Dean's favorite. She slid beside him with a sigh. "It was tough finding something decent, what with all the Brittany, Taylor Swift and Kanye West on the thing, but I think I managed pretty well." She pulled the only lonely bottle of beer on the table toward her and took a long sip. She glanced around the room. "Damn, I'm starving. I hope the food gets here soon."

Sam slid the bowl of pretzels across to her.

She smiled, tipped her beer and then popped a few in her mouth.

While she chewed, Bobby cleared his throat. "Okay." Three sets of eyes found his face and he continued. "Now, in order of when things all went to hell…Logan, why the fuck did you suddenly, after ignoring me the past four months, call me and say you needed to find Sam?"

Dean paused, beer halfway down his throat as his eyes moved from Bobby to Logan and then to Sam. He forced himself to swallow and tried to calm the odd sense that something was wrong. He had half convinced himself he was just being paranoid, but then Logan's eyes moved to his and he thought he saw panic. A quick glance to Sam and he was convinced that something was up. He cleared his throat. "Did you two," he pointed between his brother and Logan, "have anything to do with me popping up in the middle of ground zero?"

Logan sighed and smiled, relief that Dean's thoughts went immediately in that direction. She shook her head. "No. I mean, I wish I could have, but no." She looked at her uncle, purposely avoiding Sam's face and then took a deep breath. "Look, I had just finished working on cleaning up a haunted mine outside of Pittsburg. Some ghost possession thing going on, weird and all, but he's salted and burned now. He won't be killing anymore teens, stupid enough to party in an abandoned mine. I'd been up all damn night and needed to sleep, so I did. I woke up a little later with my side on fire and throbbing like a sonovabitch." She looked to Dean. When his eyebrows shot up she nodded.

"The brand?" Sam asked quietly from across the table.

Dean's eyes swung to Sam. Yeah, Sam knew about the brand, so why did it suddenly bother him that he brought it up so quickly. He looked back to Logan. "Was it Finn?"

Logan shook her head and her hand moved to her side. "I don't think so, just the damn brand. Like when it showed up the first time, but no Finn. It burned and throbbed, hell it still does, but that's not the really weird part."

Bobby set his bottle on the table. "Well, what is the weird part, girl?"

She looked from one man to the next and then settled on Dean. "What time you pull out of hell?"

Dean shrugged and swallowed thickly. "Dunno really. I'd guess afternoon, somewhere around four or five, why?"

She nodded. "That's about the time this happened. Once you told me what happened, I figured it was connected."

Sam shifted forward. "What the hell is connected, Logan?" He was almost afraid to find out what it was she was talking about.

Logan glanced around the bar and then shrugged. She pulled her shirt up and slid the band of her bra out of the way so the three men could see the brand on her side.

Sam swallowed and shook his head.

Bobby made an odd sound in his throat.

Dean reached out and traced it with two fingers. "My god Logan, it's not reversed anymore." He withdrew his fingers when she flinched.

Her eyes went wide when Dean touched her and a shock ran down her side. She stared at him as her heart pounded, before she remembered where they were. She nodded and lowered her shirt. "I, uh, I know."

Bobby watched his niece with concern as he lifted his beer and drank deeply before setting it back on the table. "Something damn powerful did that…hell Logan, how do you feel?"

She shrugged. "Fine really, but no different except it aches again like it did before." She rubbed at her side absently and then picked up her beer and took a long drink. She wished she knew exactly what was going on, but she didn't. She swallowed her beer and her foot tapped to the rhythm of the music as her mind tumbled over the day. Unconsciously, she slid her leg over to make contact with Dean's. She still didn't quite believe it.

Sam reached for a pretzel. "So, Dean pops back up about the same time your rune flips." He sighed and then waved a hand around in agitation. "Wanna tell me what the hell happened to the hotel room?" He ran his hand through his hair, pushing his bangs off his face.

Dean looked to Bobby and shrugged. "Man, wish I really knew. According to the holy rolling tax man, who calls himself Castiel, he was trying to communicate with me in his natural form. I kinda think he was trying to liquefy my brain, and impale me with glass, but who the hell knows." He snorted. "Seems soon after that, he possessed what he called a human vessel so I could understand him." He looked to Logan. "What did you hear in the room?"

She shook her head and frowned. She opened her mouth and the paused when the waiter arrived with their food. She smiled and thanked him while her mouth watered at the scent rising from the plate. For the past four months she'd lived off alcohol, pizza, burgers and egg McMuffins. She never felt like sitting at a table and eating by herself, so she never bothered. She ate in her car as drove hunt to hunt, or she ate in her motel room. She smiled. She felt almost happy.

Dean was already shoving medium rare t-bone into his mouth and smiling in that idiot way of his. He watched as Bobby added hot sauce to his chili and then made a face when Sam took a bite of his fish taco. "How you eat those things is beyond me."

Sam laughed and rolled his eyes before looking over to Logan. "What's Dean mean about you hearing something."

Logan took a bite of her own steak and shrugged. "It didn't hurt my ears, just sounded loud and it vibrated in my head, but it didn't hurt." She sipped her beer. "It was something like that odd language we've used before, but not quite. I don't know, but it made me feel good and at peace."

Bobby dipped a cracker into the chili, bit and swallowed. "So you can hear them?"

She shrugged. "I guess, but it's not like I knew that or anything."

Bobby nodded with a grunt and then looked to Dean. He smiled, the boy was almost completely done with the huge piece of meat. "You wanna tell me what happened in the barn? I mean we shot the hell out of that thing and then he knocks me the out."

Sam leaned forward with a frown. "What the hell were you two thinking anyway? I mean you saw what happened to Pam."

Bobby grunted. "Yes, and I told your idiotic, stubborn brother it was a stupid plan, but you Winchesters don't ever listen to reason." He glared at one brother and then the other. "Your father was the same damn way and don't get all self righteous Samuel, you tried all kinds of stupidity to bring Dean back while he was gone."

Sam sighed in defeat. "Fine, so what happened?"

"Well", Dean began before he finished off the last of his steak and sipped his beer. "We drew every charm, spell and blessing we knew on the walls. Traps, runes, bindings, you name it; it was there. Every damn religion and creed was represented on the floor and the walls. Hell if we could've reached the ceiling, they would have been there too."

Sam's eyes were wide. "So, what happened?"

Bobby grunted. "I called the thing. I called what ever it was that had pulled your brother out and for sometime, nothing happened. Then he was there. We loaded his ass full of silver, salt and iron. Nothing happened. He just kept coming toward us."

Dean sat back and crossed his arms before continuing the story. "He never even paused. I stabbed him with Ruby's knife and nothing. Then he touched Bobby, laid him out like a baby and told me he was an angel of the Lord, God has a plan for me, blah, blah, blah…Logan shows up, Castiel chats her up, heals her from her brain damage, then bright lights, he tells her she's blessed, wind and angel gone."

Logan nodded. "Sounds about right, I'm fuzzy up until he took my headache away though."

Dean motioned to the waiter, when he arrived, he ordered another beer for each of them and asked for the bill. When the waiter wandered off, he glanced to Logan. "What did he say? I could tell he was talking or singing or whatever the hell it was, but I couldn't understand his accent."

Bobby chuckled and Sam smirked.

Logan swallowed the last of her own steak and shrugged. "I understood him that time. I mean, I could hear his words in my head and feel his power pulsing through the room." She dropped her eyes to the table. The lie came easily to her lips. "But, it was just the same thing he said afterward, about the blessing and all."

"That's it?" Dean leaned toward her a bit, his eyes attempting to see the truth in hers, but she wouldn't look at him, instead she played with the label on her bottle and nodded. He sighed and waited for the waiter to leave the newest round and their bill before continuing. "Really? I mean why would he say it twice, Logan?"

She grabbed the new beer and drank, anger moving up inside her. "I don't know Dean. Maybe so you could hear it, maybe to make a point." She looked over at him and shook her head before moving out of the booth. "I'm as confused as you, okay? I don't know what the hell to think of any of this." She downed the rest of the beer in one long pull and slammed the bottle back to the table. She leaned on the table and lowered her voice, thinking she was being a bit emotional. "You were dead, Dean. Now you're not. The freaky brand on my side is hurting. The angels show up, they tell us you're special and needed and I'm blessed." She felt a tear trace down her cheek. "Fuck and damn, I'd just figured out how to live without you." She pulled up with a gasp, looked sheepishly to Bobby and pointedly to Sam and then she wiped her face before she moved toward the door. "I need to get some air."

Dean started to move from the booth, but his brother stopped him. "Let me talk to her Dean."

Dean shook his head with a frown. "What the hell Sam? She's upset, I think I should be the…"

"Look." Sam stood and gave Dean a sympathetic look. "I think I might understand what's going on in her head a little better." He scratched at his face. "I mean, I'm living through it with her. Just let me talk to her, okay."

"Sam might be right Dean." Bobby nodded and then motioned for the waiter. "Let me buy you a couple of shots."

Dean didn't like it, but he nodded and settled stiffly back into the booth with a pout. "Fine."

Sam left the bar. He found Logan in the parking lot leaning back against her car.

She had a cigarette in one hand and a lighter in the other. He watched as she lifted the cigarette to her mouth, then the lighter, but she didn't light it. Just stood there, lighter poised. She cursed, slid the lighter into her hip pocket and then crushed the cigarette, dropped it to the ground and wiped her hand on her jeans. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Sam leaned beside her. "Didn't know you smoked."

She shrugged. "Used to, quit, but started back up a couple months ago. Now, I'm trying to quit again."

"You alright?" Sam watched her shake her head. "Wanna talk?"

She made a disgusted sound in her throat. "You're half my problem, Sam."

"Kinda figured." He crossed his arms, the night was cool. "He's already suspicious, you keep this shit up, he's gonna figure it out you know."

Logan snorted and turned. She leaned her hip against the hood so she could see Sam better. "Well hell, maybe he needs to know. I feel like shit. I hate the constant guilt."

Sam shut his eyes. "Do you think we really should feel guilty? I mean we thought he was dead."

She pushed away from the car and turned to stand in front of him. "Okay, you wanna tell me you don't feel guilty? We both wanted him back. We both hoped and prayed and would have done anything to bring him back. I still wanted to be with him, you still wanted him as your older brother. So you tell me Sam, how the hell was it okay?" She watched his face and wiped the tears from hers. "You really want to tell me that once you were sober you still thought it was a good idea?"

"No, I can't tell you that, but that doesn't mean we should feel guilty about it. The fact is, he was gone and we didn't think he was coming back, even if we wanted him back." He shifted and dropped his eyes. "I wish I could go back and undo it, but I can't."

Logan gave him a sharp look. "You still with Ruby, Sam?" She didn't wait for his answer. "I can smell her on you. It's almost like she's right beside you. You want me to take a look…a real deep look? I guarantee I'll know what I'll see." She grabbed his arm, waited for the flash of power and sighed. "You don't have to explain how I feel her and don't lie, because I know. Just like I know that she manipulated us that night." She tugged at her short hair, pushed the back up as she roughed her hand through it in agitation. "I was there."

He shook his head with a snort. "Where?"

She stepped toward him, into his space. "I was there that night. I watched what you did to that demon, Sam. I saw you drag the thing from its host and send it back to hell. She asked me to back you two up. There was no Lilith, she knew that. It was a set up to get you to use your power. She wanted or needed me there maybe as a catalyst, but by then she'd already shared her blood with you hadn't she?"

Sam paled and opened his mouth to say something, but Logan continued before he could.

"It doesn't matter how I know. After I watched, she asked me to meet her at a bar. She got me drunk and so help me I was weak, and like I told you before, I understand the allure. I hadn't been with anyone since Dean, I was lonely, I was horny and she was willing. She got me drunk, seduced me and I never thought about you two sharing a room." Logan kicked at the gravel in the parking lot, wishing she hadn't destroyed the cigarette she'd bummed. "By the time you showed up I was intoxicated by alcohol, pain, need, desire and Ruby's fucking blood." Her voice was panicked. "You showed and made me think of him, realize how much I missed him and loved him, but there wasn't a second that I didn't know what I was doing or who I was with." She shivered and rubbed up her arms. "I wanted you to be him, Sam."

Sam frowned and a pained look crossed his face. He swallowed and reached out for her hand. He gripped it. "I can understand where you're coming from, but I really did want you Logan. I have ever since that night at Greg's place."

She pulled her hand from his coldly and shook her head. "I know you think that Sam, but what you really wanted, what you really craved was the power. That little taste of blood; that rush of power you got from it. The same shit you get from Ruby. The reason you're stronger when I'm around and the reason you're stronger since you tasted Ruby." She watched him start to protest. She held up her hand and shook her head. "Don't try to deny it. I know what she does…what you do. I can smell her inside you Sam. You know she's using you, right?"

Sam shook his head and almost growled between his clenched teeth. "She's helping me."

Logan shrugged. "Believe what you want, but she is using you. Sure, she might actually be helping you, but trust me there's something else to it Sam. She has an agenda."

He stood, his posture tense, and he gave her a hard look. "Okay, for the sake of argument, she has an agenda, but so do I and I believe our agendas intersect. Neither of us wants Lilith's existence to continue, so for now, she's an ally. The things I can do help people. I'm saving people Logan and it's because of Ruby." He sighed and wiped a hand over his face. "Don't tell Dean, please. I will eventually, but I'm not ready yet."

Logan closed her eyes. "I don't think I can keep lying to him, Sam. We're keeping so many secrets. What we did, what you're doing, Ruby…" Her voice trailed off.

Sam's head snapped up and he stepped into her space to lean over her. "What else Logan? What aren't you saying?"

Her hands fisted at her side and she swayed toward Sam as emotion poured through her. She suddenly felt weak. Saying it out loud would make it real. It would mean she really believed it. She felt the tears on her face and she cursed herself for them. Her face pressed into Sam's shirt and her fingers curled into his shirt along his sides.

"Damn it all Logan, what the hell is the problem?" His arms moved around her and he pulled her against him as he dipped his head to press a comforting kiss to her hair. "What the hell is it?"

She sobbed. "The angel…_sniff_…he said I was blessed, but…_hiccup_…before that, Sam he told me something I should have known. Something I should have seen coming." She wiped her face and pulled away from Sam, determined she was going to be okay. She stayed in the circle of his arms and nodded as she took a deep, but stuttering breath.

Sam's heart sank. She'd received visions of the future before, he swallowed suddenly scared. "What did he tell you, Logan? What's going to happen? Did he show you something?" He rubbed at her back and then pushed a few short strands of hair off her forehead. "Are some of us in danger?"

She shook her head and laughed sarcastically. "That almost would have been better." She dropped her eyes. "At least I know how to deal with that shit. Get pissed and kick its ass, but this?" She shrugged and gave a hysterical giggle. "This is totally fucked up."

Sam was confused. He nodded and backed up, holding her at arms length. "What? Tell me Logan, what did he tell you?"

She sighed, pulled away from Sam and sagged back onto the hood of her car. Her entire posture was one of defeat. "Shit Sam." She crossed her arms and stared at the ground. "I'm pregnant."

**A/N:**

Okay, I have to apologize. I had this story plotted and then came to a place down the road a bit that wasn't working. There was something missing and when I went back to try and fix it there was a pretty simple solution and this was it. Yeah, I always tend to think of baby Winchesters as stupid plot devices that aggravate me, but honestly I have my reasons. NOW, hopefully it will work out the way I plan.

(See what happens when my muse wakes up and wants to play...ornery little bitch)

So, I need you all to tell me if you love it, hate it or you can use your own strong emotion...I'm really ok with that :D So, anyway...let me know if you think I'm on the right track, or the wrong one. Trust me, but tell me what you think!


	10. The Shadowy Corners of Us

**The Shadowy Corners of Us**

Sam stared, his mouth hanging wide. He swallowed, shook his head and let his eyes close with a groan. "Fuck, are you sure?"

Logan laughed acidly. "Let me think." She paused, scrunched up her face and then nodded. "Well, yep. I'm pretty sure when an angel of the Lord tells you you're 'with child' that you are indeed knocked up." She looked at her abdomen. "It all makes sense now, but I didn't put it all together before."

"Huh?" Sam asked a little stupidly. "What makes sense?"

She sighed and waved her hand downward. "The signs; no period, moodiness, the puking and weight loss, the exhaustion, the peeing, then me gaining weight, my boobs feeling bigger." She snorted. "Basically my reliable body, gone haywire." She shrugged. "I kept telling myself it was stress, exhaustion, depression, a bladder infection and PMS…anything to avoid facing what deep down inside I knew it was."

Sam made an exaggerated 'O' of his mouth. He paused to gather his scattered thoughts. "Whose is it?" His voice was quiet and serious.

Logan swallowed. She wasn't sure, she knew who she wanted it to belong to, but she didn't know for sure. Castiel hadn't told her. She looked at Sam and cleared her throat. "Dean's."

He didn't believe her. "Don't lie to me Logan. You aren't sure are you? It could be mine, couldn't it?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I mean I know we didn't take the time to grab a condom. I know Dean; he's always careful." He gave her an uncertain look. "I figured that you and Dean were careful, right?"

"We were. Always. Except for the last time. The day he died, we said goodbye." She shrugged. "The timing is right. It was about a week after my period ended."

"What and you didn't have one before we were together?"

Her eyes found his and she gave him an odd look as she sighed in frustration. "I don't know. I mean I did for like a day. It wasn't normal, it was barely there, but I was stressed. Dean had just died, I was struggling, wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping…" She shrugged. "So, maybe and maybe not. "

Sam fisted his hands at his side. "Fuck Logan, you have no clue do you?"

She bit her lip and fought the frustrated tears. "It's Dean's because it has to be, Sam." She shoved her hands into her pocket and found her lighter. "Shit, I need a cigarette." She moved away from Sam and began to move through the parking lot.

He caught her in two long strides and caught her arm. "You can't tell me you might be pregnant with my baby and then just walk away."

She shook off his hold. "I'm not walking away Sam. I'm moving because I have to or I'll go insane." She looked up at him and squared her shoulders. "And don't say that." She wiped her eyes. "It's Dean's."

"What's mine?" Dean's voice carried as he moved toward them. He frowned as he closed in on them. He made his way to Logan's side. "Hey, what's with the water works?" He stood uncertain beside her and looked at his brother. "You were supposed to pull off some sensitive chick-flick shit Sam, not make her cry more."

Logan snorted. "I'm just exhausted." She forced a smile and nudged Dean's arm. "It's been a hell of a long day."

Dean glanced to his brother and watched as he shrugged. Sam's posture was tense. Dean sighed and casually put his arm around Logan's shoulders. "Yeah, it has, so why don't we find a place to crash and call it a night?"

Logan let Dean tuck her under his arm and she nodded. She saw Sam watching her and she frowned at him. She needed to figure out what to tell Dean and when to tell him, hell she couldn't hide it from him for much longer. "Sounds good because I'm beat and I could use a shower and an actual bed. I'm a little sick of sleeping on the floor."

Dean's eyebrow shot up as his brother nodded curtly and then he herded Logan back toward the car. "Bobby says there's a motel about twenty-five miles from here. He's already headed there, so let's get moving."

Sam nodded and walked around to the driver's door of Logan's Dodge. "See you there."

Dean unlocked Logan's door and waited for her to climb in before shutting it behind her and moving to his own door. He knew something was up, but he didn't want to pressure her. He remembered what he felt like when Sam had been dead. He wasn't about to judge. He pulled his door shut and started the car.

Logan didn't move beside Dean this time, she leaned her head against the window and let her eyes close. Castiel's words reverberated in her mind.

_You will bear a child, daughter of Ioath. The child will live a life of purpose and be granted great favor by God. You are blessed. Have faith and remember to hope._

Visions of Dean's time in hell followed quickly behind the angel's voice. Her eyes suddenly popped open and she looked to the man beside her as her hand snaked across the seat, reaching for his. "My god Dean, I'm so sorry."

His eyes swung to her, "It's okay, I get it."

She shook her head and her hand slid to his knee. "That's not what I mean." She wiped tears from eyes with her free hand and looked at the seat. Her voice was small and distant. "I saw it Dean…I know."

Ice poured down his spine and he stiffened. His heart stopped and thudded, his world came into pinpoint focus. He swallowed, looked at the woman beside him and the hoped. When he caught her eyes he knew. His head moved side to side. "No."

She watched his face from beneath her lashes. She saw the panic on his face and as she nodded slowly and pulled her hand from his thigh to curl it into her own lap. "I'm sorry, Dean…I wish I could…" She turned to the window with a sigh. "I'm just sorry."

Fingers tightened on the steering wheel and he refused to give into what was fighting to pull him under. He swallowed, stared straight ahead and flipped the radio on before pushing Foreigner into the player. Terror, things from just yesterday, things that were worse than the worse nightmares filled his thoughts. He bit his tongue, the small, sharp pain and the tang of copper made the memories even more real.

Tires screeched, Logan cursed and screamed and then the car came to a stuttering, sliding halt on the side of the road.

"Dean! What the fuck?" Logan held the dashboard and wiped her slightly bloody lip as she glared at the man beside her.

Dean was lost. His mind was a million miles away. He heard music; he heard a voice, but all he saw, all he felt was hell. He closed his eyes against the visions in his head. He could feel Alistair's breath on his neck. Feel his hands on his skin. He could smell every disgusting scent.

"Dean." Logan slid cautiously toward him. "Dean, you're safe." Her hand fell to his shoulder and then moved to his cheek. Her voice was soft, gentle and coaxing. Her thumb brushed across his cheek and she wiped away tears when he began to sob. "Shh, baby…shh." She moved closer and urged him to face her.

Something was different. The touch was soft and loving. He was so afraid that it was a trick. Some deranged, morbid trick of Alistair's to remind him of how much he could still be hurt. He felt the tears and wished he wouldn't still be so weak. He relaxed his fingers. He needed it to be over. He kept hoping that it would end, that they would just finally strip away the final slip of his humanity. He lifted his face and turned toward what was waiting for him.

Logan knew Dean wasn't with her. She gentled her voice and her touch. "Hey, open your eyes. It's me. Dean, please open your eyes for me." She felt him sob, felt him give, but she knew he was giving to something other than her, something that terrified him.

His eyes opened and he what he saw made him more scared and angry than he'd been in a long time. "Please…" He shook his head, tears falling unabashed. "Please, anything, but don't take this….anything, but this." His eyes were wide as he begged. "It's all I have left."

She watched and her heart broke. She pulled him against her and pressed his head to her chest. "My god Dean, please come back to me. Don't let them win." Her fingers threaded into his hair, she pressed kisses against his temple and rocked him with her as if her were a child. "Please baby…it's me and you're safe."

Something about her voice and the way she felt right sank in and he clung to her desperately. He pulled his head from her chest and found her eyes. He saw their natural blue, tears running from them. He saw her pain for him and her love and he knew. "Logan." He moved his lips to hers and kissed her, tasted her. He whispered against her lips. "Thank god, it's you…they didn't take you from me." He melted against her as he tried to get as close as possible. He needed to ground himself. He kissed her again, his tongue moved into her mouth and he groaned as desire, need and pure power swept through him.

Logan moaned as he kissed her. His need was overwhelming; she wanted and needed more. She threw her head back when his lips moved down her throat and her hands slid beneath his button down to grip his shoulders through his t-shirt. She needed him so bad, it threatened to steal her breath. "Dean…" She panted into the sudden heat of the car interior. "Please…"

A truck swept by them and the car rocked, startling them both. Dean pulled back enough to see her face. "Logan." He pushed the longer strands of her hair from her face and wiped at her tears. He shook his head, unable to express what he needed.

She nodded, her hand holding his against her cheek. "It's okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." She smiled, pressed a kiss to his palm and nodded toward the road. "Might want to finish this somewhere else though?" She arched an eyebrow.

He smirked and nodded. "Yeah." His eyes slid over her face and lower. He kissed her quickly, pulled back and winked. "No might about it. We will finish it…I need you, Logan."

She bit at her lip and slid back a few inches, moving over just enough so he could drive. She squeezed his arm and smiled as she settled beside him, this time pressed against the length of him, thigh to thigh. She waited until they were on the road and rested her head on his shoulder. Her conversation with Sam filled her thoughts along side her worry for the man beside her. She glanced at him. He was Dean, but he wasn't the same person anymore and that made her worry. They needed to talk, but now wasn't the time.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Bobby rented out two rooms and waited on the others to show. He leaned against his car worried, but for the first time in months, hopeful. He sighed and yawned, wishing they would show up soon so he could shuffle off to shower and sleep. He heard the engine and tires, knew it was Sam in Logan's car. He pushed himself from the hood and waited.

Sam pulled in beside the Nova and cut the lights and engine before climbing out. On habit he moved to the trunk only to remember that his stuff was with Dean. He sighed and joined Bobby against the Chevy. "How you doing old man?" He asked as he absently flipped the keys in his hands.

Bobby gave Sam a tight look. "I'm good Sam. You mind telling me what you've been up to?"

Sam shrugged. "Trying to survive, same as you." He glanced around the parking lot, looking casual, but knowing who he was trying to find.

Bobby grunted. "You wanna tell me why you stopped talking to Kate? She still calls me, she's worried about you, says you don't sound like yourself." He shifted to face the boy beside him. He agreed with her assessment. Sam was being evasive and secretive. He was hiding something. "I tend to agree with her."

"Bobby, don't push." He pushed a hand through his hair and turned to face the older man. "It's been a fucked up four months. You gonna tell me you're the same? That nothing changed?"

Bobby narrowed his eyes and cocked his head before readjusting his hat. "No I'm not, boy. I am gonna tell you that I'm not lying and you are." He held up his hand and shook his head. "Don't try to lie to me. I always knew better than your daddy when you were lying." His eyebrow shot up. "What? You don't remember the time you and that idiot brother of yours 'accidentally' blew up my shed?"

Sam chuckled, he couldn't help it. His shoulders slumped as he relaxed into the familiarity of normalcy. He crossed his arms. "Oh hell Bobby, did you have to bring that up?" He smiled. "Damn, I forgot about that."

Bobby snorted. "Yeah, well I didn't. Do you realize how much of my stuff you destroyed? Dammit boy, I covered your ass for your daddy too. You do remember that right? How I told him it was partly my mistake, what with leaving the gasoline uncapped." He shook his head. "You still owe me for that."

"Hey, he still punished us. I mean we had to rebuild the shed without power tools AND replace all the things we blew up." Sam smiled at the memory of him and his brother struggling to build the shed by themselves, neither of them having ever built anything before. It took them more than a week, working eight and ten hour days, in ninety degree weather. Yeah, it wasn't fun, but he remembered laughing most days and Dean smiling when they were finally done. They'd both been so proud, even though the door hung crooked and the floor dipped a bit in the center. He smiled. "I remember."

The old hunter nodded and smiled wider than he had in a long time. It felt good. "I had to replace the floor after you left." He nudged Sam's arm and added seriously. "Which means, I know you're hiding something Samuel."

Sam frowned and shrugged again. "Yeah, some, but aren't we all?"

Bobby nodded shrewdly. "I guess, but I'm worried Sam. Just so you know that."

"Yeah, ok…got it." He rolled his head on his shoulders. "If those two pulled off to do the nasty, I'm killing them both."

"Only after I'm done with 'em." Bobby growled. His head shot up when he heard the heavy rumble of an engine. "Bout damn time too." He nodded toward the road.

The Impala pulled into the lot and Dean found a spot across from where they were standing. A few seconds later, the trunk was open and Dean was pulling duffels out as Logan held her hands for the keys.

"You didn't hurt her did you?" She smirked up at him as she pulled the keys from his hand.

"No, but I think you need a new clutch." He offered and then grunted when Dean slammed his duffle into his chest. "Thanks, I think anyway."

Dean rolled his eyes when Bobby started in on Logan and her driving habits and how the clutch wasn't that old and it shouldn't need to be replaced and what the hell was she doing to the car. "Damn Bobby, calm down man. It's a clutch. We'll fix it."

Bobby glowered as he pushed a keycard into Dean's hand. "Yeah, well it's like the third one in five years." He shook his head. "You two are in 233 and we're in 227. I'm banging on the door at nine, be ready to go." Then he hefted his own bag and stalked off up the stairs.

Sam shot Logan a look and narrowed his eyes. When she shook her head he sighed, threw his arm around his brother and gave him a half-hug. "You need anything you know where I'll be." He dropped his arm and smiled.

Dean nodded. "Thanks bro," He winked and glanced to Logan. "But I think I'll be just fine."

Sam rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Yeah, and I'm glad there's a few rooms between us." He hurried to the steps before Dean could land the punch he was threatening. "Seriously…like you said, you just got out of jail man."

Logan slammed the trunk shut, slung her pack onto her shoulder and followed as Dean climbed the stairs. She smirked as they reached the landing. "Just out of jail?"

Dean shook his head. "Bobby's friend, the psychic who got hurt helping us out…"

"Pam?" She grabbed his arm. "Pam Barnes is the friend that Bobby said got hurt?"

Dean nodded and his eyebrow arched. "You know her?"

Logan paled and her head slowly moved up and down. "Damn is she okay?"

Dean frowned. "She's blind, Logan. Castiel burned her eyes completely out of her head."

She swayed forward to lean heavy against him. "Shit, Pam doesn't deserve that." Her grip tightened on his arm. "Why would an angel do that?"

Dean shrugged. "Hell if I have an answer for that question. As far as I can tell, they're pretty much dickheads." His free hand slid around her waist. "You alright?"

She nodded and pulled back. "Yeah, it's just that we're friends. She's helped me out a time or two, but I haven't seen her in a while…that's just all fucked up." She watched his face, saw his forehead crease when he frowned at her. When he opened his mouth to say something she moved off in the direction of their room. "I'm just tired."

Dean's frown deepened, but he followed quickly behind her. When he reached her side, she was leaning against the doorframe smiling at him. He palmed the keycard, slid it into the slot and then pushed the door open for her.

The door swung open and then started falling closed. Dean stopped it with the toe of his boot as he glanced at Logan. He didn't get a word out before she was wrapped around him and all but tackling him into the room. His arms slid around her and his mouth found hers.

Logan growled as she kissed him. She'd been on edge most of the day and then Dean showed up. Not only did she need him, but she needed to work out the adrenaline overload. She pushed him against the door, dropped her bag to the floor and kissed down his neck almost violently.

Dean stiffened. His head arched away from her as he held her hips away from him. "Logan, slow down baby…please." He raised his voice. "Logan."

Her head snapped up and she pulled away from him panting and flushed. She watched him uncertain and tried to catch her breath. Her hands still gripped his shoulders, curling almost painfully into the muscles below his shirt. "Huh?"

He smiled and pressed his forehead to hers as she looked up at him. "Slow down for me, please. I need you take my time. I want to savor every second…I need it to drown everything else out." His hand cupped her cheek and his thumb moved over her face gently. "Let me love you." He tilted her head and kissed her gently on the lips before he slid away from her to put some space between them.

Logan stared at the tension in Dean's back as he moved into the room, surveyed it, checked the bathroom and then turned to face her. He pointed at the door and without a word she locked it. She sighed heavy, uncertain about what was between them. Then she pulled her bag from the floor to settle it on the small table by the window. She dug through the sack, found the bag of salt and then turned to the window.

Dean moved behind her as she poured salt along the window sill. He watched the play of muscles under the material of her shirt. When the line was complete and unbroken he pulled the salt from her hand and slid his arms around her to pull her back against his chest. He kissed and licked at her ear. "I want you; don't think for a second that I don't." He pressed himself against the curve of her ass. "The entire time I was gone, Logan. It was thoughts of you that kept me sane." His nose dragged over her jaw and he felt her shiver. "You in my arms…" His hands slid up her sides to tease over the curve of her breasts and he inhaled the scent of her hair. "I could smell you…" His mouth moved down to her lips. "Taste you…"

Logan whimpered and turned her head into his kiss. When Dean's tongue dragged over her lips she opened her mouth and tried to turn toward him.

Dean smiled into the kiss, deepened it for a quick second and then pulled away, hefting the salt in his hand. "Door." He moved to the door with a wink and laid down a thick line of salt.

Logan watched him, frustration making her irritable. She huffed, picked up her duffle and moved to the bathroom. "Fine then, I'm going to shower."

Dean smiled at the floor and only lifted his head when he heard the bathroom door click shut.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Logan ran the water and pulled off her clothes while cursing under her breath. She sat on the sink and pulled her boots off. She threw the left hard against the door. "Motherfucker's been dead for four months and wants to play games." She tossed the right one and raised her voice when she heard him chuckle. "Not funny jackass."

She shimmied out of her jeans and the rest of her clothes, dropping them in a pile by the sink. Then she picked up her body wash and slipped into the shower. The heat of the water felt so good on her tight muscles and she let her head fall forward as she lathered up a washcloth. She soaped her chest and arms, ignoring the tender area on her side as the ache shot down to the tattoo.

She wasn't surprised when the shower curtain separated, or when arms wrapped around her from behind. She wasn't surprised to be pulled back against his solid chest or when his fingers brushed up over her belly to her breasts. "Dean." She breathed out his name as she rested her head back against his chest.

He kissed the length of her neck, up to her ear as he pressed himself against the curve of her ass. "You are so beautiful." He took the washcloth from her hands and slid it over her breasts to her hip then he let it fall to the floor, his fingers smoothing over her skin.

She sighed into his touch as her hips moved side to side over the weight of his erection pressing against her ass. She moved to turn, but he stopped her. "Please…" She breathed out as his right hand slid lower and dipped between her legs.

Two of Dean's fingers stroked her. She was wet already, hot and wet and willing and he wanted her so bad it was the only thought in his head. He moved his fingers inside and growled when her muscles clamped tight around them. "I need you so bad. You don't know how badly, I need to be inside you, to have you wrapped around me." His breath caught as she pressed back against him and then into his fingers. She fluttered and he knew she was close. "God baby, you're gonna cum and I've barely touched you." His left hand slid over her breasts and to her neck where he arched her neck back so he could kiss her.

Logan's mouth found his and she nipped and bit at his lips, tongue moving against his, turning and sliding and fighting. She thrust into his hand with a gasp and when she felt him shift his stance she turned to press herself against him. Her hands slid into his hair and she pulled his mouth to hers. She kissed his lips and over his face. She felt the tears on her face and she smiled against his neck. "Dean, Dean, Dean." His name was like a prayer as she tasted him, reacquainting herself with him. Her hand slid over his shoulder and he gasped. She pulled back and saw the imprint of a hand on his shoulder.

Dean watched her face when she saw the burn and her hand played over it softly. His hands fell to her hips and he pulled her against his chest again. "Compliments of Castiel."

She looked up at him half dazed with need and confusion then she bent her lips to the mark and laved it with her tongue. She felt him shiver beneath her and his fingers curled almost painful into her hips. She looked into his face, pushed wet hair from his forehead and shook her head. "I need you now, Dean." Her hand moved down his arm to drift over his tight nipples and then down his belly to his bobbing cock.

Dean watched her hand slide over his chest and his breath stopped. Then her hand was wrapping around him and his hips bucked into her grasp. His head fell back and he moaned. "Yes…Logan, touch me."

She did. She jerked him a few times, her fingers moving just under the glans before then they teased over the slit on the top. She watched her hands move over him and she whimpered. She needed him desperately. She continued to stroke him, even as she slowly dropped to her knees. Her hands drifted over the tight muscles of his ass and then she looked up at him with a wide smile on her lips.

Dean watched, his hands going to her hair and he nodded. "God, please…yes." She looked up at him from her knees and he thought he would cum right then and there. She was giving him something of her own desire and free will and it was the sexiest thing he'd seen in forty years. His hips bucked forward when her breath rushed over him. He fisted and un-fisted his hands in her hair. A wave of demanding lust rushed over him and drowned in her eyes. He needed to see that she wanted him, that she needed him that she couldn't live another second without being with him. It pushed back the darkness that had risen with the lust.

She licked over the very tip of him and watched his face. She shuddered when he groaned, then she bobbed down on him, taking him almost to the base.

His hand pulled her hair violently. "Unghh, Logan…yessssss…" He fought the animalistic need to thrust down her throat and cum. He focused on his control and panted as she moved over him.

Logan set a slow pace. One she knew would drive him crazy with need. Her mouth moved up and down his shaft. She sucked and pulled and licked. Her tongue slid over and under and then she hummed. She gagged when he thrust slightly forward and pulled back for one second to swallow before sliding him back down her throat.

"Oh, fuck, baby…" Dean watched, mesmerized as she moved over him. He was unable to control the small, short bucks of his hips. He needed her to stop, but he would die if she did. Small whimpering sounds fell from his mouth. He knew they sounded so needy and he didn't care. He'd deny them later, now he was lost and Logan's sweet mouth was the one thing he needed and wanted. He felt himself move closer, the tingling in his balls, the swelling of his cock and he tried to stop her by pulling back on her hair gently. "Logan…please…can't, don't, shit…" His eyes fell closed and he groaned deep and growl-like in his throat.

She felt the tension in his muscles, the way he thickened in her mouth and she knew how close he was. She picked up her pace and shifted the angle of her head, taking him deeper. She felt so empowered, so loved and sexier than she had since Dean's death. His hips flicked forward and back and she took it, savoring the desire that pooled in her gut. She moaned as she watched him. His hand pulled at her hair even more desperately to let her know he was going to cum and she didn't stop. Her fingers cupped his balls and stroked over them, around them, behind them. She pulled down gently and with each thrust her nose grazed the tight curls at his base. She hummed and then he was cumming down her throat.

Dean watched as Logan struggled to swallow. She finally pulled back and let him finish on her neck and chest. She swallowed, licking at her lips even as he watched her hand stroke gently over him as the last thick strands landed on her chest. His eyes were heavy and he was embarrassed to admit, tear filled. He dropped to his knees and gathered her against him, dropping his mouth to hers in a crushing, demanding kiss. He tasted himself in her mouth and found it incredibly sexy because of what it meant.

She kissed him back with abandon even as she rocked herself against him. Her own need throbbed hot and heavy between her legs. She pulled at him, hands moving over any skin available to her. Her nails scored his back and down his arms and she moaned loudly when his mouth moved to her neck.

He panted in her ear, struggling to regain his breath. "Damn, that was so hot…so sexy…" He pushed hair out of her face and kissed to her lips. He rested his forehead against hers as his eyes drifted closed. "I missed you so much….more than you'll ever know or could understand." Tears burned his eyes. "The things I saw Logan." He kissed her lips harshly. "The things I did." He moved against her, his cock thickening with renewed vigor. "God, baby I need you again."

A sharp shiver shook her body at the emotion she heard in his voice. She wasn't sure exactly what it all was, but it was powerful and when his half-hard erection moved against her belly moisture all but flowed down her legs. "Please, Dean…please, I need you inside me…need you…please."

Dean stood and pulled her gently to her feet. He rinsed them off and then shut off the water. The shower curtain was pulled back and he stepped out of the shower, pulling her behind him. Dripping and wet he pulled her to him and kissed her as he moved them out of the room. Four steps and they fell in a wet heap onto the bed. Dean leaned over her as he kissed over her shoulders to her breasts. His teeth scraped over her nipples, his tongue soothed and his fingers pulled and rolled. He felt like a starving man finally allowed to eat. There was so much, it was overwhelming. His lips moved lower, over her ribs to her belly. His fingers grazed the brand and she moaned. Something caught his eye and he lifted his head.

He traced the small tattoo on her left side with the fingers of his right hand. A knife, a vine, a single rose, a drop of blood, his initials and the year, all of that etched prettily on her hip. He looked up at her face and watched a tear track down her cheek. Her hand covered his and they traced the shape together. He cleared his throat. "I'm so sorry I had to leave you." He bent and pressed a kiss to the hilt of the tattoo and then one at the tip.

Logan's breath left her in a rush when a spike of heat and pain spiraled up and down her side. It was like an electric shock. She arched upward as the pain faded into painful pleasure. She moaned loud and long and pressed her thighs together to increase the pressure. "Oh…fucking…hell…"

Dean's lips were already moving lower and he pressed open her legs with his knee to settle himself between her thighs. His mouth drifted over her pubic bone and then his tongue traced lightly over her clit. He was surprised at how she responded.

Her hands buried in his hair, her legs spread, knees falling over his shoulders and she pressed him against her almost violently. Her head thrashed to the side as she gasped and groaned. "Dean…please…more…"

Dean didn't hesitate to give her what she wanted. His tongue swirled over her clit and he sucked it into his mouth, flicked it with the tip of his tongue and then repeated it at a steady pace. His left hand moved up between her legs two fingers moving inside to keep a pace with his tongue. She tasted like home and he wanted more. His tongue slid inside with his fingers and then returned to her clit.

Logan pressed her heels into his back, arched up and down and grasped at him. Every muscle was taught and tense. She shook and tossed her head, fingers pressing into his scalp and she felt the inevitable pull of her orgasm. "Close baby…don't stop…" Her head pressed into the mattress, her body bowed and then she let go with a loud cry. "Yesss, yess, Deanohmygoddon'tstopyes…"

Dean didn't stop; his tongue continued over her softly and it wasn't until he felt her relax down into the bed that he pulled his fingers from her. She groaned softly, but he didn't lift his head until her grip fell from his hair and she hiccupped and sniffed as her head fell to the side. He took in her flush, her pebbled nipples and the way her hips still lifted in an occasional little stuttering thrust. He smoothed a hand over her belly and smiled up at her. "So damn sexy, Logan, you're so damn beautiful." He traced the backs of his fingers up her side, brushing over her tattoo as he moved up over her again and settled between her legs.

Logan reached for him; her arms went around him and pulled him close. She opened her mouth to his, her tongue dragged along the seam of his lips and then moved inside to move smoothly against Dean's. She nipped at his lip with her teeth and then tugged at it, her eyes on his. She purred as he bent her leg and wrapped it over his hip.

His fingers slid up her calf and teased the delicate spot behind her knee. He savored the tremor than ran through her and then pulled his lips from hers. His hand moved up her thigh and over her belly. His palm rested on the slight curve above her pelvic bone. He always loved her soft, shapely curve. His eyes drifted over her breasts, high and full and always so sensitive, he bent and licked over each nipple in turn. She'd put on a few pounds since he'd seen her last and she was sexier for it. He smiled down at her and rolled his hips against her. "I need you." His cock slid against her. He groaned as his eyes slid closed.

Logan shifted beneath him and gripped at his shoulders as he moved above her. "Oh god Dean I need you so badly. I want you even more." She kissed at his chest and neck. Her tongue slid against the muscles of his neck and she lifted her hips into his. "Please Dean." Her hand slid down and between them to grip his cock. She stroked him and felt him harden fully in her hand. She chuckled sexy and low in her throat. "I get it now." She teased over his length and enjoyed the way the breath caught in his throat.

He swallowed and licked his lips. "Get what, baby?" He reached to wrap his own hand around hers and they stroked over him together. "Shit that feels so good."

She nuzzled into his neck and inhaled his scent. "I get the whole 'just got out of jail' thing now." She watched his face and pulled her nails of her free hand up the inside of his thigh. "You're ready to go already." She walked her fingers up his side. "And I want you now." She moved him between her legs and slid against him."

He stilled her hips with his hand and shook his head. "Shit baby, I don't have a condom." He kissed her and started to move from the bed. "Sammy'll have one. Hang on, I'll be back."

Logan wrapped her legs around his lower back. "No Dean, it's good…I'm good." She moved against him. "Come on Dean. I need you and it's covered."

Dean's eyes pulled together in confusion but she stroked him again and moved up against him. He groaned. "You sure?"

She nodded and then threw her head back when the tip of his cock slid against her clit. "Fuck, yes I'm sure Dean. Nowplease!"

Dean moved agonizingly slow and slid inside Logan's hot, wet heat. His head fell back. "Shit baby, you're perfect." He paused once he was fully inside. He looked down at her and panted at the feeling of her wrapped around him. He watched emotion move through her eyes and then he ducked his head to kiss her.

She kissed him and pulled him closer with her heels, wanting and needing him closer. She rocked up against him and moaned long and loud when his pubic bone ground against her clit. She fell back onto the bed. "Oh, my god Dean…I've missed you so damn much." She moved again and when he didn't thrust she slapped his ass. "Damn it, move."

Dean chuckled and altered the angle of his hips before he pulled back and rocked forward sharply. "Better?" He grunted as he moved again.

Logan nipped at his shoulder. "Hellyesandyouknowit." Her words rushed out as she moved up into him. Her nails dug into his ass. "Please Dean, fuck me."

His mouth fell to her ear. "God baby, tell me what you want. Tell me what you're feeling." He pulled her to him and shifted as he came up on his knees. He pulled her, so she straddled him. He smiled when her head fell back with a groan. He moved move urgently, finding a pace to suit him and chuckling when it wasn't enough to suit her. "What?"

She moved over him. "More."

Dean thrust again and increased his pace as his hands gripped her hips so he could get better leverage. "That good?"

"Yes." She held his shoulders and rode him. A slow steady pace that had her close once again. Sweat beaded on her forehead while more dripped down between her breasts. "Hmm, yes."

Wanting control, she leaned into him and pressed him backward until he lay back. "My turn."

He groaned while she rode him with one hand bracing herself firm in the center of his chest. Her other hand teased her nipples. He watched her face, his eyes locked with hers. He held her hips while she ground down against him. One of his hands drifted to where their bodies were joined and his thumb massaged over her clit in rhythm to her movements. "I love what you do to me." She leaned a little closer and he moved his other hand up her chest. He thrust under her and groaned when she clenched around him. "God baby…that is one of those things."

She smiled, pulled his hand to her mouth and kissed his palm before concentrating on her movements. "I'm so close." Her head fell back and she shivered before she dropped forward. She leaned over his chest, hands on his shoulders, face inches from his and then her mouth fell to his in a frenzy. Tongue, teeth and lips melded and battled. She moved faster against him, driving him deeper, harder. Their sweat-slicked skin slid together in desperation. Her fingers curled into his shoulders and she lifted up and slammed down on him. The sensation made her cry out and her knees tightened against his side.

Dean looked up at and gasped as his hands slid to cup her ass and pull her against him. "God, baby…you have me crazy, need to cum so bad already." He pulled her down, and then guided her back up. His head arched into the pillow as he panted into the air. "Gotta cum for me, Logan…need to feel you cum for me."

She sobbed and nodded before suddenly increasing her pace. She ground down against him again and again, felt the tension coil and then – Snap. She unraveled over him. She bit her lip and gasped almost quietly as the floodgate broke. "Oh my god, oh mygod, ohmygod…Deanholyfuck." She continued to move, egging him on below her.

Dean felt her come undone and he smiled, rolled her below him and thrust hard and violent inside her. He roared and exploded deep inside. Her muscles still quivering around him as he pumped himself dry. He fell, heavy on top of her, and struggled to catch his breath while the air cooled their skin. A half a minute later she was shoving at his shoulder and he rolled to her side. He smiled crookedly at her and pulled the damp strands of hair from her face. "What? Couldn't breathe or something?"

She shook her head. "Brat, you only have fifty pounds on me." She snuggled onto his chest and kissed his neck as she threw a leg over his hips. "I missed you so damn much, you know that?" She lifted her head to watch his face. "Don't ever do that to me again."

He shook his head and smiled, tightening his grip on her. He was content, safe and comfortable for probably the first time since he'd been back. "I'll promise to never make a deal like that again, but you know I can't promise I'll never leave. I will promise to try to stay with you for as long as you'll have me though. "He kissed her forehead and swallowed. "Logan, you know I love you."

Tears filled her eyes; she nodded and curled back onto his chest. "Yeah, I know you do." Panic swirled through her gut. Now wasn't the time. Not just yet, not now. "I love you too, Dean. Don't ever forget it, no matter what." She didn't look at him, just left her head on his chest fingers grazing over his nipples and ribs. "Promise me you'll always remember that."

Dean frowned and pulled her into a tight hug. "What's going on?"

She wiped her eyes. "Just promise me?" She looked up at him. Her bottom lip was tight between her teeth. "Please?"

He nodded. "I promise, Logan…I'm afraid at why I'm making that promise, but I promise."

She settled back down. "Good. I love you Dean Winchester. I love you so fucking much."

"Me too, baby…me too." A slight sense of unease shot through him, but the post sex euphoria was heavier and soon he found himself dozing off. He slept and for the first time in what he knew as forty, years he felt safe.

Logan let him hold her and eventually she dozed off. Her mind warred with her on when to tell him, how to tell him and exactly what to tell him.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, it took a while, but it's up. Life, once again, conspires to keep me from writing. My muse was also conspiring against me. For some reason she soooo didn't want to help me with the smut. That is strange, really it is. Anyway, you know what I want to hear and see and read. I mean come on people lay it on me.

Review for me, please? My muse is taunting me and I'm going to have to cage her to make her behave herself. Let me know, because reviews are love! Thanks for all the past reviews, favorite adds, story alerts and other assorted ways you tell me you're reading, but my favorite by far is the review. So, hit the button and tell me something :D


	11. Tell Me Lies Sweet Little Lies

**Tell Me Lies (Sweet Little Lies)**

Dean woke in a cold sweat. He bolted upright, rolled from the bed and landed in a fighting crouch in one smooth motion. He stared around the room in total confusion as his heart almost painfully hammered beneath his sternum. It took several moments for the pieces to fit; the dull light from beneath the curtain on the window, the strip of light from under the door, the bed, the smell of sex and the vague familiarity of a roadside motel room.

He straightened and rubbed a hand over his face. He glanced at his watch and frowned. It was early, seven thirty, and he wished he was still sleeping. He shivered and moved toward the bathroom. He could hear the shower and he smiled as he pushed the door open.

"Dean?" Logan poked her head around the curtain, soap in her hair and a smile on her face. "Didn't mean to wake you."

He smiled, kissed her nose and motioned to the toilet. "Didn't, have to take a leak." It was true, but it wasn't what woke him.

She nodded and ducked back inside the shower to give him some privacy. "You sleep okay?" She asked as she rinsed her hair. "It felt like you did, but you never know, right?"

Dean finished at the toilet and shut the lid. "Yeah, slept good." He watched Logan move behind the curtain. "Mind if I join you?"

"Knock yourself out." Logan worked conditioner through her hair and stepped aside so Dean could get under the spray. She smiled when he pressed against as he moved past her.

Dean turned his face to the spray and let the water smooth away the last bits of sleep. He shivered when Logan's arms moved around his waist. "You sleep okay?" He asked, pulling her arms to his chest before he turned to face her. He rested his chin on her head.

She snorted and shook her head. "I don't sleep anymore." She looked up at him. "Not really well anyway."

He pivoted, so that her back was to the spray and she could rinse her hair. "You used to sleep well?" His words were half question – half statement.

She leaned into the water. "Yeah, well things got really confusing." Her words were simple, but the meaning heavy and she heard him grunt in reply. She wiped water from her face and leaned into his solid form. "You're back, things should be better now," she paused and looked up at him slightly unsure, "Right?"

Dean watched her face; once again confused. He pulled her against him and kissed her forehead before resting his chin on the top of her head. "You mind telling me what that was about last night?"

The gnawing sensation in her gut intensified and she kept her cheek pressed to Dean's chest. "What about it?" She was buying time and she knew it. She pulled back just enough to look up at him.

He sighed and smoothed hair from her face. "The whole promise thing; it wasn't like you." He kissed her forehead. "I love you Logan, but promises for the future aren't us."

She shook her head and looked away with a sigh and pulled from his arms as she moved out of the shower. She stood on the small paper bathmat and grabbed a towel. She wrapped it around herself and turned to the sink. Her voice was quiet. "What if they had to be?"

Dean heard her speak, but not the words. He pulled the curtain back as he rinsed his soap covered head. Water sprayed onto the floor and he smiled when Logan cursed at him. "What did you say?"

She turned on him, hands on hips, tears in her eyes. "I said; what if we had to make promises about the future? What if you had to promise me tomorrow and the next eighteen or so years?"

Dean finished rinsing his hair and then turned off the water. He gave her an odd look, reached past her to pull towel from the chrome rack on the wall and wiped his face. "What the hell are you talking about?" He waited on her answer while he toweled his chest and arms dry? He noticed her tears and frowned. "Damn baby, what's with the crying?" He wrapped the towel around his hips, secured it at his waist and reached for her even as her words moved through his head. Worried excitement settled in his gut.

Logan let Dean settle her against his chest again and she hated herself for feeling so weak. She hated that she kept crying. "I'm sorry. I don't want to cry, I hate it." She loved the way she felt in his arms; better, calmer, and stronger, but she didn't like needing him to feel that way. "I don't know how to tell you."

He frowned again before pulling back and lifting her face to his. "How about just saying it?" He stared into her eyes and saw the war she was having inside herself. "Just tell me Logan."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Yesterday when Castiel spoke in that strange language, he told me something; something that I should have already known, but that I wasn't willing to admit." She closed her eyes, took another breath and swallowed. "That last day in the abandoned house…the last time I was with you…we, ah…" Her voice trailed off as her throat tightened.

Dean's grip tightened on her hips, his heart skipped a beat and he felt like someone had kicked him in the gut. He scanned her face, saw her lips tremble as she fought for control. "Shit Logan, we said goodbye and I never thought to…we didn't use anything."

She nodded and looked up at him. She reached for one of his hands and slid his palm across her hip to the small, barely there swell above her pubic bone. She sniffed. "That's what Castiel told me, Dean." Tears fell from her eyes, slowly running down her cheeks. "He told me I was pregnant."

He swallowed, nodded and a huge smile spread across his face. He released his held breath. His hand curled possessively and protectively over her belly as something primal rose up from inside him. "You're sure?"

She laughed nervously. "Angel's don't tell everyone they're pregnant, so yeah…pretty damn sure." She was confused by his reaction. "Dean, please tell me what you're thinking. I'm scared to death, worried sick and terrified. Please tell me you still love me."

He pulled her against him and laughed before bending to kiss her quickly. "Yes, I still love you." He kissed her hair and her face. "Why would you think I wouldn't love you?"

She sighed in relief and shrugged, guilt still heavy in her gut. She'd told him this much, but she knew things still might get worse. What if it wasn't Dean's? She gripped his arms and fell against his chest sobbing with relief and guilt at the same time. "You were always careful. We hunt, I know how you feel about life and hunting and everything this lifestyle brings with it. I was just afraid…"

He pulled back. "Have you seen a doctor? You need to see a doctor." He moved into the bedroom and started digging through his duffle. He found his shaving kit and was back in the bathroom in under twenty seconds. "Logan? Hey baby, you haven't, have you?"

She stood where he'd left her. "What?"

He gave her a lopsided smile as he smoothed toothpaste onto his brush. "I asked if you'd been to the doctor, said you need to get to a doctor. You need vitamins and good food and rest and shit Logan, you need to be careful." He paused, toothbrush in mid air as his face paled. "Oh my god Logan, you can't be doing this anymore."

She shook her head and grit her teeth. She knew he'd say that and she held up a hand. "First, I know I need to see a doctor and I will. I'll start vitamins and I'll be careful, but fuck it all Dean…" She moved to the sink and pulled her own toothbrush from he make-up bag. She flipped off the cover and angrily grabbed Dean's toothpaste. She glared up at him as she squeezed out a small dollop of Crest. "I'm not giving up hunting until I have to." She stared at him as she thrust her toothbrush into her mouth and began to brush. "You're nob gonna twell mwe to gwive thab up." She said around the brush.

Dean watched her take her frustration out on her teeth and he shook his head. He knew he said the wrong thing. She was right, he really couldn't tell her what to do. He sighed heavily and held up a hand in surrender. "Okay, I'm sorry. You're right, I don't have any right to tell you what you can and can't do, but don't expect me to keep my mouth shut if I think you're putting yourself or the baby in danger. It isn't going to happen." He brushed at his teeth for a few seconds watching the stubborn line of her back relax a tiny bit before the sick nagging in the pit of his stomach finally took on the shape of a thought. He paused his tooth brushing. "Baby, don't take this the wrong way, but I was gone four months and…" He wasn't sure how to finish his thought. "I mean, if you…I'd understand if there were other people."

He waited, stomach rolling as he watched her eyes meet his in the mirror. Needing something to do, he forced his hand to move the toothbrush over his teeth, trying to look as if it didn't matter, but knowing that it did. Somehow it mattered and even though he was holding himself to a separate standard, he hoped she would reassure him.

Logan swallowed and almost gagged on the toothpaste laded saliva she attempted to get down. She bent over the sink and spit before rinsing her mouth and straightening to turn to face Dean. She watched him brush his own teeth. She wanted to lie, but when her eyes rose to his, she knew he saw it. "Dean…" She cursed silently at the tears, the damn tears, and she made an anguished sound in her throat as she struggled to pull herself back together.

Dean felt the small pain in his heart and he hated himself for it. He knew it wasn't fair to feel the way he was feeling, but jealousy rose up inside, dark and ugly. He pulled the toothbrush from his mouth and moved to the sink to rinse. His movements were mechanical, routine things done every day, but the thoughts in his head were anything from routine. He nodded, dropped the toothbrush into his shaving bag and pulled his razor from inside. When he felt his hand shaking, he dropped it back inside and as if nothing were unusual, he used his deodorant and zipped the case closed before leaving the bathroom.

Anger made Logan quick and she caught his arm before he'd gone two steps. "Dean?" Her voice held a desperation that she hated.

Dean spun and looked down at her. He pushed a hand through his still damp hair with a sigh. "God Logan, I need some time." He turned to his duffle and pulled out clothes while he glanced at the clock. "I'm going to get breakfast. I know Bobby said nine, but that really means eight thirty." He pulled on shorts and jeans and then sat to pull on socks before tugging a t-shirt over his head. "I saw a donut shop down the street. Coffee and donuts sound good."

Logan watched as he shoved his feet into socks and boots. "Dean, I'm sorry." She announced sincere but unsure of where she stood. When he didn't acknowledge her, she shifted from foot to foot while holding the towel to her chest. "I was hurting and lonely. It didn't mean anything and I really hated myself afterward." She dropped her eyes to the floor wishing he'd say something; anything. "You said you'd understand, but even I don't understand."

His eyes flittered to hers before he rooted in the bag for a clean button down. He pulled it out and let it drop and unroll before slipping his arms into the sleeves. He stopped and looked at the woman who stood where he'd left her. She looked young and scared and he knew he should reassure her. Inside he knew. He knew it was his with a certainty that surprised him. He'd already made a decision. The baby was his and there wasn't any way to change that now.

He sighed and took the three steps to Logan. He cupped her chin and lifted her head until her eyes found his. He gently wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath. "Logan I'm not going to say I like the idea, but I understand." His eyes dropped as memories rose up inside. "I wasn't exactly a monk either." He glanced up at her and then closed his eyes against the guilt, pain and then the pity he saw there. "Shit baby, don't look at me that way. I saw too much guilt and pain downstairs and I don't need your pity." He wasn't angry. He cupped her face in both his hands and bent over and kissed her lips softly. He pulled back, his breath puffing over her lips as he spoke. "It doesn't matter, okay Logan. It doesn't matter baby." He kissed her again, this time taking the time to taste the toothpaste inside her mouth. He slid a hand down her hip to her belly. His eyes were on hers. "I'm with you, no matter what."

She bit her lip and nodded as a few stray tears fell from her eyes. She let him pull her against him and she clung to him franticly. "I'm so sorry, I was drunk and it was stupid and it shouldn't have happened." She pressed her face into his chest. "I promise it didn't mean anything."

Dean held her, his one hand spread over her stomach and his other moving up her back. He pulled back, glanced at his hand and then looked in her eyes. "It's mine Logan." His eyebrow rose sharply. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded and wiped at her eyes. "Thank you." Her voice was quiet. "I really think it is yours. I want it to be yours. It has to be, but…" Her voice trailed off and she lifted the towel to her face and wiped her nose, laughing at how silly she must look. She kissed his cheek before looking to the clock. "You better get those donuts; Bobby will be here in thirty."

He smiled, even though he didn't really feel like it. He meant what he was telling her, but there was still a nagging feeling of disconnect in his gut. "Cream no sugar, but half decaf." He eyed her with a mischievous look.

She landed a slap on his shoulder and pouted. "Damn it, I need my caffeine fix."

He grabbed his wallet and keys from the table. "And you'll get it, just not full strength."

She grunted and watched him leave, her heart lighter, but her conscious still heavy. She watched him turn at the door, wink and then he was gone. She grabbed her duffle and found a pair of black cargo pants and an old black and grey camouflage t-shirt. Then she dug through the smaller pocket on the side and snagged a pair of panties and a bra. She slipped her clothes on, then moved to the bathroom to dry her hair.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Dean was back before Bobby knocked on the door. It was eighty thirty eight when Logan opened the door to find her uncle and Sam on the other side. She waved them in and watched as they dropped their bags by the door. She hugged Bobby. "Dean got coffee and donuts." She kissed his cheek and gave Sam a stiff smile before turning to where she left her coffee.

The toilet flushed, the water ran and Dean came out of the bathroom whistling and holding his coffee. Sam pulled a face. "God Dean, please tell me you weren't drinking that on the toilet."

Dean gave Sam a stupid smile and took a big sip. "So, should I tell you that I ate my second donut in there?" He winked at Logan and laughed when Sam gave an exaggerated gagging sound.

Bobby laughed around a jelly filled donut. "Sam, you should know better by now."

Sam rolled his eyes and grabbed a simple glazed donut from the box. He dipped it into his coffee and took a bite. Then he dumped four little cups of cream and two sugars into his coffee. He stirred it with a little plastic stick and took a sip before nodding. Then he bit into his donut. "You guys ah, get any sleep?" He chuckled.

Dean grinned like it was Christmas morning. "What? You didn't hear us two doors down?" He winked at Logan and drank his coffee. He sat on the bed with Logan beside him and watched her out of the corner of his eye as she picked at the last bit of the muffin he'd brought back for her. They hadn't had a chance to talk much before Bobby and Sam arrived, but Logan asked him not to say anything. He agreed, but only because she practically begged him.

Logan was only half paying attention as her uncle went on about what they needed to research and what route they were going to take home. She finished the last of the muffin and was startled when Dean suddenly stood. Her arm jerked and coffee splashed onto her hand. She frowned and moved to the bathroom to grab a towel, "Shit Dean, what the hell?"

He looked at his watch and then grabbed his duffle and Logan's duffle. "We're burning daylight." He pulled open the door and motioned to the parking lot. "Need to get the trunk organized." He moved out to the car.

Bobby grunted, finished his coffee and dropped his cup into the trash. He grabbed his bag and then glanced to Sam and Logan. "He's right. Let's get moving boys and girls." He smiled, lifted his bag onto his shoulder and followed the younger hunter out the door.

Logan realized she was alone with Sam and she offered him a tense smile. "I better make sure I got my shit out of the bathroom." She headed to the bathroom and went through the motions of checking the counter and the shower. The room darkened and she knew Sam was standing in the doorway. She sighed and looked up at him.

"You didn't tell him." Sam watched her flit nervously and then he sighed and shook his head. "Then when?"

She pushed past him. "Damn it Sam, just let it be for a minute." She grabbed her bag from the bed. "Let me process and figure out what to do and find out who it belongs to first."

Sam grabbed her arm and tugged her close just before she slipped from the room. He glanced out the door, making sure they were still alone and then bent close to her ear. "He has a right to know and you need to watch out for yourself. No dangerous shit anymore Logan. No smoking, no drinking, no doing all the risky shit you do on hunts."

She glared up at him and then snorted. Her voice hissed at him as her anger and stress found a target. "What right do you have to tell me what I can and can't do?" She yanked her arm from his grasp. "I was never more than a fuck to you Sam, so drop the weird boyfriend act."

He glared at her and grabbed her arm once more, his grip tighter than it really needed to be and he knew there would be bruises. "What right?" He laughed almost bitterly. "Never more than a fuck, huh? That's almost funny." He shoved her arm from his hand. "You're my friend, I care about you, we've been through hell together and you might be carrying my child." He shoved a hand through his hair. "Fuck, if it's not mine it's my brother's. So you tell me how that makes you just some random fuck?"

She swallowed and refused to cry. "You know what I mean Sam." She looked at him and shook her head when he held his hands out for the keys. "No, I'm driving. I need time to think and I need the space." She slapped her keycard into his hand. "Take care of that for me." She moved past him and then down the steps.

**A/N:**

Okay, here we are again. Thanks to everyone who's reading. I'm still working things out with school...damn thing, but things are moving along toward the end of the semester. I hope things are better for writing this summer, because fall is going to suck.

So, let me know what you think and I'll get another chapter ready for you all. THANKS!!


	12. On The Road and Off The Road

**On The Road and Off The Road**

Dean fidgeted while he drove, not even Metallica was enough to ease the odd feeling in his gut. He watched Sam stare almost sullenly out the window. He knew something was bothering Sam, but he had no idea what it was. They'd been on the road for almost two hours and neither of them had said more than six words. He ejected the tape and nudged his brother. "Hey."

Sam startled. "What?"

"You okay?" Dean glanced at Sam and then back to the road. "You're really quiet."

Sam nodded with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I'm good, just worried about things." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I got used to you not being around, you know?" He shrugged. "I was by myself. Now it's you and Logan and things feel off between everyone."

Dean knew there was something Sam wasn't saying and he nodded. "I get that and yeah, things are different." He motioned behind them. "You have any clue why she suddenly decided to drive herself?"

"Yeah." Sam turned to stare out his window again.

After several moments Dean waved an impatient hand. "And?"

Sam shook his head. "Well, I really only know I pissed her off."

Dean grunted. "You two don't seem to be getting along so well." He looked to his brother. "What's up with that? You two fight about something while I was gone?"

The younger Winchester snorted. "No, not really…I'm just worried about her, she looks tired."

Dean narrowed his eyes and looked at his brother, but didn't say anything. He knew that sometimes Sam was oddly perceptive.

Sam's gaze moved to Dean. "You two okay?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Dean frowned, shifting on the seat again and opening a bottle of water. He took a sip and watched the road.

"Don't know." Sam shrugged. "I mean it's weird you know?" He paused and turned in the seat to half face Dean. "She took it hard."

Dean coughed and swallowed as he wiped at his mouth. "What?"

Sam's face screwed up and he shook his head. "You dying man, it about killed her…It about killed me too."

"Sorry Sammy." He held the water to the man beside him.

He nodded. "Yeah, I know man, I know." Sam took the water and drank before putting the lid back on. He watched Dean's face. He didn't like what he saw. There was so much pain buried beneath the still cocky grin and disappointed frown. "You wanna talk to me about what went on downstairs?"

Dean gripped the wheel and shook his head. "No."

"But Dean, I thin…"

"I don't care what you think Sam." Dean's voice was harsh as he glared at his brother. "You wanna tell me everything you did while I was gone?" His eyebrow rose in challenge. "You gonna lie to me about things? Tell me you didn't use the freaky power shit?"

"I didn't Dean." Sam stared at his feet. "I already told you I didn't."

"Good." He nodded and then smirked when Logan's car suddenly shot past him. "Crazy woman, she's gonna get herself killed."

Sam chuckled when Logan waved a hand out the window and then frowned when she pulled away from them easily. "Where is she going?"

Dean shrugged. "We're all going to Bobby's." He gave his brother an easy smile. "I'm sure she knows how to get there." He pressed the gas pedal and closed the distance between them.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Logan pulled her hand in the window and glanced into her mirror as she pulled away from the Impala. She smirked when she saw the big black car speed up to catch her. Her iPod was set to random and going from _Blue Oyster Cult_ to _Killwhitneydead_ would usually drive her insane, but when "Godzilla" ended and "Who Said Alcohol and Handguns Don't Go Together" started, all she did was smile and lip sync along to the movie lines.

She wasn't happy with Sam's interfering, but she hadn't exactly explained to him what she had told Dean, but for some reason Sam's attitude made her uncomfortable. She needed to ask him about Ruby. Dean had no idea he'd been hanging around and shacking up with the bitch. If Dean found out, well things were going to get ugly. She knew Dean hadn't wanted Sam to use the demon power and she was pretty sure Dean didn't want Ruby sleeping with his brother and hell…. She hit the fast forward on the iPod and sighed when her phone rang.

Figuring it was Dean, she slid the phone open. "Aw, gonna cry cause I almost blew the doors off that big car of yours?" She chuckled and glanced in the mirror.

"Logan, what the hell are you talking 'bout?"

"Bobby?" She shook her head. "Sorry, thought you were Dean. What's going on?"

"I just got a phone call from Greg up in Colorado and he's worried about Kate." Bobby cursed under his breath. "Says she and that Ryan boy went backpacking for the week and they were supposed to be back yesterday. No one's heard from 'em since Ryan called his father two days ago."

"Ryan's dad worried?" She put the call on speaker and lowered it from her ear. She could hear Bobby scratching at his beard.

"Yeah, after Ryan called home, Dr. Visintine called Greg and said he thought something was wrong because Ryan mentioned how much this trip reminded him of the time they camped in Australia. He's never been to Australia." Bobby grunted something. "So after that Greg called around and convinced the park rangers to search the trails and surrounding area. They found a campsite and confirmed it was theirs. All their supplies are there with the exception of their packs. Looks like they went on a day hike and never came back. They're still searching, but Greg's convinced they aren't gonna find em."

Logan tapped the brakes three times in row, slowing her car and signaling to Dean they needed to talk. "Why? Maybe they got hurt and are holed up somewhere. " She glanced in her mirror when the Impala's headlights flashed and then she watched for a place to pull over.

Bobby sighed. "Logan, listen to me. When Greg went out there that was initially what he thought. Maybe they were hurt, Ryan was suffering from head trauma and that's what the Australia thing was about, but once he found the campsite he couldn't shake the feeling that something else was going on. He has a good instincts and I trust him. He found a few things that make it sound like he might be right."

She saw a sign for a pull off one mile away. "Like what?"

"First thing he said was that the campsite looked disturbed, like they'd left in a hurry. Said he camped with Kate and Ryan before and they aren't like that. The fire hadn't been put out, just let to burn down and their food wasn't secured."

Logan interrupted. "If one of them was hurt then maybe they did leave in a hurry or..."

Bobby frowned into the phone as he interrupted. "Logan." He waited for her to stop and then he continued. "He looked around. There were other prints and he found Kate's medicine bag. If she were hurt she would have wanted that. Greg said she kept it with her all the time." He paused and swallowed. "He also found sulfur nearby Logan; sulfur, a circle, two sets of extra prints and some blood."

She swallowed and shook her head as she signaled right and eased onto the emergency pull off, watching as the Impala followed behind her. She put the car in neutral and left the engine running as she rolled down the window. "Where the hell are you anyway?"

Bobby grunted. "Probably a good twenty miles ahead of you." He paused. "Mile 325."

Logan glanced around, found the mile marker and nodded. "We just passed 300. I pulled off in the emergency stop so the three of us could talk." She pushed a hand thru her hair. "You didn't call Sam first; why?"

"Dammit, cause he's a jackass and the last time he talked to Kate he told her he was seeing someone else. You know anything about that?"

She turned to watch the big, black Chevy pull beside her. Sam was rolling down the window. Yeah, she knew something about that…damn Ruby. "No, we didn't talk much the past four months either. Look, I'll call you back in a few. Let me talk to the boys." She held up a finger when Sam asked her what was up. "I'll call you back as soon as we figure out what we're doing."

"Good. I'm stopping in the next town. We'll meet up there because there are a few more things you need to know."

Logan shut the car off and pulled the brake before she opened her door. "For some reason I don't like the sound of that."

"You shouldn't. Call me when you're back on the road and be careful."

The connection closed, Logan flipped her phone closed and leaned back against her door. She watched Sam's door push open and then Dean came around the car in a hurry.

"You alright? What the hell is going on?" He was at her side in seconds, his voice low. "Is everything okay?" His hand moved protectively around her, pulling her to his side.

She nodded with a frown and motioned to Sam. "Bobby called. Something's happened to Kate."

Sam suddenly stopped scuffing the ground with his feet and looked up, his face pale. "What? She okay?" He paced closer to them and shoved a hand through his hair. "What'd he say?"

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

She watched from beneath her lashes and fought the nausea that caused the bile to rise in her throat. She saw Ryan slump to the floor, finally unconscious, and she whimpered in relief. They'd let him rest now. She watched as the taller of the two men turned to her with a wicked smile on his face and cold dread settled inside her. They hadn't hurt her, not really anyway, but they continued to hurt Ryan, over and over again. She knew they weren't human, she'd seen their solid black eyes, and she heard them talking. They were waiting on someone, or more appropriately, something. Unconsciously, she rubbed at the rope marks on her wrists.

She watched as the tall man moved toward her, his hand rubbing across his fly and a cold finger of fear touched her. She swallowed and opened her eyes when he stood over her, leering down as his hand rubbed at the bulge in his jeans.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly from the couch she was on. His mouth was by her ear and he inhaled sharply. "You smell so sweet and fresh." He ground himself against her ass. "I bet you taste that way too, don't you?"

Kate bit back a whimper when his tongue stroked up her cheek and his eyes flashed black. She jumped when the other man interrupted.

"Jake."

The man holding her turned, but didn't release her. "What?" He growled, baring his teeth.

The other man moved across the room and stood beside them. He crossed his arms and gave Jake a hard stare. "Let her go."

Jake smiled and one of his hands moved to her breast to squeeze painfully. When she didn't make a sound he squeezed harder until she whimpered. He licked his lips, eyes on her while he answered. "Why? We've been here two fucking days and haven't heard anything." His hand twisted in her hair and he yanked her head backward. "Not like she's fucking virginal or anything…" He sniffed her throat. "I just wanna play with her a little bit, Mendez. Come on, I won't even leave a mark on her." He stroked her hair from her face with one hand while twisting his fist tighter into her hair. He smiled when tears collected in the corner of her eyes. "Don't mean it won't hurt though." The hand on her face reached for her shirt and he pulled suddenly, sending the four buttons of her Henley flying through the room as the shirt split to the hem.

Mendez moved, his fist blurring, and then Jake was on the floor staring up at Kate. He kicked the man on the floor and then shoved Kate back onto the couch. "I find out you hurt her and I'll make sure you don't find your way out of where I send you." He grabbed Jake by the arm and half dragged him out of the room. "Besides, you can play with the boy if you want. He isn't part of the deal."

Kate winced. They kept beating Ryan, but so far they hadn't tried to rape him. He was her best friend and she'd do anything and everything to keep that from happening to him. A pained sound escaped her lips when she attempted to stand. Her shoulder was aching, but she needed to help Ryan. "Ry? Hey wake up." She managed to get off the couch and across the room to kneel awkwardly beside him. She gently peeled bloody hair from his face and brushed it away from the oozing cuts. She sighed when his eyes flickered open and he groaned. "Easy, don't move too fast Ryan."

He opened his eyes and groaned quietly. He grunted and raised a hand to his head. "Like I fucking could…shit." He gave her a lopsided smirk, his lip swollen and bloody on the left side. "Did I win?"

She wiped at his face, trying to keep the tears from falling, even while she giggled almost desperately. "Damn you, for making me laugh." She looked around and then stood. She moved to the small dining table in the adjacent room and pulled a few clean napkins from the pile of empty fast food bags and take out containers. Then she picked up an unopened bottle of water. She turned back to Ryan.

He'd managed to push himself upright and he sat leaning against the wall behind him. His head lolled to the right a bit as he watched Kate through swollen eyelids. He gave her another crooked smile. "I'm good, Ross." He held up three fingers. "Scouts honor."

She chuckled as she settled down beside him. "You were never a scout." She wet four of the napkins and then handed him the bottle. She waited for him to drink and then she began to wipe the blood from his face so she could see where he was hurt.

He rolled his eyes. "Does role play count?" He snorted when she started coughing. He gave her an innocent look. "You've known me how long? Does that really surprise you?"

She wiped intentionally hard at a cut on his forehead and smiled when he hissed. "One of these days that mouth of yours is going to get one of us in trouble." She gave him a pointed look and held up her hand when he started to protest. "Yeah, I mean more trouble than we're in now."

He was suddenly serious. "Is that possible? I mean we don't even know who they are or what they want. It's like deliverance, only they can read." He looked over to the doorway the two had disappeared through and shivered. "And I get the impression that soon they're gonna want to play a game of 'this little piggy squealed'."

She swallowed and wiped at her face as the reality of what might have happened hit her. "The tall one, Jake, just tried."

Ryan growled and tried to push himself upright only to fall back against the wall with a groan. His face was suddenly pale and serious. A deadly gleam touched his eyes. "I'll kill him." He looked to Kate. "He didn't did he?" He held his side and winced. "So help me, I'll…"

Kate interrupted him and put her hand flat over his mouth to keep him quiet. "I said tried. The other one stopped him, told him they weren't allowed to hurt me." She gave him a serious look. "But I'm worried about you."

"Me? Why?" Ryan's eyebrow shot up and he pulled the napkins out of Kate's hand and wiped at his own wounds.

She looked at him like he was half crazy. "Let's see, there's the probable broken nose, the dozen or so cuts that need hundreds of stitches, the broken ribs, the bruises…" She arched her eyebrow. "Do I need to keep going? And now the tall one's getting randy."

He smiled and nodded. "He can't help it baby…" He shifted against the wall and winced when pain shot up his side and it was suddenly difficult to breathe. "Hell…I'm irresistible."

She gave a quiet, uneasy laugh and winked at him. "Conceited much?" She rolled her eyes and frowned as she palpated his chest. "I'm pretty sure they're after Sam."

Ryan pushed her hand away from his ribs with a sharp, pained sound. "Sam? We haven't… seen him in almost four months." He pulled his shirt up and prodded at the left side of his chest. He hissed when he hit an extremely tender spot. He wished he had something for the pain. "What…makes you think…damn mother fucker…broke my ribs…it's about Sam?"

She gave him a look as she pushed his hands out of her way and palpated the broken rib. "You remember Finn and his father?" She frowned when the bone ground together. She hated crepitus, always made her feel sick. She ripped a strip of material from her ruined Henley and when he nodded she continued. "You know these two are the same. Have you seen their eyes?"

He swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, was hoping you didn't though. I didn't want you to worry." He let Kate slide the strip of material behind him and then he groaned when she tightened it, tying it in a knot along his less injured side. "So, let's hope my dad got the hint…damn that hurts like hell…and let's hope he told someone who can help." He exhaled slowly and relaxed against the wall. "Fuck…and let's hope the right people do help."

Mendez slid into the room and smiled at the two curled together on the floor. He gave Ryan an evil smile. "Jake's getting antsy." His eyes drifted lustfully over Kate and then slid to Ryan. "Hell, I am too." He sent a stream of tobacco laden saliva to the floor. He pointed to Ryan. "That means that you have twelve hours before we start taking our frustration out on you." He looked back to Kate. "Rather do that with her, but I prefer to keep my head attached to my body."

Ryan lifted his hand and flipped the man off. "Just so you know; better men have tried."

Mendez frowned. "Just so you know; I'm not above knocking all your teeth out and wiring your jaw open if I need to."

Ryan couldn't help the shiver that ran through him. He pulled Kate closer and swallowed as he tried to cover his overwhelming fear with bravado. "If you leave her alone, I'll play nice."

Mendez smiled. "You don't have a choice, not really anyway." He motioned to his watch. "Twelve hours." Then he turned back into the room he'd just left.

Ryan rubbed Kate's arm absently, giving and taking comfort from the woman beside him. "I hope they have a little gay in them."

Kate lifted her head and gave him a funny look. "What the hell are you talking about?"

He shot her a surprised look. "You know, a flare for drama…knowing how to make an entrance and all that." He winked, sighed and his face fell. "Shit, I just hope they get here in time."

"Me too." Kate's lip quivered and she pulled her arms more tightly around herself as she struggled not to cry. She bit at her lip and reached for her medicine bag. Tears suddenly filled her eyes when she remembered how Mendez had ripped it from her neck and emptied the contents to the ground. She pulled the tattered sides of her Henley together and tied the ends at her waist. It was still too cool at night to just wear the beater she had on beneath the thermal shirt. She turned her face toward Ryan's. "What if he…I mean maybe he won't…" She was scared and she hated it. She drew up her knees and wrapped her arms around them as her head fell forward onto her legs. She cried for the first time since they'd been captured on the mountain. "We don't even know where we are…how could they?" Low, quiet sobs wracked her body and when Ryan's arm moved around her she curled into him, knowing she was probably hurting him, but needing the comfort. "I'm scared Ry…so damn scared."

Ryan tucked Kate's head beneath his chin and held her as best he could. Kate didn't cry very often and it made him nervous. "Shh, baby…He'll come." He was tired; they hadn't slept much at all in the past two days. "Sam'll come and if he doesn't I'll make sure he regrets it for all eternity." Ryan's jaw clenched. He owed Sam for hurting Kate, and he planned on settling up as soon as he saw the man next. Hell, if Sam didn't show and Mendez had his fun, Ryan figured he'd just take his revenge out on Sam's ass too. "He'll come for you Katie. He promised he would and I promise I'll keep you safe…" His voice trailed off as tears filled his own eyes. "No matter what."

**Note:**

Okay, you probably have all given up on me, but please don't. Life and school have conspired with my muse to keep me from writing, but I WILL do better. Okay, I am planning on posting the next part soon. I have to keep moving or I'll end up behind. I mean geeze, it was like a month since my last post and that's just WRONG, wrong, wrong. So, please don't hate me or abandon me, but please let me know what you think. Things should start moving again and I'm probably not going to stick completely with season 4. I'll follow loosely but some things aren't gonna show up and some are.

Reviews are love.


	13. Someone Breathe for Me

**Someone Breathe for Me**

They met up with Bobby in the next town, the three classic cars parked together in a small empty lot by the river. The Impala's trunk was open and Dean was looking through its contents as Bobby recounted what Greg had told him. Logan was holding a duffle open as Dean transferred items from the trunk into the bag.

Sam watched from his place leaning against the hood of the Nova, which was parked behind and beside the big, black Chevy. One large hand played over the bag around his neck and unease curled in his gut as he studied the map he had spread out on the hood. He fisted the medicine bag and his eyes drifted shut as he sent a small prayer heaven ward that Kate would be alright.

"Sam…hey boy, wake up." Bobby's hand connected with Sam's shoulder. "I asked you if you had anything of Kate's."

Sam startled, his eyes falling to Bobby. "Huh?"

Bobby sighed and adjusted his hat. "You have anything of Kate's? We might be able to locate her, maybe talk to Pam?"

Sam shook his head and straightened. "Not only is Pam almost five hours behind us Bobby, but she's still in the hospital. There's no way to get there and head to Colorado, not to mention she's going to be hesitant to help us after what just happened." He glanced to his brother and Logan. "I have an idea though." He added, almost hesitantly. "You three head to Colorado, and I'll catch up."

Dean stopped his digging and turned to his brother. "What are you gonna do?" His eyes moved from Logan to Sam to Bobby. "I don't like the whole splitting up thing Sammy."

Sam nodded to his brother. "I know man, but I know someone who might be able to help, only he's a little tweaky. He might help me, but he's not good around strangers." He moved toward Logan, his hand open palm up. "Let me go see him. I'll find out where she is and meet you guys out there." He glanced at his watch and then at the map on the hood of the car. "If we push it now, we can be in Colorado in ten, twelve hours at the most, but I've gotta find this guy and get him to help, so let me have the keys and I'll move out. He's in the general direction, so there won't be any backtracking."

Dean glanced to Bobby and watched the old hunter narrow his eyes. Yeah, he didn't like it either, but honestly they didn't have much else. Greg informed Bobby that he'd found a pattern to some disappearances. A few people here, a few people there gone missing, no explanations, but all proceeded by odd signs. He'd put them together and while he didn't know what it meant, he knew it meant something. Kate and Ryan's disappearance fit the pattern. Something was up. He sighed and pulled the duffle from Logan. He zipped it shut and then handed it to Sam. "Well take this shit with you then." He slid past his brother and paced toward the river, his hands in the pockets of his coat.

Bobby nodded and then leaned close to Sam. "You be careful and never mind him, he's just worried." He slapped Sam on the shoulder and turned to Dean. He watched as the younger hunter stared into the water and he sighed; so much like his father. "He'll be okay in an hour, just needs to work through it in his head." He slid to his car, reached through the window and pulled a six pack from the passenger seat. Two bottles in hand, he headed to Dean's side.

Logan titled her head to the side as she watched Sam. She didn't need her power to know he was lying. "Where is she?" She sat on the open lip of the trunk and looked up at Sam. "Don't bother lying to me either."

Surprise touched his face, but he let it go. "Honestly, I'm not sure, but I know she's close." He shrugged. "I can feel her."

Logan shivered and nodded. "She is." She glanced around the area. "My money is on close enough to see us." Logan pulled her keys from her pocket and handed them to Sam. "Be careful Sam." She pushed up from the trunk. "He knows."

Sam almost dropped the keys as his eyes swung to the woman's face. "He knows what?"

"About the baby." She hooked her fingers in her hip pockets and stared across the lot at Dean's back. She watched him tip back the beer and then say something to Bobby. "I told him I was pregnant. I told him it was possible that it wasn't his."

A hand pushed through Sam's hair. "But you didn't tell him I was that possibility, did you?" He waited and watched her face.

She shook her head and then looked up at him. "No. I don't think I should." She pulled her arms around herself. "I…" She sighed. "Fuck, it'll just screw everything up Sam. It's not fair to him, he just got back from hell and you think I should tell him that I…that we…?"

Sam ground his teeth together and grabbed her arm lightly. "Logan, it's not fair to me either. Have you thought about that? This baby might be mine and you keep pretending that it doesn't mean anything to me." He shook her arm when she dropped her eyes. "Look at me." He waited until she did and he stepped closer, lowering his head so he could speak quieter. "If you're carrying my child, I have the right to be part of its life."

She looked up at him, her lip between her teeth. "You will be Sam. You'll be the uncle…isn't that enough?" She knew he was right, that it did matter; Sam had a right to the baby if it was his child.

"What did he say Logan?" Sam dropped her arm and pulled back a bit, he was getting angry. "What did Dean say when you told him?"

She sighed and rubbed at her neck. "He said he'd be there no matter what…even if it wasn't his."

Sam snorted, glanced toward the other men and then gave Logan a hard look. "He's full of shit, do you know that?" He closed his eyes to gather his thoughts and then he looked at the woman who might be carrying his child. "I know him Logan. He's lying to you to try to convince himself. He doesn't want a child anymore that he wants to go back to hell." He gave her a hard look. "And there's no way that he doesn't care if it's not his." He turned toward the Dodge. "Fuck, I'm not in love with you and the not knowing is eating me alive." He moved to the driver's door and pulled it open. "If he finds out, it's not gonna be pretty. Fucking some stranger is one thing, fucking his brother is something completely different." He caught Logan's eyes. "Find out who's it is, Logan. Find out, or I'm going to make sure he knows what happened."

She shook with anger and lifted her hand to flip him off. Her voice rose as he slipped into the car and started the engine. "Fuck you Sam! Fuck you, you son of a bitch!" Angry, frustrated tears ran down her face as she watched her car pull out of the lot, gravel flying when the wheels spun as Sam pulled onto the main street. Her hands were fisted at her side and she was breathing heavy, she didn't hear Dean until he was beside her. She jumped when his hand landed on her shoulder and on instinct she grabbed the arm and ducked beneath, her body shifting forward in an attempt to send her attacker to the ground.

Dean was prepared and he yanked against her arm and pulled her into his chest. "Hey, hey, calm down…" He whispered into her hair. "What the hell Logan? It's me, shh…" He held her arms at her side while she struggled, only relaxing once she settled against him. "You alright?" He pulled back to look down at her face.

She nodded and lifted a hand to her face to wipe stubbornly at her tears. "Your brother's an asshole." She sniffed and then pulled out of Dean's arms. "A jackass, bastard, piece of shit, asshole."

Dean chuckled and shook his head. "That all?" He smiled at Bobby and rolled his eyes. "Damn, I've known that most of our adult lives, no reason to get upset about it now."

Logan shook her head. "I mean it Dean." She pulled the mostly empty beer bottle from Dean's hand, and lifted it to her mouth.

Dean growled, pulled the bottle from her and threw it toward the river. "Like hell."

She turned on him, hands on her hips as she glared up at him. "You can't tell me what I can and can't do Winchester." She was pissed. It wasn't Dean's fault, but he was here and Sam wasn't and things were royally fucked. "You are not my father."

He grunted, squaring off in her direction. "Yeah, or your brother and I have no right to tell you what you can and can't do. You've told me that before, but…" He stepped forward and dropped his voice. "You can't pretend that anymore. I do have a right."

Bobby's eyebrows shot up as he watched the interplay between the two of them. Hell if he wasn't confused, but then these three managed to do that to him on a regular basis. He watched Logan glare and then turn.

She moved to the car, yanked open the passenger door of the Impala and sank onto the seat before slamming the door behind her. "We better go." She tossed out through the open window. "Kate needs help."

Dean looked to Bobby, watched the man shrug and pull the map from the hood of the Nova as he moved to his car. "Any idea what's wrong with her?"

Bobby shook his head. "Nope, but you might want to work it out with her or it's gonna be one hell of a long ride." Bobby watched Dean shut the trunk. "Guess we're just heading west until we get something from Sam. Call me if you hear from him, otherwise, meet you at the lodge."

Dean nodded and slid into the car. "Yeah, later old man. Be careful." He started the car, staring off mindlessly as Bobby peeled the Nova out of the parking lot like a teenager. He put the car in drive and followed at a slower pace while he tried to figure out what was going on.

They drove for forty minutes before either of them spoke. Dean was lost in his thoughts. He was working on being okay. He didn't like what he felt, the ambivalent gnawing in his gut that made him excited, scared, angry and bitter all at the same time. He glanced to Logan and felt something akin to anger surface above the other feelings. He hated that he was jealous. He hated that he was angry and most of all he hated that he was scared to death about having a child.

Logan shifted and caught his eyes as she finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry."

Dean almost startled, it was the first noise other than the rumble of the engine he'd heard since they left the river. "It's okay, but you want to explain anything to me?" He watched her face and almost felt sorry for her…almost.

She sighed and fought the tears. She turned to face him, leaning back against the door and curling one leg up half beneath her ass. "I'm scared."

His eyes caught hers and he saw the truth. He sighed. He loved her and even though he was angry and hurt he still cared. "Hey, it's alright, I told you we'll deal with it, handle it…" He shrugged. "It's gonna take me some time, but we'll get there somehow." He looked to the road and then back to Logan's face. "No matter what."

She shook her head. "You're lying to me."

Dean swallowed and watched her face. Her eyes hadn't changed, she shouldn't be able to see it. "About what?"

"You don't want a baby."

He swallowed the panicked nausea in his stomach. "Logan, I…" He pushed a hand through his hair. "I'm just scared. I need time to adjust to it and I'll be fine. Really, I'll be fine." He looked over at her and paled. "You don't think I want you to do something about it do you?"

She snorted and her hand fell to her stomach. "I'm too far along even if I wanted to and no. That thought hadn't even crossed my mind." She sniffed back tears, hell there was no way she would have ever thought to do that. Her head cocked to the left and she watched him as she worried her lip between her teeth. "I think you're pissed that there was someone else." She glanced out the windshield for several long seconds. "That's what Sam and I were fighting about."

Dean coughed, he felt something ugly swirl in his gut. "Sam knows?" He looked over at her, his eyes hurt and hard. "You told him before me didn't you?"

She nodded. "I…I was confused and scared and Castiel blindsided me hard when he told me." She shrugged and her eyes fell to her lap. "I'm sorry."

His hands gripped the wheel as he struggled to calm himself. The car shot forward when his foot pressed heavily on the gas pedal. "So that's what this is about? Sam told you I didn't want a baby and that I was lying about not caring you were with someone else?" He kept his eyes on the road ahead of him. The highway was pretty empty.

Logan made a strangled sound in her throat. "Pretty much."

"And why is this any of Sam's business? What the hell? You two weren't even talking to each other while I was gone." He heard the sob hitch Logan's breathing and his eyes swung to her. Guilt was all over her face. He knew guilt when he saw it, because it stared back at him from every mirror he passed. The ugly feeling in his stomach intensified, the nagging little hitch in his brain suddenly clicked. His vision went black for a second, the sound of his heart filled his ears, nausea rolled in his gut and everything suddenly made more sense. His voice was flat. "Oh my god…"

She kept her eyes down and played with the zipper on the side pocket of her cargo pants. She swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth and nodded, unable to say anything. Fat tears fell from her eyes and she didn't bother wiping them away, just let them fall as they came. Her eyes burned and her throat tightened. "'M'Sorry…" She whispered thickly, and then swallowed. "It…I…"

Dean slapped the steering wheel with his fist, startling Logan beside him. His jaw clenched painfully and he stared straight ahead, not really seeing the road. If Sam were there, he'd beat the shit out of him. "How could you do that Logan?"

She bit her lip and looked to him. "I didn't plan it. I didn't want it to be Sam.."

"What the hell does that mean Logan?" He yelled and snorted. "You planned on getting laid and just ran into Sam? It was supposed to just be some stranger?" He glared at her and then his fist hit the dashboard. Bitter anger and jealousy rushed through him. It hurt and he wanted to hurt back. "You fucked my brother. How long did it take Logan? A day? A week?" His voice was quiet, but deadly. "You even wait until I was in the ground?"

She sobbed and curled into herself for a few seconds before her anger peaked and she turned to face him. "You ass. You were dead." She curled her hands into the material of her pants. "We tried every way possible to bring you back. I wanted you Dean. I was so lost, so fucking devastated when you left. I watched Lilith's pets turn you inside out in front of my eyes. You were shredded." She leaned forward, inching closer to him. "You left me. You left Sam."

He couldn't believe her. "Shut the hell up. You knew." He motioned between them. "This is why I fought what was between us. THIS right here." He watched her face. "Do you remember all that shit? You remember me pushing you away?" He sneered. "What suddenly forget how I tried to keep you from hurting, from breaking?"

Logan shook her head. "I didn't forget, you bastard. I fell in love with you and there wasn't a thing you could've done to keep me from hurting. Hell, there wasn't thing to do to keep Sam from hurting either." She inhaled and wiped her eyes. "You wanna know how it happened? You want me to tell you all your brother's dirty secrets? Hmm? How he's been fucking that demon bitch, Ruby?" She laughed hysterically. "You have no clue what she's done to him…what she did…"

Dean's jaw went slack and he shot her an odd look. "He's fucking Ruby? I'm going to kill him…I knew it. Shit." He pushed a hand through his hair and took a steady breath. "What does she have to do with any of this though? So he fucked Ruby, we're talking about YOU. Fucking. Him." He glared at her. "I'll deal with Sam later, but don't try to dump all the blame on him."

She gasped and anger snapped into her voice. "Yes, I fucked your brother, but…"

An anguished sound fell from Dean's throat, interrupting Logan. He tensed and his hand shot up. He wanted to hurt something, but when he saw Logan he let his hand fall flatly to the seat.

Logan flinched but continued. "It was Ruby, Dean. I'm not saying I wasn't there or that I didn't participate. I'm just saying that she was the catalyst. She knew what she was doing, I just wish I knew why she did it." She shivered and finally dropped her eyes. "Look, she called me and asked if I'd back her and Sam up on something. I said I would but she told me not to interfere unless I had to."

"Sam told me he didn't know where she was, that she was dead or in hell." He looked to Logan and then to the road. "Is there anything either of you have told me that was the truth?" His voice was sharp with sarcasm.

Logan shrugged. "I'm trying to tell you the truth, so shut up." She glared at him and waited for him to look back at her. He motioned with his shoulder and she continued. "She and Sam were after Lilith. Sam thought he could kill her, take her out, get his revenge, but when Ruby asked for my help she'd already told me Lilith wasn't going to be there. She knew it, she was setting Sam up for something, but I didn't know what." She paused and stared out the window for a long second. "So, I show up and I watch Sam rescue a family from a couple of demons, but they get the drop on Sam. Things aren't looking good and then Ruby shows, takes out one of the demons with her knife, Sam rescued the little girl and then he goes back to help her. The knife is on the ground and he just holds out his hand and pulse the demon from the host." She looked to Dean. "I mean it Dean, just with his hand and his mind he pulled the demon out. He sent the thing back to hell." She paused, eyes wide as she looked at him across the seat. "It was amazing and terrifying."

Dean watched the road, his jaw working and tension settling in his neck and shoulders. "Son of a bitch." He glanced to Logan and then back to the road. "So you fucked him because you were amazed." He was satisfied at the hurt that slid across her face and settled in her eyes. He snorted sarcastically. "I mean he obviously wasn't that terrifying was he?"

She sighed, heart heavy with worry and pain and then she stared out the window. Her voice was quiet and rough with emotion. "I left them and met Ruby at a club later. I was hurting. I hadn't seen Sam since right after we buried you and then when I did…" She shrugged and wiped her eyes. "It made me think of you. You're different people, but you're a lot alike…I was so lonely and seeing him reminded me of what it was like to be with you." She sobbed and wiped her face. "Ruby and I drank, we danced and it felt so good…" She looked over at the man beside her. "God, to be touched again by someone warm, to feel…" Her eyes drifted closed. "I wanted to forget and it felt so good…to finally feel again."

Dean glanced at her. Her eyes were shut and there was an odd mixture of desire and regret on her face. When she opened her eyes he saw her guilt. "You and Ruby?"

Logan nodded and bit at her lip. "God I was weak…she felt so good, made me forget for a little while. Being with her hurt, but it reminded me that I was alive. She played on that. I knew what she was doing, but I didn't care. I liked the way I felt…it had been a month since you left and I hadn't been with anyone. Shit, I hadn't even been with myself." She wrapped her arms around herself. "We ended up in bed. I didn't even realize how numb I was until she reminded me of everything I had missed. I never thought about her being with Sam that way…I never considered that they were sharing a bed, but then he was there." Her voice rose and the last word came out in a high pitched yelp. "I tried to leave, Sam tried to stop, but Ruby seduced us both. I knew it was wrong; so did Sam, but we fell under her spell. It was so heady and seductive. She knew, somehow she knew or sensed the connection that Sam and I had and she played us."

He growled. "Damn you both." His jaw was tense, his voice raw. "I…you're gonna blame her, you and Sam? Just gonna say, 'the demon made me do it' and think that makes it all okay?"

She shook her head. "I'm not going to lie to you. You know what I feel about Sam and that I think Sam is hot, but I've also told you that it's you I love, not him." Her voice slid into a begging tone, something that made her uncomfortable, but she couldn't fight it. "Please try to see it Dean. Please. You were gone. You were buried and you weren't coming back." She shook her head, almost hysterical. "You weren't coming back and fuck I needed something, someone and there was Sam; a man who cared about me, knew me and shared my love for you." She swallowed and took a shaky breath. "It never would have happened without Ruby." She held up her hand to keep him from interrupting. "Don't. I know I made the choice, but between the pain and the alcohol and the need to feel again…I…" Her tears finally caught up with her and her words faded to a hoarse whisper.

Dean watched her cry and shook his head. It wasn't okay and he didn't understand. He pushed a hand through his hair and turned back to the road. He opened his mouth, swallowed the tears and felt one fall down his cheek as he closed his mouth. There were too many desperate thoughts tumbling through him. Emotions bumped into each other and made him doubt everything he thought he knew and felt. He glanced to Logan and shook his head. He shifted and pulled his phone from his pocket. He speed dialed Bobby and waited for the man to pick up. "Bobby…nothing but pull over up here…" He glanced to Logan. "No, Logan just wants to visit with you some and she's getting sick of my company." He grunted what could have been a laugh, but there was no humor on his face. "Yeah, sure…thanks Bobby."

Logan wrapped her arms around her legs and she inhaled sharply. "Hate me so much that you can't even be in the same car with me?" She was bitter, hurt and angry and even though she understood his anger she didn't like that he wouldn't let her try to make it better. "Dean, don't…"

"I need to think." He glanced in his mirror and then pulled into the right hand lane. "I don't hate you." He sighed, hell no he didn't. It would be easier if he did though. "I'm hurt. I want you out of my car, but I don't hate you."

She nodded. Fine, so be it. She sat up, feet on the floorboards. "If the baby's yours will it make it better?"

He snorted and swiveled his head toward her, even as he pulled onto the shoulder. "This is not about the baby Logan." He slowed the car and glared at her as he came to a stop. "This is about you and Sam…you're lying and you're…" He stopped, his eyes staring straight ahead. "Get out."

She bit back the pained whimper, gathered her bag and nodded. "Fuck you." She threw the door open and then slammed it behind her.

Dean didn't wait, just shifted into drive and pulled away. He glanced in his mirror and he almost slammed on the brakes and reversed the car when he saw how broken she looked. He flipped the mirror, and checked traffic as he merged. The car accelerated easily, leaving the woman who wrapped him up and confused him behind. He only wished it was that easy to get rid of the pain and anger. He only wished it was that easy to stop loving her and to feel normal again. He wished the overwhelming pressure in his chest would go...he wished someone else would breathe for him.

**Note:**

Hey, thanks for reading and for all the reviews last chapter. I have some of the best readers out there :D Okay, this was heavy on the angst I know, but did you really expect Logan to tell Dean ALL that and for him to just react with a simple, 'It's okay...love conquers all'? Come on, how Dean is that and how me is writing that?

So, Dean knows eveything...now we have to see how that all plays out. I hope you all stick around to find out. Let me know what you thought, or what you love, hate, want to see or don't want to see. I'm going to aim for weekly updates and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe you all should to ;)

Special thanks to Dean's evil little hunter because she makes me smile and keeps me on task even when she doesn't realize it. Thanks girl!


	14. They Always Come Back

**They Always Come Back**

Logan slumped in the passenger seat beside her uncle and stubbornly wiped her eyes on her sleeves. Bobby had taken one look at her and thought better about asking what the problem was and she was thankful for it. She knew he'd start asking soon enough, but for now he'd leave her alone. Her heart ached. She'd finally found someone she loved and one mistake, even though they weren't together at the time, that one mistake was likely to destroy any chance at what they had.

She straightened, opened the glove box and looked through the assorted junk that most hunters kept on hand, hoping to find something, anything containing nicotine. She was irritable and stressed and she wanted to smoke badly. When she didn't find what she was looking for she cursed and roughly closed the door before turning to pull one of Bobby's bags from the back. She knew he kept a small stash of tobacco somewhere. It was useful when you needed to deal with the spirits of Hoodoo, Voodoo and Santeria. She unzipped the bag and pulled out a tin box, she shook it, pried it open and then looked through its contents.

Bobby watched her from the corner of his eye. "Might be able to help you find it if you tell me what you're lookin' for." He scratched at his beard.

She huffed and shut the box, not finding anything other than, old credit cards, a couple of crucifixes and tarot cards. "I know you have some damn cigarettes around here somewhere." She shoved the box back into the bag and pawed around inside it. "You're the one who taught me that trick."

He snorted. "Yeah, and since I taught it to you, and you remember it, makes me wonder why you don't have any." He gave her a look, his eyebrow arched.

She sighed and shoved the bag back onto the floor behind her seat. "I threw them away."

He shook his head. "I'm assuming that you took to smoking again and then had a reason to quit and now you're pissed enough that you don't care and you wanna smoke again."

She nodded and pouted. "Something like that, yeah." She stared out the window for a few seconds. "So, what's up with it? You have any cigarettes around?" She sighed and pulled her foot up under her. "And I need caffeine, you have any coffee?"

Bobby looked at her. "Yeah I got both, but you sure you should have any?"

Logan's jaw dropped and she startled some but since she was facing the window she didn't think he noticed. "What the hell are you mumbling about?"

Bobby shot her his 'dad' face. "You know exactly what I'm talkin' about girl and don't go cussin' at me." He sighed and reached for her hand. "I've known since you called me."

Her heart skipped a beat. "How the hell could you have known? I didn't even know when I called you."

He smiled at her and gripped her hand. "I was with Pam when you called." He shrugged. "She told me you were pregnant."

Now her heart hammered in her chest. Pam knew she was pregnant, she might know who the father was. She shifted in her seat to face her uncle as her hand gripped his almost desperately. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Did…did she say anything else?" Her voice broke and she cleared her throat. "I mean anything else?"

Bobby's eyes met her wide gaze and he nodded. "Just that she felt another soul with yours and that it was tied to the boys." He pulled his hand from hers and cleared his throat. "She said things were going to be difficult for you, but there was a reason behind it all."

Logan snorted. "Yeah, well couldn't she tell me something useful? I swear, what good is it to know things, but not really know things?" She gave a bit of a hysterical laugh and wiped at her eyes again. "So, where's the coffee?"

He reached behind her seat and pulled out a thermos. He handed it over with a smile. "So, you gonna tell me what's going on between you and Dean?" He asked, eyes on the road, one hand on the stick, other on the wheel. "He didn't seem upset when we left Sam."

She took a long drink from the thermos, the coffee just barely warm enough to be called hot. She slid the aluminum canister between her knees and shrugged. "I don't know." She looked away from Bobby. "He's just upset and scared."

Bobby made a huffing sound and grunted.

Logan knew what that meant. She knew he thought she was lying. "I'm serious Uncle Bobby, he's just being a prick."

He nodded at her. "Yeah, but something tells me there's more to it than that." He glanced at her and then back to the road. "Dean's not the type to just ditch the mother of his child on the side of the road, even if she is getting picked up by her uncle." His eyebrows rose, forcing his hat back a bit on his head. "Upset and scared? Well I've seen that boy both ways and he gets protective of what's his, just like his daddy used to. It's not like him to let those things out of his sight."

Silence hung in the car for a few minutes. Bobby drove and Logan fiddled with the pockets of her pants. She didn't really want to talk about it. She cleared her throat and sniffed. She had no plans on explaining what had happened to her uncle. She let the tears fill her eyes and turned to Bobby. She bit her lip and shook her head. "I…I don't want to talk about it."

Bobby never could deal with her tears. He groaned and nodded. "It's alright." He patted her arm awkwardly. "You just pull yourself together and get some rest."

Logan nodded and inwardly rolled her eyes. "Thanks…think I'll listen to some music." She pulled her iPod from her pocket and held it up as she curled herself toward the window. She really had no desire to listen to the music, but she could put the earbuds in and pretend. She sighed heavily and tried to figure out how to fix the problem. The only problem was that she had no idea where to begin. She'd hurt Dean by being with Sam and lying and of course, not knowing who the father was didn't help. If she could undo it she would. Her head rested against the seat as she stared unseeing out the window. One tear slowly tracked down her cheek and she let it fall as her hand fell to her belly. "I'm sorry…so damn sorry." Her words were silent as her eyes closed against the vision of pain on Dean's face and anger on Sam's.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Dean unclenched his jaw to help relieve the ache in his neck and shoulder. He lifted his left hand and rubbed at the throb along the top of his shoulders as his foot pressed down on the gas pedal. He drove mindlessly, not caring what the speedometer read, not caring what music blared at him from the speakers, only that he was moving and he was moving fast.

"Fuck!" He shouted into the empty car. "Fuck you both." He was desperate to hurt something, which was one of the reasons he wanted to get Logan out of the car. Violence was thrumming through him; he could feel it vibrating through his body. He didn't know what to do with himself. He took a breath and rolled his head on his shoulders. He let his eyes drop closed for a split second.

"It will all be well."

Dean jumped, the car drifted into the oncoming lane and he jerked the wheel when a horn blared at him. The big car fishtailed and then he had it under control as he glared into the passenger seat. "What the hell?" He stared in disbelief at the angel beside him. "I don't want you in my car."

Castiel cocked his head and watched Dean with an almost academic interest. "But God wants me in your car, so here I am."

Dean wiped his face in frustrated anger. "Yeah, well you mind telling me _why _he wants you in my car?"

The angel nodded slowly. "I don't understand your anger at him. This is a wonderful thing, Dean. He wants me to reassure you that things are as they should be."

The young man snorted sarcastically. "Yeah, no thanks to you and him."

"Why are you bitter?"

"You have to be kidding me." His eyes shifted to Castiel and then to the road. "If he knew I was coming back, then why let Sam and Logan…I mean wasn't hell enough? Did the two people I love most in the world have to betray me?"

"Did they?"

"Did they what?" Dean couldn't believe the nerve of such a question. "If you're asking if they betrayed me, then fuck you if you can't see it." His fist landed against the seat. "Sam just up decided he had to have what was mine. I loved her…I still love her." His voice was tight, the words barely made it past his lips.

Castiel shook his head and his eyes showed his curiosity at Dean's comments. "You were dead. You were in hell and had been for a month. I do not see the betrayal." He looked out the window. "Tell me Dean, how long was your father gone before you thought to use his car as your own? Didn't he still consider the car his? Didn't he still care about how you treated it?" He shifted his position and pinned Dean with his sharp blue stare. "He still thought of the car as his, but he didn't fault you for thinking the same thing, did he?"

Dean opened his mouth, but didn't speak. He snapped his jaw closed, gripped the steering wheel and ground his teeth, making the headache instantly worse. Something stirred in Dean's gut. It wasn't understanding or forgiveness. It wasn't even agreement, but there was something that softened the anger and hurt. He tried to ignore it and the angel beside him but he wasn't able to do it. He sighed, his heart heavy. "Look, can't I just be angry for awhile? Don't I at least deserve that?"

The angel nodded. "Just remember that your anger is better placed elsewhere."

"Yeah, like where? Ruby? Lilith? Alastair?" He shook his head. "Tell me who I should be pissed at, maybe you? Or the jerk upstairs?" Dean's flipped off the roof of the car. "Who, Cass? Who should I want to hurt?"

Castiel studied Dean's profile. "Perhaps all of them. Things will get difficult, just remember the faith you found in that moment of your salvation."

Dean turned and stared at the man beside him as thoughts of his last few moments in hell all but paralyzed him. "My god, I left her down there…"

The angel nodded. "It is part of the plan, Dean. Things are as they are supposed to be."

Dean swallowed and tightened his grip on the wheel. He closed his eyes for a split second and then swallowed. "Since you're here, can you…" He glanced in the passenger seat and realized he was alone. "Mother fucker doesn't even give me anything useful." He sighed and rubbed at his eyes, only then realizing that his headache was completely gone.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Logan had been right. It took Sam a total of ten minutes to locate Ruby. He pulled up beside her car and waited. The passenger door opened a few seconds later and Ruby smiled at him.

"Hey Sam, what's with the unplanned meeting?" She cocked her head and watched him curiously.

Sam put the car in gear and headed back to the highway. "I need your help."

Ruby smirked and shook her head. "You already desperate for it?"

He snorted and shot her a slightly annoyed glare. "I need your help finding someone. If you can't help maybe someone you know can."

She frowned at him as her eyebrows drew together. "Why would I be able to help you find someone?" She flipped her hair over her shoulder and curled toward him. "Since when do you come to me to help you track people down?"

Sam was starting to wonder that exact thing. "First, because I think they took Kate to get to me and second, because the whole blood thing might work."

Ruby gave Sam a wide, sexy smile. "Oh Sam, have you been a bad boy? You mackin' on some other girls behind my back?" She shivered and licked her lips. "You know that gets me hot." Her lips dropped into a pout. "But I'm a little sad that you didn't invite me. I mean we had so much fun last time." Her voice purred and her fingers slid into the hair along his collar.

Sam shook her hand off and growled. "Don't talk about that." He glared at her and waited for her nod at him a little hesitantly. "I need help finding Katrin Ross, she's gone missing in Colorado and there was sulfur found where she was last known to be."

She nodded and cocked her head. "What's this Katrin girl have to do with you?"

"I was with her a bit before Dean's deal came up. She got pulled into something we were after, possessed, helped us out of a tight spot." He shrugged.

Ruby studied his face and shook her head. "You left out that you fucked her, you liked her and you still feel something for her."

He shot her a look. "I didn't leave it out. I just thought it was none of your damn business."

She bit back an angry sound. "You know, almost everything about you is my business Sam. You're going to help me take Lilith out, so I need you to be honest with me about things." She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. "If you aren't upfront with me, I'm not going to be able to help you."

He sighed. "Look, Logan's half-demon brother and his father was after her. I met up with Kate and somehow she got pulled in. Things got complicated really fast, I got hurt, Logan helped me out and Kate and I ah, well we kinda got close…" Sam looked over at Ruby uncomfortably and waited. He watched her jaw clench and he'd swear there was some jealousy hiding behind the dark of her eyes.

She sighed. "So what do you want from me?"

Sam shrugged. "Well, I'm pretty sure demons have her, so I was wondering if you've heard anything. And, I guess maybe since Kate and I have been together that there might be a way you can sense where she is." He pulled the medicine bag from his pocket. "I have this too. She made it. There's hair and other things that were important to her and to me." He held the bag out to Ruby.

She reached for it and then stopped and shook her head. "I can't Sam." She pulled a face and glared at the thing. "You always took it off when I was with you. There's a reason for that." She dropped her hand. "There's some heavy mojo on that thing."

Sam's eyebrow rose and he nodded. "The things I added on the outside, yeah, but the stuff inside isn't." He glanced over at her. "You think you'll need any of it to find her?"

Ruby dropped her eyes. "You said Colorado?"

Sam shifted in his seat. "Yeah, not sure where." He watched her face and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. "What is it? What do you know?"

Ruby sighed and rubbed at her eyes. "Shit Sam, all I know is that there is something big going on down there. I've heard a few things, but nothing specific." Her laugh was bitter. "I mean it's not like I get invites to all the demon balls anymore."

Sam picked up his phone. "You know enough about it to give me a location?" He touched his screen and waited for Ruby to answer him. His thumb hovered over Dean's name. "I have to let them know where to go."

She nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know where, and I know you better hurry. The bosses are due to show in under twelve hours and trust me, once they get there things are gonna get complicated."

Sam nodded and dialed his brother.

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Ryan smiled when Kate snuggled up to him. She was finally asleep and he wasn't about to do anything to change that. He eyed the doorway, glad that neither of the men was watching just now. He pressed a kiss to her temple and attempted to shift himself into a position that eased the ache in his ribs. Five hours had passed since the men had bothered to acknowledge them, leaving seven more before they followed through on their threat. He didn't really want to find out who they were all waiting on, but the other option was not good.

Kate suddenly sat up, rubbing at her eyes and looking around in a half panic. She shrugged off the arms that moved around her and then she shivered as she realized it was Ryan. She took a couple of deep, steadying breaths and rubbed at her arms. "Why'd you let me sleep?"

He shifted into the couch, relieved when Kate pulled her weight off his chest. "Because you needed it." He sat up with a wince. "You think someone's going to find us Katie?" He gave her a nervous look and wiped his face. "I need a minute to whine and channel my inner queen." He huffed and pouted as he looked at his fingernails. "I wanna go home." He drew it out

Kate shook her head and poked him in the side. "Don't go all drama queen on me now."

He shook his head and slapped a hand over his heart dramatically. "Give me my moment bitch." He winked and smiled before groaning as he pushed to his feet. "I've got to pee." He held out his hand and waited for Kate to stand. "So, come on let's announce it to our jailers."

Kate nodded. Since they'd been kidnapped they hadn't voluntarily let the other out of their sight. She stood, stretched and readjusted her torn Henley. "I could use more water too." She looped a finger in Ryan's belt loop and followed behind him. They paused in the doorway between the living room they'd been banished to and the kitchen area that the two men had taken over.

Jake and Mendez sat hunched over something on the table. They couldn't see what it was and they didn't care. Ryan cleared his throat and Mendez raised his head and glared over his shoulder. "What?"

Ryan pointed past the table to the laundry area where the small powder room was. He ducked his head. "Sorry boss, was hoping for a piss break boss."

Mendez grunted and nodded. "Just hurry up and keep the door open."

Ryan smiled at Kate and nodded. "Sure thing." He pulled Kate by the hand. "Come on."

Kate stood, back to the small bathroom while Ryan emptied his bladder. "This shit pisses me off."

Ryan glanced up. "What? Watching me take a leak?" He finished and zipped up before washing his hands. "I'm a little hurt though. I figured you'd take the opportunity to check out my fine package."

Kate rolled her eyes, she seemed to do that a lot when Ryan was around. She pushed past him into the bathroom and waited for him to take his spot in front of the open door. "Yeah, because right now your hot cock is all I can think about." She sat down to take care of her business and sighed. "It's just all this bullshit. I just hate the waiting and not knowing and I'm scared and angry and…hell, I just wanna go home too." She stood, flushed and ran the water in the sink. She stared into the mirror and then fingered the bruise on her cheek and the small crack in her lip. She leaned into Ryan's chest when he gingerly wrapped an arm around her waist from behind. "Really, I want to go home."

He nodded. "I know baby, I know. Come on, let's get some water and talk about that new girl Steve hired."

Kate nodded and as they passed the counter Ryan picked up a bottle of water and what was left of a bag of Doritos. "Stella. Her name's Stella."

Ryan grunted and ushered her into the living room and then onto the couch. He opened the water and handed it to her. "Yeah, well Stella. What do you think of her?"

Kate shrugged and took a long sip. "I don't know, she seems nice, knows her shit, what else is there?"

Ryan popped a couple of half stale chips into his mouth and chewed. "She's cute. I think she's cute anyway, what about you?"

Kate nodded and took a chip when Ryan held the bag to her. "Yeah, I guess." She eyed him curiously. "Not really your type, I don't think." She bit a corner of the chip and watched him eat another one.

"Sure she is." He held a chip between his fingers and pointed at Kate. "She's good looking, smart, funny…what about her isn't my type?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "I don't know, maybe it's the fact that she doesn't drink and she believes that premarital sex is a sin that make me think she isn't right for you."

He snorted and popped the chip into his mouth. "I'm sure I could change her mind. I mean look at me." He puffed out his chest and flexed his bicep. "Who could resist?"

Kate pulled a chip from the bag and giggled. "Cocky today aren't you?"

Ryan nodded and smiled. "If it makes you smile Katie, I'll be cocky every day."

A deep chuckle sounded from the doorway. "Oh Mr. Visintine if I remember correctly, Finn loved it that you were cocky." The man brushed imaginary lint from his five hundred dollar silk shirt. "He remembers you very, very fondly."

All the color drained from Kate's face and Ryan sat up on the edge of the couch as the demon watched. The man slid into the room, his black eyes surveying the couple on the couch before he smiled at them both. He gave a short, courtly bow. "Surely you both remember me. Vetis, father of Finley McCree and thorn in the side of my sister Lilith, at your service and trust me, I'll be sure to keep you both safe as can be."

**Note:**

Okay, so this wasn't in a week, but it's better than before. I hope you guys liked it becuase I still love writing this story, but I'm just having a hard time finding the time to actually do it. So, tell me what you thought about this chapter and trust me things will get better and worse and better and...you get the idea. Now, you know the drill, I want to hear from you so hit the little button and let me know your thoughts. They really do remind me of why I keep writing. Thanks for all your support.


	15. Wronged and Not Right

**Wronged and Not Right**

Sam had called and given them directions about where to meet. The Impala idled in the parking lot of the old cemetery, lights out, as Dean listened to the final track on Kansas' _Leftoverature_ . He was slouched in the seat, trying to figure out what to do. His Colt lay beside him, cleaned and loaded. Ruby's knife was tucked in his belt and another in his boot. He needed to ask his brother what happened to his Bowie, but he wasn't sure how long it was going to be before he did. Right now the only thoughts involving Sam also involved violence and pain. He checked his pocket, fingered the silver flask of holy water and mentally ran through a couple of exorcisms in his head. He was a little rusty and he knew it.

He sighed and shifted on the seat, barely realizing that the only sound in the car was the hiss of the blank bit of tape at the end of the cassette. He blinked and then hit the eject button just as headlights flashed in his mirror. He squinted as the slick Dodge pulled up beside the old Chevy. Anger and bitter hurt fired his gut and he turned off the ignition and slid from the car, the Mother-of-Pearl handled Colt finding itself in his hand. The door creaked, opened and then creaked before slamming shut and he was halfway around the car before Sam had the car parked. He only stalled when the passenger door slipped open and a petite brunette stared at him over the roof. He stumbled, forehead wrinkling with surprise and question even as his grip tightened on the weapon in his hand. He glared at the form, her face hidden in the murkiness of the parking lot.

Sam pushed his own door open and piled out of the car. His eyes caught the gun and he moved to stand between his brother and the girl, completely misunderstanding. "Dean, Dean…whoa man. Shit, calm the fuck down." He held his hands up in front of himself in a placating way. "Let me explain." The left hook came out of nowhere, sending Sam stumbling backward into the car as his hand fell to his jaw. "What the…" He glared at his brother and straitened as he licked at the small trickle of blood on his lip.

Dean ground his teeth and his fingers convulsed around the gun grip. He realized he was still holding it and tucked it into his waist band even as he watched in satisfaction as blood fell from the new split in Sam's lip. He ignored the girl and rammed his fist into Sam's gut, doubling him and making him gasp for breath. He stood panting over his brother, glaring at him and needing to hurt him more. His voice was strained with barely held back emotion. "How Sam? Why?" He stood there tense, but defeated, his eyes on the younger man. His will to fight was gone, he just needed answers.

Ruby had moved around the car and knelt beside Sam as she glared up at the other hunter. "Good job Dean. I mean I know you tend to favor the whole _Fists of Fury_ method of interrogation and all, but you mind explaining what the fuck you're talking about?"

The older hunter paused in confusion. "Who the hell are you?" She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place her. He looked to his brother and motioned to the girl. "This your source Sam? Thought you said it was a 'he'?"

Sam straightened slowly and took a slow breath, testing for soreness. He held a hand over his solar plexus as he looked from Dean to Ruby. He sighed and ignored Dean's questions. "You feel better about whatever it is you were so pissed about?"

Dean grunted and cocked his head. "Not really bitch, but it'll do for now." He looked back to Ruby. "I've seen you before, but it's not clicking." He moved toward her and watched her smirk up at him. "You know me though."

She snorted and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Aw, after all we've been through together, you don't recognize me? She licked her lips and gave him a predatory look. "I mean I know I look a little different and all, but come on Dean, you can't honestly say you don't know me?" She winked and let her eyes flash black.

A quick-sliver flash and _The_ knife was in his hand and to her throat. "Ruby…you conniving, demon whore…." His words trailed off in a growl as his arm was pulled sharply behind him.

Sam's voice was by his ear. "Drop it Dean." He pulled back harder when Dean fought against the hold. "Stop being an asshole jerk, and listen to me." He waited for Dean to relax and then released him, but moved between his brother and Ruby. "Dammit Dean, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Dean laughed bitterly. "That's rich little brother." He slid the knife back into its sheath and then motioned to Ruby. "You." He shook with emotion and anger. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Ruby shrugged and eyed Dean with barely concealed contempt. "You should ask your brother, hero-boy. Last I knew he came looking for me."

Dean's eyes swung to his brother; hurt and accusation clear on his face. "That true Sam?"

Sam sighed and pushed his hand through his messy hair. He gave Dean a pleading look, his large puppy dog eyes begging him to understand. "Dean, I…we needed help finding Kate." He motioned to Ruby. "I figured she might have heard something, she had, so here she is."

"You said she was dead and in hell Sam." He glared, his face an exact copy of John's when their father had been disappointed in one of them and he'd caught them in a lie. "You said you didn't know where she was, or what happened to her."

"Dean, I…" He shook his head. "Fuck. Look, you were just back and there are things you don't understand…things you don't know and it just seemed better to give you time to readjust before I…"

Dean moved toward his brother, interrupting him as he stared up at him. "Before you what Sam? Before you decided to tell me that you were fucking some hell bitch?" He spit out the words like they tasted bad as his eyes slid toward the girl in question. "Before you told me you were using power I begged you not to use?" He laughed bitterly and gathered a handful of Sam's shirt in his fist as he pulled his brother's head down. "Or was it just to give you time to figure out how to tell me you slept with Logan while I was gone?" His voice was low and threaded with dangerous menace. "You couldn't just let her be? You couldn't just let me have that one thing still untouched and destroyed by hell?" Emotion choked him and he released Sam's shirt as he stepped backward. "Fuck, Sam…you're my brother…"

Sam stared in shock. He couldn't believe that Logan had told him. One huge weight from his shoulders was gone, but another, this one heavier and more desperate, hung in its place. "Dean…I…" He swallowed and shook his head as he looked to Ruby, completely missing the smug look on her face. He took a hesitant step toward Dean, and dropped his eyes. His voice was quiet and sincere. "It shouldn't have happened. It was wrong and I'm so sorry, Dean." He paused and tried to keep the desperate need for his brother's forgiveness from his voice. "I'll understand if you hate me and don't want to hunt with me." Sam shook his head and wiped at his eyes.

Dean's eyes shot up. It wasn't what he had expected; it was just a simple admission of guilt, a sincere apology and acceptance of what he thought might be the consequence. If Dean was honest with himself, he'd admit it wasn't what he'd wanted. He'd wanted Sam to fight him, to give him a reason to hate and be bitter. He wanted a reason to yell and scream and kick and hurt, but that's not what Sam gave him. He watched Sam; saw the posture of defeat and guilt and he knew Sam's remorse was real. He regretted it and he wished he could undo it. Dean swallowed. "Why Sammy?" He choked back the sob. "Fucking why?"

Sam looked to his older brother and shrugged. "There's no excuse to make it better or to make it make any more sense. We…I don't know…there was a connection, something familiar. She was part of you and that helped it not hurt as much. It made me feel closer to you and at that time I was so lost in my pain." He shook his head and wiped at the tears on his cheek. "It doesn't make it better or go away, but that's the why…that and too much drinking, too much pain, too much damn temptation…" He stepped forward and pulled Dean into a tight hug. "I can only say, 'I'm sorry.' It's shit and I know it, and if there's some way too make it right, tell me. "He squeezed harder. "Please Dean, I just got you back…don't make me lose you again." His voice broke and he refused to sob as he waited for Dean to respond.

Dean stood stiff in Sam's arms with his hands at his side and swallowed. Sam's words were desperate. _I just got you back…don't make me lose you again. _

Dean knew how that felt. He'd never forget how, in a slow motion-split second, Jake had taken Sam from him; just like he'll never forget finding his brother breathing in that old cabin. He swallowed back a pained sound and then his arms were around his brother, pulling him tight and holding him hard. "You…I'm still pissed as hell…" He cleared his throat, swallowed and wiped his teary face on Sam's shoulder. "Shit, you're such a girl sometimes Sammy." He slapped Sam's shoulder and squeezed him tight once more. "Bitch…" He released him, shoving him away hard when he'd finally managed to get his emotion under control. "You even think about hunting on your own, I'll beat the shit out of you."

Sam stumbled and smiled as he quickly wiped his face before looking at his brother. "Yeah, yeah, you can always try." He smirked and then his face fell serious. "Dean I'll…I'll make it up to you. I will, I swear it."

Dean watched Sam's face. He knew this didn't make it better or take away the pain. He was still angry, but Sam was his brother. He'd made promises for him, he'd practically raised him. At times he'd been angry at him, bitter because of him and jealous of him. He'd hated him, been disgusted and frustrated with him. He'd grieved for and with him, been disappointed in him, horrified of him. He'd been ashamed of how he'd treated him, raged at life for him, worried, loathed and regretted, but he'd also felt joy for and with him. He'd been proud of him, surprised and sad when life hurt him and grateful that he could be his brother. But more than anything he loved him. Sam was his family and that would never change. He nodded. "I'm still pissed as hell."

Sam sighed and smiled. Dean would always be Dean. "I know and I'm still sorry as hell."

Dean moved back. "Good, so you owe me." Frustrated anger still curled in his gut, but it was easing up. Fear of the future was raising to takes its place. He glanced toward the brunette and frowned. "You need to stay away from my brother. Keep your skanky-skeevy ass away from him." He stepped forward, his hand resting on the hilt of the knife. "Do you understand me?"

Ruby smiled coldly and nodded. "Yeah, I got it, but since HE asked for my help, you might want to keep in mind that I'm here because of your baby brother."

Dean snarled and pushed back the urge to lay the bitch out. "AND you might want to keep in mind that I know you fucked him and I know what he's been doing and right now, you are on borrowed time."

She smiled, hiding the sliver of fear that rose up inside her. She knew she could only push Dean so far. He wasn't Sam. She swallowed. "Got it boss." She glanced to her watch and then slid to stand closer to Sam as she leaned against the Charger. She arched a brow at Dean and licked her lips slowly. "Mmm, where is that sexy little girlfriend of yours Dean?" She watched the flash of red flush Dean's face as his hands fisted at his sides. She bit back the laugh. "You know that little sound she makes just before she…"

Sam moved so fast, not even Dean followed. One second Ruby was taunting Dean, there was a sharp slap and then she was bent over holding her face with her hand. She glared up at Sam as she spit blood onto the ground. Sam stood over her panting, his hand hovering. "Say another word Ruby and I'll knock your ass out."

Dean smiled at Sam. "Wish I coulda done that." He glared at Ruby with his eyebrow up. "You have anything to add? I mean I'd love to even it out for you." He flexed his hand with a smirk.

Ruby spit again and fingered her lip as she shook her head. "Go fuck yourself."

Dean laughed and shook his head. "I'm sure it would be better than fucking you." The rumble of Bobby's Nova made him turn. He watched as the car drew closer and pulled up on the other side of the Impala.

Bobby got out and moved toward them. He eyed Ruby strangely and then looked to Sam. He pushed his hat up a bit on his head. "Second time she's been with you Sam, but you played like you barely knew her last time. So, what're you hiding boy?"

Sam sighed and opened his mouth only to stop when Logan spoke first. "It's Ruby." She moved to stand beside her uncle, eyes avoiding both Dean and Sam as she crossed her arms over her chest. "She found herself a new body." Her voice was cool as she watched the boys from beneath her lashes. "She's been helping Sam since after Dean died."

Bobby squinted his eyes in Ruby's direction as if that would help him see something different and then he glared at Sam and shook his head.

Sam swallowed. He hated that look in Bobby's eyes. He shoved his hands in his pockets as a guilty blush rushed up his throat. "Shit Bobby, stop staring at me like that." Dad was always able to make him feel the same damn way.

Bobby grunted and shook his head. "Someone shoulda' done more than stared, like slapped some sense into you." He scratched at his beard and glanced to Logan. "You knew 'bout this?"

Logan shrugged. "We have shit to do, if she has useful information let's get it from her and get the hell moving." She was afraid for Kate and Ryan. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. Something felt off, but she wasn't sure what it was. Her eyes moved through the darkness, but she didn't expect to see anything. "We're like four hours from where Kate and Ryan went missing." She looked to Ruby. "You sure this is the right place?"

Ruby glared and rolled her head on her shoulders in annoyance. "Look, I didn't come to you. You came to me."

Logan growled and her eyes flickered pale blue. "I didn't come looking for you."

Ruby smiled and licked her lips obscenely and suddenly Logan felt a jolt through her thoughts: _Maybe not sweetheart, but you came for me._ Ruby winked at Logan when she startled and cocked her head suggestively. The entire exchange lasted seconds.

Logan glanced to the men, no one else had noticed and she shivered again. "What do you know bitch?"

This time Ruby sighed heavily. "Look, I only know what I hear. I mean I've gone AWOL; they never let me join in any reindeer games anymore." She brushed hair from her face and pulled a crumpled up piece of paper from her pocket. She opened it and set it on the ground before opening a small vial and sprinkling some of the powder over the paper. Her eyes fell closed as she said a few words in some long forgotten language and then the paper began to smoke. A voice wavered in the air. "Wolf Creek, Colorado. September, full moon."

Dean stared. "Yeah, and?" He leaned back against the rear quarter panel of his car, his eyes moving between the other members of the group. He motioned to the ground and the slowly clearing smoke. "That means shit."

She rolled her eyes. "To you maybe." She looked to Logan. "You heard it though didn't you?"

Logan shivered and nodded. "Yeah." Her eyes went to Sam and she shook her head. "I'm sorry Sam."

Dean pushed away from the car and moved toward Logan. "Sorry for what Logan?" His eyes found hers and his concern was evident on his face. "What did you hear?"

Logan rubbed her arms as she was suddenly chilled. "Sam heard too, Dean. You could ask him." She arched her eyebrow in challenge.

This time Bobby spoke up. "What the fuck is going here?" He moved to stand between the two groups of people. "One of you tell us mere mortals what the hell you all heard." He looked at his watch. "And do it damn quick."

Sam pushed his hair off his face with a frustrated sigh. "They plan to offer a sacrifice to Lilith's downfall. The service is in my honor as Azazel's chosen, even if it is being put on by Finn's adoring father."

Logan swallowed thick in her throat. She didn't want to see her brother ever again. She paled and shook her head. "They plan to sacrifice Kate. They have some prophesy they're following and somehow her death fits in with his rise to power. When Sam's at the height of his power, Lilith goes bye-bye for good."

Dean looked from Logan to his brother. "Why Kate?"

Sam shook his head. "Because she means something to me." He fisted his hand around the medicine bag in his pocket and he looked to his brother. "With you out of their reach she's all there is."

Dean's eyebrow rose and he looked pointedly at Sam. "Is she?" He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for an answer he knew he wasn't going to get.

Bobby cleared his throat and broke the tension between the boys. He'd figure out what the problem was later. "Okay, so where the hell are they?" He looked up at the sky and shook his head. "Highest point of the full moon is in less than an hour. We need to move."

Ruby stepped forward and pointed past the cemetery toward a dull light. "End of the path is the grounds keeper's house. That's where they'll be." She nodded toward the cemetery. "Nothing here is sanctified and a lot of these spirits aren't at rest. I doubt you'll run in to any, but it's always possible. Once the blood of the sacrifice is spilled Sam gets a huge 'power up' and things could get interesting."

Sam glanced around. "Interesting how?"

Ruby looked at him seriously. "Have you checked into the prophesies? I mean really read them?" She snorted and shook her head at the blank look on his face. "I see not." She turned to Bobby. "You probably have it old man. Look up the story of Tiamat, the one written in Sumarian and pay particular attention to the prophesy it talks about." She nodded to Dean. "The knife. Make sure you have it."

Dean nodded and watched as Logan moved to her trunk to pull weapons from inside before glancing back to Ruby. "You didn't explain 'interesting'. You gonna?" He palmed the pistol in his waistband and felt for the extra ammo in the pocket of his jacket.

"Tell you what Dean? You keep Sammy's girlfriend alive and you won't have anything to worry about." She turned when she heard the click-click of a shotgun opening and closing and she watched as Logan glared at her. She moved toward the other woman, only pausing when she was beside Logan. Her voice dropped. "Last time you looked at me like you were moaning my name."

Logan didn't even hesitate; the butt of the gun swung and nailed the other woman in the kidney. She smiled when Ruby moaned and fell to her knees. She looked down at her. "Wanna moan mine now, you bitch?" She slammed the trunk and turned to the men. She pointed down the path and stepped around the demon. "Kate needs us." She looked to Sam. "You promised to be there, so let's make sure you are."

Dean moved beside her and then Sam and Bobby followed behind. Ruby watched them hurry up the path and shook her head. A slow smile slid across her lips. She stood and winced at the twinge in her side. Her smile widened and she turned away from the hunters and back toward the highway. There was a spring in her step as she took a shortcut through the cemetery.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Mendez held Kate as she leaned heavy against his shoulder. They'd done something to her. She couldn't focus, she couldn't walk without assistance and she moaned watching Jake restrain Ryan. She didn't like the wide smile on the demon's face as Ryan struggled and fought. She didn't like the way Mendez was pulling off her tattered Henley. She struggled weakly and cursed at him, even as she fought to keep her eyes open and her body upright.

Ryan watched Mendez cut Kate's camisole and then he wrenched himself out of Jake's hold and pulled away. He managed to take a step and called out for Kate, begging her to wake up, but Jake caught him and yanked backward, forcing his elbow up and behind him. Jake laughed, kicked at the back of Ryan's knee and then Ryan fell to the ground with a grunt, his eyes blurred with the tears as he watched Mendez finish stripping Kate and then drag her toward Vetis.

The other demons that had arrived stood around Vetis and Finn. It was quiet; all the demons present watched as Kate was stripped and forced to her knees in the middle of the circle. Kate swayed and groaned when Mendez wrapped a heavy strip of leather around her hands and looped it over the support of an ancient wash line. She pulled against the restraint, her feet barely touching the ground.

Finn watched and then moved past his father with an impatient growl, he stripped his shirt as he approached, but was stopped by Vetis' hand on his shoulder. Vetis shook his head. "Not yet."

Finn shook his head. "I want her life. It's owed to me." He sneered at Kate. "Those hunters took from me and I want to take this from them." He gave his father a harsh look. "Fucking Winchesters and that damn sister of mine are still gonna benefit though." He spit. "The only good thing is that Lilith's gonna fall." He looked up at the sky to gauge the position of the moon. "It's close enough." He motioned to Kate. "I kill Samuel Winchester's bitch and it helps us kill Lilith. That's great, but he gets more powerful?" He shook his head. "I'd like to know how that's good for us though."

Vetis shook his head. "You have much to learn. Fight one battle at a time. Use your enemies to defeat each other so you have fewer to fight later." His eyes flashed black and he smiled. "This helps us get Lilith out of the way. Once she's gone we only have to deal with Azazel's boy." He laughed and slid the heavy knife from the sheath at his hip. "Besides, Sam Winchester doesn't understand his place in everything. This means we still have the upper hand."

Finn took the knife and nodded with a pout. "I still don't like it, but I'll take what I can get." He frowned. "It was better when Dean was out of the picture. Fucking angel's…fucking always fucking up my life."

Vetis smiled and held his arms out to his side as his head fell back. Face to the sky he shouted. "All gathered here will witness vara tel' taurninin. We offer this in the name of our fallen, Azazel. We offer this token of voronwer to mellon en mellonamin, Azazel." His voice rose and fell in a sing song chant as he called out to the spirits and demons and gods to watch and be honored by their humble offering. He continued the ritual as Finn prepared himself.

Finn moved around the circle using the knife to open a small wound on all the witnesses present, gathering the blood in a small black box engraved with a moon and a crow, before he moved on to where Mendez had left Kate. He smiled, his own eyes flashing in the limited light from the moon. He held the knife and the box over his head and lifted his eyes to the moon. "Nwalmaerea, Morimaikarea, y Guinahiroo Panta tangwa ma poldora. Asca melloneamin lye nuquernuva sen e dagor." The knife slid over his chest five times opening up a bloody pentacle. He dipped his fingers in the small box and then smeared the blood over his chest, as he drew symbols and runes in the necessary pattern.

Power throbbed through the small open area and a cold chill swept everything up and around them. The other demons swayed and chanted as the cold was forced back and heat flared in the cool autumn night. The chanting stopped and Kate felt something surge through her and the strength of it lifted her to her feet.

Her eyes flew around the clearing. She sensed a change in the air and her fear peaked. She shivered and looked to Ryan, hoping. She felt something; someone; a voice or presence and tears fell from her eyes as she recognized the scent of cedar and sage, the presence of her grandmother. She closed her eyes and let it surround her, strengthen her. She heard the quiet murmurs from others and then Finn was pressed behind her, cursing in English and strange languages. Some of the guttural words obviously directed at her.

Finn held the knife to Kate's throat with one hand and poured the blood from the box down her throat to coat her chest. He laughed and pressed his mouth to her ear. "You smell so good. So fucking scared. It makes me hot." He pressed his groin against her ass. "Feel that, but I'm not allowed…" He laughed and looked around. "But it looks like something is crashing our party." He pressed the knife more firmly to her throat, drawing blood and smiling at the scent he caught in it. He saw the others look over their shoulders, saw his father's anger and he knew what he should do. "I'm going to kill you now." His cock hardened when Kate whimpered, her own blood mixing with the blood from the box. "The ritual isn't complete, so Azazel's brat gets nothing from us, no power, nothing but heartache." He saw his father's angry face and heard the other's moving as weapons were prepped.

Kate felt limp, and lightheaded. She wasn't sure that anything was real. None of it felt like more than a dream or nightmare. Things were moving in slow motion; Ryan was lying on the ground, obviously hurt. She heard him call her name as her vision tunneled to black, the sound of wind rushing through her ears. She felt cold, yet oddly warm and so tired, so sleepy. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and let oblivion overtake her. That's it, sleep. Then she heard it. She heard her name called out in a deep bass. Her name coated in anger and desperation.

Sam's eyes were wide and he was panicked as he and Logan breached the property. It wasn't hard for them to see where everyone was and he saw Kate, naked and covered in blood. Finn was behind her, the knife at her throat; her blood running down her chest. His heart seized and he yelled, more like bellowed her name. She couldn't die, not because of him. He'd promised to be there when she needed him. He wasn't about to lose another person he loved just because of who he was. First Jessica, then Dad, Dean and now Kate; he couldn't let that happen. He watched her weight collapse in Finn's grip and the hot taste of bitter anger rose in his throat as he raised his hand, completely focused on Finn.

Logan smiled; her pale blue eyes cold as she raised her hand, flipped her arm and sent two of the demons crashing into the brush surrounding the clearing. Bobby fired off several rounds as Dean was tackled by one of the stronger demons standing on the outskirts of the circle. Logan watched as Dean shifted, the knife slid home and then the demon went stiff as a gold light fizzled around him before the body dropped to the ground. Logan advanced on the center of the circle. She could tell that Kate was still alive, hurt, but alive. Finn still held her, the knife still biting into her flesh as Logan approached.

Dean and Bobby handled most of the demons; a few ran away after being hurt. Dean's knife sank into Jake's shoulder and he collapsed onto the ground; utterly and completely dead. Dean helped the battered Ryan to his feet and held his shoulder until he was steady. Then he pressed a 9mm into his hand. "You know how to use this?"

Ryan dropped the hand fingering the rising bump on his head and in answer slid out the clip, reinserted it and checked the chamber. "Help Kate." He said, raising the gun over Dean's left shoulder and firing. He smiled as another demon fell. He stalked over to the downed woman, held the gun to her head and once again pulled the trigger. He looked back over his shoulder as Dean stared at him. "Later you can explain your apparent lack of decomposition." Ryan winked and moved to help Bobby.

Sam and Logan arrived at about the same time to stand beside each other in front of Finn and Kate. Vetis now stood with his son, a confident smile on his face. Logan growled. The sound was unearthly and dangerous. It demanded attention and Vetis chuckled and applauded lightly.

The powerful demon took half a step toward her and shook his head when she held out her arm, power eddying around her as she chanted. He crossed his arms. "That little trick won't work on me sweetheart." He winked and glanced to Kate beside him, still held up by his son; Logan's brother. Vetis pulled his index finger through the bloody mess that was Kate's chest, letting his finger trace over her nipple. Then he raised the finger to his mouth and licked the blood from it obscenely. He watched Sam's face while he did. "She's sweet and she has a power all her own." He shrugged. "Too bad you didn't let us finish." He pulled Kate from his son's arms. "I mean you would have been able to take Lilith out tomorrow if you wanted and you surely would have been able to take me out, but you're not there yet." He fondled Kate's body and then let her go. She dropped like a rock to the grass. "You might regret that."

Sam growled, raised his hand and drew on his power. He focused on the demon inside the middle aged shell and called it out, forced his will to pull it from the body. He felt the demon follow his lead and then it dug in. He pushed more will into it, his head pounded with the force of it, but the demon just smiled at him and shook its head.

"I told you Sam. You aren't quite ready for a demon of my age yet. You can try, but all that's going to happen is this lovely girl is going to bleed out." He cocked his head to the side. "You know, I'm not sure why those angels pulled your brother from the pit, but they've set the time table back. Without your big brother you would more than likely almost be there by now. He spit and glared at Logan. "Damn angels."

Logan smiled coldly, her eyes moving between Vetis and Finn. "Funny, I don't think the angels are the ones that are damned." Her eyes fell to her brother and she shifted so that her hand was facing him. She cocked her head to the side as she watched him. "It doesn't work on him, but how about you? Hmm, can I hurt you Finley? Wanna taste of my power?"

Finn shivered, his eyes moved to Vetis in question. He didn't know what his sister's power would do to him and the look on the Winchester boys face wasn't helping. He was strong in his own right, but he was young. Power among demons came in two ways; through creation and through age. He was created powerful, but so was his sister, but he wasn't old. Angel's power came only with creation. Age had nothing to do with it. He knew that Logan's father was powerful; powerful because he was created to be so. How powerful she was, he really didn't know.

Vetis put a hand on his son's shoulder. "She can hurt you, but she can't destroy you." He looked to Logan with his head held to the side. "A few months ago she could have, but not now." His dark knowing eyes found hers. "Besides, you wouldn't hurt your brother would you?" He pulled Finn to his side and ran a hand sensuously down his son's side. "He is your flesh and blood."

Logan tried not to gag as she watched the too intimate exchange between father and son. "Not anymore." She didn't hesitate, just pushed her will and power out through her hand until the half-demon fell to his knees screeching in pain. "He should die and burn in hell like he deserves." She reached for Sam's hand and felt the power click between them as Sam raised his hand.

Vetis felt it; he knew that even he wouldn't last long against them together. He smiled, reached for Finn and spoke. "The girl is dying." The moment of distraction was all he needed to voice the words he needed to disappear.

Ryan fired his last round into the chest of the angel faced demon rushing at him and ran. While Sam and Logan stared, he dropped to Kate's side. He pulled his shirt over his head and pressed the dirty cloth to the wound on Kate's neck as he scanned her for other injuries. He looked up at Sam. "Give me your jacket."

Sam hesitated for a second and then pulled his jacket off as he slid to the ground beside Kate. He tucked his jacket around her as he pulled her limp head into his lap. He looked to Ryan as Bobby, Dean and Logan finished off the remaining demons and checked the house. "Is she going to be okay?"

Ryan glared up at the man. "Not all the blood is hers." He wiped at her chest with one sleeve of his shirt. "But she's hurt pretty bad." He grabbed Sam's hand. "Hold pressure here." When Sam pressed down he nodded and looked around, rubbing his hands up his arms with a shiver. "It's cold out here, and she's lost a hell of a lot of blood. We need to move her, get her warm." He looked around, saw Dean headed in their direction and moved toward him. "We need to move her."

Dean's eyebrow rose and he looked around Ryan to where his brother sat, cradling Kate's head in his lap. "She gonna be okay?" He tucked his gun into his belt.

Ryan gave him a worried look. "We need to get her inside and warm and I need to get a better look at the cut on her throat. " He pushed a bloody hand over his face and through his hair leaving bloody smears on his cheek as he fought his tears. Then he looked to Dean desperately. "She's my best friend." His voice cracked with emotion and he gave Dean a harsh look. "She has to be okay." He swallowed down his emotion. "They drugged her and I don't know how much of this is because of the blood loss or the drugs."

Dean gripped the other man's shoulder and nodded. "Well the inside is clear, let's move her in there and then I can get the first supplies from the car." He turned to watch the tears fall from Sam's eyes as his brother wiped blood from Kate's face. "Shit, I hate this."

Sam shook them off when they tried to pull her from his lap. "I'll get her." He growled when Dean attempted to calm him down and storm past him with a limp Kate in his arms. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and begged her to be okay. Bobby met him by the door and directed him to a bedroom where he laid her down gently and checked on the large slash at her throat. It was oozing, but not gushing meaning that the cut wasn't into one of the larger veins and definitely not into the arteries. He checked her pulse. It was steady, but rapid which was usual for blood loss. He pressed the shirt back against the wound and sighed. He hated people around him getting hurt. He wiped his eyes on his shoulder and remembered the bag around his neck. He gasped and lifted it over his head. Kate's was missing, but his was there and it would do the job. Carefully he pressed the medicine bag to her chest, not willing to put it around her neck, but knowing he wanted it near her. His eyes closed as he whispered a short prayer that she would be okay.

Meanwhile, Logan had doubled back to the cars. She knew they'd need supplies and she wanted time alone, even if it was only a few minutes. She cursed when she heard the trunk of the Impala slam shut just before she came through the wooded area. She saw Dean fiddle around in a box, adding a smaller one to a larger one and he looked up, pulling his gun just as soon as she came into the small clearing where they'd parked. "Easy big guy." She held up her hands and kept moving.

Dean sighed and replaced the safety on the handgun. "You're lucky."

She grunted and moved to her own car. "You're rusty. I saw you long before you knew I was here." She opened the trunk of her car and pulled out a duffle of supplies and two sleeping bags. She huffed and slid the duffle to her shoulder. It was heavy with rock salt and food.

Dean watched her and shook his head before moving to Bobby's car and pulling out a couple more sleeping bags. He kept his eye on her, knowing she was waiting for him. "You alright?" It was the first thing he'd said to her since he's kicked her out of his car.

She stared at him with a look of disbelief on her face. "Physically, I'm fine." She tucked one sleeping bag under her arm and held the other by the rope she'd wrapped around it and then moved off toward the house.

Dean hefted the supplies, balancing as much as he could in the large box and somehow managing not to drop the rest of the supplies. "We need to talk." He hurried after her, catching up just as she hit the small path through the woods.

She glared at him. "Yeah, we do, but not tonight. We need to make sure Kate's okay, I'm tired and hungry…talking is the lowest thing on my list of things to do."

He didn't answer her, just walked beside her as he looked her over for injury. "I'm sorry we didn't kill him last time." He said quietly, his shoulder brushing against hers gently.

She made a noise in the back of her throat and shrugged as she readjusted the duffle on her shoulder. She kept her eyes on the ground in front of her. "He just makes me so angry and seeing him brings up all that shit from my past."

Dean watched her face, saw how tired and defeated she looked and he wished he hadn't been such a dick to her. "Logan?"

Her head came up and she looked at him. "What?" She didn't want to do this right now.

He watched her face and shook his head. "Nothing…just we better hurry." He nodded and increased his pace, moving just a few steps ahead of her.

Logan sighed inwardly, grateful, but slightly disappointed, that he backed out of whatever it was he wanted to say. "Yeah, we probably should."

By the time they reached the house, Ryan had begun to wash the blood from Kate's chest. He watched Sam act oddly as he wiped the blood and dirt from the woman in the bed. He had no idea why Sam suddenly refused to help him. Blood never seemed to bother him or his brother before. He heard Bobby and then Dean and Logan just before the door to the bedroom pushed open and Dean came in carrying a large box.

He handed it to Sam. "Logan says she has more in her duffle, so if you can't find what you need let us know. He pulled a flannel shirt from the top of the box and tossed it to Ryan. "There's no heat in this place."

Ryan caught the shirt with a nod and slid his arms through the sleeves while motioning to Sam to bring the box closer. "I need something to clean it and then sew it up. He didn't go that deep, just deep enough to hurt and bleed." He reached into the box and found the whiskey and gauze. He wasted no time cleaning the wound. He nodded when Kate continued to sleep through the burning pain. "I'm sorry Katie…" He murmured to her as he worked, dabbing at the whiskey that ran down her neck until he had the wound cleaned. He reached for the medicine bag.

Sam jumped and grabbed the other man's arm. He stared hard and cold as he shook his head. "It stays with her."

Ryan looked up at Sam and gave him a stern look. "I get it, but how bout we put it in her hand?" He reached for the bag and slipped into Kate's loose fist. "Okay?"

Sam knew Ryan was right. He knew the man would do the job well, but it didn't lessen the urge to threaten him to make sure he did. He watched as Ryan went back to work on cleaning the blood and dirt from Kate. Dean's hand on his shoulder brought his head up.

"Come on Sam, clean up. I'll help him if he needs it." Dean motioned to Sam's side. "You're cut up."

Sam glanced down and saw the large gash on his side, blood seeping through his shirt and hoodie. He didn't remember getting hurt, but now that he saw it he felt the dull throb of pain in his side. He pulled up his shirt to look at the nasty gash. "I'm fine."

Dean frowned at his brother. "Come on man, let Bobby or Logan clean and stitch it." He motioned to Ryan as he worked on Kate. "I'll be here if either of them needs something."

Logan stood by the door of the bedroom watching the brothers with apprehension. She had no idea where she stood with Dean or Sam or anything else. She watched Sam struggle and then she saw him give as Dean motioned him from the room. His face was full of defeat and anger. She frowned and stepped back as he slid from the room. "You want me to…"

Sam turned and glared as he shook his head. "Bobby'll do it." He moved toward the living room where Bobby was salting the windows.

Logan swallowed back the hot, frustrated tears that threatened to fall and settled into one of the kitchen chairs. She pulled her duffle to her and rested her head on her folded arms as she sniffed. Damn pregnancy made her feel like she was on the verge of tears constantly. She was weepy, hungry and so damn tired. She felt a twinge in her side, the brand throbbing and pulsing and she pressed her hand against it. She heard Kate moan from the bedroom, saw Sam head back and get stopped by Bobby. She closed her eyes intending to just rest her head and for a few second before she'd get up and eat. Five minutes later she was sound asleep.

**Note:** Okay, I hate that this has taken me so long to get up here. School and life...yeah, you know the same thing I say every time I post. I really hoped things would ease up, but they haven't. I do know that once my fall semester starts, things will most likely get WORSE. I will keep writing, but it's gonna take sum time. Please stick with me. I promise there will be more story. Besides, Kate just got here.

So, let me know...I know this got left in an odd spot, but I'll pull it together next chapter. Thanks soooo very much to ALL of my reviewers! I love each and every one of you.


	16. Now Comes the Night

**Now Comes The Night**

Bobby forced Sam back into the chair. "Sit your ass down." He glared down at the boy, who glared right back up at him. The old hunter shook his head and wiped a hand over his face before he tossed his hat onto the couch. He adjusted the old lantern on the small table and then motioned for Sam to pull up his shirt. "Let me look at it. Once you're done you can check on her." His voice was soft as he grasped and then released the younger man's shoulder.

Sam figured he could push the issue, but he sighed and pulled up his shirt. Bobby could be a pit bull, he was stubborn and if he wanted to do something, thought it was right, Sam knew he'd do it. He winced when Bobby prodded the cut. The cut was over six inches long and there was an inch long span that was deep, but the rest was little more than a scratch. He must have pulled away just as the blade struck, but he didn't remember. He watched as Bobby gathered supplies from Logan's duffle. Antiseptic, he smiled, yeah Logan had the real stuff this time around and wasn't it her who gave him the lecture on whiskey as an all purpose first aid supply? He shook his head and hissed when Bobby cleaned the thin bloody line. "Mother-fuck…" He grit his teeth when Bobby dabbed at the deep section of the wound. "Damn it Bobby."

Bobby's eyebrows shot up. "You'll live." He looked at the wound. "Stitches or you want me to glue it?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Glue's faster." He watched Bobby pull out the tube of Crazy Glue. "Just warn me. Stuff burns like acid."

The gruff hunter clucked his tongue. "You whine more than a lonely puppy." Bobby smiled at the young man as he unscrewed the cap from the glue. He held it up. "I can't believe we actually use this."

Sam shrugged and watched Bobby raise a bead of glue onto the tip of the applicator. "Quicker than suture, it works, so yeah, I'll use it when I can."

Bobby lined the applicator up. "Okay, ready?"

Sam nodded and then exhaled slowly, his breath hitched when Bobby dabbed on the glue and then pinched the edges together. His eyes closed for the thirty seconds that Bobby held the wound closed and when Bobby stepped back he nodded his thanks and gathered his shirt from the arm of the couch. He slipped through the kitchen, frowning at Logan's sleeping form slumped over the table. Part of him wanted to check on her, make sure she was alright, but he was driven toward the small bedroom.

Dean saw Sam coming toward him, shirt still off, wound closed, but unbandaged and he stood from his place on the bed and moved to intercept his brother. "Whoa, calm down." He held his hand to Sam's chest and exerted slight backward pressure to slow his brother. "She's alright, I swear. Ryan's got her all patched up and she hasn't woken up yet."

Sam looked around his brother to the bed. "Let go of me Dean." His voice was low and threatening as he tried to shake off Dean's hand. "If nothing's wrong, let me see her."

Dean sighed. "Dude, it's not her, told you she's fine." He pushed a hand through his hair when Sam glared at him. "It's Ryan. Be careful he's rightfully pissed at you for hurting Kate. Hell, I should punch you again for hurting her and if you aren't careful he's going to do it for me." He shook his head. "Look I don't know what the hell went on while I was gone, but whatever it was it's gotten you on Ryan's shit list." He nudged Sam's shoulder. "Be careful."

Sam nodded and then grabbed his brother's arm. "You better check on Logan. She looks exhausted and it can't be good for her." His eyebrow rose as he watched his brother's face. When Dean gave him a curt nod he headed into the bedroom.

Dean found Logan head down on her arms on the kitchen table. She looked tired and worn out. He saw Bobby watching him from the other room and from the look in the old man's eyes he knew the secret was out.

Bobby moved into the kitchen and leaned against the doorjamb. "You better make sure she takes care of herself." He scratched at his beard. "I know she won't listen to reason and stop hunting, but someone's gonna have to keep her straight." He eyed Dean critically. "Whatever the hell you two are fighting about must…" He held up his hand when Dean started to talk. "No, I have no idea, she didn't tell me and maybe that's for the best. You're both adults and I have no business knowing every little squabble you two have, but she's my only flesh n blood and you may as well be, so I don't like seeing either of you hurting." He slid a box across the floor with his foot and then bent to pick it up and put it on the counter. "I'm gonna fix us all something to eat. You are gonna salt all the thresholds and let her rest."

Dean stared at the old man and then nodded. He really wanted to get Logan settled someplace more comfortable, but Bobby was right; thresholds first. Dean paused by Logan's sleeping form and gently let his hand glide over her hair before he picked up the bag of rock salt. Dean moved methodically through the small house being sure to leave behind unbroken lines of salt across each window and threshold. Out of habit he checked the locks on every window and door and took notice of the view outside each of them. He'd just started with the window in the second bedroom when he saw it.

The sudden movement caught his eye and he stopped; half a line down on the sill of the single bedroom window. He pressed closer to the window and watched. He saw it again, a sudden movement, slightly jerky and definitely preternatural. He finished salting the window and called his brother as he moved into the small bathroom off the kitchen. "Sam." There was an urgency in his voice. "SAM."

Sam moved into the small hallway outside the bathroom. "What?" His gun was in his hand. He knew that note in his brother's voice; something had Dean on alert.

Dean motioned out the window with his head. "Take a look." He moved to the side of the sink, one foot in the small moldy shower stall, one foot on the filthy vinyl tile, so Sam could look out the window.

Sam slid beside his brother and looked out the small window that was set at shoulder height. He watched the darkness and stiffened when he saw it. He tightened the grip on his gun, even though he knew the lead rounds would be useless against a spirit. "What the hell's going on?"

Dean didn't answer, just moved into the bedroom to lay down more salt. "I don't know Sammy, I don't know." He moved efficiently, even as he watched the spirits move through the dark. He finished the last line just as Sam flipped off the lantern in the bedroom. Dean jumped back with a gasp as a face appeared on the other side of the window. "Holy fuck!" He held the bag of salt in front of him and then turned to face a startled Sam and Ryan.

Bobby stood at the door wiping his hands on a napkin. "What the hell is going on in here?"

Dean pointed to the window even as Bobby's eyes moved that direction. Ryan's jaw hung open and Sam looked from Dean to Bobby. It was Ryan who spoke first. His voice was quiet and disbelieving. "Oh my god…Paige."

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Ruby stood by the road watching. She could feel it, the rising up and she smiled, and then shivered as she shook her head. They wouldn't know, they couldn't know. Not yet anyway. She heard the car coming and she held out her hand. The car slowed and pulled to the shoulder, she bent over the open window, flashed a smile and then climbed inside.

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Logan woke to Dean's voice, quiet but urgent, in her ear. She lifted her head and blinked the haze of sleep from her eyes. "Shit…" She wiped at the drool on her chin. "Why'd you let me sleep?"

Dean gave her a half smile and shook his head. "Woulda let you sleep longer, but something's goin' on."

Logan pushed her short bangs off her forehead and then rubbed at her eyes. "Like what?" She started, glancing toward the smaller bedroom. "Kate?"

Dean shook his head and sank down into the chair beside her. "No. Ryan says he's pretty sure Kate'll be okay." He reached for her hand, wanting to touch her, to connect. They still hadn't talked and things were awkward between them. His finger traced over the top of her hand and then he frowned when she pulled away and leaned back into her seat.

Her eyes watched him cautiously. "So what is it then?" She crossed her arms protectively over her chest.

He sighed and sat back, mirroring her position. "I don't really know, but something's going on. Ghosts or some kind of un-rested spirits are wandering around outside." He watched Logan's face. "So far the one we actually saw was someone from our past."

Logan's eyes found his. "Like your past? My past? Whose past?" She shook her head. "I'm a little confused, not quite awake." She stretched, and groaned in satisfaction when her back popped.

"Ours. " Dean motioned around the room. "As in all of us." Dean looked up as Bobby slid into the kitchen. The look on his face made Dean anxious. "What?" He asked the old hunter.

Bobby adjusted his hat. "Shit. I don't know what's going on, but I don't like it." He gave Dean a hard look. "You have any iron with you?"

Logan looked up at her uncle. "I have some in the car, but I didn't bring any in with me."

Dean stood and moved to where he'd dropped his bags. He squatted down and unzipped the larged before sorting through the supplies inside. He pulled out a couple boxes of salt rounds and then another box of shells Sam had labeled, **Fe,** with a Sharpie. "Got a full box of iron rounds and an iron knife." He pulled out the knife and shrugged as he looked to Logan. "Ruby said the ground wasn't consecrated, so I figured we might run into trouble."

Bobby nodded and Logan shifted from one foot to the other. She growled. "Would someone PLEASE explain to me what the hell is going on?"

Sam moved through the kitchen to the living room. "Obviously, people from our past are showing up." He motioned outside. "Only these people haven't been alive for some time." He pulled the dirty curtain aside and jumped back. "Shit. I know they're there and it's still freaking me out a bit." He didn't recognize this one. A young girl, probably only thirteen or fourteen stared menacingly up at him from the other side of the window. "So far the salt's holding them back."

Logan stood and moved to the window. She stared down at the girl and gasped. Logan took a half step backward and stumbled. "Holy fuck…" She paled and shook her head. "It can't be." She spun back to look at her uncle and Dean. Both hands gripped the back of the chair beside her and her knuckles whited out as she tried to calm her suddenly rapid pulse. "She can't be here."

Dean stood and moved to her side, his arm moved around the small of her back as he pulled her against his side. He glanced out the window. The spirit was mouthing something and ice was forming on the window. They watched as an ethereal finger traced letters on the frosted glass. _You let me die…_ The figure stuttered and then disappeared. He felt Logan stiffen beside him as she made a pained sound in the back of her throat. "Logan, you alright?"

She started shaking her head and then stopped, pulled away from his side and swallowed before nodding. "Shit, I'm fine." She looked to Bobby. "What's going on?"

Bobby watched his niece, he knew she wasn't okay, he knew exactly how un-okay she was. "Logan girl, sit down." He pointed to the chair and sighed when she stubbornly moved away from the furniture. "I don't know, but I don't think they're here to say 'thank you'."

A small almost hysterical giggle rose from her throat as she rolled her eyes. "You think?" Her sarcasm covered her distress and then she pointed to the outside. "This can't be happening."

The old hunter's eyes narrowed. "Logan, just calm down." He took a breath. "We've all seen someone that's shaken us up."

She lifted her face to her uncle and shook her head. "I'm not shaken up….I'm fine." She looked to Sam. "Is Kate okay?"

Sam nodded and slipped the shotgun onto his shoulder. "Ryan says she is." He shrugged. "She looks a little better, but we're not sure what they drugged her with."

Logan wiped a hand over her face. She pushed back the panicked thoughts and let her hunter's instinct take control. "Okay, so she's stable, the salt seems to be holding the spirits back and we're armed." She looked from one man to the next. "So, we need to figure out what they want."

Dean nodded. "Well, I get the overwhelming impression that they aren't here play Patrick Swayze's ghost to Whoopie Goldberg's medium." He looked to Sam. "We'll take turns keeping watch. Two of us at a time in two hour shifts."

Sam shook his head. "I wasn't planning on sleeping much." He motioned to the bedroom where Ryan now stood in the doorway. "Was gonna sit up with Kate."

Bobby sighed and moved toward the small camp stove that sat on the nonworking range. "Look, none of us are probably gonna get much shut eye, but I've got some soup and coffee done." He looked at his watch. "It's already almost three, let's hope that sunlight slows them down and at first light we head to my place."

Ryan cleared his throat. "Kate and I should be getting back home. She needs to be checked out by a doctor and I should be at work." He had no idea what was going on, and he was a little shaken up. He knew Kate believed in this stuff, but he wasn't sure he did. "I'm not really part of this whole thing and I'd kinda like to keep it that way."

Sam gave the man a sympathetic smile. "Shit Ryan, I'm sorry we got you wrapped up in this." He took the four steps to the doorway and grabbed Ryan's shoulder. "Neither of you deserve it." Sam's eyes were on Kate, as she lay pale and quiet on the bed. "I wish I never would have introduced myself that night." Sam swallowed back the thickness in his throat and willed the angry, tears from his eyes.

Ryan gripped the hand on his shoulder and squeezed as he shook his head. "That's not what I meant…not really anyway." He sighed and leaned his forehead against Sam's shoulder for three seconds as he pulled himself back together. He raised his head and wiped his eyes with his free hand. "I'm scared and I don't like being that way." He hated that he felt so vulnerable and that he was letting his emotion's show, but he'd been strong for Kate the entire time, he was worried, hungry, tired and hurting from his own beatings. He looked into Sam's eyes. "Kate really cares for you and she wouldn't be the same person now, if she hadn't met you then." He smiled and shook his head. "Both of us are better off for having met all of you." Ryan snorted and smiled brightly through the tears. "Besides, we've had all kinds of fun exchanging fantasies about you boys." He winked and laughed when Sam blushed and pulled away.

"I ah…" Sam ran a hand through his hair. "Damn, I'm flattered and all…"

Logan giggled she moved toward the pot of soup and larger pot of coffee. "Well then…" She looked over her shoulder at Dean before glancing to Ryan. She pointed to him and then to herself. "Me and you need to get together about that…I have a few of my own."

Ryan snorted again, and then laughed out right when Sam blushed again. Both of them missed the angry look that flashed across Dean's face.

Bobby frowned at Dean and then groaned as he rolled his eyes. He shook a finger in his niece's direction. "Shane Logan Anam McCree, you are not too old to have your mouth washed out with soap…for heaven's sake girl, where did you get that filthy mind of yours?"

The tension lifted and for a few minutes things almost felt normal. The five of them stood in the small kitchen, weapons ready, as they ate the canned soup and sipped the bitter coffee. Logan pulled a half crushed package of crackers from the supply box and dumped some in her soup before passing them around. It wasn't the best meal, but they ate like it was. Ryan had them all smiling as he told them being kidnapped, making sure to include all his smartassed comments and complaints.

Dean was amazed that the man could make just about everything funny. He stood beside Logan, watching her smile and nod, but he knew by the way she held her shoulders she wasn't relaxed. Just like he knew from the little glances he kept getting and from her posture when he moved close that she was pissed at him. He wasn't thrilled about everything himself. Her comment about fantasies involving his brother bothered him. Shit, the two of them needed to talk, but he wasn't sure when they were gonna find the time.

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Sam slid silently out of the kitchen. He watched Kate from the doorway for a few seconds before moving to the bed. He sat beside the woman he'd tried to forget and ignore and the guilt rose up inside him. He hadn't been able to do it. She'd always snuck back in; a memory, a scent, a sound and he'd see her face, hear her laugh or suddenly feel her with him. He didn't know how or why, but she'd been on his mind more often than he wanted. He brushed hair from her face and bent to kiss her forehead as he prayed she would be alright. He leaned the shotgun beside him as he slid into the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms, making sure to keep her head angled so she wouldn't hurt the neck wound. He kissed her hair and stroked down her arms as he pulled the sleeping bag up over her still naked form. The blood from the cut was still smeared across her tanned skin and he didn't want to see it. He tucked the flannel edge of the sleeping bag under her arm and gripped the hand he'd wrapped around his medicine bag. The scent of cedar rushed up at him and he smiled as he remembered the hot spring. "You're going to take me back there Kate. " He whispered against her cheek as his eyes drifted shut in prayer.

He must have dozed off because he woke with a start as his heart hammered in his chest. He wasn't sure what it was that woke him at first, but he sat still, heart hammering in his chest as his hand hovered over the gun beside him. He cocked his head and then glanced toward the window. The first bit of grayish light was seeping into the sky, the pitch black of night glowing softly into day. He shifted and looked at his watch, which showed that it was just six. It was quiet in the rest of the house and at first he was worried, but then a shadow, he knew immediately as Dean, paused in the doorway.

"You good bro?" Dean's voice was quiet, and Sam could see a shotgun on his shoulder. The older man yawned and stretched. "You catch any sleep?"

Sam shifted upright, careful of Kate in his arms. His one hand was asleep and he pulled it from beneath Kate's hip and shook it out as he nodded. "Guess so, but didn't mean to." He nodded toward the window. "They obey the rules then?" He yawned and rolled his stiff neck on his shoulders.

Dean walked slowly across the room to look out the window. He nodded. "Yeah, they stayed outside, didn't make a move past the salt and seem to be backing off since the sun came up." He pointed at something in the distance. "Looks like they're headed back into the woods."

A cell phone rang in the other room and they both heard Bobby answer. Sam slid Kate from his arms and then stood, gingerly bending the kinks out of his back. He looked to Dean. "You look exhausted."

Dean nodded and yawned. "Me and Ryan stayed up." He smiled. "You pansies all fell asleep…good thing you don't wear a bra Francis; it woulda been in the freezer." He winked at Sam and glanced to Kate. "She wake up at all for you?"

Sam shook his head, a little worried. "No. I'm not even sure she moved the entire time." He frowned and pulled the sleeping bag up to cover the top of her breasts. "So, no idea what's going on out there then." It was a statement more than a question.

Dean shook his head and rubbed his stomach when it growled. "I need coffee and food. I vote we get moving, head straight to Bobby's and then figure shit out from there." He turned when he heard someone behind him. He moved aside so Ryan could check on Kate and then headed back to the living area.

Logan was curled up on the couch beneath one of the sleeping bags, she was still asleep. Bobby was rolling up a sleeping bag while listening to someone on the phone. An occasional, sound of agreement or disagreement was the only sound he was making.

Dean sat on the arm of the tattered couch and looked down at the sleeping woman. He tucked a bit of hair behind her ear as he called her name softly. "Logan, come on baby, time to get up." He traced the curve of her cheek to her chin and let his thumb gently brush over her lower lip. Something sharp turned in his gut. An ache that felt like something between pleasure and pain and he actually smiled when he felt it. It meant he was alive and he could still feel. The guilt from the pit was there and it tore him apart, but knowing that Logan was here with him and that she loved him somehow made it more tolerable. He swallowed the emotion and bent to press his lips to hers. Just a touch, soft and light and he was surprised when she made a sound and responded.

Logan lifted her head and kissed back. She could smell Dean, the leather and sweat, the whiskey and aftershave. She'd missed him for so long and she didn't want to wake from the dream she was having. The two of them watching their son sleep. She could actually feel his breath on her cheek, the heat of him against her back. She whimpered and returned the kiss, her mouth opening and her tongue sliding against his. She fought reality, felt the coldness of the room, but was still unsure in her not quite conscious state where she was or what hunt she was on. One more night in an uncomfortable flop house, sleeping in dirt and cold. She clung to sleep even as she began to realize that there was someone warm beside her, a hand on her cheek, a voice thick with emotion and lust whispering her name.

"Logan…" Dean smiled against her neck, his nose tracing the underside of her jaw. "Damn baby, now is not the time for this." He couldn't resist tasting her lips once again before he pulled back and stared down at her as her eyes fluttered open. "Hey, there you are…" He glanced over his shoulder and then let his hand cup the curve of her breast as he dropped his lips to her ear. "Good morning." His hand slid protectively to her belly and laid lightly over the soft curve. "You okay?" He pressed a kiss to her forehead and then sat up, pulling his hand from beneath the heavy sleeping bag.

She nodded, her breath a little uneven from surprise and lust. She cleared her throat as she pulled herself upright. "Yeah…I think." She sighed when she looked around and then glared. "You shouldn't have let me sleep."

Dean gave her a soft smile and when she winced moving her neck he slid to the couch beside her and started rubbing at the tight muscles of her neck and shoulder. He leaned close to her ear. "You needed your rest." He kissed her ear when she growled at him and then let her head fall forward with a pleased groan. "Besides, you can drive while I sleep." His fingers worked into the stiff muscles, thumbs making soothing circles at the base of her skull.

She made a sound of agreement, though honestly she knew she'd agree to just about anything right then. She wasn't done being hurt, but she knew this was one way Dean would try to make things better. He did, he didn't talk and she'd take what she could right then. She sighed. "Things clear this morning then?"

Dean continued to work on her shoulders. "So far, so good and everyone's up and moving now." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest for a second before releasing her. "So we'll be heading out as soon as we pack up." He stood and stretched once more. "Damn, I need some coffee." His yawn was loud.

Bobby glared at him as he wrapped up his phone call. "That was Greg. He says something big's going on, but it's more a feeling than something he actually knows." He tucked his phone into his pocket. "I think we'll take him up on his offer and head on over to a safe house he has." He nodded toward the bedroom. "It's closer and I'm not sure I want to be traveling too far with Kate. Ryan's right, she should have someone check on her."

Dean shrugged and leveled his gaze on the older man. "You and I both know he's more than capable." He helped Logan tie the sleeping bag she'd just rolled up. "I'm not so sure we should involve anyone else." He motioned to his own neck. "It'll get reported. It's not like we can come up with a good reason her neck was slashed open."

Bobby grunted. "Greg knows people who'll keep quiet. I'm not talking hospital, just a second opinion."

Ryan stood in the kitchen listening. He waited for a break in the conversation then he spoke, his voice quiet. "Kate's awake."

**Note:** Well, hopefully updates will be more like this one, not eons apart like the last couple. Thanks so much to everyone who has left me feedback, favorited or alerted. I appreciate all of it! Please review, let me know what you think.


	17. Reach Out and Touch Me

**Reach Out and Touch Me**

Kate woke to find Sam watching her. She smiled and stretched, sure it was a dream. When she lifted her hand and saw the medicine bag it all came rushing back. A sob caught in her throat and then she found herself pressed against Sam's chest, breathing in his scent and hearing his voice vibrate beneath her cheek. Her throat hurt, it hurt like hell to even swallow, but the pain didn't keep her from whispering. "You came…I knew you would…I knew you'd keep your promise."

Sam hushed against her hair. "Shh, I'm here. It'll be okay Kate, I'll make it all okay." He was surprised by the tears in his own eyes. This woman who he'd tried to forget had somehow found a way into his life and his heart. He wasn't ready to say he loved her, but he definitely knew he could. He pushed her hair over her shoulder and smoothed it down her back. "Are you in pain? I can get you something. You want some water? Are you hungry? Thank god you're alright. I was so scared." Sam let his thoughts flow out his mouth in a rush. "I missed you, I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to hurt you, to get you wrapped up in this shit; in this life."

Kate clung to him and simply enjoyed the feel of his arms around her. She'd missed him more than she could express. Her tears fell unchecked and made the flannel against her cheek wet. She snuggled closer and only then realized she was naked. She pressed the sleeping bag against her chest as she sat up. Panic filled her eyes as she looked around the room and her voice was thick with worry, "Ryan?"

Ryan, watching from the window, moved to the bed. "I'm okay Katie." He sat down on the other side of the bed and then found a very naked woman in his arms as she kissed his cheek and mouth. He smiled and hugged her, kissing her back. "Whoa girl, you're gonna undo all my hard work." He hugged her hard to his chest with one hand and wiped tears from his face with the other. He watched Sam over Kate's shoulder, and he glared at the slight jealousy he saw there. He pulled back with a sigh and smoothed Kate's hair down her back. "Shh…" He flashed a wide smile. "I know I said I hoped they had some gay in them and all Katie, but can you let them know that a little less 'at the last minute' makes for plenty good drama too?" He kissed her forehead when she laughed. "I mean really."

Kate smiled, and nodded as she cupped Ryan's cheek, the sleeping bag bunched at her waist. She knew Ryan was trying to keep things light by making her laugh. It was one of the reasons she loved him. "I'll try to get them to understand, but wouldn't _more gay_ make you happier?" Her voice was a bit hoarse, but not bad, it hurt more to swallow than to talk and only because the stitches pulled on the outside of her neck.

He gasped, slapped a hand over his chest and looked Sam up and down appraisingly. He nodded a bit and then licked his lips. "Oh, you don't know how much happier…" He gave Sam a playful wink and then stood. "I should let everyone else know you're awake." His eyes moved to Kate. "You've had everyone worried." He frowned, still worried about what they'd given her. Something about how still she'd been was bothering him. He scratched his neck. "You feel alright Katie?"

She shrugged and crossed her legs as she sat up straight in the bed, she blushed when she once again realized she was completely naked. She glanced around, pressing her hands over her breasts. When Sam shrugged out of his over shirt and held it up so she could slip her arms into the sleeves she smiled her thanks and then sighed as she snuggled into the warm scent of Sam. She looked up to Ryan as she worked three buttons closed. "I guess I feel okay." She rubbed her temple. "Things are fuzzy. Every once in a while things hiccup." She rolled up the right sleeve and stared at the bend of her elbow with a frown. "They gave me something, but I don't know what it was."

Sam bent over her arm and saw the needle mark. He looked expectantly up at Ryan. "You have any idea?"

Ryan shook his head in concern. "If you feel anything strange Kate, and I mean anything, you tell me." His eyebrows rose as he waited for her to answer. When she nodded, he left the room, pulling the door partially closed behind him.

Sam suddenly felt uncomfortable. He didn't know what to say or how he was supposed to feel. He took a breath and looked at Kate from under his hair. He sighed. "I missed you."

Kate smiled softly and tried to shrug off the awkwardness between them. "I missed you too." She swayed to the side and grabbed her head as a wave of dizziness washed over her. "Whoa…"

Sam gently gripped her shoulder to steady her. His face suddenly very concerned. "Careful." He sat down beside her and let her lean against his shoulder. "You sure you're okay?"

Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head with a small sob. "I don't know…" She caught her breath and bit at her lip as she looked up at him from under her hair. Emotion, pain and the effects of the drugs had her completely confused. She wiped at her face and stared at the bed. "Things aren't making much sense." She let Sam brush her hair from her eyes and tilt her chin to his face. She took a deep breath and swallowed with a wince. "Thank you for coming." It wasn't what she wanted to say. There was so much more to what she wanted to say. Most of it had to do with being pissed and angry at him, but there was also the gratefulness and love she felt toward him. She didn't hide her tears from him, and she didn't keep the bitterness from her face. "I just don't know where to start." She shrugged, but she didn't resist the arm that came around her or the soft kisses in her hair.

Sam nodded. He knew she had every right to be angry and hurt. He'd treated her horribly and the last time he talked to her he hurt her. He wanted to make it right, but he wasn't sure he was able to fix it, so he whispered into her hair. "I'm sorry Kate."

She nodded against his chest. "I know and I am too." Her one hand was still curled around the medicine bag and she lifted it between them as she pulled back to look down at it. She could feel the strength of it. It was like a living thing in her hand and she smiled. "You kept it…" Her voice was soft. "You made it stronger." Her eyes were wide when she looked up at him. "Did you take anything out of it?"

He frowned and shook his head. "No…you said I could add to it and I did." He looked away. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't still have it, but…" He didn't finish his thoughts because he wasn't sure how to say what he felt. "When I saw you hurt…" He watched her out of the corner of his eye. "And I know you weren't wearing the other one, but I just felt like you should have this one…it's been with me since you gave it to me and Ruby said it was powerful…" He sighed and turned away. "If I did something wrong, I'm sorry…I'll stop wearing it or take it back or…"

Kate interrupted him with a hand on his mouth. She shifted up onto her knees so that she was facing him. There were tears in her eyes. The medicine bag was strong, not just because of the items and spells he'd added, but also because of the emotions tied to it. "Sam, it's a good thing." She touched her neck. "They took mine off, destroyed it in front of me." She kissed his stubbled cheek. "I never took it off Sam…never."

Sam turned his face and let his lips brush hers softly and then pressed his forehead to hers. He pulled her into his arms and let himself cry into her hair.

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Logan drove the Impala while Dean napped. She was following Bobby and she glanced in the rearview mirror to make sure Sam was still behind her. She smiled at the sight of her car in the mirror. It was a beautiful thing and she was proud of how well it had turned out. Bobby had torn her down and put her back together from the frame up, much the same way Dean had with his car after…she shook her head and looked over to the man slumped beside her. His jaw was tense and there was crease between his eyes even while he slept.

Her phone rang and she smiled when the _Ghostbuster's Theme_ played. It was Bobby. Dean snorted and mumbled something about her ring tone being stupid before he rolled his head the other direction and drifted off again.

She lifted the phone to her ear with a small smile on her face. "Yes Uncle Bobby."

The man on the other end grunted. "Sam called and said he's pulling over for gas. You need to stop?"

She glanced at the dash and sighed. They had a quarter tank. "Depends, how much further we're going."

Bobby made a sound and Logan smiled because she knew he had a pinched look on his face. "That sounds like you need gas girl." He sighed and then rattled off the directions of where they were going. "And don't drag your feet. I told Sam where we're headed too and I expect you two to stick together. I don't like the vibe I got from Greg…things are weird."

Logan laughed softly and rolled her eyes as she reached into the pocket of her denim jacket. She pulled the pack of cigarettes she knew would be there out and flipped up the top. "Define weird." She stared at the three smokes left and sighed. She wanted one so badly she could taste it. She listened to her uncle, lifted the box to her mouth and pulled one of the cigarettes out with her teeth as she let the box fall to her lap. She pulled air through it and let the flavor of the tobacco roll over her tongue. "Mm-hmm." She pushed the lighter in, her eyes darting to Dean. "So, he doesn't know what the hell's going on? He's just got a hunch and it feels off." She spoke carefully around the cigarette.

"That's pretty much it, but I take Greg's hunches seriously. He's no slouch when it comes to hunting and he's called a few other hunters to put out the word, but he hasn't heard back from all of them yet." Something shuffled and Bobby muffled a curse. "Someone's calling, so gotta go. You and Sam hurry your assess up and get to the safe house, you got that?"

"Yeah. Be careful Uncle Bobby. Love you." The lighter popped and she ignored it for a second as Bobby said goodbye and gave her his love. Then she slid her phone closed, dropped it to the seat and reached for the lighter. The cigarette was suddenly pulled from her mouth. "What the…" She held the lighter in one hand and glared at the masculine hand now holding the cigarette. "You sonofa…"

Dean glared, snapped the cigarette in half and then pulled the pack from her lap and held it up. "No one smokes in this car." He rolled the window down and tossed the pack out the window. "What the hell are you thinking?" He sat up as he rolled up the window and turned to face her a little better. The look on his face was deadly. "You can't seriously think that smoking's a good idea."

She was tempted to drop the red-hot lighter into his lap, but instead she thrust it back with a curse. "I'm trying to quit Dean, so shut the hell up and cut me some slack." She faced the road and when Sam flashed his high beams from behind she raised her hand to indicate she knew he was passing. She waited until he was in front of her and pressed the gas to keep pace with him. "What I do really isn't your business is it?"

He snorted. "I'm gonna let that slide because I think it's the lack of nicotine bitching at me and not you." He rubbed at his face and sighed. "I know you're trying, but since when do you smoke?"

She shrugged and shot him a foul glance. "I used to smoke and quit, but a few days after you left I just had to have one." She shook her head at the memory of how'd she been and how far she fell back into bad habits. She'd hunt until she couldn't anymore, then she'd drink or toke until she passed out. Caffeine, nicotine, marijuana and occasionally, fast food, had kept her going. She swallowed and watched Dean. She prayed every night that the things she'd done hadn't hurt the baby. "I'm sorry, it's just not easy."

Dean's look drifted to compassion. He'd quit smoking and it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. His hand slid across the seat and gripped the one she had resting on her lap. "I know it's hard…I've been there." He smiled. "But you gotta try baby, it's not you we're talking about."

She ground her teeth together and counted to ten in her head. Did he think she was going to be a bad mother? She wanted to scream at him, but she knew what he meant…knew he was right. She sighed and nodded. "I know Dean." She sighed and rolled her head on her shoulders, they were tight with tension and that wasn't going to get any better. She gently pulled her hand from Dean's and flipped the turn signal as she followed Sam into the gas station parking lot.

Sam took the first pump and she slid around to the other. It was an older fill up station with only two pumps, but they'd been updated. Dean slid out of the car just as she did and moved toward the rear of the car. He pulled the nozzle from the pump. "I'll pump, grab me some coffee and something sweet will you?" He smiled as he flipped the license plate down, unscrewed the gas cap and gassed up the car. He stood and watched as Logan met up with Ryan and helped Kate to the rest room. He watched Sam gas up the Charger. "Everyone doin' alright Sammy?"

Sam nodded to his brother and pointed to the side of the old station. "Gotta piss, watch the pump for me?"

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, yeah…what else is new? I swear you have a bladder the size of a pea."

Sam rolled his eyes. He'd heard his brother tease him about the same thing for years. "Whatever camel boy." He headed toward the restroom sign. "You want anything while I'm inside?"

"Nah." Dean shook his head. "Logan's gonna get me something." He nodded toward the car. "How's she run?"

Sam smiled; of course Dean would be interested in the car. Sam looked over his shoulder. "Bobby rebuilt her, so she runs like she's new." He chuckled at Dean's grumbling and slid into the rest room.

Sam caught up with Logan outside the restroom. "What're you doing out here?" He asked with a crooked smile as he motioned to the single unisex bathroom.

She shrugged. "Kate said she'd rather Ryan help her than me." She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. She bent one leg and planted her foot on the wall behind her. She didn't care for the odd vibe between them so she pushed away from the wall with a sigh. "I'm gonna get coffee, pay for the gas and then I'll use the restroom."

Sam pushed hair out of his face and sighed. "Logan, I'm sorry…I know I was a total dick."

She nodded as she glanced back at him. "You're right, you were." She sighed. "Just so you know, he knows everything, and I mean everything. I wasn't planning on telling him, but you forced me to, so…" She shrugged and looked over toward the gas pumps; toward Dean. "Now we just have to live with ourselves." She frowned and moved into the convenience store.

A couple of minutes passed and the door swung open. Ryan's arm was around Kate's waist and they were frowning. Ryan looked back into the bathroom and shook his head. "Something's not right here man." He shivered. "This place is giving me the creeps."

Sam's eyebrow rose. "What do you mean?" He reached out to help Kate toward the car, but she shook him off.

Kate pulled her loose hair back over her shoulder. "I keep feeling like people are watching me." She put a hand on Sam's arm. "It's cold."

Her wide eyes and blown pupils made Sam frown. Her fingers were like ice. He wrapped her small hand in his much larger one. "Kate, are you alright?"

She nodded and shivered as she bit at her lip. "Just scared…I don't like it here Sam." She squeezed his hand and then released her grip, grabbing Ryan's arm and leaning heavy against him. "Let's just hurry and get the hell gone."

"I'll be right there." He looked to Ryan with his eyebrow up, the question about her being okay heavy in his expression. He relaxed a little when Ryan nodded at him. "If you want anything to eat or drink, grab it and tell them it goes with pump one."

Ryan waved a hand and hurried Kate to the Dodge as Sam disappeared inside the bathroom.

As he exited the convenience store, Dean glanced toward the two cars and frowned when Sam still hadn't shown up. He sighed and dumped his food in the window to Logan. He noticed the look on her face. "What?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. Kate's right, there's something wrong about this." She glanced to the side of the station where the bathroom was before she shoved the loaded sawed off out the window. "Check on Sam."

Dean didn't need any more encouragement. He turned and sprinted to the side of the store and threw open the door. A spirit was beating the crap out of his brother. He raised the gun even as he did a double take. He swallowed, made sure Sam was clear and then fired at Hendrickson. When Hendrickson's spirit dispersed he quickly pulled Sam from the floor and dragged him out of the bathroom.

"Shit Sammy, what the hell is going on?" He glanced over his shoulder as they hurried to the cars. He motioned to Ryan to get out of the Dodge and then pulled the keys from Sam's pocket. "Ryan, you drive." He sat Sam down in the passenger seat and took the napkins that Kate handed him. He pressed them to his brother's bleeding lip. "We need to get the hell out of here." He looked to Ryan as he slid behind the wheel. "Stay close." He tossed Logan the shotgun as he moved to the Chevy. He watched as she checked the chamber before sliding back into her seat and reloading.

She looked up at him as he started the car. "Something tells me things are gonna get worse."

Dean's eyes were on the road as he shifted into drive and peeled out of the lot. He glanced behind him to find Ryan right on his tail. "Yeah, and it's following us." He looked over to Logan. "We need to get to Bobby."

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Bobby pulled into the driveway of the safehouse with a sigh. He was tired and it had been a long drive. He pulled a duffle from the seat beside him and headed to the door. Greg had given him the passcode to the electronic lock and he entered it on the specially made number pad. Each key was a rune that made the keys untouchable by demons. He pushed open the door and then kicked it shut as he let the duffle slide to the floor with a sigh. He'd spoken with Gregg several times over the last two hours and he didn't like what he'd heard. Hunters were missing; several were confirmed dead and Bobby had known some of them as friends. He was worried about the others which meant he'd called the boys and Logan several times, but each time he'd gone right to voicemail. He needed to get a hold of them, make sure they were alright. He flipped open his phone only to remember that Greg had told him there wasn't any reception in the house, but he could usually get reception out by the old tree in the back.

Bobby cursed and moved to the back of the house, through the kitchen to the thick steel door. He smiled at the sigils painted on the door; traps and bindings to keep out spirits and demons. He knew it wouldn't work for everything, but it was safer than most places. He opened the locks and flipped on the security lights before he stepped outside. He saw the old oak. It was huge. Several old, but comfortable pieces of cedar furniture sat beneath it. Bobby sank down onto one of the Adirondack chairs and stretched out his legs.

The wind picked up and a chill ran down his spine as he flipped open the phone, but it wasn't until he heard the childish giggling that he sat up and looked around. The sound came from behind a shed and Bobby reached for the flask of holy water in his pocket. His other hand found his hand gun, all the rounds having been dipped in salt water. They weren't as effective as full salt rounds, but they'd disperse a spirit for a second or two. He could hear words as he moved closer to the small out building. The laughter turned to a growling sound.

"Why'd you let us die?" The voice came from his left and he spun. Then something touched his right arm and he turned toward it. "You let it kill us…we were right there…" The voices together and Bobby turned in a full circle only to feel them slap him across his back. He fell to his knees, turned and fired. The spirit disappeared for a few seconds only to blink back into existence a few feet in front of him. He felt the cold press against his back and he fired, spun and fired again.

Bobby knew the faces and he hadn't meant to let them die, but he had. He was responsible for not being able to save them and he knew it. It wasn't until the next day, after he'd burned the house, the body of the ghost with it, that he found out that the two of them had hidden in the small closet under the stairs. Bobby knew it was the closet that the pervert had used to lock the kids in before he'd torture them.

Memories of that hunt and the front page the next day still haunted him. He should have looked again, but he hadn't and even though the paper said the children had been dead before the fire, Bobby still felt responsible for not saving them. He should have looked and he shouldn't have assumed that the house was empty. Bobby fired and turned, but they moved around him. Something hit him across the face and he dropped to the ground with a curse. He felt them come at him again and he ran to the shed. He made it inside. He found a small sack of salt, just enough to form a circle around himself. He stood inside the circle of salt looking around him. The door slammed shut and he shivered when the temperature dropped. His eyes moved the left, toward a sound and he managed to dodge just as an old, rusted shovel fell.

"Motherfuck…" Bobby reached into his pocket, only to find his phone missing. He cursed again and shivered as the temperature dropped another few degrees. He looked around, didn't see the phone and he knew he was in trouble when a small breeze blew through the shed. The salt began to shift and he bent to pull the salt into a circle. He looked around and saw the iron nails about four feet from where he stood. If he could reach them he could use them to form a crude circle, one that wouldn't shift with the wind. The two ghosts materialized not far from where he was and they blamed him, told him what had happened to them. Bobby shook his head. He didn't want to know; he didn't want to hear. He hated that they had been hurt because of him. He stepped out of the circle and grabbed the box of nails. An ax fell and the blunt end slammed into his foot. He screamed, and fell to the floor. The nails scattered and as he scrambled to capture them the wind picked up again. His circle of salt was eroding.

He needed help. He pulled the box of nails toward him, threw the handful he'd found into it and carefully crawled into the slowly fading salt circle. Immediately he laid down the nails so that the head of one touched the tip of the next. He had just enough to form an even smaller circle around himself than he had with the salt. If he stood straight, he'd be safe. Now he hoped that the cavalry would arrive before exhaustion took over.

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Sam cursed. He couldn't reach Bobby. The phone rang and then went to voicemail. He did know that they were close. Only minutes now, from the safehouse, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. When his phone rang he almost jumped. It was Logan. "Yeah."

"I can't get a hold of Bobby and I'm worried." Logan's concern showed in her voice.

Sam sighed. "I've tried to reach him too." He swallowed. "It might be the location. Maybe reception sucks." Sam heard her shift the phone and he imagined her shaking her head.

"No. Something's wrong. I feel it."

Her voice was muffled and then Dean was on the phone. "Sammy, something's wrong. Logan's jumpier than that dog we had. You remember; the one afraid of thunder?" Dean paused and grunted. "We're almost there, just be ready for anything."

"I am." Sam said and then slid his phone closed. He looked at Kate and Ryan. "I have a feeling things are gonna be interesting." He looked to Ryan. "You seemed to handle yourself pretty good back there, so you think you can keep it up? Keep yourself and Kate safe?"

Ryan nodded. "Think so, yeah. From what you've told me it's salt and iron for pretty much anything evil, so load me up with those salt rounds, surround me with salt and I'll do my best."

Sam looked into the mirror. He caught Kate's eyes. She still looked weak and tired. "You alright? Hanging in there?"

Kate shifted against the seat. Her voice was hoarse when she spoke. "Yeah. I'm good."

They pulled up the drive about ten minutes later. Sam pulled behind the Impala. Dean and Logan were pulling weapons from the trunk. He exited the car and moved to open the trunk as Ryan helped Kate out of the car. He loaded a shotgun with salt shells and handed it and a small messenger bag filled with the rest of the shells and a sack of rock salt. Then he checked his handgun and loaded up his own shotgun. He pushed six shells into his pocket and then slammed the trunk closed.

Dean was already at the door pressing the keys on the pad as he called for Bobby. Logan was moving around the house, off toward the woods and Sam waited until Ryan had Kate inside before he slid off around the other side of the house toward the backyard. He heard Dean instructing Ryan before the door slid closed and he knew they'd be as safe as possible. Sam didn't like the feeling in his gut. Something was way off. Bobby should have answered them.

Logan heard something off to her side and raised her gun, but nothing was there. It was just the wind, so she lowered the weapon and slid into the woods, but kept the house in her sight as she moved toward the rear of the building. She caught sight of Sam as he entered the back of the property and she moved to step from the woods so he would see her. It was her name that stopped her. A voice called from behind her, somewhere deeper in the woods. She squinted in the murky light that filtered through the dense canopy. "Who's there?" She couldn't see anything other than the shifting shadows cast by the wind moving branches. She heard a twig snap and she spun, but again, nothing was out of the usual.

"Shane, you killed me…you let me die." The voice seemed to flow around her, coming from all sides at once.

She spun, following the voice only to have something knock her solidly onto her ass. Her handgun fell to the debris covered ground and she slid backward to find it with a curse. Even though her gut told her who it was, still she asked. "Who the hell are you?" Her hand wrapped around the grip of the Glock and she readied it to fire.

There was a muffled sound, half laugh, half snort and then the voice again. "Oh Shane, surely you haven't forgotten me." Something slapped her hard across the face. Then again the voice spoke. This time Logan could clearly hear the accent that had been missing before. "Ahh, ya know ya always were such a thick bairn. I tole your father ya weren't as smart as a McCree shoulda' bin." Her bitter laughter rang through the small clearing. "That bitch that was yur mum watered down yur blud. Even that wee bit of American is too bluddy much. Then ya went and birthed that filthy creature. "

Logan swallowed. "Grandmother." She shook her head and stood. She faced in the direction of the voice that had just as often comforted her as tormented her. The spirit materialized in front of her. It wasn't true that she'd killed her grandmother, but it was true that she had often wished she were dead.

"Shane, ya always were a disgrace to my fine name. Ahh but yur brother, now he had some pow'r in him. I culd feel it, just undar the surface of him. It wasn't as strong as what yur father had, but it was there an if I would've had a chance ta help him along he coulda gone far." The ghost suddenly shot forward and Logan spun into the trunk of a maple.

A small trickle of blood slid from her temple. She dabbed at it with a curse. "What are you doing here?" Logan looked at the spirit, the bitterness on its face. Her grandmother hadn't hated her, but she never showed her much love either. Logan reminded her of what she'd lost; her son, her legacy, the power that was the McCree family. "I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted me to be. I tried so hard for you. To learn, but like you said it wasn't my strength." Logan spoke quietly even as she reached into her pocket for one of the flasks she kept there. She fingered the etching on the silver flask. The leaf pattern indicated it was the one containing salt, which was the one she was looking for.

The spirit shook her head. "No, you didn't try hard enough to learn and you surely didn't try hard enough ta keep me alive. Trying ta teach you was a waste of me time."

The wind picked up and leaves blew around Logan in a small tornado like wind. Logan squinted against the debris and then poured a handful of salt into her palm. She looked at the figure of her grandmother and then stepped forward. The hand with the salt fell into the shimmering form. Logan's eyes shifted and she spoke a quiet, calm voice. The old Latin fell from her lips without effort. A low scream from the ghost and the figure disappeared.

Logan glanced around and then ran from the woods toward the house. She didn't know what was going on, but she knew it wasn't good. She moved in the direction she'd seen Sam, her ethereal eyes scanned the area. There was a glow coming from the house and one from the small shed at the edge of the yard. She could hear Sam's voice calling Bobby. She ran and called to Sam. "He's in the shed Sam…he's in the shed."

Sam heard Logan and didn't bother to ask how or what she knew. He simply turned and moved to the small building. He knew Logan was moving quickly to follow as he pulled open the door. The temperature inside the small shack was almost twenty degrees lower which made goose bumps break out across his skin. He saw Bobby; he was standing still and shivering in the corner of the cluttered shed. "Bobby?"

Bobby glanced up. "S…sss…Sam, cccc….cccareful…." Another heavy tool; a hammer or some other heavy tool, flew at his head. He ducked to the side, this time disturbing the line of nails. "Ssshhhit."

Logan pushed into the shed. Her hand held out in front of her as she spoke. She saw the two spirits. "Sam, salt." She watched Sam nod and then he was tossing salt at the two child like ghosts as Logan repeated the words that had banished the spirit of her grandmother. The spirits wavered and then were gone.

Bobby fell to one knee. "Wwwhhhat the hell….?" He let Sam pull him to his feet and out of the shed.

Logan shook her head. "I don't know, I sure as hell don't know."

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Dean fought off the bitch formerly known as Meg, coming out of it relatively unscathed, but extremely pissed and confused. He found Ryan and Kate in the living room, still inside the circle of salt that surrounded the iron circle imbedded into the wood floor. He wiped at his lip as he stepped cautiously into the living room. "You two okay? I heard the gun."

Kate nodded and Ryan shook his head.

Dean gave them both a look. "Is it yes or no?" He looked around the room. "Who was here?"

Ryan glanced around the room. Old, but comfortable furniture filled the house. It was used, but still usable. He pointed into the area that housed the kitchen. "We saw Paige."

Dean shook his head. "What the hell is going on?" He held out a hand and helped Kate out of the circle and over to the couch. He settled her down and then moved to the back door just as it flew open. His gun came up, finger on the trigger as Logan entered followed by Bobby leaning heavy on his brother. He pocketed the gun and moved to Bobby's unsupported side. "Someone tell me what the hell is going on. I just chased off Meg." He motioned to the living area. "They just saw Paige. Then there was Hendrickson." He helped Sam set Bobby on a worn, plaid recliner. He glanced between Logan, Sam and Bobby. "Who'd you three run into?"

Sam pointed to Bobby. "Someone from Bobby's past. I have no idea." He glanced to Logan. "You know?"

She shook her head and looked down at her uncle. "I have no idea who Bobby's spooks were, but I ran into one of my own."

Kate sat forward and leaned around Ryan. "Paige said she blamed us for her death." She glanced to Logan and then Bobby. "You guys here anything similar?"

Dean nodded. "I did. That was Meg's ongoing theme." He scratched at his face and glanced around the room. "If the spirits are finding their way inside we need to get somewhere safe." He pointed at the ring of iron set into the floor. "We all can't fit inside that circle."

Bobby grunted. "Greg told me about the basement." He smiled and nodded toward the door in the kitchen. "Seems he and the other hunters who put this place together took a page from my book."

Sam arched an eyebrow. "What the hell does that mean?"

Bobby stood. "Your brother's right. We need to figure out what the hell is going on. It's not just us. Hunters are showing up missing and dead. Greg's got confirmed deaths on at least six in three states. So, whatever's going on is affecting more than just us."

Logan shifted from one foot to another. "These hunters are dying on hunts?"

Bobby shook his head. "No. In their homes, on their turf and in most cases with their own weapons and we aren't talking about new hunters. These are experienced hunters. Hell in two cases they've been hunting longer than me. Something's going on and until we figure it out, Dean's right. We need to find someplace safe."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, well you'd think we'd be safe in here." He looked to Bobby. "I for one would like to know how and why the spirits of the departed are rising up to play tag." He rubbed at his swollen lip. "Because I was living my life just fine before the dead decided to take a page from Ma Bell. Enough of the reaching out and touching."

Bobby stood and moved toward the kitchen. "Gather your gear. We're going to the basement."

**NOTE:** Okay, again this took forever. Part of this is because my life is busy, but the other part honestly was a bit of writers block. I had some editing to do and I just didn't want to do it, but I made myself. So, here's the newest chapter. Again, I borrowed from Kripke, but took my own spin on things. Hopefully, you don't mind it. I've kept it true to his vision while changing it to fit my story. I usually try to do that, but some of what's to come might not follow quite as much. Afterall, I don't want to rewrite the season, but tell my story.

Thanks for ALL the reviews, story alerts and favorite adds. They all mean alot to me and to those who haven't reviewed; please do. I love hearing from you. It inspires my muse to inspire me. Anyway, let me know what you think...if you love or hate.

Special thanks to Dean's evil little hunter. You keep me on my toes. LOL, it's been a joy to get to you know you, so thanks for that review all that time ago!


	18. Blood, Power and Pain

**Blood, Power and Pain**

The basement was, for all intents and purposes, a bomb shelter against the supernatural. The walls and ceiling were made out of iron, while the floor was a special mix of concrete containing iron shavings and salt and it was variegated with areas of crystallized salt and rusted iron. Ventilation was provided through several skylights and fans, the grillwork of which were fashioned into runes and traps and again, made out of iron. There were two sets of bunk beds, a latrine and enough food, water, weapons and other various supplies for four hunters to survive for at least six months.

Dean whistled. "Damn." He looked to Bobby. "And you said that they took a page from your playbook?" He looked around in appreciation. It wasn't huge, but it was livable and Dean would be the first to admit that he'd stayed in much worse accommodations.

Bobby nodded and tossed his gear onto a work bench along the wall. "I built one out of an old silo. It's underground, similar construction, but they've done a few things different." He motioned to the floor and grunted. "When I showed mine to Gregg he asked a million questions. Now I see why."

Sam looked up from helping Ryan settle Kate on one of the bottom bunks. Kate was still sluggish and he didn't like it, especially when Ryan looked at him and shook his head. Instead of becoming more alert, Kate was getting groggier. Sam sat down beside her and pushed hair away from her face. "Kate? Hey, how you feeling?"

She shrugged and folded the pillow up double beneath her head. "Tired and sore, but okay otherwise. I think I'll just rest." Her eyes drifted closed and she turned on her side to face the wall. "I'm fine…both of you." She mumbled into the pillow.

Sam nodded, tucked hair behind her ear and stood. He pulled Ryan across the room and spoke quietly. "You think she's alright?"

Ryan crossed his arms and sighed. He rubbed at his face with a frown. He hadn't shaved in days and his beard was itchy. He hated wearing a beard, but he'd done it from time to time for different reasons and for different people. A small private smile, from a very pleasant memory, curved his lips before he erased it, dropped his hand and looked Sam in the eyes. "I wish I knew. I mean she should be getting better, but I'm not sure she is." He glanced to Kate, who to him, was still too pale and too weak. "Fuck, I wish I knew what they gave her."

"Is there anything you can think of that might help?" Sam looked around the room. He didn't know what he was looking for, and he didn't find it. He was agitated. He needed answers. He knew Ruby might have them, but she'd left. Besides, she and Dean were a long way from getting along. His eyes fell to Logan and the guilt suddenly flowed to the top of his thoughts. He looked back to Kate and sighed. "Damn, I fucked up…" He said quietly, to himself, having completely forgotten that Ryan was right beside him.

Ryan snorted and stepped closer to Sam. They were almost the same height and four or so months ago they'd been about the same build, but Sam had bulked up and his shoulders were now thicker. Ryan leaned into Sam's space. "You're right, you did fuck up." He paused and swallowed his anger. "Just so you know, I appreciate what you did…coming to help us and all, but you hurt her and," Ryan paused to look Sam up and down half in appreciation/half in mild disgust, "while I'm sure you're a great fuck, I'm not sure what else she sees in you. I liked you, but after you left…" He shook his head, shoved at Sam's shoulder and took a step backward. "Either find a way to make it right or give her the closure she needs." He glared and then moved back to the beds.

Sam watched Ryan sit on the edge of Kate's bed and a little bit of jealousy rose in his gut at the easy way he touched Kate. The hand on his shoulder made him jump. He spun to find Logan standing there. Sam noticed her eyes were on Kate and Ryan. He frowned. "Something's not right." He shook his head and crossed his arms before he glanced toward the other side of the bunker to see Dean and Bobby chatting. His gazed moved back to Logan and he sighed. "Can you tell anything?"

Logan swallowed and lifted her eyes from Kate. She nodded slowly. "I know what they gave her. I mean there were the typical drugs, but it's the demon blood cocktail they added to it that's the problem." She frowned when Sam gripped her upper arm. She tugged backward. "You mind?"

Sam shook his head in agitation, but didn't let go. "What's it doing and why?" Sam watched as Logan bit at her lip and cocked her head to the side. He felt the fizzle of energy pull through the room and a small gasp escaped his lips as a tingle shot up his spine. "Fuck…" His eyes went slightly unfocused as Logan's eyes glazed over in pale blue.

Logan felt it too, the power that pulled at her. The sensation in her gut was almost sexual and she made a small sound of pleasure in the back of her throat. Heat pulsed through her starting from where Sam's hand rested on her arm. She took a deep breath and focused on the odd waves of color that swirled through Kate's aura. When she spoke her voice was low and thick. "Vetis and Finn, both of them gave her blood." Her eyebrows pulled together and she stepped away from Sam, his hand falling from her arm. She felt the immediate loss of power. It didn't affect her, but it was like unplugging a laptop. Like when the computer switched to battery power; still just as powerful, just different. Her eyes were on Kate as she moved to the bed.

Ryan could feel the power and the hairs on his neck stood up. He looked over his shoulder and shivered, but didn't move. Logan was less than a foot away and getting closer and while he didn't like the look in her eyes, Ryan couldn't move. He watched as Logan fell to her knees with a strange look on her face. Logan's left hand fell to Kate's forehead and then Kate moaned.

Dean caught Sam's shoulder when he saw his brother's jaw tighten just seconds before Sam started across the small space between him and Kate. "Hey, she won't hurt her." Dean's voice was quiet, close to his brother's ear as he pulled the taller man backward. "Take it easy."

Something in Sam screamed at him to intervene. He turned to see Dean's frown and he knew by the set of Dean's shoulders that moving wasn't going to be easy. "Dean…"

Dean nodded in understanding at his brother's strangled word. "It's alright, man…stay calm." Dean's eyes flittered across the room to where Logan was now on her knees beside Kate's cot. "She'd never hurt her."

Sam spun to glare at his bother even as Kate whimpered. "She is hurting her." He pulled away and managed two steps before Logan's face turned to his.

Logan, eerie eyes glowing, shook her head. "Don't. Let me help her." She waited for Sam's nod before turning back to the woman on the bed. "The blood was used to mark the owner of the sacrifice. To gain favor, but it would also force her to evil quicker." Logan stretched out Kate's arm. She saw the puncture marks in the bend of the elbow and traced the vein that ran up toward her shoulder. "I can pull it out, but it's already poisoned her. That I can't fix. She'll be in pain for a few hours." Her eyes found Sam's before she looked to her uncle. "Do we have drugs? Something strong to keep her sedated?"

Bobby shrugged. "Not sure, I mean I have what I packed, but it's not much." He looked around and moved to the wall with shelving. He pulled a few boxes out, and looked through them until he found what he was looking for. He tossed a bag with a large RX printed on it to Ryan. "See what you can find and I'll pull out what I have."

When Ryan stood and slid to the other bunk so he could see the contents of the bag easier, Sam moved closer to Logan and Kate. Logan's voice, which he knew automatically that only he could hear, stopped him. Her eyes looked right through him. "Sam, the poison in her will sense the poison in yours. You come close and it will be harder on her. She'll want what you have in your veins."

Sam growled, but backed off. He moved across the room and when Dean tried to stop him, clearing not understanding, he shoved his brother away with a curse. "Leave me the fuck alone Dean. Logan's put me on the sidelines." His fists clenched along with his jaw and then he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. His eyes were pleading with Dean when he spoke. "Make sure she's okay."

Dean was confused, but he nodded. "Sam, I…"

Logan interrupted. "It's complicated Dean, just trust Sam, okay?"

The older Winchester's eyes, filled with concern, moved to Logan. His expression quickly shifted to confused anger but he sighed and nodded. "Fine, but eventually you're both gonna explain this shit to me."

Logan looked up when Ryan slipped into the bed with Kate. She gave him confused look. "That might not be a great idea." She watched Ryan slip behind Kate and settle her back against his chest.

He looked up at Logan with determination. "Look, I'd die for Katie and she'd do the same for me. She's the best friend I've ever had and so help me I'm not going to leave her alone for anything." His gaze moved to the girl in his arms and he kissed the top of her head as he pulled hair away from her face. He mumbled comforting sounds to her and when she snorted and told him he was being "a girl" he chuckled. He looked to Logan. "This is how it's gonna be." He held up his hand, a prefilled syringe in it. "I found some Valium and morphine. It's not much but it'll help." He unfolded Kate's arm and shifted to her side a bit. He gripped her arm, just above the elbow and waited until the thick vein in the center of her arm bulged a bit. He pulled the cap from the needle and with practiced ease slid the sharp tip into the vein. Even one handed it was simple and he hushed Kate when she made some comment. He pulled back on the plunger, watched blood spiral through the clear fluid in the barrel and then added quietly. "It's gonna burn Katie…stay with me baby." Then he pushed the plunger slowly and injected the now pinkish fluid.

Logan watched and nodded as Ryan soothed Kate even as he withdrew the needle and with his thumb put pressure on the small leaking wound. She watched the drugs take effect. Kate went slack against the man behind her, who lifted her chin to keep her airway open and kissed her face softly. It was evident that he loved her and the tender way Ryan handled Kate, like she might break, made something turn in her heart. She took a deep breath and focused. "Okay." She turned to the men behind her. "If she starts thrashing one of you might have to help hold her." Bobby and Dean nodded and stepped a bit closer.

Sam watched from across the room. He felt it when Logan pulled her power in tight around her. It energized him and he stood straighter. The connection was still there, stronger even, than it had been before. His eyes flicked over her still flat belly. She still didn't know who the father was, but something in Sam made him believe it was his. The strength he felt, the connection when they touched the protective urge that rose up inside him. He shook his head and took a half step toward the bunk when Kate screamed. Then in frustration he turned and faced the wall, his hands pressed against his ears to try and drown out her sounds of pain.

Dean stepped in and pressed Kate's legs to the bed as he stared at Logan. The lyrical words she chanted and the odd frision of energy that licked through the room indicated just how much power she had. He watched as sweat beaded on Logan's forehead and he leaned closer to let his hand fall to Logan's. When she gripped it, Dean went stiff. He felt, he heard, he tasted and he knew. Emotion and need poured through him and then a flash of pain. He moaned and bit his lip until he tasted blood, but he couldn't pull away.

The next thing Dean knew, Bobby was over him asking him if he was alright. He blinked up at the old hunter disoriented and sick to his stomach. His eyes went wide with panic and then Logan touched him and the sickness faded. She came into view over him, eyes back to normal and forehead creased in concern. She smiled. "Hey, you alright then big guy?" She winked and gripped his hand, helping into a sitting position.

Dean frowned and shook his head; waiting for the dizziness he thought would follow the position change to hit him. When it didn't he spoke up. "I guess." He rubbed at the tender spot on the back of his head. "What the hell happened?"

Logan straightened and held her hand out to help Dean stand. She snorted when Sam answered before she could.

"You passed out, you pussy." Sam was beside the bunk in a folding chair. He caught his brother's eye and smiled before looking back to Kate. "You were fine and then flat out on your back."

Dean felt himself blush. "Shut up jackass." He pushed an agitated hand through his hair. "Well how'd everything go?" He looked from Sam to Logan.

Logan sighed. "She's resting now. I did what I could."

Dean motioned with his head across the room and laced his fingers with Logan's. She followed him away from the bunks. He watched Bobby and Ryan page through books and found it funny that Bobby had recruited the other man to assist with research. A small private area were the latrine was stashed had been created between a line of shelves and an outside wall. He slipped into the tight space and pulled Logan in with him. He watched her look up at him from under her short bangs. He lifted a hand and fingered the short hair. "I like it." His voice was quiet, but sincere.

She smiled and rolled her eyes. "You pull me across the room to compliment my hair?"

Dean's hand dropped to his side and he shook his head. "No." He watched her face. "What does this mean for Kate?"

Logan shook her head and shrugged. She couldn't help but lean into Dean. She'd missed him so much and she needed to feel him. Reassure herself he was there, alive and breathing. Her forehead hit the center of his chest and she breathed in the pure male scent of him. She held her breath then, wanting and needing him to hold her and her hands came up between them to rest high on his waist. Her breath caught in an almost silent sob and just before she gave up and pulled away his arms went around her. She felt the tears and turned her face to the side when he pulled her tight against him.

Dean pulled Logan against him and pressed kisses to the top of her head. "Fuck, I'm sorry." He wouldn't say he wasn't still angry, but he knew she didn't do it to hurt him. Hell, he understood the need to surround yourself with the familiar. "It'll be okay. I don't know how, but it will."

Logan let his strength and warmth soak into her as she nodded against his chest. She wiped at her eyes and sighed before pulling back to look up at him. She frowned. "I hate being this way."

Dean gave her a puzzled look and pushed back her bangs. "Huh?"

She rolled her eyes and wiped at the tears on her face. "This crying shit sucks." She growled and wiped her face on her sleeve one last time. She looked over to Kate and dropped her voice. "I don't know what's left. I did what I could, but I think something's gonna bite us in the ass over this."

Dean's hands rubbed over Logan's back, soothing motions that he didn't even realize he was doing. "She's strong. I think she'll fight whatever it is they did to her."

Logan nodded unconsciously. "She will, but it's marked her. I can't pull the stain off her aura and I don't know what that means." Her eyes slid over Sam and she let the power rise up to change her eyes. She saw Sam turn and look at her; he could feel when she did it now. He knew. She looked at him, searched his aura and then nodded. When she looked back to Dean, her eyes were normal again. "Sam's aura is similar. I mean the stain is deeper, darker and more pronounces, but it matches the one on Kate."

Dean grunted and his hands gripped at Logan's hips. "Makes sense; Azazel fed Sam blood, but he's had it in him longer."

Logan nodded and then tucked her head beneath Dean's chin. "Yeah, but something's worrying me." She wrapped her arms around Dean's waist and shivered when his hand moved around to skim up her side. His thumb brushed across her nipple and she bit her lip. "Fuck…" Her voice was quiet, barely a whisper.

Dean smiled. He missed her and he wanted her, but he knew that now wasn't the time or place. He lifted a hand to her face and cupped her cheek, titling her head toward him. "I miss you baby…" His breath ghosted over her lips and then his lips found hers. Soft and seductive he melded their lips together and waited for her to sigh. When she did, his tongue slid in to taste her. He pulled her against his chest and angled her head to deepen the kiss even more.

Her hands slid to his waist, gripped his belt as she rocked into him. She knew no matter what was between them, they would always have this. Her breath caught and she swallowed the moan that followed Dean's hand sliding to her ass and pulling her against the hard length of him in his jeans.

Bobby cleared his throat. "Hey, you two need to wrap it up. We got work to do." The old man shook his head as he walked to a work bench and flipped on a small light. "And you know, there isn't any privacy to be had, so if I were you, I'd save it for later." He winked at Ryan.

Ryan laughed. "I don't know. I mean it might be all kinds of fun to watch."

Dean pulled back with a groan. "I ever tell you how much that uncle of yours gets under my skin?"

Logan nodded and straightened her clothes. "Yeah. I ever tell you how cute you are when you've been cock blocked?"

Dean landed a playful slap on her ass and pulled her in for a quick, but serious kiss. He pulled back and smiled down at her as she bit at her lip and struggled to focus. "Mmm, I ever tell you how cute you are when you want me?" He maneuvered them both out of the small alcove. "Okay old man, you have any information or you just feel left out?" He puckered his lips at Bobby and winked.

Bobby rolled his eyes, held an old book out with one hand and pointed to something on the page with another. "You see that before?"

Dean slid around Logan and pulled the book closer. He squinted at the symbol on the page and cocked his head to the side. "Yeah…" He looked over to his brother. "Sammy, you ever remember Meg having a tattoo before?"

Sam shook his head, brushed hair from Kate's cheek and then left her side to look at the book. "No." He looked at the book in Dean's hands and pursed his lips in thought. "But, I swear that Hendrickson had the same mark."

Bobby sighed and rubbed at his forehead before readjusting his hat. "I was afraid of that."

By this time Logan had managed to get between the brothers and pull the book so she could see it. "What the hell is it?"

"It's the mark of the witnesses. It's a seal, break 'em and we have an apocalypse." He sighed and moved back to the work bench where another book sat. "Someone's trying to end the world. I think they focused on hunters because, well because they knew we'd get in the way."

Sam watched Bobby page through the book. "What the hell are seals?" He crossed his arms and watched his brother and Logan. "And why?"

Bobby handed a book to Logan. "You recognize that?" He waited for her to look over the page and turn to the next. When she nodded he continued. "Knew you would and you know what it is, what it means?"

Logan glared at her uncle. "Yes." She traced the pattern on the page. "It's for calling spirits. It ties them to a certain person." She looked at the book, still in Dean's hands and then held the page out so that Dean could see it. "Part of the seal is from this." She pointed to the rune she was tracing. "I recognize another part of it too. Here." She pointed to a section of the illustration. "This means ordered or commanded."

Dean grunted as he cocked his head to the side and looked at her with some confusion. "So, someone sent them after us?"

Logan met her uncle's eyes and then Deans. She nodded. "Yeah, someone who knows enough about our pasts to use it against us. These ghosts want revenge for something they feel we did to them." She shrugged. "They're being influenced, so it might not be something we actually did, but it doesn't matter to them. They only have one thought in their heads." She looked around the room, her face grim. "To kill us."

Bobby grunted and turned back to the workbench. "Well, the good news is; I found away to banish 'em all back to where they came from." He pulled a book from the stack and turned a couple of pages.

Sam shook his head. "So what's the bad news then?"

Bobby flashed an ornery grin. "We need fire, so we can't do it down here and we're gonna have to hope we can round up a few special ingredients boys."

**Author's Note:**

I wanted this chapter to be longer, but school is causing me to hate writing and editing...not really so much with the story, but by the time I'm done with homework I sooo don't want to look at anymore words on a screen. So, in order to get SOMETHING posted I'm posting this shorter than planned. Nothing much going on, but the story moves forward.

I really hope school doesn't squash all my creativity, because that sucks. Let me know what you think and I'm so sorry for the lack of timely updates.


	19. Angels Bless and Angels Keep

**Angels Bless and Angels Keep**

Sam was pissed when Ryan curled into the full sized bed with Kate. He glared; his hands fisted at his side, but Ryan's statement about being close in case she needed anything did make sense. His jaw was clenched as he flopped onto the couch with a quiet curse. Sam rolled to his back and shook his head at the sight of Bobby asleep on the recliner with his shotgun resting across his lap. He sighed, tucked a pillow under his head and closed his eyes.

Logan checked in on Kate and then slipped outside before pulling her keys from her pocket. She was tense, agitated and worried. Her grandmother had always hated her, and ghost or not, her grandmother had just tried to kill her. She shook her head when the tears threatened and then wiped her face with a curse as she took a deep, steadying breath. "Never again Grandmother…I won't let you make me cry again."

Her hand shook as she slipped the key into the trunk lock. The trunk opened and she stared at the mess of boxes, packs and weapons. She really needed to clean the thing out, but now wasn't the time. She shoved a couple of half filled boxes aside and pulled out a small nylon backpack and a hoodie. She slipped the sweatshirt on and then shut the trunk quietly before setting the bag on the closed trunk. Out of habit she glanced around the perimeter of the driveway and house, but wasn't able to see much in the dark. It was late, close to eleven and she was exhausted, but she could only think of one thing.

She pulled a pack of cigarettes from the outside pocket and sighed; fuck she needed to smoke so damn bad. In a practiced motion, she pulled one from the pack and slipped it between her lips. She searched the same pocket for her lighter, found it and flipped the Zippo open. She held the blue flame to the end and inhaled. When the tip burned red, she let the hot, acrid smoke fill her lungs. Almost immediately, she felt herself relax. She knew she shouldn't smoke, but fuck it's not every day the dead come back to drag you to hell with them.

Her eyes drifted closed, her head fall back as she exhaled and she leaned back against the car. She apologized to the baby inwardly and frowned as she took another long pull on the cigarette. Half; that's all she'd let herself smoke, just half. The sound of boots on gravel made her jump, hand going to the gun in her belt as she straightened. She saw Dean and sighed, relaxing back against the car and then realized it was too early to relax. "Fuck…"

Dean reached for the cigarette that she still had between her lips. "What the hell?" He held it up in front of her face. "Seriously Logan?"

Logan watched as smoke rose from the burning tip and she shrugged. "I'm trying Dean, fuck it all I'm trying, but today was hell and I needed it." She watched him casually flick the ash from the tip, like someone who smoked regularly before dropping it to the ground to put it out with the toe of his boot. "Look I was only going to smoke half of it."

Dean sighed, he hadn't come out to yell at her, but to make sure she was alright. "I know you're trying…I'm not here to lecture you." He took a step closer and settled his hip beside hers against the car. He watched her out of the corner of his eye. "You doing okay?"

Logan shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest. Things were still a little awkward between them. "I guess."

He grunted. "You feel okay?"

She nodded and dragged her boot through the gravel. "Yeah, tired, but fine." She looked up at him, noticed the strain on his face and the worry that seemed to be a permanent part of him since he came back. She missed him. "How 'bout you? You okay?" She knew the answer would be a lie, but she'd ask anyway in the hope that he might actually share with her.

He took a deep breath and turned so that he could slip his arms around the woman beside him. He pulled her back to his chest and rested his chin on the top of her head. "I'm just tired…fuck, I need a vacation."

Logan leaned back against him and tilted her head so that she could see his face. "I wish we lived like everyone else…you know, totally ignorant of all this shit." She gripped his arms, pulling them tighter around her as she sighed. "I hate knowing about the end of the world."

Dean chuckled and kissed her temple. "We don't know that for sure. I mean seals? Apocalypse? Angels? God? Come on, really?"

"I'm still not sure how you believe in demons and evil and hell and ignore the other side. " She turned to face him, her arms going around his neck as his settled on her hips. She leaned back so she could see his face more easily. "Isn't what I am proof enough? We are talking about angels indwelling my father…bringing me to life…all my special gifts...doesn't any of that mean anything to you?"

His eyebrow rose. "We only have best guesses, not real facts." His fingers gripped her hips as he pulled her against him. "You mean something to me…" His voice dropped an octave, his pupils wide as his head slowly moved closer to hers. "I don't care about the rest of this shit…" His lips grazed hers. "Just you…"

Logan hiccupped when his mouth found hers, this time in a passionate kiss that made her weak in the knees. One hand slid to his head, the other gripped his shoulder as she opened her mouth to the onslaught of his tongue. She needed him so much; to prove he was alive, to prove he needed her and to prove he loved her. She pressed herself against him as if she were trying to occupy the same space he was. The kiss didn't gentle and she whimpered when one of his hands slid between them to rest on her belly.

He pulled back and looked at her as he panted to catch his breath. "This matters to me too…" His eyes found hers and he swallowed back the sudden rush of protectiveness that poured through him. "Family Logan." His other hand slid to cup her cheek as he kissed her again, quickly and possessively. "Family always matters, no matter what…" he paused, struggled for control of his anger and need and then nodded. "You understand me?"

She pressed her cheek into his palm and nodded, barely noticing that she was crying…again. She forced her breathy reply out. "Yeah…family." Her free hand covered the one on her belly while her eyes were glued to his. "I'm sorry." Her eyes dropped. The apology was sincere and too simple to cover all the things she was sorry about.

"I know and fuck I am too." He clasped her hand and slid both their hands behind her back, using the leverage to press her more firmly against him. He cocked his head to the side. "I need you baby…I know it's not the time or the place, but fuck…" He attacked her mouth and spun so that she was leaning against the car behind her. He bent her back and kissed her heatedly as he ground his hips against hers. "Want you now…need it so much…" He gasped out between kisses and bites to her lower lip.

Logan growled and whimpered as she tried to pull her hand from his. He finally released her and her hand slid into his hair. She used her grip to pull his mouth from hers. "Please…yes…" Was all she managed before his mouth trailed down her throat and she moaned thick and heavy. The knee that was suddenly pressing between her legs wasn't helping any either. Both her hands gripped his hair and pressed him to her. She felt his hand slide beneath her clothes and up her side. His cold skin making her shiver and she gasped when he roughly grabbed her left breast and rolled the nipple.

He pulled back suddenly, but his hand lingered for a few seconds before falling to his side as he looked at her, panting and shaking, "Not here…where?" He looked around the property and then nodded off to the left of the house. "Shed…" He grabbed her hand and her knapsack, pulled her to the Impala, popped the trunk, deposited her bag, grabbed a sleeping bag and then with a smile he pulled her to his side. He kissed her soundly before slapping her ass and moving to the shed.

The door was locked, but was easily picked, and inside a minute Dean was pocketing the padlock. Logan had the sleeping bag and was already unrolling it as he smiled at the well organized shed. There was also a slot for the shed to be locked from the inside, so he slid the padlock into place and clicked it shut. He leaned back against the door, saw the bag of salt and lined the door. There was a single light bulb hanging, but he ignored it and pulled a battery operated camp lantern from a shelf. He turned the switch to low and smiled at the warm glow that filled the small room.

Logan watched Dean and shivered, not from the cold, but from the need that pounded through her veins. She leaned against a shelf and untied her boots before toeing them off and then unzipping the hoodie. She smiled at Dean when he set the lantern on a low shelf and watched her. The sweatshirt fell to the floor and she undid her belt. Her eyes were on Dean the entire time. She watched the way his breath caught and the passion glaze in his eyes. She felt the heat and moisture pool between her legs and slowly pulled the zipper of her jeans down. She paused and smiled as she reached up to pull her shirt over her head. Then he was on her.

He'd pulled off his boots and belt before tossing his flannel over a lawnmower. He watched as Logan undressed and when he couldn't wait anymore he rushed her. He needed to feel her beneath his fingers. All those years in the pit, this what he'd thought of; of her. How she smelled, how soft her skin was, that little mole below her collar bone and most of all the weight of her beside him. He moaned as his mouth found hers. He wanted to be gentle, but he needed to claim her. He needed to make her his, over and over and over again. She belonged with him, not his brother and not that demon bitch Ruby. Words of need rushed from his mouth…all the dirty things he wanted to do to her and all the ways he needed her.

Her sexy laugh filled the small space. All of it sounded good to her. She undid his jeans and pushed them down his hips. "All of that?" She couldn't help but tease. "Damn baby…I wouldn't walk for a week." She gasped when his hand slid inside her panties and a finger curled inside her wet heat. She gripped his shoulder to steady herself and rocked against his hand. "Fuck…" Her chest was tight with need.

Dean kissed up her neck to her ear. "Feel good; you need that?" His lips found hers. "God knows…I need you too." He pulled his hand from her jeans and helped her get his off before grabbing hers and tugging them down pulling her panties with them. He knelt and helped her step out of them before looking up at her from his knees. His fingers lightly traced up the inside of her legs and he pressed a kiss to her belly. "Logan, I love you."

She caught the whimper in her throat and dropped to her knees to pull him against her. "I love you too." She shivered as her eyes found his. "Please Dean, I want you…." She tugged on his hand, moving it to where she wanted his touch. She bit at her lip and almost cried when he circled her clit. "Oh my god…." her eyes fell shut with a long drawn out moan.

Dean's finger played over her and then slid inside. His mouth slid down her neck to her breasts. He sucked and bit at her nipples loving the way she moved against him. He settled her back, her head resting on her jeans and sweatshirt and let his mouth skim lower, over her belly, her hip and then his tongue found her clit. He added a second finger insider her and lapped hungrily at her core.

She arched up against his mouth, her hands buried in his hair. Her eyes were wide as she watched his head move between her legs. "Dean, god…please…" Her knees were bent and wide as she struggled toward what she needed; what Dean could give her.

Dean's tongue twisted and curled as his fingers thrust inside her. He moaned at the taste of her, the feel her and he pressed a third finger inside her, making sure to hit her sweet spot. He didn't stop and he added his teeth, dragging them over her sensitive flesh. He willed her to cum. He needed to be inside her.

Logan growled, pressed him against her hard and felt the pressure inside her build and then pop. She keened. Her wordless sound of pleasure filled the small space as her head fell backward against one of the metal shelving units.

Dean lifted his head and chuckled when a pair of canvas work gloves fell from the shelf and landed beside her head. "Bringing down the house are we?" He slid his fingers from inside Logan and kissed his way back up her body.

Logan purred and stretched feeling relaxed for the first time in days. "Mmm…" Her nails raked down his back when he sucked at her neck. She picked up the gloves and smiled at them before tossing them away. "Yeah, well it felt like it…" She smiled when Dean settled beside her and pushed her hair off her face.

Dean smiled but rocked his hard cock against her hip with a short moan. He traced her cheek with his fingertips and then bent to kiss her. The kiss started slow, but it was filled with longing and soon became desperate. He pulled back with a groan. His forehead was pressed against hers. "Need you, Logan…need you so much…" He shifted to his back, bringing her over him and smiled up at her as she grabbed his cock and steadied him.

She licked her lips. He was so sexy and his eyes sparkled in the light of the lantern. "Need you too baby." She whispered as she settled herself over him and let him slide inside.

Dean gripped her hips and as she lowered herself his breath left him in a long drawn out hiss. He watched her face and liked what he saw. Her lip was between her lips and her eyes were closed. She was completely unguarded and the emotion he saw on her face made him tighten even more.

Logan's hands moved to Dean's chest where she braced herself and then she rocked forward. Her clit rubbed against Dean's pubic bone and she moaned when sensation shot through her again. "Ohhh…" She sounded surprised, even to herself and when Dean chuckled, her eyes shot open and she glared.

"Feel good sweetheart?" Dean's voice was filled with self-satisfaction. He rocked his hips upward and smiled when she whimpered softly in the back of her throat. He liked that he got to her, made her feel what he felt. "Mmm, feels good to me…" He rocked again and moaned. "Feels so damn good to be inside you…" His fingers dug into her hips and he willed her to move. He needed more. "Move for me baby…please."

She smiled down at him and lifted her hips. She nodded as the movement sent electricity up her spine. "Shit…" The heat coiled inside her flared and the small ember began to grow. She moved again and moaned when Dean moved with her. "Yesss…" Her eyes bore into his as she rode over him.

There was no hurry. Their movements were in sync; all slow and deliberate. They moved together, both of them aware of the other, each movement meant to push the other closer.

Dean's hand fell to where their bodies met and his finger played over Logan's clit. The pressure in time with their movements and he watched as the orgasm rose up and caught her. He felt her hesitate and then pulse around him. Her eyes went wide, still locked on his and then she made a sound in her throat and fell over him.

Logan's mouth found his and she kissed him, letting him know how much she loved him and how sorry she was. She continued to move as her climax slid over her. She felt the relaxed feeling that followed and moaned into Dean's mouth.

He bent his outside leg and rolled so that she was beneath him and then smiled down at her. "Need to cum baby…" His voice whispered in her ear and he felt her shiver and nod against him. He canted his hips and moved against her and into her. He bent her legs and nodded when they slid around his waist to pull him closer. "God baby…yes…" His body took over and he sought his own release. His movements began faster, and harder. Logan's nails pressed into his shoulders and her breath started coming in gasps. "Gonna cum again for me baby?" He slammed into her, holding his weight on his forearms and kissed at her neck. "Can't hold…on Logan…" He panted against her ear.

She moaned and moved urgently beneath him, her hand sliding between them so she could touch herself, get herself there faster. She arched up and gasped. She was close…so close.

Dean felt it and he held on. Sweat beaded on his head and he slanted his hips in a way to help her reach her goal. He was rewarded when her breath caught and she purred in her throat. "Yeah baby…god yes…" He felt her tremble and then he slammed down frantically against her.

Logan moaned as his movements drew out her climax. She moaned and moved against him; with him.

"Gonna cum Logan…fuck…" He managed to get out and then he came hard with a loud strangled sound before collapsing over her and nuzzling in her neck as he tried to catch his breath.

Logan panted beneath him, exhausted. It was late and she was tired before they'd started. She shoved at his shoulder lightly. "Move it…" She said playfully even as she savored the weight of him against her.

Dean smiled but rolled to his side, pulling her over his chest and kissing the top of her head. He let out a contented sigh and relaxed against the hard floor. "Mmm, that was sweet baby."

Logan snuggled against Dean's chest and enjoyed what she knew would be an all too short moment of peace. As the post sex lassitude faded everything else rushed back in and she felt it settle over her like a lead blanket. She closed her eyes and wished it away. She didn't want to face any of it. She shivered when Dean's hand drifted over the brand on her side as an odd tingling sensation rushed over her. A slight buzzing filled her head and her eyes flashed.

Dean felt it and raised his head in question. "What is it?" He was already reaching for his clothes; his gun. He shimmied into his jeans as Logan sat beside him with an odd, faraway look on her face. "Logan, what the hell?" He pulled his shirt over his head and when his face was free of the material he felt the presence.

Castiel stood just inside the door. His clothes were the same as they'd been in the barn; his tie loose, trench coat wrinkled. He held up a hand and eyed Dean with mild amusement when Dean began to bring up the gun. "Haven't we been through that already?" When Dean looked undecided he added. "I'm not here to hurt you Dean, but we need to talk."

Logan sat there as if in a trance, her pale eyes blazing. When Castiel spoke, she stood, completely uncaring that she was naked. She couldn't explain the way she felt, the feeling of family and home that rushed over her. Her hand rose and she reached toward the angel.

Castiel smiled warmly. "All is well." He motioned with his hand and Logan popped out of her trance enough to realize she was cold.

She reached blindly for her pants and shirt and dressed while she spoke. "What are you doing here, now? What's going on?"

Dean's eyebrows screwed together as he watched the strangeness unfold around himself. "That's a damn good question." He took a step toward the angel. "By the way…" He waved his hand around impatiently. "Thanks for all the angelic assistance." He glared at Castiel. "I almost got my heart ripped out, Bobby got hurt and where were you. Aren't you angels supposed to be guardians?" He almost spit at the unkempt man.

Castiel leveled his gaze at the hunter. "Read the Bible Dean. We're soldiers; warriors of God."

"Yeah if there is a God." Dean glanced to Logan and caught the disapproving look on her face. "What proof do we have that he actually exists? Huh? What? I go to hell, people here are getting gutted, killed? He just planning to wait until what? Monsters roaming the earth, the freakin apocalypse what? Tell me, at what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?"

The angel sighed and shook his head, he wasn't used to the disbelief. "The Lord works…"

Dean cut him off and took half a step toward him. "So help me, you say mysterious ways and I will kick your ass."

Castiel looked to Logan and threw his hands up in exasperation. He waited and watched the frustration and anger cross over Dean's face. He saw the way Logan looked at him and then moved toward the hunter. He watched as she settled her hand on the low of his back and it seemed to calm him.

Logan's presence cut through his frustration and he calmed a bit, let the thoughts form and then spoke. "So, Bobby was right. The witnesses were a sign of the apocalypse."

Cass nodded. "That's why we're here. There are big things afoot."

Dean snorted and slipped his hand into Logan's, "Do I want to know what kind of things?"

"I sincerely doubt it, but you need to know." Castiel took a breath and continued on about the breaking of the seals. "The seals are being broken by Lilith."

"What are the seals anyway?" Logan asked quietly, her eyes still glowing eerily.

Castiel's steely eyes slid to her. "Think of them as locks on a door."

Logan nodded. "And when the last one is opened?"

Eyes moved from Logan to Dean and then Castiels resigned voice added. "Lucifer walks free."

Dean's eyes went wide. "Lucifer? He's just a story from demon Sunday school."

Logan looked to Dean. "You didn't believe in angels two days ago Dean."

He snorted. "Still not sure I do." He gave Castiel a hard look. "But if you guys are real and you're here to stop the seals, you aren't doing so good." He rolled his eyes. "Stellar work with those witnesses, I mean it; nice."

"There are other battles Dean, other fronts and other seals. Some we'll win and some…" He paused. "This one, we lost." He watched the reproach on Dean's face and anger flared behind his eyes. He stepped into Dean's space, looked up at the slightly taller man. His voice took on an edge. "Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week." A thread of what might be considered disgust crept into the angel's voice. "Do you think the armies of heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture Dean."

Dean felt Logan beside him, her hand in his, and he felt like he did when his father dressed him down after he screwed up. He straightened his back and caught the angel's eyes, but before he could open his mouth the angel spoke again.

"You should show me some respect." He pressed closer, his voice menacing. "I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Dean's eyes dropped and he felt the angel back off. He looked up and opened his mouth, but Logan gripped his hand to silence him.

She took half a step toward the angel. "Castiel?"

"Yes?" The angel's eyes lightened and the lines on his face smoothed.

Logan's hand settled low over her stomach and she bit at her lip. "Can you…" Her eyes drifted closed for a second and she prayed; wished for what she wanted. When she opened her eyes they glowed with the sheen of tears. "I need…" She looked to Dean, saw the pain on his face and cleared her throat before she looked back at the angel. Once again the feeling of peace washed over her when she saw him through her sight. "We…" She nodded. "We need to know."

Castiel looked from the girl to the hunter and then back. His eyebrows pulled together and he shook his head. "The child is well and is destined for greats beyond what I know. " He smiled. "As I've said, you are blessed."

Dean slid beside Logan. "It doesn't matter Logan…" His voice was tight and he looked at the dark haired man. "He doesn't know and it doesn't matter."

Castiel shook his head. "It matters a great deal Dean." He stepped toward Logan and pressed his fingers to her head. When she gasped he spoke and the lyrical language filled the room with a dull light and heat. After a few long seconds he dropped his hand. "Be at peace, the will of our Father will be done."

There was a soft sound of wind and the angel was gone.

**Note:** School...I hate it. I'm learning alot, but ugh...I hate it. I'm still working on the story, I hate that it's taking so long for updates, but I'm still writing. Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it guys!


	20. The Lies People Tell

**The Lies People Tell**

Dean sat up and the sudden rush of air from his lungs made a loud whooshing sound in the room. He stared wide eyed and confused at the wall in front of him still gasping for breath as he blinked himself awake. His heart was pounding in his ears, but when a warm hand settled against his thigh he sighed.

"You okay?" Logan's sleep husked voice hit him and in a way grounded him. She sat up beside him and wiped a hand over her eyes as she looked at the clock on the small table between the beds. Her voice was low. "It's early baby…"

Dean lifted his arm and waited for her to snuggle against him. When she did he laid them both back and pulled the sheet up over them. "Yeah, just a bad dream." He didn't believe it for one second. It wasn't a dream, he knew that. He knew it was real. Knew his mother was a hunter, his grandfather possessed and then killed. He knew how his mother made the deal. He closed his eyes and a slow shudder ran through him.

Logan lifted her head from Dean's chest and eyed him critically in the dark. "You want to talk about it?" She knew he wouldn't. He still didn't talk about his time in hell. She laid her hand on his chest, just over his heart and watched his face. She saw the short shake of his head. "I'm here whenever you're ready then." She yawned and stretched before deciding she had to use the bathroom. She slid from the bed. "Need to…" She pointed at the bathroom and wrapped her arms around her chest as the chill of the air hit her.

Dean watched her go and then tucked an arm under his head as he stared at the ceiling. A small smile lifted his lips at the memory of his mother. As much as the information stunned him, he enjoyed the insight into the youth of his parents. "You go dad…" He whispered and then swung his feet over the side of the bed. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep and he knew it.

* * *

Kate rolled over and stared at the clock. It was five thirty. She'd heard Sam leave, but assumed he was going to talk to his brother. It wasn't until the headlights and car door that she realized he'd left. She rolled over and accidently elbowed Ryan in the side. When he umphed, she apologized.

He sat up wiping his face as he yawned and stretched. He shifted in the bed, tucking the pillows against the headboard, before leaning back and pulling Kate against his chest. "What's wrong Katie?"

"Sam's been gone for hours." Her fingers played over the worn cotton of Ryan's t-shirt. "A car came, he got in and he hasn't come back yet."

Ryan squinted at the clock. "How long ago?"

"It was close to three. I'm starting to get worried." She sat up, crossing her legs Indian style, so she could see Ryan's face. "Should we wake Dean or do you think he knows?"

Ryan cocked his head to the side and listened. "Dean's up. I can hear him and Logan talking through these damn thin walls." He fisted his hand and banged against the wall behind his head.

A few seconds later they heard the locks being undone on the adjoining door just before Dean pushed it open. He had his gun loose in his hand as he leaned against the doorjamb in nothing but his jeans. "Something wrong?"

"Sam's missing." Ryan said nodding to the empty bed. "Kate says he left around three."

Dean slid to the window and pulled back the curtain. "Car's still here."

Kate slipped from the bed. "I saw headlights, heard a car door and then when I looked out the window no one was there."

Dean cursed under his breath and slid back through the adjoining door. "Logan…Sam's gone." He poked his head back in their room. "You two stay here. Me and Logan are gonna find him." He was wearing a t-shirt now and was pulling a flannel on as he glanced over his shoulder. "Logan! Come on, get a move on."

Logan showed up a second later, her boots in her hand as she slid her handgun into the pocket of her leather jacket. "You know where he is?" She asked as she sat on the corner of the dresser to pull her left boot on.

Dean hesitated, opened his mouth, shut it and then sighed in disgust. "No. I have no damn idea."

Logan shook her head. "Then where are we in a hurry to go?" She tied her boot and then slid the other one on, tying it as she looked from Dean to Kate to Ryan. "I mean he could be anywhere."

"No, he's not anywhere." The angel's voice startled everyone, including Logan. They all watch as he moved to Dean and looked up at him. "He's on a dangerous path."

Dean shook his head with a growl. "So is that east or west of here?"

Castiel made a frustrated sound. "I'm serious Dean. The road he's chosen is dangerous. If you don't stop him…" Castiel looks away for a second and then back at Dean. "Then WE will."

* * *

Dean watched from outside the broken window. He watched as his brother did the impossible. He felt a knife twist in his gut. He'd heard Logan tell him, but seeing it…His hands fisted and he almost missed Logan's quiet voice in his ear. He turned to face her. "Don't tell me to calm down…don't you dare…"

She sighed and dropped her hand. She knew she couldn't stop what was coming, so she didn't try. Even as Sam was attempting to explain to Ruby how his head didn't hurt anymore, Dean stormed into the building demanding to know what was going on.

Sam saw his brother and knew he was pissed. He cursed quietly and then watched as Dean turned on Ruby. He was afraid for her for, but he managed to pull his brother off the demon and tried to calm him down while Ruby took the confused host outside. He wished they would have gotten the information they had been after. Lilith wasn't making anything easy on them.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Dean stormed off and left him standing there confused and angry. Sam pushed away from the wall and almost ran into Logan. "Shit Logan, what the fuck?"

Logan took a step forward to invade Sam's space. "What are you doing Sam?"

He shook his head and wiped his face. "Saving people's lives Logan." He pointed out the door. "How do you think that poor jerk would have ended up if I hadn't pulled that demon out of him?" He glared at her. "Don't get all moral on me now." He bent over her. "I'm just fighting them with everything I have Logan. What's so different about me and you?"

She shook her head. "Don't even go there." She pushed a finger into his chest. "You and I both know there's a difference." She looked up at him, her voice low. "Should I remind you what the big difference is?" She nodded her head in the general direction of Ruby. "Don't you think for one second that I don't know what you two do when you're all alone." She jumped when she heard Ruby's voice in her ear.

"Ohh, but Logan I remember a time when you liked what we did…" Her hand slid over Logan's hip and up her side. She chuckled. "Even if we weren't quite…all alone…"

Logan grabbed Ruby's hand and twisted as she spun around. She watched the pain flash across Ruby's face and then she smiled. "That was my mistake." She tried to keep the hint of regret out of her voice, but she knew she wasn't quite successful when she caught Sam's face. She released Ruby's hand and took a couple of steps away from them, toward the door. She looked to Sam. "You're playing with fire Sam. There's one thing I can promise you; you can't trust a demon. They lie and they manipulate and they'll do whatever it takes to get what they want."

Ruby smiled and crossed her arms over her chest. She opened her mouth to speak but was stopped when Sam spoke first.

"Logan, Ruby's saved my life on more than one occasion and she helps me save these people." He sighed tiredly. "Why can't you and Dean see that?"

She walked away, but paused at the door. She looked over her shoulder. "You're only seeing what she wants you to see Sam. She's only helping you for as long as it suits her needs." She glared at Ruby. "Let him go, Ruby…stop fucking with his mind." She turned back around and added. "Hurry the fuck up here Sam. Kate's worried about you." Then she was gone.

* * *

Dean stormed into the room, slamming the door into the wall on his way. "Motherfucking stupid selfish jackass." He grabbed clothes and gear and started shoving things into his bag.

Logan was just behind him. She hadn't said a word since she told Sam off, mostly because she knew that if she did Dean wouldn't listen. She watched him stomp around the room for a few seconds before she started clearing out her own stuff. They'd be leaving just as soon as they were packed. She looked up and saw Kate in the doorway between the rooms. "We found him, he should be back soon and he's fine."

Kate nodded, but eyed Dean. "You sure?"

"Yes, it's just…" Logan's voice died off as Sam entered the room.

"Dean, I…" Sam started but was cut off by his brother.

"How can you be so stupid Sam? How?" Dean crossed the room to his brother in three angry strides. "She's a motherfucking demon." He shoved Sam's shoulder. "Haven't we learned ANYTHING over the years?"

"Dean, listen to me she's not what you think…" Sam held up a hand.

The older brother snorted, interrupting. "Really Sam? She's NOT a demon?" He cocked his head and slanted his eyes. "I didn't just watch you pull some freaky Darth Vader mind control thing?"

Sam shook his head and felt himself get angrier by the minute. "What the hell Dean, you were gone and she helped me…she's all I had…"

Dean's fist landed across Sam's jaw. "How the fuck can you say that?" Dean's eyes found Kate's. He saw the hurt on her face and as soon as Sam straightened up his arm flew again. He stepped close, his voice low and threatening. "If I were you, I'd look around…you might see that you were never alone."

Sam straightened, his hand cradling his jaw. Only then did he realize that Kate stood in the doorway between the rooms. He saw the tears in her eyes and guilt pulled up inside him. He groaned inwardly and then looked at his brother who still stood less than a foot away. "You feel better now?" His eyes flicked toward Kate.

Dean shook his head. "For now, and don't go blaming me. You're the one who locked everyone out." Dean moved away, still angry, still hurt and still so pissed he wanted to continue to hit. He sighed and shoved the rest of his things into his bag. He watched Kate straighten and wipe her face. He saw the determination pull around her and it broke his heart just a bit. He also saw Ryan's eyes, dark and dangerous, as they stared a hole through his brother's head. "Shit…"

Sam's eyes dropped shut for a second and he pulled in a deep breath. "Listen please. She's helping me help them Dean. They live this way, the host lives. If I use the knife they die. I'm saving people, not hurting them. We had to find a way to fight while you were gone. She helped me do that."

The elder brother watched, already tired and the day had just started. "You're on a slippery slope Sam. What's next huh? The more you use, the powerful you become right? You're not worried about that? I saw your face Sam."

Sam shook his head. "Dean, I know what I'm doing."

He snorted. "Yeah, right." He motioned to the doorway, to where Kate and Ryan had sulked back to their room. "Tell Kate that Sam. Tell her you know what you're doing."

Sam looked down as guilt slammed into him. He did care about Kate. He cared a lot and it bothered him that she was hurting.

Dean growled under his breath before he turned and headed to the bathroom for his shaving kit. Sam's phone rang just before he got there. He looked over his shoulder as Sam answered.

"Winchester…yeah Travis…you sure?" Sam moved to the small table where a note pad and pen sat. "Where? Carthage….yeah, I got it."

* * *

Logan looked in the rearview mirror and smiled at the way Ryan sprawled in the small backseat. It was funny how he managed to look comfortable no matter where he was. She hit the select button and switched radio channels when the one she was listening to began to sound more like static and less like music. She resorted to the scan button when the first three all played country.

Kate smiled and shook her head. "Not a big country fan?" She leaned against the door and angled herself to see both Logan and Ryan.

Logan rolled her eyes and groaned painfully. "Hell no. Every once in a while there's an okay song, but mostly it just makes my ears bleed."

"It's not that bad and you know it." Kate opened the water bottle that lay on the seat beside her. She took a sip and then passed it to Ryan. "Even Ryan likes country."

Ryan took the bottle as he leaned over the backseat. "Don't listen to her. She knows I'm not a huge fan, but I'm stuck listening to it most of the time."

Logan nodded. "I get that." The radio had picked up the signal of a channel playing 80s pop. She stopped the scan, but turned it down. "Not the best, but it'll do."

Ryan hummed along to Tears for Fears for a few seconds. "Thanks for driving us home Logan."

"It's not a problem, really. I needed time away from the boys anyway. They need some time together I think." Her hands gripped and ungripped the steering wheel.

Kate watched. "That all?" She leaned a bit closer to Logan. "I don't remember you being this nervous."

Ryan looked down and then out the window. He'd overheard a few things. He'd also caught the tension between the brother's and Logan. He wasn't sure, but he had a good idea of what it was about.

Logan saw the look on Ryan's face. "How'd you find out?" She asked quietly. Her eyes on the road ahead of her.

He shrugged. "I'm not sure I have anything figured out." He flopped fully into the backseat with a sigh.

"But you know something…how much?" Logan wasn't thrilled about having this discussion now, but she knew eventually it would happen anyway.

"I heard Bobby and Dean talking about you needing to be careful and how hard it was going to be in a few more months." His eyes shifted to Kate and he saw her mouth go round in surprise.

"So you know about the baby." Logan nodded and seemed to relax until Kate straightened up.

"But there's more. Even I haven't been too out of it to notice the weird vibe between you, Sam and Dean." Kate asked as she looked from Ryan to Logan. "Or the weird vibe between me and Sam…" Her voice trailed off weakly.

Ryan's hand fell to her shoulder and he gripped lightly. "It's okay Katie."

She reached for his hand and held it before she sniffed and resolved not to cry. "Yeah, thanks Ry." She looked to Logan. "What happened Logan?"

Logan cursed and shook her head.

Ryan made a disgusted sound in his throat, leaned back into the front seat and let the words gush out. "Damn it Kate. She fucked around with Sam after Dean died and she doesn't know whose baby it is."

"Oh my god…" Kate looked at Logan in shock. "You didn't…how the hell could you?"

"I didn't mean to, never planned to. I mean it just happened. We were both hurting and drunk and things got out of hand." Logan's foot pressed heavy on the gas pedal and the car lurched forward.

"Easy Logan." Ryan added softly. "You have to admit, it's a lot to digest."

She snorted. "You're telling me. A few days ago I didn't even know I was pregnant. Then all at once, Dean's back, Sam's around and I'm knocked up. I don't know who the baby belongs to and both the boys are rightfully upset." She looked to Kate and her heart hurt at the pain she saw in the other woman. "Kate, I'm sorry. Really. I never in a million years would have wanted to hurt you."

Kate nodded, slightly woodenly. "I know. I believe you."

Ryan continued to grip Kate's hand as he talked to Logan. "You know an ultrasound will help nail down a date."

Logan nodded. "Yeah, I just need to make the time."

"My dad can arrange it for you. We can even do it today if it will help." He glanced to Kate. "I know it won't make the pain go away Katie, but…" He didn't finish.

Kate nodded again. "I know." She looked over at Logan. "I do understand that you didn't mean for it to happen and I'm not angry at you as much as I am at him. He kept telling me he was with someone else. He could have had enough nerve to tell me it was you."

Logan gasped and shook her head. "No, no, you don't understand. Me and Sam were a one night thing. It happened about a month after Dean left…it happened and then I left. I didn't see him again until the day Dean came back." She willed Kate to understand. "I would never do that to you. I shouldn't have done what I did, but I'd never keep hurting you like that."

Some of the pain softened and she nodded. "Oh…so then who was he with?" She was confused and hurt.

"Can I borrow your phone then Logan?" Ryan pointed to the Nokia tucked in the ashtray. "I'll call my dad, see if he can help us out." He squinted outside. "We're about an hour and a bit away."

Dread and excitement swirled through Logan's gut and her hand shook as she reached for the phone. "Yeah, do it please." She passed the phone over her shoulder and was surprised when Kate grabbed her hand when she dropped it back to the seat.

"It'll be okay Logan. No matter what, you should be happy right?" Kate smiled her encouragement.

Logan almost cried. "You don't have to be nice to me."

Kate smiled again and shook her head. "There's a lot I'm angry about, but it makes no sense to be so angry to exclude people from my life who really are my friends. You helped me time and time again and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. I can't just stop caring."

Ryan interrupted whatever Logan was going to say. "Dad says no problem, he owes you for finding us in one piece. He'll do anything he can to help."

* * *

Dean was worried and bored and he wasn't sure which is worse. He rolled his head on the back of the seat and watched his brother watch the house. "I hate stakeouts Sam." He whined and knew when Sam rolled his eyes even though he didn't see it. Dean sighed. "Come on Jack. Either eat someone or go to bed so I can." He flipped open his phone, his thumb scrolled to Logan's number and he hit send. He waited but the phone went right to voicemail. "Where the hell are you? You should've called by now." He shoved the phone closed and made another bored sound.

This time Sam looked at him. "Dean, we've only been here three hours."

He snorted. "Only three hours Sam…just like Lord of the Rings was _only three hours_? Three hours of my life I'll never get back."

"Grow up. " Sam sat up suddenly. "Hey, he's moving around in the kitchen."

"Yeah, probably for a beer and a snack, just like I want right now. He's normal Sam; none one of this Rugaru weirdness." Dean squinted out the window.

Sam tapped Dean's hand with the binoculars. "You still think he's normal?"

Dean sighed and watched through the binoculars. "Damn he's hungry…oh hell, Sam that's gross. I like a rare steak, but ugh…" He pulled the binoculars away with a disgusted shudder.

* * *

Kate stretched and then slipped from the hospital gurney with a long sigh. She hated the damn hospital gown she was still wearing. Ryan's dad had insisted on a CT scan. She didn't blame him. The story about them travelling with another small group for a daytrip climbing made some sense. They'd fallen, Kate had hit her head and Ryan and the other guy they were trapped with had broken an arm. Bobby even had a friend in the US forestry service that would back up the injury report if anyone looked into it. After all, they weren't about to discuss demon blood rituals with the authorities were they?

Kate knew Dr. Visintine didn't buy the whole thing, but he didn't press the matter either. He'd yelled at Ryan and then Kate the way any worried father would have and then dragged them both to the ER to be checked out. She pushed her still damp hair over her shoulder and looked up as the curtain pulled back.

A sheepish Ryan slipped in. His hair was still damp too, but he was wearing a clean pair of jeans and a green scrub top over a long sleeved black Henley and he was holding some neatly folded clothes. He gave her a crooked smile and shook his head. "You know, you really shouldn't use your birthday as the combination to your locker." He held the clothes out to her. "And you really should keep an extra set of underwear in there." He winked.

She rolled her eyes and took the clothes, not before leaning against him and kissing his cheek. "You know I forgot all about these and who cares about underwear. I have my own clothes." She shook out the jeans and slipped her legs into them as she continued talking. "Are we free yet?" She asked as she pulled the jeans up under the hospital gown. "I mean, I get why your dad's concerned, but we are okay."

Ryan nodded, even though she didn't see him as she turned her back to pull the camisole over her head. "Yeah, he said we look okay. He said there's some indication that you have a concussion, and then we had to explain the drugs as stuff we used to sedate you, but he bought it."

Kate turned as she smoothed the cami around her hips and reached for the long sleeved t-shirt. "But I never had a concussion Ry." She pulled the shirt on and then leaned back against the gurney. "That doesn't make much sense." She pointed to her boots and then scooted onto the gurney. When Ryan handed her boots to her she straightened the ugly hospital provided slipper sock that was on her foot and pushed it into her boot. She looked up as she tied. "So what the hell is going on?"

He sighed and shrugged. "I have no clue, but we gotta figure whatever those bastards did to you it did something to your head." He wiped his face. "I mean Logan told you that she's not sure she got it all." He sighed and made an odd sound in his throat as he looked away. "And I'm not even fucking sure I believe all this shit."

Kate was across the room and pressed against Ryan in seconds. She hugged him and then stood on her toes to kiss his chin as his arms slid around her. "I'm sorry Ry…so sorry I dragged you into all this."

He hugged back and kissed her forehead. "Katie, it's not your fault and I love you. You're my best friend and nothing's gonna change that." He made an irritated sound and then pulled away. He smiled down at her. "You are a huge pain in my ass though." He winked.

Someone cleared their throat and the two looked to the doorway. Logan was there with a shocked and sad look in her eyes. She was holding a small pharmacy bag and a couple pieces of paper. "I ahh…"

Concern slid across Kate's face and she moved to the doorway. "Logan, what's wrong?" She took Logan's empty hand and frowned that it was so cold. "Shit, is the baby okay? Oh my god, what is it?"

Logan shook her head and then wiped at her face with the back of her hand. "It's…the baby's fine." She was overwhelmed. She let Kate hug her and found herself hugging back. She was crying when she pulled away and Ryan was close by her this time. She smiled when he smiled at her.

"Hey, whatever it is it isn't THAT bad. I mean baby's good, you're good…" He paused when an odd expression ghosted over her face. "Okay, you are good right?" He cocked his head to the side and looked at her.

She nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'm good." She looked at the floor and took the tissues that Kate pressed into her hands. She wiped her eyes and caught Kate's. "You don't have to be nice to me. You have no reason to after what happened."

Something twisted in Kate's gut and she swallowed. She pushed the small pain away and smiled as she shook her head. "I know you didn't do anything to hurt me. I get that you were hurting." She looked Logan in the face and swallowed. "Is it Sam's then?"

She opened her mouth, looked at Kate and then at Ryan. "It's…"

"Katrin Elizabeth Ross, where the hell did you drag my son off to and why did you scare the hell out of us just disappearing like that?" Ryan's mother, also a doctor, came around the corner in green surgical scrubs. "Ryan, it better not have been that you were avoiding me." She pulled Ryan into her arms. "Not telling me you were back and letting me start surgery..." She squeezed her son before turning and giving Kate the same attention. "And Kate, are you okay?" She took a step back and looked the other woman up and down. "Cole said your CT shows some mild swelling, but you check out physically. You feel okay?"

Kate nodded. "Yes Leah, I'm fine…really." She smiled at the older woman. "I mean I'm tired and glad to be home, but good." She pointed to Logan. "You remember Logan? She helped get us out."

Leah turned to Logan and then gave her a big hug and kiss. "Thank you for helping my son and Kate. If there's anything we can do just ask Cole or me."

Logan nodded. "You're welcome, but they're our friends…there's not need to thank us."

Leah shook her head. "There's always a reason to say thank you." She looked at her son and Kate. "Ryan's my only son and Kate's like a daughter to us. So, really thank you."

Logan shrugged and nodded. When Leah hugged she hugged back. She watched as the older woman pulled her son to her side and spoke quietly and when no one was looking she slipped out the door. She really wasn't sure where she was going, because it was late and she was tired, so she walked to the lobby and sat down in a chair.

She stared at the floor for several long seconds before she unfolded a printout of instructions to find the three small photo printouts. She stared at the fuzzy black and white pictures and felt something deep inside grip at her heart. It wasn't hard for her to see it, she already had it memorized. The profile of a face was on the page, blurred and indistinct, but there. Her thumb traced over the small nose and she smiled when she recognized the fingers by the mouth. The baby…her son, was sucking his thumb.

The pictures became blurrier as tears filled her eyes. She wiped at her face and startled a bit when Kate sat beside her. She let Kate pull the pictures from her hand, but refused to meet her eyes.

Kate looked at the pictures one by one. She flipped them behind each other until she got to the final one that held the report. Her eyes moved over the page and her lips tilted upward. She looked over at Logan, "It's a boy."

Logan nodded and grinned slightly. "Yes."

Kate turned to face the other woman and gripped her arm. "Logan, the baby's due in February."

Logan's head came up as she nodded. "I know." Her hand slid over her stomach and she bit at her lip a bit. She'd never thought she could love anything the way she already loved the life inside her. Guilt moved through her and she looked over at Kate. "I know, I know and I'm sorry for hurting you."

Confusion crossed Kate's face and she pushed spikey bangs out of Logan's eyes. "For what? This means Dean's the father, not Sam."

Logan laughed a little hysterically. "I know, but I'm sorry that there was even another possibility."

Kate shook her head. "Logan, look at me." She waited until Logan faced her. "You are my friend and while I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt some, I understand in a way. I get that you both were hurting and I know how alcohol gets in the way…it hurts." She shrugged. "Sam never made me promises and I hell, I never made him any either so I have no reason to be pissed at you."

Logan stared and then pulled Kate into an awkward hug. "You are too forgiving. If the same thing happened to me I'd probably be kicking ass."

Kate laughed and hugged back. "Come on…same situation? A few weeks of hot sex…no promises…more hot sex and you'd be kicking ass?" She snorted and pressed a short kiss to Logan's temple. "You strike as more of a free spirit than that Logan."

Logan pulled away and shook her head. "You don't get it though. Sam really cares about you. It may have been heavy on the sex, but he really does care." She frowned. "It's Ruby, that damn bitch who keeps fucking with his head, that's caused all this shit." She looked at the floor. "I know if it weren't for her I…"

Kate sat up. "How did Ruby cause anything?"

"Fuck Kate, I'm sorry…" Logan stood up and crossed her arms in frustration. "Damn Sam for getting involved with her."

Kate paled and stayed in her seat. Her eyes were wide and she stared up at Logan. "Involved?"

"She seduced me that night…I'm not ashamed to admit I have a thing for pretty girls, and I didn't think about it then, but now I know. She seduced me to get me into bed with Sam." She paced and shoved her hands into the pocket of her jacket. "I wouldn't have ended up with Sam if it weren't for her and I'm refusing to take responsibility, but she had me drunk on liquor and feeling good and then Sam showed up. He was obviously drunk too and when both of us tried to leave it was her who stopped us…made us want to stay." She looked at Kate. "I'm sorry Kate…you must think I'm totally fucked up."

"So, she seduced you both?" Kate asked hopefully.

"Shit Kate. Ruby had me in her motel room; the same room that she was sharing with Sam." Logan watched Kate and hated herself for hurting the other girl…again. "Damn it, I'm sorry."

Kate nodded and swallowed before she stood. "It's not your fault and thank you for telling me the truth." She grabbed Logan's hand. "He told me he was 'with someone else' and I should have listened to him, but I knew how much he was hurting. I knew how much Dean meant to him and how lost he must have been. I just wanted to be there for him…to help him." Her eyes dropped and her voice thickened with emotion. "I just wish he felt the same way…I really thought he did."

Logan groaned and squeezed Kate's hand. "I think he did and still does, but Ruby's got him all wrapped up in her vision of things. I don't know what she's up to, but I don't trust her." She nudged Kate's shoulder. "Look at me." When Kate did she continued. "He was worried sick when he heard about you and Ryan going missing. He was worried sick about you when you were hurt and unconscious. He glared at Ryan time and time again when he was cock blocked." She winked. "Trust me, I think he wished Ryan would disappear at times."

Kate chuckled. "Ryan just wants to protect me. He thinks I fall to hard and fast for guys and I this case, he might be right." She shrugged. "Sam and I need to talk. Alone. No you, Dean, Ryan or Ruby…just the two of us."

Logan nodded just as her phone rang. She pulled it from her pocket and slid it open.

Note: Okay, so I had great plans to write and write and write during winter break, but I worked and worked and worked instead. I figured I needed to make up for some of the extra time I can't pick up while I'm in school. Plus it was the holidays and things were just busy.

I hope you all had a good holiday and new year and I hope to post more soon. Please forgive my slow updates. I'm trying, really I am.

Happy New Year EVERYONE!! Oh, and thanks for the reviews and favorite adds and story alerts. I really appreciate all of them!


	21. Connections, Confusion and Colorado

**Connections, Confusion and Colorado**

Logan didn't know how she felt as she drove west to meet her uncle. Bobby had put her in touch with a couple who needed help out in Idaho. They thought their house was haunted and by all accounts it was, but Bobby had found out a few things that made him believe it might be something else.

The house seemed to attract the same types of families; parents with teens or children soon to be teens. She'd listened to him tell her about the last four or five families who had lived there. Each family had a similar story. They'd move in and for years things were okay. Sure, an occasional odd occurrence. Maybe an unexplained door opening or lights flashing would raise an eyebrow, but nothing big and no one was hurt. It usually happened after the oldest child turned fifteen or sixteen. Things would escalate and do it fast. First it would be written off as normal teen drama and angst. Then they'd move on to psychologists and psychiatrists. The child would most often be openly violent, but sometimes it was more insidious. Bullying at school and being hurtful at home would be coupled with increased episodes of mania.

Most often the family fell apart and the house was sold or abandoned. There was a connection, Bobby knew it. He just wasn't sure what it was. If the child left, the rest of the family was left in peace, but Bobby had managed to determine that the children, once affected, were always troubled. All of them had died horribly either in accidents or suicides. None of them made it past their twenty second birthday.

Needless to say, Bobby was still working on the details. At first he thought spirit possession, but that usually would end when the connection to the house ended. This continued, which made him think it was demonic. A demonically possessed object was rare and every one Logan had ever heard of would affect anyone who triggered it. It wouldn't be specific to a teenager. None of it made sense. Logan had suggested curse or cursed object and that was the current direction of Bobby's investigation.

Logan jumped when her phone rang and she shook her head as she answered it.

"Yeah?" She hadn't looked at the caller ID and she cursed under her breath when Dean's annoyed voice spilled into her ear. She sighed. He was angry and he had the right to be. She'd been avoiding his calls, letting it go to voicemail and then texting him quick messages like: _I'm fine, busy, talk to you later_. She waited until he was done and then apologized. "Dean, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? For what Logan; ignoring me, avoiding me, running away? What exactly are you sorry for?"

"All of it." She didn't want to argue with him. Hell, she didn't want to be talking to him just yet.

He snorted and exhaled forcefully. She knew he had just shoved his hand through his hair and she almost said something about it.

"Look, I don't know what the hell is going on, but if you're pissed at me I wish you'd tell me what I did."

She almost dropped the phone. "What?"

"Why are you pissed Logan? I mean really, I'd like to know. I thought we were okay, then you drop Kate and Ryan off and now you've been gone three days. If Bobby hadn't told me what you were doing I'd sure as hell have no idea. I mean it's not like you've told me anything." He paused, waited and when Logan didn't have anything to say he added. "Shit, I'm surprised you even answered the phone."

Logan bit back her smartass comment. He was right and she was wrong. "I know. I've just been dealing with things and sometimes it's easier to work through them alone." She shifted in the seat and eased up on the gas as she rounded a corner to a small town. "I'm still…I don't know. I know I'm screwing things up and I'm sorry."

"Kate called."

Logan took a deep breath and held it, but Dean didn't add anything else. "Wha…" She cleared her throat. "What she have to say?" She asked as nonchalantly as she could.

There was a pause. "What was she supposed to say?" There was a quiet curse and then some mumbled conversation on Dean's end of the line. Then he was back. "She had a hell of a lot more to say in our two minute conversation than you have in three days though."

Shit, shit, shit. "Yeah, like what?" For some unknown reason there were tears in her eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she wiped at them angrily.

"She said you saw a doctor Logan. She said the baby was healthy and so were you. I don't know why you couldn't have told me that." His voice became thick and he added. "I worry about you."

Logan smiled. "I know you do and I'm sorry, really."

Dean sighed and then cursed loudly at his brother. "Okay, Sam's getting pissed and I need to go. We have a corpse to burn." He paused. "Call me Logan."

"I will, I promise." She suddenly felt like crying and she cursed herself silently.

"Good. See ya."

The connection dropped before she could respond. She sighed and dropped the phone on the seat beside her. She glanced at the dash, realized she needed gas and set out to find the next open station.

* * *

Logan stirred her soda absentmindedly with her straw as she stared longingly at the bottle her uncle held to his lips. She watched him swallow and lower the bottle. She sighed and took a sip of her plain, caffeine free Coke.

"Stop staring at me like you want to pounce." Bobby groused at her and finished off his beer. "You been drinking far too long as it is."

"Yeah and the doctors said the baby was fine." She glanced around the bar. She wasn't sure who they were waiting for, but she knew he was a hunter. Hunters usually recognized each other, but no one caught her eye so she looked at her watch. "What time was your guy supposed to be here anyway?"

Bobby shrugged. "When he got here. I guess we never really nailed down a time." He waved his empty at the waitress and then put the bottle down when she nodded at him. "Where you gotta be anyway?"

Logan rolled her eyes and slumped back into her seat. "Nowhere, I guess." She stirred her drink again and played with the straw. "I'm just getting antsy. I mean couldn't we just go out to the house and look around or something?"

"Look for what? We don't have a clue what we're even looking for." He smiled when the waitress set his beer down and waited for her to ask Logan if she wanted a refill. When Logan shook her head the waitress left and Bobby continued. "We have an address, but we don't even know what's going on. Maybe it's just bad luck."

She opened her mouth to talk, but was stopped when a loud voice called out from across the room.

"Singer, you sonovabitch." Even over the music, he was loud.

Bobby and Logan looked up as the man approached. He was tall, built and somewhere between forty and fifty years old. He wore dark denim jeans from a designer Logan never aspired to afford and a Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt that clung to him like a second skin. He had a pair of expensive sunglasses up on the top of his bald head and when he smiled a gold tooth shone in the dim light.

Logan had no idea what to think.

Bobby smiled, stood and when the man got to their table he hugged him like a long lost brother. "Damn good to see you Sol." He looked up at the man and shook his head. "I see you lost another one, huh?"

Sol smiled wide which exposed another gold tooth, this one a canine. "Some damn lowlife vampire." He laughed. "Ironic to lose a tooth to the toothy, huh?" His gaze slid to Logan and his smile smoothed as appreciation for the feminine form lit his expression. "Who's the looker?"

Logan stood and cleared her throat. "I'm his niece. You know the one who's like a daughter to him." She looked him up and down in the same way he had her. "The one who'll kick your ass if you don't stop thinking of me without my clothes on." Her knife was in her hand, pressed against her thigh. She knew he saw it because she'd seen the way he changed his stance and lowered his hand to his belt loop.

"Easy sweetheart, I was only meaning it as a compliment." He watched as Logan returned the knife to its proper place and then eased into the chair across from her. He caught the bartender's attention and pointed to Bobby's beer before he looked over to Logan. "So, you're Logan McCree."

That he knew her name startled her. "How'd you…?"

He interrupted. "Bobby talks about you and I knew your father." He was quiet and calm. He looked completely at ease, but it was obvious that he was examining the bar. Okay, obvious to people who did the same thing.

Bobby nudged Logan's arm. "This is Sol, also known as Solomon Hart."

Logan's eyebrow shot up and she nodded. "Ah, the infamous Solomon, leader of the bad boy hunters and killer of the last known chupacabra." She motioned him close and leaned in. "You know, I heard that it was really just a rabid mutant possum."

Sol threw his head back and laughed loud enough that people gawked. He didn't care and laughed louder. He pulled himself together and smiled before slapping Bobby on the back. "I like her Singer…she gets to play."

* * *

Sam turned and tried to get comfortable, but his back was killing him and the Impala really wasn't the place to try to sleep off aching muscles. He opened his gritty eyes and squinted across the seat at his brother. He still wasn't sure why they weren't crashed in their usual post-hunt, shit hole of a motel. He was damn tired and even an uncomfortable motel room meant a hot shower and a place to stretch out.

He gasped when his muscles resisted sitting up. "Damn, how do you manage it?"

Dean glanced over at him and then back to the road. "Manage what?" One hand was on the wheel and the other lifted the cup of hours old coffee to his lips. He made a face, but swallowed. It was the caffeine that counted, not the taste.

Sam wiped his face and pulled a bottle of water from the floorboard. "Getting banged to hell and not feeling like you're about to shatter when you move." He sipped his water and then shook his head. "I mean you're older than me, shouldn't you be sorer than me?"

Dean smiled. "Conditioning Sammy." He sipped at his coffee again.

Sam snorted and pulled his backpack onto the seat so he could dig out the Motrin. "Really? You and your personal trainers Ronald, Jack and The King?" He poured four orange pills into his palm and tossed them back. He swallowed and rolled his eyes. "I really don't get it though."

Dean shrugged. "Hey, good living keeps you young."

He sighed, pushed his pack to the floor and drank the rest of his water. "Okay, so where the hell are we going and why the hell couldn't we have slept before we got there?"

"We're going to Idaho."

"Why?"

"Because Logan and Bobby are there and they might need help." Dean answered as if Sam were slow.

"Did they say they needed help?" Sam massaged at his neck, convinced that Dean might be right. Hell, maybe all that grease kept the joints lubed.

"No, but things are different." Dean glared in Sam's direction. "Hello…"

Sam nodded, like he could forget she was pregnant; possibly with his kid. "Okay, so you're worried about her. That's all you had to say."

"I am not worried about her. I just think they might need help and we don't have any other leads right now do we?" He checked the gas gauge and the road signs. They had another hundred or so miles before they needed gas.

Sam held up a hand. "Fine, you aren't worried about your pregnant girlfriend."

"She's not my…"

Sam interrupted. "Whatever." He sighed and stared out the road. "So where the hell are we anyway?"

"Dunno exactly, somewhere in Nebraska." He finished the rest of his coffee and tossed the cup into the backseat. He moved restlessly in his seat and then reached into the box on the seat beside him. He grabbed whatever was on top and shoved it into the tape deck. Blue Oyster Cult began to play.

Sam turned the volume down and then bunched up his hoodie to use as a pillow. He curled against the window. "So, we have what, another five hours?" When Dean grunted he closed his eyes. "Let me know when you want me to drive. I'm going back to sleep."

* * *

"Colorado."

Dean jumped, swerved, righted the car and shot half a pissed off look into the backseat. "Dammit Cas, are you trying to kill me?"

Castiel cocked his head to the side in mild confusion. "No. I haven't threatened you."

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed. "Look, you pop into my car and start talking to me out of nowhere and I'm gonna run our assess into an eighteen wheeler or something."

Castiel leaned forward and examined the road. He frowned. "Your vehicle is the only one on the road."

Dean opened his mouth and then shook his head before sighing again. "Never mind, what about Colorado?"

"You need to be there."

"Any particular reason why or where?" Dean asked as he glanced to Sam who was still sleeping.

"Yes."

"You wanna share?" Dean waited for the explanation, but none came. He glanced into the mirror and cursed when he saw the angel was gone. "Great." He looked up at the roof of the car. "Do you realize how big Colorado is?"

"Huh?" Sam sat up and wiped his face. "Need me to drive?" He glanced at his brother and stretched out his stiff neck.

Dean huffed. "I don't know, maybe. We're going to Colorado."

Sam yawned. "Um, okay. Logan and Bobby move on?"

Dean shook his head. "Not that I know of, but Cas seems to think that's where we should be."

Sam looked into the backseat and sat up straighter. "He was here? In the car?"

"Yeah, to tell me to go to Colorado without telling me why or where." Dean moved uneasily in his seat. He was restless and tired. "There's a gas station a mile up. We fill up, you drive." He looked at his brother. "Head wherever the "spirit" moves you."

Sam nodded and tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in his gut. There was only one place he really knew anyone in Colorado and he wasn't sure she'd want to see him.

Hours later, Sam pulled the car up the long drive of the lodge. There weren't as many cars in the parking lots as during peak ski season, but it was busier than Sam had thought it would be. He drove toward the skating rink and the apartments above. He wasn't expecting open arms, but he didn't know where else to go. He slid the Impala into an open spot about three spaces from Kate's old Land Rover and then put the car in park.

Dean grumbled something in his sleep even as he struggled to wake up. He looked at Sam and then out into the dark parking lot. "Where we at?"

Sam sighed and shrugged. "Colorado."

"Smartass. I figured that, but where?" Dean stretched and yawned before squinting into the murky predawn darkness.

"I didn't know where to go." Sam pointed off to the left. "We're at Kate's."

Dean grunted and then looked at Sam. "Are you crazy?" He wiped a hand over his face. "You're a sadistic prick, you know that?" Dean opened the door, stood and stretched before slamming the door behind him.

Sam sighed and exited the car. He opened the trunk and grabbed his duffle. He watched as Dean grabbed his own, then Sam closed the trunk and moved toward the building. He'd been here a few months ago and memories came back, some from before Dean's death and some from after. He glanced around, noticed that Dean was doing the same thing. They couldn't help it.

Dean reached the stairs first and climbed them two at a time. It was cool, close to cold and he could see his breath in the air in the dim light. He stopped in front of Kate's apartment to wait for Sam.

Sam noticed things right away. There was a welcome mat in front of the door, but a carefully poured line of salt was just under it. The Native American ceremonial mask hung beside the door and Sam also knew that there were runes and sigils now carved into the underside. He lifted the mask and rolled his eyes when Dean made his impressed face; then he knocked.

He knocked twice and then waited before knocking again, twice more. Both he and Dean smiled at each other when they heard Kate yelling at the door.

"So help me Ryan if you're drunk and looking for a place to crash I'm going to kill you."

A couple of locks were undone and then Kate pulled the door open.

A few minutes later Dean found himself on the couch in Kate's inviting living room while she scrambled eggs for him and Sam in the kitchen. He was surprised that she'd simply hid her surprise, pulled open the door and invited them in. He watched her move efficiently about the kitchen in a pair of yoga pants and an overly large t-shirt that kept sliding off her shoulder. He didn't know why the woman was still speaking to them after what Sam had pulled, let alone making them breakfast.

Dean watched Sam exit the bathroom and stand by the kitchen counter. He knew his brother wanted to say something, anything, but wasn't sure what or how. Dean cleared his throat and stood. "You have any juice?" He asked as he moved to the kitchen. He shot Sam a look that made same roll his eyes.

Kate stirred the eggs and then pulled open the fridge. "Cranberry, OJ and pomegranate?"

Dean made a face. "Orange. Really, is there another option?"

Kate chuckled and pulled the juice out, set it on the counter and returned to her eggs. She stirred them before pointing with her spatula at a cabinet. "Glasses."

Dean slid around the counter, opened the cabinet and then started to pour himself some juice. He held the bottle up to Sam and when Sam shook his head he returned the juice to the fridge. He felt antsy too. He wanted to ask Kate what she knew about Logan, but like his brother, he wasn't sure how to start that conversation.

Sam thumbed through the newspaper that sat on the counter and then sighed as Kate plated the eggs and bacon and slid a plate in front of him.

He smiled at her. "Thanks."

She handed the second plate to Dean and nodded. "No problem." She moved the pan to the sink, scraped out the worst of the mess and then filled it with water. "I have a shift at the hospital. There are towels in the bathroom cabinet and the couch folds out to a bed. Help yourself to whatever you want in the kitchen." She dried her hands and then headed toward her room. "I'll be home between four and four thirty."

"Kate?" Sam stood and took two steps toward her. He stopped when she shot him a deadly look. "Just thanks…really."

Kate nodded, turned and shut her door behind her.

* * *

The house was empty. It had been that way since the family had moved out last week. Their son, seventeen year old Jamie, was recovering in the hospital from an apparent suicide attempt. Two nights before he'd jumped from the sixth floor apartment they had rented. He was going to live, but he was still unconscious.

Logan watched as Bobby opened the door and moved inside. Logan was already feeling it. She just wasn't sure what it was. She shivered and wrapped her arms around her waist to stem the chills. She saw Sol's eyebrow shoot up and she ignored him as she followed her uncle into the house.

She frowned. Something wasn't right, but she didn't know what it was. She watched the men and it was obvious they didn't feel anything. "Do you two not feel that?"

Bobby looked up as he moved into the room. "What?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, but there's something here." It was making her sick to her stomach. Well she thought that's what it was; she was still occasionally feeling sick from the baby. "It's strong and it's evil." She wrinkled her nose and swallowed the nausea that rose up her throat.

She knew Sol was watching her, she felt it.

"Do you sense anything else?"

She glanced at the man and shook her head. "Just that it doesn't like me here." She stepped inside a bit further and gripped the edge of the couch when the strength of whatever it was made her sway. She closed her eyes and concentrated. When she opened her eyes they were pale, shiny blue.

Logan let the power flow through her and she felt almost buzzed by it. It had been stronger recently. She wasn't sure why, but it was. She straightened as the feeling of dread faded. Her hand slid to her belt. She didn't know why, but she wanted a blade in her hand.

Sol stood beside her and when he saw her eyes he hissed. "What the fuck?" He reached for his own weapon and stepped backward about four steps.

Bobby noticed and glanced to his niece. "She's good Sol, I promise. Just a little gift from her arrogant father."

Sol cocked his head to the side and watched. "I don't like it Singer. You should have told me she was some half-breed or something."

Logan snorted. "I'm not a half-breed you asshole. I'm something else entirely." She nodded to her left and moved in that direction. "It's demonic. It's upstairs."

Bobby shook his head. "For once I want it to be something simple. I bet it's the attic. Why's it always the attic? Why's it never the damn living room."

Sol shrugged. "Half the time it's the basement old man." He laughed when Bobby glared at him.

Logan laughed at the two of them. "I don't know, but I'll ask one day. Just for you." She winked and moved up the steps with a grace she couldn't have mustered a few minutes ago.

The men followed. Bobby was directly behind her while Sol brought up the rear.

Logan entered the second room on her right. It was a teenager's room. It was a boy's room on top of that. Posters of a half naked Megan Fox and The Suicide Girls clung to the walls. Maxim, Revolver and Stuff magazines were scattered across the floor in front of the 27 inch flat screen TV hooked up to the Xbox 360. The computer was on and more half naked girls sat on the wall paper.

Logan glanced around the room. She could see it. It was everywhere. She frowned and whimpered.

Bobby was beside her. "What is it girl? You alright?"

Logan gripped his arm and nodded. "My god Bobby it's no wonder those kids go nuts." She was staring at the wall to the left.

Bobby and Sol both looked at the wall, but saw nothing other than a dresser and beige painted dry wall.

"What do you see?" Sol flipped on an EMF detector and moved closer to the wall. "There's nothing here."

"It's everywhere." Logan brushed past the tall man and touched the wall. "I don't know exactly what it is, but it's everywhere." Her fingers traced the pattern she saw on the wall.

Sol watched and his gut tightened. "Shit. What the hell are you doing?"

Logan looked up at the man. "Tracing the writing on the wall, it's everywhere and while I'm not sure what it is I know a few things. It's evil, dark and dangerous."

Sol was digging through the small backpack he'd brought on his shoulder. He found a black marker, took the cap off and handed it Logan. "Trace it for me."

Logan took the pen and moved to the wall. She started to trace the figures she saw, but was stopped by Bobby's hand on her arm.

"Maybe that's not such a good idea." He adjusted his hat and shifted from foot to foot.

"It's already written old man. She's just showing it to us." Sol frowned. "If it's what I think it is, this is so not good."

Logan turned back to the wall and started tracing the figures. It took shape as a circle within a circle. The inner circle filled with strange curlicues and lines, an iron cross in the upper right quadrant and a curved arrow in the upper left. Written just inside the first circle and surrounding the second circle starting at twelve o'clock were the letters: _A S M O D A Y_.

Logan pulled back and moved on to another section of the wall.

Sol glanced at Bobby and raised his eyebrow. "What do you think?"

Bobby shook his head, took off his hat and grunted as he put it back on. "I think we might be screwed."

**NOTE:** Okay, well here's the deal. School sucks, but I'm almost done! Well, almost is 6 months from now, but still that's better than 2 yrs ago. Soon, I'm going to have some extra time on my hands and I SHOULD be able to get some stuff written. I KNOW, I KNOW…everyone's waiting and asking and I've been trying to get to writing, but it's been hard. Now, this chapter is done and I feel the urge to write simmering in my blood again, so that means you should HOPEFULLY be getting a few more updates. Yes…thank you to a certain person for reminding me it's been 6 months since my last update. UGH, that's wrong, soooo very, very wrong. I'm sorry, really, really sorry.

So, I hope you enjoy and I hope you don't abandon me and the story. I'm hoping to have more posted in the next 2 weeks and I think I'll be able to get it out by then. Thanks soooo much for sticking with the story! OH and reviews really do make me smile.


	22. What Did You Say?

**What Did You Say?**

Ryan sank into the only open chair at the ER nurses station and propped his feet up on the desk by the radio. He was humming when Kate saw him. The look on her face made him stop.

"He babe, what's with the negative mojo?" He asked as she shoved his feet from the desk and searched for a pen.

Kate growled. It had been a bad day. Her shift was almost over and she wanted to be home. Then again, she didn't want to be anywhere near home, at least not if Sam was still there anyway. She found a pen and leaned on the desk behind her as she scribbled on the clipboard in her hand. "Bad day."

Ryan nodded. "So I see." He waited a few seconds while she finished her note and watched her bite her lip. "You're gonna gnaw thru it in a minute." He pointed at his lip when she looked up at him. "What your lip do to you anyway?"

She ignored him and went in search of her relief.

Ryan watched her, his eyebrows drawn together and all kinds of scenarios running through his brain. When Kate was done giving her report to Sharon, she headed off toward the locker room and he stood up and followed. He was worried. Usually, they'd tease and talk and decide what they were doing about dinner if they both had off and, well they both did.

He caught up with her by jogging halfway down the hall. "Hey seriously, what's wrong?" He asked keeping pace beside her.

Kate paused at the time clock, swiped her badge and then shoved open the door to the women's locker room. She knew the little blue figure in a dress on the door wouldn't keep Ryan out, so she wasn't surprised when he followed her inside. Three rows back, twelve lockers down, she sat on the bench in front of locker 165. She straddled the bench and then lay back with a sigh.

Ryan stood beside her and then bent over her head. "Kate if you don't tell me what the hell is wrong I'm going to torture the hell out of you until you either give in or kill me."

Kate felt the corner of her lips raise up even though she tried hard to keep frowning. She cursed softly, dropped her forearm over her eyes and spoke. "Seems someone decided to drop in for a visit."

"What did you say?" Ryan pulled a face. "You got your period and you're freaking out? Not your style and TMI."

With a snort, Kate sat up and glared at her best friend. "When in hell have I ever called it that?" She watched him shrug and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, thought so…and actually it's two visitors who were pounding on my door at 4:30 in the damn morning." She gave him a look. Her one eyebrow was arched and her lips half pursed to the side.

It hit him and he made a big O of his mouth and shoved his hands into the pocket of his jeans. "Ahh…the dynamic duo." He nudged her shoulder with his arm. "The offer still stands. One word baby and I'll take him out."

Kate did smile and she nodded. "Yeah, so you've said Mr. Bourne, so you've said." She pointed to her locker. "How about grabbing my clothes, so I can change and we can go."

Ryan turned and spun the combination lock. He had it opened in a few seconds and he silently handed Kate her clothes. He grabbed her purse and shut the locker before relocking it and turning to lean against the gray metal. He crossed his arms and waited.

Kate didn't care that he was there and it didn't keep her from stripping out of her scrubs and sliding into her jeans and long sleeved t-shirt. She threw her scrubs into her bag, changed her shoes and tossed the bag to Ryan.

He caught the bag, slid it onto his shoulder and pulled Kate into a hug. "I'm sorry Katie." He planted a kiss on the top of her head, squeezed her tight and then pulled back, keeping his arm around her shoulders. They started walking as spoke. "So, where we gonna eat or we just gonna drink?" He arched an eyebrow mischievously. "That band you like is playing at The Pump." He pulled back enough to see her face. "I know you think that drummer is all kinds of hot."

Kate laughed and, once again, rolled her eyes. "No, you think the drummer's hot. I think the drummer is married."

"You, me what difference does it make? We both like staring at him."

They made it to the employee parking lot and then moved toward the back, where Kate always parked. "Again he's straight AND married. Why should we torture ourselves drooling over him when we both know he's unavailable?"

Ryan pulled the keys from her hand. "I'm driving." He unlocked the passenger door and waited until Kate was in before moving around to the driver's side. He slid into the old truck and started it. He smiled and glanced to Kate out of the corner of his eye. "And for the record, not every married man is straight." He winked and when she punched him in the shoulder as he was backing up he laughed.

Kate laughed with him. She never could stay in a bad mood around Ryan. Never. She flipped down the vanity mirror, pulled her small makeup compact from her bag and started applying it as they drove. "Fine. We'll go lust over Mr. Sexy Drummer Guy as long as you promise to get me drunk."

Ryan flashed a sexy smile. "Baby, getting you drunk is one of life's finer pleasures." He looked back to the road and turned up the radio.

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Sam was antsy and he was driving his brother insane.

"Sam so help me if you don't sit the hell down or get the hell out of my sight, I'm going to put a bullet in your ass." Dean growled from the couch. His back was killing him and he groaned as he shoved a pillow behind his lower back. He watched Sam pace by the window again and then look at his watch. He pulled the keys from his pocket. "Hey." He tossed the keys to Sam when Sam looked up. "Get out, go find something to do. Get a drink. I don't care, but stop pacing."

Sam looked at the keys and at Dean. "You wanna come?"

Dean glared and shook his head. "Dude, tonight you get the sofa bed and I get the floor." He grumbled and sank back onto the sofa. "Damn bar in my back all night." Dean waved his hand as he picked up the remote. "Just bring back pizza." He flipped the TV on and searched for something to take his mind off his discomfort.

Sam nodded. "Okay, I'll pick up some beer too. I have my phone."

"Yeah, yeah…" Dean said as he flipped the channel once more.

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Sam drove into town not really knowing where he was heading, but needing pizza and beer. He stopped to fill the tank and asked the kid behind the register where he could get both. The kid pointed down the road and gave him the name of the place with the best pizza in town. Sam headed off in that direction in silence. His mind was all over the place. He was upset with himself, not so much for what he'd done, but for hurting Kate.

He was so involved with his thoughts that he almost missed the place the kid had recommended. It wasn't much to look at, which is what the kid had said. It sat in the old part of town sandwiched between a bank and a store front church. The neon sign that hung over the doorway was broken but the windows were blacked out and an old wooden sign was screwed into the brick wall beside the door. It read: _The town watering hole we serve the best pizza, burgers and beer. Live band Thurs – Sat._

Sam stepped into the bar as smoke billowed out. It was cramped. A small stage sat in the back and on it was a band. The singer was doing a decent tribute to Steven Tyler as he belted out the lyrics to _Same Old Song and Dance_. Sam was suitable impressed as he headed to the bar.

The bartender, an older woman with a clean apron and ready smile, moved toward him. "What can I get for you?" She smiled up at him appreciatively and held up a finger to a couple at the other end of the bar demanding her attention.

Sam smiled back. "I heard you have the best pizza in town, so can I get a large with everything to go and a six pack of whatever's cheapest."

She nodded and wrote the order on her little note pad. "You want anything while you wait?"

Sam cocked his head to the side and looked at the taps. "Sure. How about a Killians?"

She nodded, grabbed a mug and filled his glass. "It'll be about fifteen on the pizza. I'll ring you up when it's done." When Sam nodded she headed off toward the other end of the bar.

Sam turned his back to the bar and leaned against it as the band started playing a different song. It was some late 90s song he was unsure of, but had heard before. He tapped a foot to the beat and watched the few people on the dance floor.

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Kate was on her third beer and was almost completely through it to Ryan's surprise. She didn't usually drink that much and he knew that Sam being here was bothering her. Kate and he had grabbed one of the three tables that sat slightly behind and to the left of the stage. They liked the solitude, but it was hard to get Maggie's attention when you needed another drink. He gathered Kate's two empties and cocked his head.

She nodded. "Yeah and see where our pizza is. I didn't get lunch and I'm starving." She smiled and tipped back her bottle as she tapped her foot to the Blind Melon song the band was playing.

Ryan rolled his eyes as he realized that if she'd missed lunch she was probably on her way to drunk. He knew it didn't take much. He slid to the end of the bar and waited for Maggie to notice him. He glanced around the room, hoping that Jason was there. They'd hit it off last time they'd gone out, but then he was kidnapped and missed a date. Jason hadn't returned the text he sent after he got back. He was hoping to catch him so he could explain. Not that he was sure there was an easy way to explain kidnapping by demon.

Ryan's eyes roamed the bar while he played with the empty bottles. The one bottle clattered against the other when he caught sight of the man at the other end of the bar. He straitened and moved off around the bar as his face tightened into a frown.

"Sam." He stood beside the taller man and glanced nervously toward the back of the bar. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Sam startled and frowned. "I'm picking up a pizza." Sam looked around and then back to Ryan. "Kate here?"

Ryan shrugged. "She might be, but she doesn't want to see you." He motioned to Maggie. When she arrived he smiled. "I need another Sprite and another beer and any idea when that pizza's gonna be ready?"

Maggie filled a glass with ice and Sprite and then popped open another beer. "Your pie's next up, so a couple minutes. You need anything else?"

Ryan shook his head and sipped his drink.

"Where is she?"

Ryan turned and gave Sam a harsh look. "You know I want to ask you outside and try to kick your ass even though I know I would be the one to get all fucked up."

Sam glanced over to Ryan. He sighed, took a sip from his mug and leveled his eyes on the man beside him. "Look, I know you're pissed at me and I get it. Hell I deserve it. I fucked up, so if you want to beat the shit out of me, feel free. I'll give you a free shot, but you have to let me talk to her."

Ryan set his drink down as he realized he was actually considering Sam's offer. He picked up Kate's beer and took a long drink as he thought. He so wanted to slug the huge moron in front of him, but he knew it wouldn't help the situation. He shook his head, tipped back another drink and set the bottle down as he surveyed Sam. He'd put on weight, it was obvious, and it was all good weight in the right places. It made his mind wander dangerously.

He couldn't help but notice the resigned look in Sam's eyes and his tense, but open posture. Sam meant what he said. So when Sam nodded, Ryan shrugged and in a quick, but graceful motion dropped the taller man to the floor with a leg sweep before he leaned over and landed a right hook to his jaw. "That's because you hurt her."

Ryan's hand throbbed, and as he shook his fist out he smiled. It didn't matter, he felt wonderful.

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Sam stared up from the floor struggling to catch his breath. Ryan had knocked the wind out of him and his jaw was aching. Anger rose up inside him so quick he couldn't stop it. He was up and had the slightly smaller man pressed against the bar in seconds. The need to hurt him was throbbing through his veins. He wanted it so bad he could taste it.

Sam had his arm cocked and was about to lower the punch when three guys grabbed him. He tried to shake them off. The band had stopped playing and people were gathering around. He felt a split second of intense anger and then it was gone. He suddenly felt so defeated and guilty.

He pulled lightly at the men holding him. "I'm cool."

The one guy holding his arm was a big man with a full beard and a bandana around his greasy hair. "Ryan, you want us to take him outside and beat the shit out of him?"

Ryan smiled and shook his head. "No." He held his hand out to Sam. "We're good Mickey. He's a friend of mine; he just didn't expect me to drop him on his overgrown ass." He winked over his shoulder at Maggie, who now had a baseball bat in her hand. "It's okay Mags, just put his tab on my bill."

"You sure?" Maggie asked, lowering the bat and watching as the men slowly released Sam. "He say something to you? You know I don't put up with that shit if he did. Bigots can eat somewhere else."

Ryan laughed. "No, we have history is all." He stepped closer to Sam, his hand still extended. "Sam and I are friends and he's pretty special to Katie, so I wouldn't mess with him if I were you."

Maggie cocked her head to the side and nodded to the three men. "Fine and you just bought Mickey and the boys their next round." She poked the handle end of the bat into Ryan's chest. "I mean you started it after all."

Mickey threw a quick salute in Ryan's direction and then ordered three draft beers and three shots of top shelf whiskey. "Thanks for the drinks and stay out of trouble."

Ryan laughed, grabbed Sam's hand in a firm grip before he let go to pick up his Sprite, the half empty beer and the new one Maggie had added. He jerked his head toward the back of the bar as the band started their next set. "She has to know you're here now, so you might as well say goodbye." Ryan added his feelings to the words. He watched Sam's face go from hopefulness to resignation. When Sam nodded he moved back toward their seats.

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Kate hadn't bothered to get up when the music stopped, so she was shocked to see Sam following behind Ryan. Even though she was angry her breath caught in her throat. She cursed under her breath as heat settled in her belly. She knew it was a side effect of the alcohol. It always clouded her mind. Ryan always reminded her how much easier she was when she'd been drinking.

She glared at Sam and was thankful when Ryan slid in beside her. She chuckled inwardly and frowned as Sam slid in across from her. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Sam's eyebrows shot up. "Kate, we need to talk."

She grabbed the new beer and took another drink. "No we don't Sam." She put the bottle down and leaned toward the man across the table. "It's okay. It's over, so let's move on."

She saw the pain flicker across Sam's face before he hid it with a grim smile.

"I'd like it to not be over." He swallowed and played with his hands.

Kate nodded. "I'd like that too, but it doesn't change how it is." She smiled sadly. "I really wanted this to work out. I'm your friend, but that's it Sam. We're through. I don't want to get hurt over and over again. I know we didn't have anything holding us together. I know there weren't any promises, but I hoped there would be." She drank again. "I understand a lot of things about why you fucked around, but I don't get why you did it with Logan."

A look of complete frustration and disappointment crossed Sam's face. "I…fuck," he glanced to Ryan and frowned at the anger on his face, "really Kate can't we talk alone?"

She looked from one man to the other and shook her head. "I'd rather not, especially now. As angry as I am with you I can't trust myself to be alone with you when I'm drinking." She giggled and shook her head when Ryan groaned at her and shook his head. She looked to Ryan. "I probably shouldn't have said that should I?"

Ryan rolled his eyes and shook his head.

She exhaled. "Whatever." She looked back to Sam. "Yeah, so I'm pissed because you slept with your brother's girlfriend. Your dead brother's girlfriend AND that demon." She belched and shook her head. "What were you thinking about with that? That's just gross."

"Kate, please. I'm sorry, really…" He pushed a hand threw his hair. "It just happened. Both of us are sorry about it. It was an accident and hell we weren't thinking clear. We were drunk and hurting and…"

Ryan interrupted. "And you slept with your newly dead brother's woman. End of story." He glared across the table and then added under his breath. "At least the baby's Dean's."

Kate was in the middle of telling Sam that they could stay another night and then needed to find someplace else when Sam reached across the table and grabbed Ryan's shirt.

"What?"

Ryan pushed Sam off. "Get the hell off man."

Sam shook his head. "What did you just say?"

Ryan glared and shook his head. "I told you fucked…"

"No not that, you idiot, what did you say about the baby?"

Ryan made an "O" with his mouth and shot a glance to Kate. "She didn't tell Dean?"

Kate shrugged and set her bottle down. "I don't know, or maybe Dean didn't tell Sam?" She was confused; the alcohol was slowing down her thoughts.

"That makes no sense. Why wouldn't he tell him?" Ryan cocked his head and looked at her oddly. "I would've screamed it fro…"

"HEY." Sam snapped and when both sets of eyes focused on him he curled his lip. "I'm right here. Dean doesn't know because Logan barely talks to him." He sat back in his seat. "It's not mine?" His voice was faraway and thin.

Kate could almost feel his pain. She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "Sorry Sam."

Sam gripped her hand and smiled weakly even as he shook his head. "It's okay right? It's good that it's Dean's baby."

She nodded. "Yeah Sam, it's a good thing." She slid from her seat even though Ryan was trying to grab her arm and keep her from leaving. She stood beside Sam and ran her left hand through his hair. "It's okay Sam."

Sam sighed at her touch, Ryan rolled his eyes and groaned and then Maggie came around the corner.

"Hey, that pizza and six-pack are ready." She had her baseball bat on her shoulder.


	23. If Only it Were That Easy

**If Only it Were That Easy**

Logan slumped against the headboard of her bed. She glanced around and rolled her eyes. It seems Sol had deep pockets. He'd dragged her and Bobby out of the Red Roof Inn they'd holed up in and set them up in a Marriot. Sure, not top of the line, but the best you find in the middle of nowhere. She really wasn't complaining. Hell, she had her own room right next door to Bobby's. She didn't need to listen to him snore or fart or watch him scratch his ass on the way to the bathroom and for that she was thankful. She rolled to her side and tucked a hand under the pillow.

The baby moved and she smiled even as tears stung her eyes. She curled her free hand over her belly. The swell was more noticeable, but she still wasn't showing very much. She'd worry if the baby weren't moving and she hadn't seen the ultrasound. She wished Dean was with her, but then he didn't know the baby was his and he was still upset with her.

The yawn caught her by surprise. It wasn't late, but she was tired. Sol and Bobby were out at Sol's place doing some research. It wasn't difficult for her to get out of tagging along. All she did was yawn and drag her feet and Bobby was telling her to rest. She rolled to her back and reached for her phone. Before she knew it, she'd dialed Dean's number.

He picked up one the second ring and his hello was rushed and quickly followed by him asking if she was okay.

"I'm fine, a little tired, but good." She fiddled with the bedspread and asked him how he was and where he was. She was surprised he was in Colorado. "What's there?"

"Nothing that I know of, but Cass seemed to think we needed to be here, so here we are. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm good." She paused and rolled her eyes in frustration. "I guess I miss you."

He chuckled and Logan could just about see the self-satisfied smile on his face. "Yeah? How much baby?"

Now she laughed. "Not that much stud. Guess I'm just feeling lonely."

"Where's Bobby?"

She heard him move and then groan. She listened and heard the hiss of a bottle open. "He's out with his buddy Sol. You ever meet him? Solomon Hart?"

Dean swallowed before he spoke. "No, but Dad did, talked about him a few times. Good hunter, good resource man from what I remember."

Logan sat up. "Yeah, I can see that. He seems to have some money." She smiled again when the baby moved.

"You figure out what you're up against?"

She heard Dean take another drink and then set the bottle down. "I'm not sure, but Sol says it's Asmodeus. Big, scary demon that's tied to the house somehow, of course we have no idea how, but that's not the point I guess. It's powerful and the spell on the house is strong. I felt it, Dean. It's dark and bad."

"Damn it Logan, you shouldn't be messing around with shit like this."

She sighed. She missed him, but she didn't miss his macho attitude. She scrubbed her hand over the back of her neck. "Dean…"

"Just be careful, okay."

Logan could hear the frustration in his voice. "I will…I am." She wiped her eyes. Her fatigue kicked her frustration up a notch or two. "I kicked plenty of butt while you were gone. Nothing's changed, except you're back."

"How the hell can you say that? Plenty has changed, fucking everything has changed." He growled into the phone.

"I don't want to fight Dean, please. Not now…I…hell, I just wanted to hear your voice. I needed you to remind me that you really are here." She stood and walked to the bathroom. She turned on the tub. "I'm going to take a long bath and go to bed early, but I didn't want to do that without saying goodnight."

"You know we were heading out there before Cass sidetracked us. I'm worried about you and nothing you say's going to change that. Be careful, please."

"I told you. I am being careful Dean." The first thought that ran through her head was _the baby might not even be yours_, but then she remembered. Not that she'd forgotten, not really. It's just that it was new to even her. She wanted to tell him. She needed to, but then she needed to tell Sam too. Shit, her life was screwed. "I wouldn't do anything to put the baby in danger."

Dean interrupted her as she was about to say something else. "I worry about YOU, Logan."

She smiled and checked the water. "I know you do baby. I worry about you too. Now, I'm gonna take a bath and go to bed, so say goodnight."

"Yeah, well I have things to do too. I'm not sure what, but I'm sure there's something." He laughed uncomfortably. "Where the hell is Sam with the pizza anyway, I'm starving."

"I don't know. Call him, drink a couple for me and sleep well."

"You too. I'll see you in a few days, right?"

"You should." She toed off her boots and unzipped her already unbuttoned jeans. "Hopefully, we'll have this wrapped up in a day."

"Then we'll catch you in a day or two."

She swallowed. She wanted him to say it. "Yeah." She paused and waited silently, hopefully.

"Logan, I…I'll see you soon."

Then Dean hung up.

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Sol handed Bobby a book. It was old. Bobby didn't need to be told it was probably quite ancient. Sol had a collection of the rarest books on the occult and supernatural. Some of them were so rare that he had the only copy known.

Bobby opened the book and paged through it carefully. It was a first edition of the Sacred Books of the East. He found the section on Asmodeus and read out loud.

"_Seven powers are given Asmodai that he may utterly destroy the seven creatures therewith: with those seven powers he will destroy the seven young ones in his own time; but one will remain. Where Mitohkt arrives, Arask becomes welcome; and there where Arask is welcome Asmodai lays a foundation; and where Asmodai has a foundation many creatures perish. Asmodai mostly contrives all evil, and the evil deeds of those heroes have been more complete through Asmodai, as it says that Asmodai, the impetuous assailant, causes them most_"

He looked up to Sol when he was done. "Okay so maybe this demon laid his foundation in that house. Any reason why he might have done that?"

Sol looked over his reading glasses at Bobby. He was leaned back in an old desk chair with his feet up on the heavy oak desk. He had another book, this one a newer translation of something, spread out on his lap. "Well, not sure why, but Mitohkt's power revolves around lies and Arask's around anger. Look at this though." He pushed an old photocopied article toward Bobby and waited until he picked it up. "Back in sixty-six, the house was originally being built for a well to do family in the area, the Gilberts. Mr. Gilbert hired an old friend of his who was down on his luck after losing money in a bad real estate deal. So, Alex Gilbert bought a tract of land and had his friend, Brice Zuckerman, develop the housing project."

Bobby read ahead in the article as Sol spoke. He nodded and looked up. "Seems Gilbert was sleeping with Zuckerman's wife."

"Yep, and had been for years. I suspect he had a guilty conscious about it and was trying to make amends his own way. So he hires his friend, but keeps the affair going." Sol slipped his glasses from his nose and took a sip of his drink. "So, one day Zuckerman's youngest kid gets sick and turns out that when the blood work comes back, daddy can't possibly be daddy. Zuckerman confronts Gilbert, who of course, denies the whole thing."

Bobby put the article on the desk and shook his head. "Yeah, he denies it and for some reason Zuckerman feels it's a good idea to consult a psychic. She's more than that though. The article says his defense attorney claimed she brainwashed him into occultism with satanic rituals. Says she convinced him that Gilbert needed to die as punishment for cheating and to save the little girl's life. So Zuckerman and this mysterious woman, who seemed to disappear without a trace, lure Gilbert to the almost completed house and murder him in an upstairs room."

Sol smiled. "And guess what they found all over the walls?" He flipped open a file and pulled out four crime scene photos. When Bobby raised an eyebrow he shrugged. "I have friends." He handed over the photos.

Bobby pulled a face and looked at each one. The body of a man was in the center of the room, blood was everywhere and the victim's chest was open. Cryptic runes and words were on the floor and walls; written in what appeared to be blood. "Shit, they opened this place up for Asmodeus, like his own private gateway."

"Exactly, he had a gate, but no key. So I figure that now he's looking for the key."

Bobby sat forward and poured himself three fingers worth of the dark liquor on Sol's desk and downed it fast, which made Sol wince and comment how the good stuff should be savored not sucked down. Bobby snorted and pulled off his hat to scratch at his head. "Great, this thing's just been waiting around for the key. Lies and anger…teens fit that bill about right, but what's the deal about them dying at twenty one? And is it one kid, or the right combination of kids? How do we know the gate's not already open?"

The other man smiled and pulled his feet from the desk. He leaned forward and pulled the book Bobby had around so they could both see it. He pointed at the paragraph Bobby had just read. "Look." His finger tapped on each of the numbers in the first part of the verse. "Add em up; seven powers, seven creatures, seven young ones and one remains."

Bobby stared at the page. "Damn, okay, but it still don't make any more sense than…shit, the asshole is looking for _the one who remains_." He looked across the table to Sol. His face was serious.

Solomon cocked an eyebrow and reached for a glass decanter that sat on a silver tray. He poured himself a glass of the amber liquid and then another for his friend. He slid the drink to Bobby and then sat back in his chair. He inhaled the mellow aroma of the liquor and then sipped. "Well, legend has it that Raphael bound Asmodeus somewhere in Egypt for killing the seven husbands to be of Sara."

Something clicked in Bobby's head. "Yeah, remember that now. He tried to kill the eighth, but he survived. A man named Tobias." He stared at his hands for a second. "So, the one who escapes? He the key?"

"That's how I see it. The one kid who's strong enough to hold out will somehow open the door and let this fucker out. He's one of the four princes that rule under Lucifer. Those four were all bound when Lucifer was. He needs their help to get out of his own pit. So, I figure Asmodeus and the others are trying to get loose, but haven't had much luck. Someone, or something helped Asmodeus on this end. I'm not sure what he needs to escape, but it looks like he's looking for it. It says he will destroy seven young ones, 'in his own time'", He shrugged. "What his time is, I don't know, maybe he doesn't even know who or what he's looking for, but only has the prophecy. He's looking for young ones that are attached to lies and anger. Whichever one survives is the one he needs to get out of his cage."

Bobby sighed and sipped his whiskey. He smiled as it burned lightly, but pleasantly down his throat. "Damn good stuff." He held up his glass. "And you're right, better when you sip it." He took another sip and continued. "But according to my research ten kids are dead that were attached to this place. So, what's the deal. He only needs seven be…"

Sol waved his hand as he interrupted Bobby. "Coincidence or maybe just because they fit the bill? If he's working from the prophecy like we are, he might not know any more than we do? I don't know, I'm not sure really, but there are seven that count before he finds, 'the one'. How long has this been going on anyway?" Sol had his head leaned back on the leather of his chair as he watched Bobby and sipped his own glass.

Bobby rustled around in an old leather bag and pulled out a file stuffed with notes and newspaper clippings. He thumbed through the pages to the back of the stack and separated a copy of an article stapled to sheet of paper from the pile. His eyes went wide and then he handed the papers to Sol.

Solomon scanned the article and then flipped to the note in back. It was a copy of the suicide note of the first boy to kill himself. It was dated October 18, 1987. "Damn." He put his drink down and held his hand out for the rest of the file. "We're on the clock aren't we? Gilbert died twenty one years before the first kid so, we need to figure out exactly what he's looking for, because in three days it'll be twenty one years since then and a whole load of shit is probably going to hit a really big fan."

Bobby swallowed the rest of his whiskey and nodded. "That's what I was afraid of."

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Maggie took another step forward. "Pizza's ready now. TO GO."

Ryan snorted when she shifted the bat on her shoulder. "He's going Mags." He glared at Sam. "He's going now."

Maggie nodded and went back to her bar.

Sam shook his head and then nodded. He stood and took Kate's hand. "Let me drive you home then."

"Sam, really I…"

Ryan interrupted; he heard it in her voice and knew she was going to cave. "Katie, don't." He moved to Kate's side. "Be strong, come on and beside, you still haven't eaten."

Sam was starting to dislike Ryan more by the minute. "Let her make up her own mind, will you."

The other man growled. "She's drunk, hurting and confused. How the hell she gonna be able to make up her own mind?"

Sam stepped forward with a viscous sound, but was intercepted by Kate stepping between the two men.

"Enough." She pushed Sam backward with a palm on his chest. "Stop it. You, leave him alone, he's always there for me and you…" she turned to glare at her best friend. "I may be drunk and hurt and somewhat confused, but I'm still a big girl and what's going to happen? Dean's at my place too and I do need a ride home and we do need to talk and I know this probably isn't a good decision, but it's mine to make, right?"

Ryan sighed. "Yes, I suppose it is." He slipped back into his seat and downed the half finished beer he'd brought over. He set the bottle down. "You know my number and I'll be right there to tell you 'I told you so' just as soon as you call."

Kate smiled at him and then bent down to kiss him. She didn't fight when Ryan deepened the kiss just to piss Sam off. She smiled and ran her tongue over his lips lightly as she pulled back. Sam's growl was easy to hear. "That was wrong Visintine, so wrong." She said softly as she stood. She had to catch herself when she stumbled as the room spun a little around her.

Ryan smiled over her shoulder at Sam. "I can still rock your world whenever you want Kate, remember that."

Kate rolled her eyes and turned to Sam. "Ignore him."

Sam put an arm around her shoulder and tucked her against his side. "I'll ignore his ass AFTER I pound it into the ground."

Ryan pushed away from the table and stood. "Anytime you want to try it Winchester, any damn time…"

Sam let Kate tug him away, but offered his middle finger to the other man before he slid a twenty across the bar to Maggie. He picked up the pizza while Kate grabbed the beer. "Keep the change and sorry for the disagreement."

Maggie eyed Sam and leveled her gaze on Kate. "You sure you know what you're doing girl?"

Kate shook her head. "Probably the wrong thing," she shrugged, "but I have to see where things go."

Maggie nodded. "I have two ex-husbands that started out that same way honey…just be careful."

Kate smiled and let Sam lead her from the bar.

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Dean stood on the balcony outside Kate's apartment and stared off into the darkness. He was restless, bored and hungry. He rolled his eyes and for the hundredth time cursed his brother for not being back with food yet. Not that he had any reason to since he basically kicked Sam's annoying ass out.

He readjusted the pack on his shoulder and headed back inside. Kate had a small washer and dryer and he figured he'd get his laundry done so he'd gone to the car for the pack of dirty clothes.

He emptied the entire thing into the washer, mashing it down so it would all fit and then dumping in detergent without measuring before switching it to cold and slamming down the lid. Sam never liked how Dean did the laundry, but Dean didn't care, as long as the clothes were mostly clean of ash, smoke and blood what difference did it make.

He was starving, so he again cursed the slowness of his brother and pulled open a cupboard. He foraged for something edible and found a box of Wheat Thins. He frowned, but managed to find a jar of salsa to make them more appealing.

With a sigh, he sat at the counter and popped open the salsa. He opened a Mt. Dew and ate to fill the hole in his gut. A cracker caught in his throat when Castiel appeared in the kitchen.

"Really?" He coughed and swallowed and then downed some more Dew to clear his throat. "Front doors are there for knocking on." He groused and ate another salsa covered cracker.

"Why are you here?" Castiel asked seriously as he watched Dean cautiously.

"Umm well, you said Colorado and disappeared. So, you tell me." Dean stood and gave Castiel a lopsided look.

Castiel shook his head and he frowned. "No, I did not. You were on your way to Idaho. That's where you should be."

Panic welled up in Dean's chest. "Hold on a second. You showed up in the car and said Colorado when I asked if there was a reason you said yes then you disappeared. Now you're saying you never told me to come here?"

"Exactly." Cas nodded. "You need to be in Idaho." He sighed and cocked his head again. "When do you think I was in your car?"

Dean was already moving, grabbing his duffle, repacking the few items he'd pulled out. He picked up his newly cleaned gun, checked the clip and slid it into the pocket of his coat. "Yesterday. Sam was sleeping, I was driving and you poofed into my backseat." Dean picked up his phone and dialed Sam, but he didn't get an answer. "Shit, Sam has the car." The sick, restless feeling in his gut intensified. "Is she okay?"

"Who?"

"Dammit Cas, Logan. Is she okay?" Dean stomped to the door, pulled back the curtain on the window and closed his eyes. _Please let her be okay._

"She's fine…" The angel walked to the door. "For now, she's fine." Castiel held up a hand toward the door and closed his eyes. "Sam will be here in ten minutes. You'll need to leave within the hour."

"Can't you help them?"

"I'll go and do what I can."

Castiel was gone.

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Sam's phone rang, but he ignored it and opened the door for Kate. She set the beer down on the floor and took the pizza before Sam shut the door and moved around to his own seat.

The car started and Kate reached out to turn the volume down on the radio. Sam watched her fidget before she sat back into the seat. A sexy smile flitted across her face as she ran a hand over the interior which made Sam wonder what was on her mind.

"Do you remember…" Kate's voice trailed off as she shook her head and then stared out the window as the car moved.

"Remember what?" Sam's voice was quiet.

Kate turned to look at him and he noticed her blush she shook her head again and shrugged. "It's not important."

Sam reached for Kate's hand and was slightly surprised that she didn't keep it from his reach. "I never meant to hurt you or screw this up for us."

She nodded and bit her lip. "I know, but you did."

"Isn't there something I can do, some way to make it up to you and fix it or start over…anything?" Sam let his exasperation tinge his voice as he gave her hand a squeeze.

Kate sighed. "I wish I could tell you it was okay and that we could just pick up where we left off, but it's not is it?" She watched Sam's profile as he drove. "I know we didn't have much, but we had a start. You hurt me Sam. You didn't call, you didn't return my calls, and I know you were hurting, but that doesn't give you the right to fuck a friend of mine AND some demon slut." Her voice rose with emotion and tears were in her eyes as she pulled her hand from Sam's grasp. Her voice fell to soft and defeated as she added. "That hurt Sam…that still hurts."

Sam cursed under his breath and pulled the car into a small parking lot on the side of the road by a hiking path. A couple, who obviously had just finished their hike were packing up their car, otherwise the lot was empty. He turned in his seat and reached his hand out to tuck a bit of hair behind Kate's ear. "I know there's no way to change it, or make it right, and I know that I can't apologize it away."

He paused and only continued when Kate looked up at him. He hated the pain he caused; the pain he could see in her eyes. He swallowed and inched forward. "But I need you to know how much I thought about you…about us and how I only stayed away because I was so angry about Dean that I didn't want to hurt you with how bitter I was." Sam watched Kate's face and fought the urge to pull her into his arms. "I need you to understand that I hated myself for letting Dean die for me. It was my fault he died, my fault he suffered. I was toxic, not just to myself, but to everyone around me. I became a different person. I was just barely better than the scum I was hunting and I didn't want to dirty you with that. I couldn't handle that…I didn't want you to see me that way either." Sam's voice cracked and he saw the tears in Kate's eyes. "I was so broken, hell I still am, but at least now I'm trying. Before I was just wallowing in my self-pity and self-hate and letting it eat away at me. That night, the night I fucked everything up for us…I was so drunk and we had just talked. It was the night I told you I was with someone else…and I was hurting and confused and I needed something, someone. Hell I don't know what I expected or what I needed, but I pulled the medicine bag off and was going to throw it away, but then I couldn't. I looked at it and saw you. I remembered what it meant and I knew I couldn't let it go."

Kate held her bottom lip between her teeth and let the tears run down her face. Her bag had been destroyed when she'd been kidnapped, but Sam had given her his. Ryan had tried to talk her into burning it, but she couldn't. She grabbed Sam's hand and with her other hand reached into her pocket. She pulled out the small leather bag. She gripped it and clenched her eyes shut before she cleared her throat. "When I made you this it was strong, but you made it so much stronger." She looked at Sam and slid closer, the bag between them in her now open palm.

"Yeah, I added a few things…you said I could." He watched her thumb caress the top of the bag.

She nodded, glanced down at the bag and then back to Sam. "Yes, but the things you added, whatever they are, aren't what made it stronger."

Sam frowned and shook his head. "I don't understand."

A smile flirted with the corners of Kate's mouth. Her wet eyes found his and she cocked her head to the side. "The bag is only as strong as the faith you put into it. The items mean little, but when you believe in them it increases their power. You also added the emotion behind them." She turned the bag over. "I haven't opened it. I don't know what you added to the inside, but I can feel the hope and love you did it with. I don't feel hate, Sam. I feel passion and strength. I feel faith and belief. Whatever you think you were or did, it didn't come through." She pressed the bag to the center of Sam's chest and looked him directly in the eye. "In here Sam, you've always been true to yourself."

Sam opened his mouth but was stopped by the shaking of Kate's head.

"I don't care what else you did. I only want one promise from you Sam."

"Anything…" Sam looked from the hand against his chest to Kate's face.

Kate's other hand strayed to Sam's shoulder and then to his jaw. She traced a line from his chin to his ear and back. "Don't lock yourself away. Don't hide what you feel. I don't care if you don't tell me, but tell someone." Her eyes fell to his lips and she watches as her thumb brushed over his bottom lip. She sighed and gasped when he pursed his lips and the tip of his tongue stroked her thumb. Her voice was all but a whisper when she said his name. "Sam…"

In a rush Sam had her pulled against his chest. The pizza slid to the floor as their lips met. Kate's hands found his shoulders and she held on as sensation and emotion crashed around them. Someone moaned and Kate wasn't sure who it was. All she knew was that she wanted more, but knew she shouldn't. Her hands pressed to Sam's chest and she pushed back.

Sam's eyes opened and he blinked to focus. He smiled first and then frowned when he saw the determined look on Kate's face. He slid back behind the wheel. "I'm sorry." His hand slid through his hair and he took a long breath to focus before he gripped the steering wheel. "I…"

"It's okay. I just don't want to move too fast and I'm still drunk and I'd hate to regret anything later." Kate played with the medicine bag in her hand, absentmindedly noticing the faint smells of cedar, leather and sage. "We probably should get moving."

Sam smiled and nodded before he pointed to the floor. "We probably need to pick that up." He indicated the pizza and pulled the car from the small parking area.

Kate giggled and slid the box back onto her lap. She opened the box and rolled her eyes. The pizza was barely warm and now a pile of toppings on the side of some barely sauced crust. "Hope Dean doesn't mind eating with a fork."

Sam turned a corner and shook his head. "He'll bitch, but this is the man who's been known to eat dried out leftover spaghetti the next morning right out of the pot."

Her face screwed up in disgust and she nodded. She knew she was ignoring her emotions and things they still needed to discuss, but she'd deal with that later. She smiled when Sam turned up the radio announcing that he liked the current song.

Coldplay's _Viva La Vida_ was playing and Kate couldn't help the emotion that hit her. She always thought of Sam when she heard the song. So many parts reminded her of him and them. She sang along with Chris Martin in her head.

_One minute I held the key_

_Next the walls were closed on me_

_And I discovered that my castles stand_

_Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand_

She sighed and wiped away a stray tear. What she wanted was a dream and she knew with Sam it wasn't possible. What she didn't know was that Sam was thinking similar thoughts about a different part of the song. Only his thoughts were darker.

_It was the wicked and wild wind_

_Blew down the doors to let me in_

_Shattered windows and the sound of drums_

_People couldn't believe what I'd become._

_Revolutionaries wait_

_For my head on a silver plate_

_Just a puppet on a lonely string_

_Oh who would ever want to be king?_

Sam frowned and drove. They'd be there to Kate's in a few minutes and what would happen from there was anybody's guess.


	24. Just Like Old Times

**Just Like Old Times**

_Warning: There is some mild sexual violence at the end of this chapter. Compared to Sparring Session**,** it's nothing, but I like to add the warning._**  
**

Dean drove, covering miles as fast as he could while Sam did his own research into the demon Logan had mentioned. Kate had refused to let them go without her and she was now dozing in the backseat. Dean knew he should have insisted she stay home, but she was worried and he was too. Kate had packed little in the way of weapons, but her first aid bag was stocked like an ER and Dean felt better knowing she was there. It had been harder to convince Sam to let her come, but in the end it hadn't mattered. Kate simply refused to be left behind. She wanted to repay Logan for helping her and Ryan and she felt this was her chance.

"So?" Dean asked when Sam looked up from his computer and rubbed his eyes. "Anything?"

Sam sighed and shifted in his seat to check on Kate. A small smile lifted his lips just before his worry replaced it. "Some, but not much. Like you said Logan mentioned, he's not exactly friendly." Sam shut the computer and slid it into his bag. "He's one of the four generals that rule under Lucifer. He was bound in his own pit along with the other three generals about the same time as Lucifer found his prison. So, if Lucifer is trying to get out his generals are probably trying to as well. Asmodeus seems to like lies and anger, but really what demon doesn't?"

Dean nodded at his brother and checked his fuel. They were good, the road was almost empty, they were halfway there and if he kept his speed above ninety, they'd be there in just a few more hours.

"When did you try Bobby last?"

Dean watched his brother check his watch before he answered. "Less than an hour ago, but I'll try again and I'll try Logan too. Did she say where she was staying?"

Dean shook his head. "No." He pulled his phone from the ashtray where he liked to keep it and speed dialed Logan. "I'll try Logan, just keep trying Bobby."

Sam flipped his own phone open.

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Logan groaned and stretched before she yawned and reached for a cup of coffee. She'd managed a couple hours of sleep before Bobby pounded on her door and said that something was going on at the house. Two hours later, the three hunters were armed and sitting in Sol's big truck waiting for whatever it was that might be going on.

First thing she noticed was that the house next door was mighty busy so early in the morning, especially since there was a foreclosure sale sign in the yard. She'd pointed it out to Bobby and then decided to check it out. She'd flipped her phone to silent and maneuvered through the overgrown hedges to get a better look. Four demons and one human were in the house preparing for something. She couldn't hear them, but they had covered the walls of the dining room with enough mojo to keep out, or in, just about everything.

She'd gone back to the truck to tell Bobby and Sol what she saw. Sol insisted he take a look for himself and Bobby decided to go along. So for now, she sat alone in the backseat sipping cooling coffee and trying to stay awake. She looked over the house, nothing was going on, but the sky was looking ominous. A storm would only make their stake out more difficult, so she pulled out her phone to see if the weather was going to hold.

Logan sat up suddenly when she saw the number of calls to her phone. There were nine calls in the last four hours, six from Dean and three from Sam, along with an equal number of texts. The texts started out as, "call me asap", and progressed through, "LOGAN call NOW", "I m killing u 4 not answering", "we r on our way" and the last text read simply, "u r in danger, b careful".

She didn't listen to the voicemails, just dialed Dean. He answered with a curse and before she could ask what was wrong, he was asking if she was okay and yelling at her for not answering the phone.

She looked over to the neighboring house and noticed Bobby and Sol heading back to the truck. "Dean what the hell is wrong?"

She listened to Dean explain what Castiel had told him and tried to cover up the bad feeling that it gave her. "I'm pretty sure something's going down soon." She heard Sol and Bobby talking quietly by the rear of the truck and it eased some of her concern. "The house next door seems to be some sort of base camp, but we just found it tonight."

Dean told her to stay clear, asked where exactly she was and then told her he was about an hour or less away. Logan opened her door and got Bobby's attention and then relayed the info to him and Sol. Sol recognized a few of the symbols on the wall of the house and he filled her in. It wasn't good and she informed Dean who cursed and then mumbled something to his brother. Logan heard the Impala's engine roar and rolled her eyes, sure he was going well over the speed limit already.

"Dean, don't kill yourself getting here. Right now we're just watching the house. Nothing's going on. I mean…" She paused as she noticed that Bobby and Sol were pointing at the sky and fumbling with their weapons. "Oh shit."

Dean was yelling in her ear at this point and while she heard him, she didn't register what he was saying. "Dean, something's happening and it isn't good." It was Sam's voice she heard next. He was asking about the weather and she answered back. "Yeah, that storm is right over top of us. Something big…." The line went dead with a pop and hiss a second before all the power on the block winked out.

Logan pulled the phone from her ear and tried to redial, but she had no signal. She cursed and then cursed again when she looked to the sky. She heard Bobby say something in an urgent voice, turned to look out the back window of the truck and froze. Two of the demons from the house were attacking Bobby and Sol. She reached for her weapon and the door only to hear Bobby's voice clearly.

"Dammit Sol, weren't you paying attention?" Bobby managed before he took a knee to the gut. His gun flew out of his hands and he glanced back to the truck. "Now we're screwed."

Logan took a deep breath and steadied herself. She wanted to open fire on the demons, but Bobby's words were a code; he was warning her off. She flipped the dome light completely off so when she eased out the passenger door it wouldn't come on. She pushed the door shut just enough, careful so that it didn't click and then she snuck off across the street to hide behind a heavy hedge. She watched the shorter demon open the truck door and search it before he told his buddy the truck was clear.

For now, she was safe and Bobby and Sol had a chance, but the odds weren't good. She watched as four other men came out of the house and she knew it wasn't a welcome they were planning.

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They'd knocked Sol out, but Bobby was awake and they were both trussed up, hands behind their backs, with duct tape in the corner of the dining room. The demons mostly weren't speaking English, but some weird combination of Latin and something he didn't recognize. He surveyed the runes and symbols on the wall and attempted to put the clues together.

From what he understood, the ONE was coming and the gate would open. Bobby heard Sol make a noise that made him sound like a wounded animal and then the big man's glazed eyes opened. Bobby counted almost to fifteen until he saw the realization of their position creep across Sol's face.

"Shit." Sol groaned softly as he tried to straighten himself up from the uncomfortably slumped position he'd been dropped in.

"Yeah, that's about what we're in." Bobby caught the other man's eye and in that way that many hunters have, he conveyed that it was important not to mention Logan.

"How long I been out?"

Bobby shrugged. "Bout an hour, give or take."

Sol winced as he nodded. "How many of them are there?" He glanced around and frowned at the symbols on the walls even as he started counting the demons.

"There're four more than the 3 in here. At least as far as I know." Bobby shifted to relieve the ache in his shoulder. "I think they're bringing him through tonight."

There was a chuckle from the other man. "Yeah, ya think?" Sol wiggled around and slid closer to Bobby. His voice dropped even lower than it had been. "Think you can reach my belt?"

"Hey, I know this might be our last few minutes, and I like you and all…" Bobby groused, even as he slid forward to inch his hands closer to Sol. He leaned forward so his fingers were closer to the other man's fly. "But you mind telling me exactly what I'm supposed to be reaching for before I accidentally grab something that changes this R rated moment of impending blood and gore to an X rated one."

Sol rolled his eyes and shifted his hips again so that his belt buckle was under Bobby's fingers. This made Bobby glare over his shoulder. "Shut up. There's a latch on the left. Press in and lift."

Bobby checked to be sure they were being ignored and mumbled under his breath as his hands grazed over Sol's package before he found the buckle.

"Hey, you're the one who bitched about not wanting to make this X rated." Sol tried to move himself into a better position.

"Sit still you idjit. You keep moving and I lose my frame of reference." Bobby closed his eyes and concentrated on "seeing" what he was feeling. He found the buckle and slid his fingers to the left. The latch wasn't easy to find, but once he did, he knew it for what it was. He pressed in and up and then there was a soft click.

A small blade fell from the bottom of the buckle. It was sharp and Bobby fumbled with grasping the hilt. "Shit. That's gotta come in handy in more than one way."

Sol watched as Bobby started working the blade on the tape that restrained his hands. "Just hurry up will you, before the three stooges over there get curious as to what we're doing."

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Logan did what she could, which alone wasn't much, but once everyone was back in the house, she was able to get back into the truck for a few more weapons. She didn't dare stay in the truck though. Just in case one of them came out to move it. So, after scouting the area and ensuring that the house that had been the center of their investigation was empty, she pried open a window and climbed in.

Immediately she felt something. It was thick and heavy in the air. She might even describe it as oily if she thought air could be that way, but it felt like something sinister was coating her skin as she stood there. A shiver, deep and full bodied, ran through her and she almost threw up. She struggled with disorientation. It was different than the last time she'd been there. It was so much stronger.

She glanced around the living room and shook her head. She blinked, trying to clear her suddenly cloudy vision. Pain started building in the base of her skull. It was a slow steady pressure that was followed by memories. She gasped at the vividness and then moaned just as she vomited onto the floor.

Then she smelled it. She sensed it and she knew. Finn was here and he was strong. So much stronger than the last time she'd seen him. She turned and knew she'd see him there. He stood at the counter in the kitchen with his hip leaned against it, as he casually took a long drink from a flask.

"Need a little pick me up sis?" He held the flask to her. "I think you'd find it to your liking." He laughed and recapped the small plastic bottle. His eyebrow shot up. "Is this too much for you?" He took a couple of steps toward her. "You want me to lighten up the _atmosphere_ some?"

He waved a hand and took a deep breath and Logan felt some of the oppression pull from the room. She wiped her mouth and almost sighed as the evil pulled back and away from her. She spit the bitter taste of vomit onto the floor and glared at her brother. "What are you doing here Finn?"

A hurt look crossed his face as his eyes moved over his sister. "Is that how you treat your brother?" He laughed when she flipped him off. An evil smile spread across his face. "It would be my pleasure and you know it." He licked his lips. "You still think about it?" He was less than a foot from her now and he reached out to play with her hair. "I liked it longer. Much sexier when you were on your knees with your mouth wrapped around me."

Logan took a deep breath and fought the memories that she was now sure were coming directly from Finn. "Bastard, leave me the fuck alone."

"I'm only as much of a bastard as you are Logan. We both know who our fathers are, don't we?" His eyes moved over her again and he frowned. "What's this?" He took a step backward and actually looked at her. "You're fucking pregnant."

Fear coiled through her, but this type didn't make her feel weaker. This type didn't make her want to hide and cry. This was different. This was the fear for her unborn son and it helped her push the disgusting thoughts from her head. It was good. She took a deep breath and smiled. She knew that her pregnancy fucked up Finn's plan, but she also knew it put her more at risk. Finn wouldn't care if he hurt her and she knew that if he didn't need her, he wouldn't hesitate to kill her. "What does it matter Finn?"

He sneered. "It means you're more of a slut than I thought, but other than that not much." He watched her as he toyed with the flask he was still carrying. "Whose is it?"

"Sluts don't know who their baby daddies are." She drew her power around herself and rubbed a hand lightly over her stomach as if to tell her son it would be okay. "It just happened. Fate finally caught up with me."

He knew she was lying, but it didn't matter to him. "It's not going to change anything. It just surprised me." He slid his flask into his hip pocket and gave his sister a sick smile. "I'm still going to put you beneath me." He rubbed at his fly. "I'm still going to refresh your memory of last time."

Logan shook her head. "Never again Finn." She reached for the knife on her belt.

Her brother laughed and spat out a spell. Her hand froze. He made a tsk, tsk sound and smiled. "What? Are you having troubles moving little sister?" He took the two steps that separated them and pressed his body to hers. "I say it will and this time you might not survive." He bent and inhaled her scent. "I still smell that hunter on you." He grabbed her face and looked her in the eye. "The brat's his isn't it?"

Logan struggled with emotion. She hated her brother more than anyone else. He'd hurt her, broke her and left her an orphan. She'd worked hard to bury those memories, but every one of them was now vivid in her mind. She felt the tears on her face.

"Aww, what? You aren't enjoying my little trip down memory lane with you?" He tapped a finger to her temple. "How about I give you my memories then?" His eyes flashed and he purred. "So, much better Logan, trust me. You were so young, so tight, so fresh…mmm, just thinking about it gets me so hard." He pressed himself against her and bit at her neck before moving his mouth to her ear. "Then there was mom. You'd think at her age she wouldn't have been as good, but she was Logan and dad…" He laughed and let his hand move down to her breast where he pinched cruelly. "Dad was a first for me baby, not the last, but definitely the first."

Logan was speechless and confused. She wasn't just seeing Finn's memories, she was feeling what he felt and it rushed through her like adrenaline. She felt his arousal and his power. She felt how good he had felt, but at the same time it made her sick and once again she gagged. She blinked as tears clouded her vision. "Please…please…" her voice sounded so small even to her.

"Begging me again Logan?" He kissed her and twisted her nipple hard and then only harder when she yelped. "It always gets me so much hotter when you begged."

Logan wasn't sure what was happening. She kept trying to draw her power to her, trying to pull it up and use it like she usually could, but it wouldn't work. She was openly crying now. Scared. She felt just like she had when she was fourteen; helpless. Only this time, she knew it wasn't just her that was going to die, but also her son. Dean's son. "I'm so sorry…please don't…" She sobbed, still unable to move as Finn pulled her knife from her belt and started to cut away at her shirt.

"You remember Colorado? Remember that sexy piece of paramedic ass I fucked? He was your friend right?" He smiled when she continued to sob. The knife blade was now under the band of her bra. A little pressure and it snapped. He watched the increased weight of her breasts cause them to bounce. "Nice."

Logan closed her eyes and tried to block it out. Now what he was doing was mixing with memories of Dean, totally polluting the good memory. She tried to ignore him and focus on anything else, but it wasn't working. The blade pressed into the side of her breast, nicking her skin and she made a small hurt sound.

"Answer me Logan." He glared down at her, the point of the knife pressing in deeper. "I'll take your nipple off if you don't." He licked his lips as he watched the blade sink slowly into the soft, white flesh of her breast. He shivered from his arousal. "Make you so ugly no one will fuck you ever again? You want that?"

"No, don't please." She opened her eyes and let him see how scared she was. "Yes, I…I remember him. Ryan." She felt the blood seep from the small, but deep cut and she shivered.

"Mmmm, yes Ryan. You know why he's still alive? I was planning on killing him, I really was, but in the end it wasn't any fun." He watched, mesmerized as the blood rolled down the curve of Logan's breast and dripped onto the floor. "He didn't beg Logan. He liked it." He winked and slid the knife lower. "Do you like it Logan? Want to stay alive, you need to like it."

She felt the bile in her throat. No she didn't like it. She wanted to kill him. She wanted to torture him the way she'd watched Dean torture those people in her head. She hated this man, her brother, her own flesh and blood. She hated him and the way he made her feel dirty and used just by looking at her. She tried to move, but whatever he'd used to bind her still held. She growled and fought back another round of tears.

"By the way, you can stop trying to get free." He turned her head to the ceiling and pointed with the knife. "See that charm up there? Works really well to bind some types of power." He then pointed around the room. "Once you came in here, you were trapped." He bent and kissed her then. His tongue filled her mouth, and he laughed and pinched her nose. Her struggling made him laugh and when he pulled away she was struggling to breathe. "I knew you'd be here; knew it because it was foretold." He let the knife touch the skin of her belly. Just below her navel. "I just had to make sure you weren't with the old man and the Winchesters."

He smiled and a shimmer of light flashed through the room. Logan found herself staring at Castiel. When he spoke, the voice was Castiel's as well.

At her astonished look he explained. "All I need is DNA. One of the gifts my father left me." He waved his hand and returned to the form of his seventeen year old self again. "Magical isn't it. I can even do myself aged if I want, but why? This one gets me the ladies…" He cocked his head to the side and winked. "Or the boys, depending on my mood." The watched the knife point trace patterns on the soft swell of her belly. "I could end it for you Logan. Just a small poke, a little pain and it's gone. No more worry about it."

She shook with anger as every muscle in her body fought against the power restraining her. "Don't you dare Finley." She saw his face harden, so she changed tactics. "Please don't." She tried to get her emotion under control even as her vision swam. She prayed silently, she begged God and anyone else who would listen. "Please don't, I'll do anything."

Her brother's full throated laugh filled the room. He slapped her and slid the knife into the waist band of her jeans. Then he lifted the blade away from her body, making a hole in the denim. The hole widened as he pulled upward. "Oh Logan, you don't understand do you?" He worked the knife over the denim until it fell away at her feet. "I'm going to do exactly what I want with you anyway and then in a couple hours it will be all over. I promise." He ran a hand over her breast and down between her legs. He pushed her legs apart with his foot and roughly shoved three fingers inside her. "Just like old times, little sister, just like old times."

**NOTE:** _ I know, it's been forever and I'm sorry. I won't promise anything. Especially now that I'm graduated (Whoo-Hoo, I have a Masters Degree) and studying for boards and looking for a job, but I'll try harder. I hope you enjoyed it and yes, more to come. If you feel inclined, leave some feedback as it is always appreciated._


	25. Who Does the Evil That Honest Men Can't?

**Who Does the Evil That Honest Men Can't?**

Sam watched Dean. He knew he brother was tense by the way he was clenching his jaw. If Logan's directions were correct, they were almost there. Sam grabbed the door frame and shot a glance into the back seat to check on Kate when Dean took the last turn too fast. "Dean, if we crash now…" He left the sentence unfinished when his brother growled at him.

Sam watched his brother scan the street and cut the headlights before he pulled the car to a stop about a half block from the house. "Something's not right Sam."

Sam knew his brother was right and he smiled when Kate's hand landed on his shoulder soft and reassuring. "I know man, but we can't go in guns-a-blazing or someone might get hurt." He opened his door, shut it quietly and waited for Kate. She wasn't but a second behind him and then the three of them were at the trunk.

Dean was sorting through the weapons. He handed Sam and Kate holy water and each of them a shot gun and salt rounds.

Sam looked his brother over and saw he had the knife on his hip. "We don't even know where they are. Two houses and all we know is that Bobby and Sol were jumped. What if Logan got…"

Dean slammed the trunk. "She's fine Sam, but we need to find her."

"She is not fine."

The three of them spun to see Castiel standing behind them and staring with squinted eyes at the house down the street.

"She's in much pain." The angel looked at Dean.

Dean cursed and took a step toward Castiel. "Help her." His voice was low and dangerous.

Sam watched the change on his brother's face. He'd never seen him quite like it before; so dangerous and fiercely protective. "Dean."

Dean glared and again growled at Castiel. "Help her."

Castiel shook his head. "I can't enter the house. The runes." He raised his hand and the house took on a light purple haze. The runes and spells on the inside walls now visible on the outside. "They keep me out and bind her power."

Sam grabbed his brother's arm when he started off toward the house. "Who's in there with her and where's Bobby?"

Castiel cocked his head as he surveyed the houses then he looked back at Sam. "Bobby and the other are in the next house down. I can help with the demons there." He looked at Dean. "She's alone with her brother."

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Dean would have sworn that the fear that hit him cut him physically. It sliced through him to the core. "No." He shot Sam a panicked look. "Sam…" He had no words.

Sam looked helplessly at his brother and started to speak, but Dean was already moving even as he checked the rounds in his hand gun. He'd already forgotten about Kate, he was so focused on getting to Logan, so he was surprised when she was suddenly beside him. She was loading rounds into the shot gun from a stash she'd thrust into her pocket.

He glanced up to see Sam and Castiel heading down the street and frowned. He didn't stop moving. "Kate you shouldn't…"

Her voice low as they got closer to the house. "Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do." She loaded the chamber of the shot gun and held it, ready to shoot. Her movements became more controlled and purposeful

Dean was impressed with the way she moved. It was easy to forget how comfortable she was with weapons and with hunting. It was easy to forget what she'd already seen. A split second of regret hit him and he shook it off as Kate spoke.

"Logan's been there for me. I have to help, or at least try." The door was locked when she tried the knob. She looked to Dean just before they heard the sound of gravel underfoot.

Both Dean and Kate turned, weapons up. Again, Dean was impressed by her competence as she took up a defensive position that allowed them both access to the approaching enemy and kept their backs from being open.

Sam turned the corner of the house and frowned as he held up his hands. "Whoa, it's me."

Kate exhaled shakily, "Damn, I swear I almost shot you."

Dean mumbled something R-rated and stared at his brother incredulously.

Sam cocked and eyebrow and shook his head. He didn't need to hear Dean's words; he knew what his brother was saying. "Cas says I can help and he'll be fine."

Dean glared, but didn't say anything. He didn't want Sam there. He hadn't liked the connection his brother had with Logan before he died and he hated that it was still there…hell in some weird way stronger, now that he was back. Dean moved off toward the side of the house with his thoughts. He knew that if Logan got in, there was a way.

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Castiel slipped into the other house easily. He didn't have the knife, but then he really didn't need it, but that also meant that banishing the demons required a bit of noise. As the first demon fell, the others came toward him. Castiel smiled, it was something he didn't usually do. He didn't enjoy the killing, but things had changed. He dodged a punch, cocked his head, raised his hand and the second demon burned up in a flash of light.

Another demon smiled and cracked his neck. "Castiel, brother…" The guy looked like a teacher dressed in khakis and a polo shirt, but his eyes of course, were solid black. "Join us."

"I am not your brother Therion, once maybe, but not anymore." Castiel eyed the other two demons moving into the room behind Therion. "You have a choice to make. Leave and live, or you can stay and die." A bright light flashed in the room and for a split second Castiel's wings were visible.

Therion seemed to falter and then he shook his head. "It will be your death Castiel, not ours."

Castiel raised his hand and whispered a prayer. He knew he could take Therion, but it would weaken him. He just hoped he could finish the others off, or scare them away before they figured that out.

Therion attacked first and it jolted Castiel to the core, but for only a second. He strengthened his resolve and focused his power at the demon. He managed to banish him just as the two older hunters freed themselves and joined the fight.

Sol laughed. "Three to two, I'll take those odds." He picked up an abandoned gun from the floor and leveled it at one of the remaining demons. "What do you think Bobby? You take that one?"

The demons glanced at each other and then almost as if on cue their heads flew back and streams of black smoke rushed from their mouths.

Almost at the same time, Castiel sank to the ground.

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Dean slipped into the house through an open window, not waiting for Sam or Kate, but trusting they were right behind him. He could hear noise, mostly just soft shuffling and a low voice, but he also clearly heard sobbing. That soft low sound tore through his heart and made him angry. He cursed under his breath and moved quickly toward the sounds. Around one corner and through a doorway and he stood inside the kitchen.

He stopped so fast that Kate slammed into his back, but neither of them made a sound, though Finn was so focused on his sister that Dean was pretty sure he wouldn't have noticed even if they were wearing bells.

Dean had an overwhelming urge to squeeze his eyes shut and turn away, while at the same time tearing Finn limb from limb. He heard Kate gag and turned to see the tears on her face. It was Sam's hand on his shoulder that strengthened his resolve and he nodded when Sam pointed at the other side of the room and then held up three fingers.

Sam moved gracefully across the room in that way that amazed Dean. He would never understand how his huge brother managed it and if he admitted it to himself, he was jealous. He gripped Kate's hand when he felt it slide into his own and he swallowed and looked away for a second in an effort to control himself.

Finn had opened several long gashes on Logan's back and sides. They weren't deep, but they were bleeding freely and a small puddle of blood was forming on the floor by her knees as she knelt. Her hands were restrained behind her and then to her feet, which arched her back as Finn stood over her. The prick had his knife in one hand and his cock in the other, stroking it as every sick fantasy he'd ever had poured out of his mouth.

Logan sobbed softly and it only seemed to increase Finn's joy in his torture. The more excited he got, the quicker he pulled the sharp blade across his sister's skin. Each time he cut she drew in a sharp breath of pain and surprise.

Dean wanted to kill Finn slowly while at the same time doing it fast because he didn't want him breathing another breath. He saw Sam across the room and nodded when his brother held up his three fingers again. He tilted his head toward Kate and she shifted off to the left and then they both looked to Sam.

Sam nodded, took a step and dropped one finger, and then he shifted his weight to so that he could move easily and dropped another finger. He pointed to Dean and raised his eyes, when Dean acknowledged him he dropped the third finger.

"Finley, you mother fucking animal." Dean jumped toward the demon and fired the shot gun.

The brunt of the shot hit Finn center mass and he stumbled backward slightly and stared at his chest. "What the…"

Dean quickly positioned himself between Finn and Logan, firing again as he moved. The second shot missed as Finn moved quickly to the left.

Kate grabbed Logan and cut the ropes holding her before she pulled the injured girl to her feet, but they both slipped in the bloody puddle on the floor. Finn had moved around Dean and was growling and trying to reach Logan. Kate ignored him and struggled for footing before finally, with some effort and Dean's hand, Kate managed to get both their feet under them. She half dragged Logan toward the laundry room door they'd come in through.

Dean turned to face Finn once the girls were out of the room. He knew that the shells weren't going to stop Finn, but he was hoping to gain some time for Kate and Logan to get out. If Logan and his child were safe, he didn't care what happened. He'd die to protect his family and the thought of Finn hurting Logan and the baby sent rage through him.

He snarled and kicked Finn in the side before pressing the barrel of the gun against Finn's crotch. He pulled the trigger and fired into the suddenly empty floor. He spun looking for Finn, but found himself unable to move.

Finn suddenly filled his vision and then Dean was struggling for breath. "I'm going to kill you because she loves you and because she'll hate me more for it. I'm going to make you watch me fuck her though."

Dean's eyes searched the room wildly for Sam. Where the fuck was his brother?

Finn continued talking. "Did you hear me tell her what I was going to do to her? Hear me tell her all those dirty things I want from her?" The demon laughed as Dean struggled. "I think I'll make you watch me kill your brat too. Cut it from her belly and kill it in front of you. What do you think?"

Dean growled and struggled ineffectively, cursing his brother and in his head threatening to kill him.

Finn reached for his cock again and stroked himself. "That gets me hot…gets you hot in a different way doesn't it Winchester?" Finn pressed his face against Dean's cheek. "Make you hate me more, does it? Want to kill me? Tear me up? Do to me those things you did to others in the pit?"

Dean's eyes popped open and he stared at Finn, unable to swallow, barely able to breathe, but not because of anything Finn was doing. The guilt about the darkness inside him rose up again.

"Tsk, tsk, poor boy, I heard you quite excelled at the job. What I'm saying shouldn't be anything more than you said to those people in hell Dean. Come on, maybe you could give me a hint? I mean Alastair has so much to say about you." Finn brought his knife up Dean's chest, easily slicing through his t-shirt and drawing a sharp, bloody line from lower sternum up to Dean's throat, where he pressed it against the large vein that pulsated. "I can hear your blood Dean. I can hear it rushing so fast through your body." He traced the tip of the blade up the side of Dean's neck. "I'm getting bored though. Maybe I should just end you now."

"Let him fucking go." Sam spoke from behind Finn.

Dean saw his brother for a split second before Finn released him and he fell to the floor. There was something about Sam, something not right. Dean struggled to catch his breath. He was dizzy and he wasn't sure why, but there was a rushing in his ears and a hot stinging feeling below his left ear. He heard boots, lifted his head and then everything went black.

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Sam smiled. He knew it was cold, that was the point. He watched as Finn squared off in front of him and he played his tongue over his teeth savoring the last hint of his drug of choice. Power buzzed through him, he felt so alive and so dangerous and he knew Finn could feel it. He saw the little flicker of doubt in the half-breed's eye.

"Finn." His voice was quiet, but powerful.

The demon wiped his bloody knife nonchalantly on the thigh of his jeans. "So, little brother found a way to spread his wings while his keeper was in hell." Finn inhaled. "She's addictive isn't she?" He pointed the knife blade at the puddle of blood on the floor. "I know, I had her all those years ago and haven't stopped dreaming about her."

"Leave Logan alone."

"Aww, don't tell me you have a thing for my sister too, I mean other than a taste for her blood?"

Something flashed in Sam's eye and Finn smiled and bounced up and down like a child. "Oh, you do. That surprises me some. I thought you'd have more respect for your own flesh and blood." Then Finn laughed feverishly before adding in a tone of conspiracy, "But then I've always found my own flesh and blood utterly irresistible." He winked. "You fucked her didn't you?"

Again Finn giggled. "I love it. A love triangle and the baby might be yours right?" He clapped and adjusted himself through his jeans. "That gets me hot. Was she good? Did you like fucking her? Sweet little sister always was so good…"

Sam had enough and he landed a solid punch in Finn's midsection. "Don't you talk about Logan that way." He landed a punch to the side of the demon's head. "Don't talk about my brother that way."

Finn landed on his side, laughing and moaning as if he found the beating enjoyable.

Sam pulled his leg back, "And don't you fucking ever, ever compare me and my family to you." He brought his foot forward with such power that the demon skidded about a foot across the floor.

Finn, gulped for air and Sam watched as he struggled to sit up. Sam didn't wait for him to respond, but simply held out his hand and focused.

Finn screamed and it echoed in the room. Flames came from the floor and the demon cursed as he fought against Sam's power.

A cruel smile flirted across Sam's mouth and then turned to a slight frown as he was forced to focus more power into banishing Finn. He felt blood on his upper lip, and that hadn't happened in some time. He ignored it and took a hesitant step forward only to falter as Kate and Bobby came into the room with their guns drawn.

Sam heard Kate call his name and then Bobby curse. His concentration broke and in that second, Finn managed to disappear. Sam stumbled a couple of steps before he lifted his head. "What the hell do were you thinking?" "

Bobby slid around Kate, who was attempting to help Sam, and backhanded the young hunter across the face. "What the hell do you think you're messing with?" Bobby glared up at the boy he thought of more as a son than a friend. "I don't even want to know how or why." Bobby pushed past Kate and headed back out the door.

"Are you alright?" Kate asked, looking Sam over and not finding much more than a trickle of blood from his nose, though there was no bruising to indicate he'd been punched. "Cuts, bruises or broken bones?"

Sam shook his head and wiped his nose with his hand. He looked at the blood and wiped it onto his jeans before wiping his upper lip. "I'm fine, but you shouldn't have interrupted me."

Kate snorted. "Want to explain to me what exactly I interrupted?" She moved around the room and picked up the scattered weapons and then handed one to Sam and indicated they should leave. "I'm not sure of what I saw and I'm not sure why Bobby is pissed as hell, but then I haven't been too sure of much of anything recently." She raised an eyebrow and bit at her lower lip.

"It was nothing. I was just trying to finish that ass hat off so he couldn't wreck anymore havoc." He smiled at Kate and wondered if it looked as predatory as it felt. He hadn't expended all the energy Logan's blood had given him and now he was restless. He reached for Kate's arm just before she got to the side door in the kitchen. He spun her around and against him even as he pressed her back into the pantry door. "We have a few minutes?"

It was a statement couched as a question and Kate felt some small thrill shoot through her veins at the suggestion in his voice. She shook her head, "Not really."

Sam's lips slammed into hers with bruising intensity. His tongue pressed inside without permission and without remorse. His teeth nipped at Kate's tender lips as he devoured her mouth with an intensity that surprised even him. He pulled back and watched emotion trace across her face and flood her eyes. He saw the desire mixed with regret and a bit of fear and it was exactly what he hoped he'd see. He bent his head to her ear, kissed and nipped at the curl of it and then down her neck before his lips settled by her ear again. "Then later."

Sam pulled away as suddenly as he'd pressed against her and then he was out the door.

He didn't see Kate shiver and he didn't see her frown just before she wiped the back of her hand over her damp eyes.

_Note:_

Well, school is done and the job hunt paid off! I hope this means my writing mojo will return. It seems that school and papers and research and thesis writing simply killed my desire to write ANYTHING, including the things I needed to do ;) Okay, so sorry that this update took me like a million years to get done, but see the previous sentence for my excuse and enjoy what you got! Let me know what you think and I'll be working on more._  
_


	26. Shut up and Drive

**Shut up and Drive**

It was dark and yet he could see clearly, which Dean always found strange. It had taken him years to get used to it and even then when he thought about it, he sometimes wondered how it was possible. He could smell the blood, the sweat and the sex; all of it sent a shiver of apprehension down his spine. He swallowed and looked up to find Alistair standing over him.

"Dean, Dean, Dean what am I going to do with you?" The demon lisped and smiled almost benignly at him.

Dean knew there wasn't a benign bone in Alistair's body, but he also knew he couldn't fight him. He had tried so many times, so many years and he'd finally given up. So instead of telling the demon to fuck himself, he shrugged. "You and I know you can do whatever you want."

Alistair threw his head back and laughed. "True isn't it?" He stroked Dean's hair and cheek. "You've come so far Dean. You've made me so proud."

"Glad you're pleased with me then." Dean said hopefully. He didn't want Alistair to be angry with him, he wasn't in the mood. He was so tired and already in pain from something horrible he was sure, but he couldn't remember what had been done to him.

The demon frowned and shook his head before he backhanded the man which sent him sprawling across the filthy floor. "I never said I was pleased."

Dean closed his eyes and tried to retreat into his head. Alistair's punishments were never easy, never quick and never ended with a physical beating. The demon wouldn't stop until every one of his twisted desires was satisfied.

There was a sharp pain in his neck and then Dean struggled to breathe. He heard someone call his name and felt the blackness call him. He focused on the blank place in his mind and ignored the pain and the voice.

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Logan blinked away tears and looked out the window of the truck as she absently stroked Dean's cheek. She was still trying to shake off the sick feeling Finn always gave her. She hated the power he still had over her, even after all these years even the mention of his name gave her pause.

She shifted uncomfortably and winced when Dean moaned, though she was happy for the distraction from her thoughts. She whispered his name and told him to hush, that he was alright and then she said a quick prayer hoping that she was right.

Her own wounds weren't serious; annoying, definitely, but they didn't put her life at risk. Dean's on the other hand, was serious. Finn had cut into his jugular and he had almost bled out by the time Kate was able to control the bleeding. Thank everything holy that Kate had been there. She had some serious skills and that first aid kit she carried was stocked better than some emergency rooms.

Logan watched as the sky started to lighten along the horizon. She hadn't been paying much attention, but was pretty sure they were close to the hotel. She had been tired before the hunt, but now she was emotionally and physically exhausted. She was worried. She was unable to settle her thoughts: Finn had found her again and he knew she was pregnant, she still needed to talk to Dean about everything; and then there was Sam. Things were so fucked up there. Yes, she loved Dean, but she still had that odd connection with Sam and it had flared up again tonight.

After Kate had pulled her from the house things had gone south. Of course no one knew it because only Sam was inside; at least until he showed up outside demanding to talk to Logan alone, but telling everyone to stay out of the house. Logan was still naked, wrapped in a canvas coat and she hadn't really been completely herself, but Sam didn't care.

_Logan looked up when she realized Sam was there. "Dean?" She asked, needed him and needing to know he was okay._

_Sam knelt beside her and pressed his lips to her ear. He inhaled and shivered. "I need your help Logan."_

_Logan shook her head with confusion and some fear. She didn't want to face her brother again. Not now…maybe not ever, but definitely not in that house where she was so powerless. "I can't…" Her voice sounded weak even to her._

_Sam brushed hair off her face and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. He made an odd sound and let his hand drift over her cheek to her throat. "Not in the house Logan, but..." He paused like he was struggling to find the right words. "I need something from you."_

_Logan shook her head when she realized what he meant. She'd told herself after they'd been together that night that she would go there again. Doing what Sam wanted meant playing with fire. She didn't want to get burned and she didn't want to burn Dean. "No." She winced at how unconvincing she sounded._

_Sam's lips hovered near hers, teasing, but not touching. His breath was uneven. His hand shifted a bit on her shoulder. "Please, I'm not strong enough right now." His hand moved lower._

_She shivered at the odd sensation; more confused now than she was before. Her dazed eyes found Sam's and she saw something in them that called to her; something that scared her and thrilled her at the same time. She bit her lip and gasped when she felt Sam's fevered hand on the curve of her breast. Her eyes were on his when one of his long fingers grazed over her nipple. "Sam…don't.." The words came out like a quiet moan and warning at the same time._

_Sam nodded. "Don't tell me no, Logan. I can't do it without you." His hand skimmed over one of the long gashes in her side, just below her breast. "Share with me."_

_Tears rushed to her eyes. She felt the same hypnotic pull she always felt with Sam and she felt guilty for feeling it. In some ways it was stronger than what she felt with Dean. A part of her wanted it and another part of her was terrified of it. She sobbed and then tilted her head in surrender. _

_Sam didn't hesitate. His hand slid through the blood on her side easily coating his fingers and then he brought his hand to his mouth and as Logan watched, he lapped the blood from his palm._

_Logan was mesmerized; the act itself was erotic, but the almost orgasmic look that rushed across his face was almost pornographic. His eyes stayed on hers the entire time and she couldn't blink even though she wanted to. She could barely think, but she could feel everything so intensely. She felt Sam's right hand slide up her side and to his lips even as his left hand moved to her neck. His erection pressed against her hip as he leaned into her and she felt his breath on her face as he inhaled just before he tasted her blood again. Without another thought she slid her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth to her own._

_The kiss didn't startle her or Sam. It didn't even surprise her when she deepened the kiss and tasted her blood in Sam's mouth. Neither of them was surprised when she roughly nipped his tongue; and they both moaned and pressed against one another when the coppery taste of Sam's blood mixed with hers. However, Logan was surprised at the intensity of her lust, but what really shocked her to her senses was the sudden flutter of activity in her belly. She pulled back with a stunned gasp. _

_Sam mumbled something and then ran back toward the house, leaving Logan confused and then guilty when she saw the look on Kate's face._

Logan almost jumped when Dean startled in her lap. She looked down into eyes that she knew weren't seeing her and she tried to hold his head still, afraid he'd rip out the stitches Kate had carefully placed. "Dean, you're okay…shhh, it's Logan…."

Dean struggled a bit more and then blinked up at her.

She gave him a tired smile. "Go figure you'd wake up just as it's time for bed."

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Kate watched Sam out of the corner of her eye as he drove the Impala recklessly down the highway. They'd passed Sol's truck as soon as they'd hit open road and Sam really hadn't lessened the pace since. She had a million and two questions, but only one she both wanted the answer to and was afraid to ask; what the hell he was doing kissing Logan.

"Kate…?"

Her name startled her. "Huh?"

"I asked if you were okay."

She nodded and took a few seconds to study him. "Yeah, I'm good, but I'm not the one who got slashed up by her perverted brother or stuck in the throat and left to bleed out." She took a breath. "I'm also not the one who went all 'Darth Vader' on Finn." She dropped her eyes and picked at some imaginary spot on her jacket. "That's new."

Sam smirked. "Guess it is."

"And scary…"

Kate saw Sam's frown as he added. "It's not a bad thing."

"I never said it was bad. I said it was scary…" She added a bit of edge to her voice. She didn't like the way he was defending himself for something she hadn't accused him of. She glanced to the road and took another breath. "Do you know where we're going?"

Sam chuckled. "Worried I'll get lost?"

She shrugged. "Not really, just tired and I should check on Dean before we all crash."

"Well, Bobby said the hotel was by the interstate and the interstate is this direction. So, I figure we'll find it soon enough."

"Makes sense…" She looked out the window again and fiddled with her phone in her pocket.

"I missed you Kate."

She turned to face Sam. She wanted to believe him. "Did you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She knew the look on her face said it all. "What do you think it means? You think it's okay to sleep with Logan and ignore me? You think it's okay to tell me it didn't mean anything? You think it's okay to fucking make out with her while she's pregnant with your brother's baby and he's bleeding half to death?" She tried to keep her emotions under control, but she was struggling.

"You saw?"

"We all saw, you idiot." She fought the urge to slap him and shake him and kiss him, but she really didn't want him to crash so she just glared.

"You weren't supposed to see that and it didn't mean what you think it meant." He shot her a glance, willed her to see it in his eyes. "It was like that time at your friend's place when Logan kissed me. There's some connection we have. She makes me more powerful and I needed that to beat Finn."

Kate sighed and wiped at her eyes. "Look, I don't like playing the part of the jealous girlfriend, or friend with benefits or hell, weekend fling. In fact I hate it. It's not who I am, but damn it Sam you make me want to kiss you and slap you at the same time. Ever since that first night…" She pushed her hair from her face. "Maybe you didn't manage to corrupt me, but you damn well turned me inside out. I want to hate you for what you did, but I can't."

She didn't even realize they'd stopped until Sam had her halfway across the seat and in his arms. She expected him to kiss her immediately, but he didn't. He wrapped his hand in her hair and gently tilted her head back so that she was looking up at him. He had a dangerous look in his eyes and she shivered. It had been too long.

"I never meant to hurt you. I need you to know that." One of Sam's thumbs brushed across her cheek. His eyes followed as the finger moved to the corner of her mouth. "I was confused and angry. I didn't want my anger poisoning you like it was poisoning me." He pressed his forehead to hers. "I was drowning and I didn't want to take you with me."

Kate shifted to move closer. "I'm a strong swimmer Sam." She lifted her head from his so she could see his eyes. "I'm a big girl. I've been taking care of myself for a long time. You might not believe it but, I can carry a little extra bullshit on my shoulders." Sam tried to kiss her and she turned her face and pulled away. "I won't be shit on though Sam. Don't use me to scratch some itch you have for Logan."

"Kate, it's not like that…" Sam shook his head and looked away before framing her face with both hands and making her look at him. "I mean it. Logan means a hell of a lot to me, but not the way you do."

She saw the desperate look on his face and was about to comment, but he stopped her.

"Don't…I know. I've fucked up. Again." He tilted his head to the side as he looked into her eyes. "I dream about you Kate." He pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "I want you." His nose brushed hers and his lips brushed hers softly. "I need you."

Kate held her breath and waited; her eyes dropped to Sam's lips. She whimpered when he still hadn't kissed her. "Sam…"

"Tell me you want me Kate." He kissed the tip of her nose and bit back a smile. "Say it baby."

She tried to catch his lips with hers, but he pulled back. "Dammit Sam, I want you."

Again, she expected his lips on hers in a rush, but was surprised when his lips brushed hers softly; so barely there that at first she thought it was her imagination. It left her even more frustrated and she grabbed at his shoulders intent on pulling him closer.

Sam pressed his lips against hers and smiled before he pulled back. "We're almost there." He tilted his head toward the windshield. "The hotel…"

Kate growled in frustration. "Bastard." She shivered and separated herself from Sam. "Then shut up and drive."


	27. It Changes When You Say it Out Loud

**It Changes When You Say It Out Loud**

It was almost four in the morning by the time they all got to the hotel. Sam and Bobby got Dean into bed. Kate checked on him and then made sure Logan was okay while Sol went to the lobby to get a third room.

Sam was talking to Sol when he saw Kate heading his way. He took the key from Sol's hand and was thanking him when Kate got to his side. "Thanks man." He held up the key. "Guess we'll see you for lunch then?"

Sol nodded. "I figure we'll all be up and moving by one." He smiled at Kate and held out his hand. "You're a good asset to keep around." He pulled Kate into his arms and hugged her. His next words were so quiet that Sam didn't hear them. Then Sol stepped back. "You ever think about hunting full-time, you let me know."

Sam saw the puzzled look on Kate's face and frowned, but he didn't comment as they said their goodbyes and headed to their room.

Kate stepped past Sam when he opened the door. She kept her pack over her shoulder and moved quickly and silently to the bathroom. Sam let her go, not saying anything when she shut the door. He was still amped up. Power humming through his veins. He could feel it just under his skin and it made him antsy. He sat on the bed and began to untie his boots.

He wasn't used to this anymore…the downtime just after a hunt. He and Ruby would plan their hunts and she was available for whatever he needed afterward. Sometimes, if he'd used too much juice, he'd need to crash, but more recently that hadn't been the problem. They'd kill what needed to be dead and then drink, fight and if no one else was available; fuck. Things had changed since he'd last been with Kate. He wasn't the same person since Dean died and came back.

He'd managed to get his boots off when the bathroom door opened a crack and steam poured from the smaller room. He looked up to see Kate's face in the doorway. Her hair was down and he could tell she was naked.

She gave him a sexy smile and opened the door a bit more, revealing one breast and a hip. She held out her hand.

Sam didn't need any more of an invitation and in two seconds he was up, pulling his belt from his jeans and his shirt over his head as he moved to the door. He pushed it open roughly, moving Kate backward with his body; crowding her into the bathroom with a growl. He was half afraid that she'd back down, and was a bit surprised when she didn't. He knew he probably looked dangerous. His hands fell to her hips and then to the smooth skin of her ass and he pulled her against him even as his mouth crashed into hers.

He heard her gasp, followed by a moan and then her hands were on his shoulders in an attempt to steady herself, or maybe to fend him off. Not that Sam cared as he deepened the kiss, his tongue pressing into her mouth to tease and taste. Sam felt Kate's nails dig into his biceps and then she was kissing him back desperately.

He pulled back; breaking the kiss so that he could get his pants off and when he did Kate smiled in appreciation and moved into the shower.

Sam watched the water sluice down her body and he followed its path with his eyes. He took a few seconds to appreciate the way it slid over the silky skin of her shoulders, to her breasts where it formed drips on the tips of her hard nipples. He made a desperate sound in the back of his throat and then stepped into the large shower with her. He shoved the glass door closed and let his hand follow the water's path down her waist to her navel. He loved that she shivered as his hand wandered lower.

She moaned; a soft sexy sound that had him harder than he'd been in a long time and his thumbs brushed the tops of her thighs. Sam smiled when her eyes drifted shut and she moved so that her legs were open. When his index finger slid between her legs and brushed at her clit her eyes fluttered open in surprise. He watched her face and remembered how much he loved the blush that rushed up her neck when she was aroused.

Sam bent his head and nipped at Kate's neck before lapping the water from the hollow of her throat. One hand moved up to her neck and into her hair, while his finger continued to tease. He licked over her chin, took her lower lip between his teeth and tugged gently as his finger slid inside. He moaned at the feel of her wrapped around his finger and he deepened the penetration so that his thumb could press her clit.

Kate's legs opened wider as he eased her against the wall of the shower and with a nudge from his hand she bent her knee and lifted it to his hip to give him better access. Sam captured her mouth in a rough kiss and wasn't surprised when she kissed him back with the same intensity. He added a second finger and pressed into her even more deeply. His fingers curved and her head fell back when his fingers brushed that spot inside he'd been looking for.

He watched her eyes close and he pressed his cock to her belly and his mouth to her ear. "Mmm, you're so sexy baby…you like that? Need more?"

Kate moaned a yes and her fingers dug into Sam's shoulders. Her legs shook and when she opened her eyes Sam could see they weren't quite focused. She licked her lips and rocked her hips against his hand. One of her own hands drifted to her breast and she played with her nipple, pulling it as her mouth fell open with a silent sound of pleasure. "Sam…please." She moaned when he paused his fingers. "Don't tease me…please…need you…"

Sam's mouth crashed into hers again. The hand on her breast moved between them to his cock. She stroked him urgently and he moaned into her mouth even as he shifted himself between her legs. Sam broke the kiss and stopped. His forehead pressed to her shoulder as he struggled for breath and his achingly hard cock pressed against her thigh. "Wait…" He didn't want to stop, but made himself, tried to do the right thing. "Need to get…"

Kate kissed him desperately. "Sam, please." She shifted restlessly against him. "Don't care. Now…"

Sam pulled back, lifted her leg higher onto his hip and in one hard thrust slid inside as deep as he could. He pinned Kate to the wall of the shower, lifted her other leg and shifted his hips until he was completely buried inside her. She was so tight. He could feel her body pulsing around him and he took a deep breath for control.

Sam's hands cupped Kate's ass. He gave her a ruthless smile and then thrust. She cried out and gripped his shoulders; her nails digging in so deep that he knew she would leave marks. Sam moaned at the short sharp pain of it and then withdrew only to thrust harder.

This time her eyes came open wide and she grunted in pain.

Sam pressed a rough kiss to her ear, "Can't stop…" He canted his hips and slammed into her again.

She moaned, one hand moving to his face to push hair from his eyes. Her wild eyes found his. "Don't…"

His next thrust was just as hard, but the angle of his hips got him deeper and he felt the tip of his cock slam into her sensitive cervix. He didn't care this time when he saw the flash of pain in her eyes. He was single-minded. He needed her to cum. He needed to watch her fall apart and know it was because of him.

His eyes never left hers as he fucked into her over and over as his hands pulled her ass toward him and her back slammed into the cool tiles. He knew he was hurting her. He knew he was bruising her and marking her. It only made him more determined. He slammed into her over and over. Every sound she made was music to his ears. Every grunt and moan and whimper pushed him closer, made him need it harder and deeper. listened to her grunt and moan.

Kate moaned. Her wet hair stuck to her face and breasts. Her mouth and body bruised. "More…fuck yes…don't stop…"

Sam wasn't surprised that she was encouraging him. He could feel how much her body wanted what he gave. Her heels were digging into his ass, pulling him against her as he thrust. Her nails left thin bloody trails on his skin and he wasn't sure he'd ever seen anything sexier.

"Yes, yes…harder Sam…please…"

Her eyes were wild now and Sam didn't resist when she pulled his mouth to hers. She kissed him. Her tongue and teeth nipped and licked and tasted. Her voice was low, hoarse and desperate as she begged. She tore her mouth from his and gasped for breath as her fingers clenched and unclenched on his shoulders.

He read the frustration on her face and he knew she was close. He knew her body, had dreamed about her body more times than he could remember, and he knew what she liked. He knew what she needed. He slid a hand between them and pressed her clit with a slow, circling pressure. Over and over in time with his thrusts he played her body. He was getting desperate. He needed her to cum. He needed to cum.

"Do it Kate." He bit at her ear and soothed it with his tongue. "Cum for me baby…"

That was all it took and she was moaning, low and deep, as her body throbbed around him, milking him and pushing him to his limit. He thrust again, impossibly deeper, and then with his last bit of self-control he pulled out and came on Kate's soft belly.

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Logan wasn't sure what time it was, but the sun was high enough to brighten the room even with the heavy drapes closed. She stretched and yawned and cursed the fact that she had to pee. It was cold in the room, but not snuggled under the blanket with Dean. She sighed and slid from bed as quietly as she could.

It obviously wasn't quietly enough, because Dean grabbed her arm as she stood. He startled her enough that she gasped and then glanced at him. "Damn it, you scared me, but I have to pee." She pulled her arm free. "You doing okay?" She asked even as she headed to the bathroom.

She left the door open so she could hear his response.

"Yeah, sore, stiff, pissed off, but okay."

Logan heard him moving in bed and then she heard him ask. "What the hell happened?"

She finished in the bathroom and found him sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand gently pulling at the tape and gauze from his throat.

"Finn stuck you like a pig." She pushed his hand aside. "Leave it alone or Kate will kill you."

He sighed and frowned. He reached for Logan, pulled her between his knees. "How bad?"

She wrapped her arms lightly around his shoulders and kissed the top of his head. "Bad enough." She brushed his hair back and titled his head so she could see his face. "Try not to let anyone else slit your throat?"

He smiled, made a face when his neck ached and then pressed a kiss to her belly. "Promise."

Logan wished the tears out of her eyes. She still felt guilty, but Sam was right. Without her blood, Dean might be dead. She took a deep breath. "You feel up to a shower and some food? You son or daughter is starving."

She felt him smile against her stomach before he pulled back.

"It's a boy isn't it?" Dean asked.

She bit at her lip and nodded. "They think so." She took Dean's hand, put it on her belly and then pressed her own over his. "It's your son Dean."

He let out a breath and smiled before pulling her hand to his mouth and kissing it. "Mine? You're sure?"

She smiled and moved to straddle his lap, kneeling beside his legs on the bed. "Yes." She kissed him softly. "Yours and mine. Ours. It still scares the hell out of me, but at least that makes me happy."

He blinked up at her. "It scares me too, but knowing it's mine makes it better baby. I promised you it didn't matter, but not knowing was making crazy."

She kissed him again and let him deepen the kiss, until her stomach growled loudly. She pulled away with a groan. Her voice was hoarse when she spoke. "Mmm, now I'm hungry for two things…" She stroked the growing erection between Dean's legs and tried to look serious. "But, I need food. To get clean and eat and then I want to play."

She winked, stood and helped Dean up. He was moving easily and that reassured her. "You feel okay moving around?"

He nodded and winced. "As long as I stop nodding. I feel like I'm hung over, but nothing too bad." He paused and pulled her tank top up her side. "Wait. What about you? Finn sliced the hell out of you."

She glanced at the long, shallow red marks on her sides and belly. "Nothing deep, except for what he did to my head. " She pulled the shirt over her head and held out her hand. "I am serious about the food though…shower and food…now."

Dean followed.

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Kate woke to an empty bed, which upset her more than she was willing to admit. She was tangled in the sheet, with her hair wrapped around her face and she rolled over with a groan in an attempt to unwrap herself from both. She ached everywhere. She felt bruised and battered inside and out, and that thought did bring a smile to her face along with a rush of wet heat between her legs.

She managed to sit upright with the sheet pooled in her lap and then pulled her hair from her face. She knotted it at the nape of her neck and glanced around the room. It was empty and the bathroom door was open. She didn't see Sam anywhere, though his duffel was still on the table where he'd left it. She noticed that the clothes he'd removed on his way to the bathroom were no longer there and his phone and wallet were gone as well.

Just then she heard the door and Sam strolled in carrying coffee and a paper bag. He said something into his phone, hung up and then smiled at Kate as he licked his lips, which made her nipples tighten and sent a shiver through her.

Kate cleared her throat. "Were you hungry?"

Sam shook his head. "Not until just now." He dropped the key on the table, but brought the bag and coffee with him as he moved to the bed.

She chuckled, hot and sexy. "Really? What are you craving?"

Sam sat beside her on the bed, setting the coffee on the bedside table and the small paper sack on the bed. He drew a line up Kate's arm from her elbow to her collar bone, which made her shiver. He smiled and bent close, his lips brushing against hers and then moving to her ear. "You."

Kate struggled to bite back her moan, but she did manage even if her voice came out breathy and completely unconvincing. "What if I'm not on the menu?"

Sam trailed the back of his hand over her left breast, enjoying the way her nipple hardened to a peak. His mouth found her collar bone and he scraped the tender spot with his teeth before bathing it with his tongue. His breath was hot over her skin. He kissed his way down to her breast and pulled the nipple into his mouth; rasping her with his teeth and tongue. His left hand drifted down her body and eased between her legs to stroke her gently. When she gasped and gripped his hair he pulled back with a feral smile. "I can be very convincing."

Kate purred and fell back onto the bed, taking Sam with her.

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Sol, Bobby and Sam were already in the diner when Dean and Logan got there. Sam was nursing a cup of coffee and listening to Sol tell Bobby some story about a ghoul hunt. Dean glanced around, but didn't see Kate and he frowned as he and Logan took chairs across from Bobby and Sam and next to Sol. "Kate?"

Sam looked up from his coffee with a sneer and tilted his head out the window. "She said she needed to call Ryan."

Logan frowned at Sam. "He's her best friend and he likes men so stop with the jealousy."

Dean chuckled and picked up a menu. "She's the one who should be jealous little brother."

Sam kicked him under the table making Dean grunt and bring back his own foot to retaliate, but Bobby made a sound of annoyance and raised his eyebrow.

"Boys…"

Dean narrowed his eyes and smirked. "He started it."

Logan laughed when Bobby commented that it didn't matter who started what. She reached for the carafe of coffee and poured herself and Dean a cup. "How old are the two of you?"

The waitress showed up then and peace was made, at least temporarily as orders were placed and more coffee was requested. She left, just as Kate arrived.

Dean was aggravated when Kate pulled back the dressing on his neck to check on his wound even before she asked how he was. He whined when the tape pulled hair and commented on her poor bedside manner.

She rolled her eyes. "You almost die, I saved your ungrateful ass and you whine about me pulling out a hair or two?"

"It hurt." He snorted and brushed her hand away. "It's fine. Logan redressed when we got out of the shower."

Sam raised an eyebrow and started to open his mouth, but shut it when Logan glared.

Sol made a comment about Bobby not leaving him any hot water.

Bobby huffed. "Well I sure as hell wasn't going to shower WITH you and I won the coin flip for first dibs."

Sol laughed and ran a hand down his t-shirt clad chest. He winked at Bobby. "You don't know what you're missing old man."

Sam rolled his eyes and Logan teased her uncle.

Dean ignored them and drank his coffee in silence.

Bobby threatened to tell the story about Logan's first boyfriend which shut her up quick. So she stared into her cup and sipped her coffee as she watched Kate with Sam. She could tell they'd made some kind of peace; at least in the bedroom, because Kate was sitting close and leaning toward Sam the same way Logan often caught herself leaning into Dean.

So far, Kate hadn't spoken much to her since she witnessed the blood exchange with Sam and the thought of that sent her eyes in Sam's direction. She somehow caught Sam's glance and she could read an apology in them. She inclined her head and then turned her attention to the question Sol asked her about her brother.

"I wish I knew what he wanted." She shrugged. "I know he hates me, but I don't know why." She shivered and was thankful for Dean's hand on her thigh. She gripped his hand in thanks.

Sol asked a few more questions that Logan answered, even though she'd rather not think about her brother, and then she turned the conversation to a few odd deaths she'd read about in Colorado and listened to Sol's description of a suspected vampire nest in Michigan.

"Well, we need to get Kate back home, so we could look into the Colorado thing and you and Bobby could check out Michigan if you want. If nothing's going on in Colorado we can meet up with you in case you need back up." Logan smiled when the waitress set their food on the table.

There wasn't much talk for a few minutes and then Bobby spoke up. "I need to get home for a bit. I have some business that needs done." He ate half a pancake and then looked to Sol. "If you want to do some recon in Michigan I could catch up with there."

Sol nodded and ate his egg white omelet. He swallowed. "Works for me, hate damn vampires though."

Logan almost laughed at Kate's face. She downed the last of her coffee. "Really? Vampires surprise you, but ghosts, demons and angels don't?"

Kate smiled sheepishly. "I guess I just never really thought about it. I mean growing up I was taught about the spirits, both good and bad and how the Great Spirit guides us. So, angels, demons and ghosts make sense." She shrugged. "Some tribes have stories about bad spirits possessing the living and feeding on blood and animal spirits can take over, but I guess the thought of an actual vampire is just odd to me."

"Well we don't know the origins of all the things we hunt." Sol pointed his fork down the table in Logan's general direction. "I mean before I met Logan, I didn't think angels really existed. Figured they were more like a myth, but we hunters are pretty open to myths. There's usually some truth to them. We just have to find it."

Logan stole a piece of bacon from Dean's plate. She held it up thoughtfully before taking a bite. "For the record, I'm only half angel and I didn't know that until last year."

Dean made half a grab for his bacon, but Logan was quicker and she shoved the meat into her mouth. "Shut it, your son wanted it."

She didn't realize what she'd said until Sol smiled and held up his mug.

"Well then congratulations are in order." He caught Bobby's eye and added quietly, but not silently, "I didn't see that coming."

Sam looked up from his plate and picked up his own mug, but he didn't raise it any further than his lips. Logan noticed the tight line they made. He sipped his coffee and then looked from Dean to Logan. "A boy huh?"

Logan wished she could take the last forty seconds back, but she nodded. "Yeah, a boy." She paused and then added pointedly, "due in February." She'd already told Sam, but thought she needed to remind him for some reason. She felt like she'd just announced some state secret, but it wasn't like no one knew. Really, Dean was the last one to know about the baby and almost the last one to know that it was really his. She refilled her cup and tried to act normal. It felt weird saying it out loud to everyone. Somehow announcing it made it more real. It also meant discussion of it was fair game.

She glanced to Dean, afraid that he was angry or upset, but he only appeared to be proud. She took a deep breath and tried to relax. She didn't know why, but things felt a long way from being normal. Another deep breath; maybe things would be better now….

_**Author's Note: **Wow, two updates in quick succession! I'm impressed with myself even if you aren't ;) I'm thrilled that you are still reading and I'm so sorry that the updates are slow to come. I'll try to be better about that, but I can't promise anything. Thanks so much for the reviews and for those who don't review, please feel free to comment. I like hearing what you have to say (good or bad) and it's a good incentive to keep up with the writing. _

_A big cookie to everyone still reading, and a whole dozen to those that review!  
_


	28. In the In Between Times

**In the In Between Times**

Dean sat in the car and stared out the windshield. He wished with all his might that he could forget the past few days they'd spent in Rock Ridge, Colorado. It was bad enough that he'd been infected by some ghost virus, but he knew they'd never let him forget how crazy he'd gotten.

He wiped a hand over his face and took a long pull from the beer he held in his other hand. A cat…he'd screamed like a girl in a horror movie over a cat. He'd been afraid of the second floor, speeding, hunting…hell, really just about everything. To be honest, the acting like a two year old and being teased for it wasn't the worst part. It had been the things he saw; Sam as a yellow eyed demon, Alistair torturing him, Logan dying, the baby as a demon and all of it was stuck in his head. He cursed, finished his beer and threw the bottle out the window, somehow satisfied when he heard the glass break.

He'd left Logan sleeping in their cabin and gone for a walk only to find himself sitting in the car with a six pack, listening to Survivor for some unknown reason. He grabbed the last two bottles, flipped off the radio and locked up the car. He figured it was close to six and Logan had promised Kate they'd meet up for dinner.

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Sam stopped in the middle of the clearing where the bike path he was running on intersected with another path. He checked his watch as he took several deep breaths. He was dripping with sweat, even though the air was cool, but he'd made good time and would be back in plenty of time to shower and change for dinner. He was a bit surprised when Ruby was suddenly beside him. Usually, he felt her before he saw her, but this time he hadn't felt a thing.

He was frowning when he turned toward her.

"What?" She gave him a puzzled look.

He shook his head. "Nothing, guess I wasn't paying attention and didn't notice you." He wiped sweat from his forehead with his t-shirt.

She snorted. "It's not that. I can smell Logan all over you." She made a face. "Both of them are all over you Sam."

Sam glared at Ruby and pushed his sweaty hair off his forehead. "It's not like I had a choice about Logan."

"You always have a choice Sam. Don't give me that bullshit." Ruby crossed her arms and leaned against a post marking the new trail. She cocked her head to the side and licked her lips. "Do I need to worry about the other one?"

Sam took the two steps between him and Ruby and pressed her entire body against the post. To anyone passing by it looked like they were making out. What people couldn't see was the knife Sam had pressed against Ruby's belly. His other hand caught her hair. "Don't you even think about hurting her." He glared down. "She, Dean and Logan are all off limits."

Ruby smiled. "You know I like it rough Sam." She purred and her arms stole up around his shoulders. "Don't tease me this way. It's been too long since we had a good tussle." She pressed her body toward the blade with a snicker. "Besides, you and I both know that you aren't going to use that on me. You need me. We have a common goal. Kill the bitch Lilith." She tried to kiss Sam, but he turned away.

Sam cursed and pulled back, sliding the knife into his pocket as he did. "I mean it Ruby; off limits. After you helped me I promised I would help you kill Lilith. I'm not about to back out, but we need a few ground rules."

Ruby sighed and held up her hands. "Fine, no more threats for your brother, his bitch or your girlfriend, just make sure they stay the hell out of our way." She dropped her hands. "Answer your damn phone next time I call." She started to walk away and then stopped, turned and smiled. "When you get bored with your plain-Jane, vanilla sex and decide you need someone who you can go toe to toe with, feel free to call me anytime."

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Kate finished brushing her hair and pulled half of it up in a clip at the top of her head. She pulled a few strands out of the clip so they would frame her face and then applied a thin layer of lip gloss. She smiled as she noticed the slight bruising at her collar bone. The three small ovals reminded her of last night. She brushed a hand over them and then buttoned up one more button on her Henley so no one else would see.

She was applying her mascara when her bathroom door swung open. She didn't even look at the door. She didn't have to since there was only one person who waltzed into her apartment that way. She kept working on her eyes.

"Did you need something Ryan?"

He snorted. "Yes, but I doubt you can supply what I'm needing baby."

"Ha, ha and ha." Kate finished her makeup and headed out of the bathroom.

Ryan moved ahead of her. "You have plans tonight then?" He kept moving into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a half full bottle of wine. "I mean I could go for a movie night." He pulled two glasses from the drainer on the counter and started filling them from the bottle. "Or Karaoke…I'm always up for singing a duet. How's Islands in the Stream sound?" He sipped his glass and slid the other to Kate.

Kate stuck he tongue out as she picked up the glass. "What is your fascination with that song?" She swirled her wine.

"Come on, it's a kick ass song with killer harmony." He straightened up and sang. "Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown." He moved around the counter to stand behind Kate and then slid an arm around her waist. "I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb. I was soft inside, there was somethin' going on."

She held up her hand. "Please, stop before I make you stop." She was smiling as she drank her wine. She let Ryan pull her against his chest.

"Don't get your heart broken again Katie." Ryan kissed her temple. "I'm not sure I can deal with it again."

Kate sighed and turned her face to press a kiss to Ryan's cheek. "I can't promise that, but I will promise you the right to say 'I told you so' every chance you get."

He chuckled and pulled back, humming as he did. "Good." He caught a glimpse of her shoulder as he moved and paused. He pulled her shirt aside. His eyebrow shot up. "This better be a didism."

She pulled away from him with a puzzled look on her face. "A what?"

"A didism, as in D-Y-D-S-M a, _don't you dare stop mark_. You know as in; don't you dare stop I'm so close, harder baby, harder…" He shot her a look over his glass that meant she should have known that.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Seriously, you just made that up."

"Did not." He stuck his tongue out at her. "I've used it a million times before."

"You so never did. I have never once heard you say it before and I've heard you say EVERYTHING."

"Ohhh, you haven't heard me say quite everything." His reply sounded dirty as he smirked and shook his head. "But whatever, you still haven't told me if it is or not."

She sighed and took a drink of her wine. "I don't kiss and tell." She winked at him.

Ryan threw his head back and laughed before he drained his glass. "Since when?"

Kate shrugged and looked at her wrist. "Since about now." She shoved his shoulder lightly. "So, are you coming to dinner with us or not?"

"Nope. I have a hot date with a hot older woman."

"So, dinner with your mom huh?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, Dad's at some conference in Reno and I promised mom sushi."

"Tell her thank you for the scarf. I'm not sure how she finds time to knit, but I appreciate it. It's cute." Kate finished her own wine and rinsed her glass and Ryan's in the sink. "We'll probably end up at the bar if you want to drop by later."

A huge smile broke across Ryan's face. "You know it really is karaoke night."

"Yes Ry, I know, but no Dolly and Kenny duet."

"Fine…how about Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow then?"

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Logan knew when Dean left. She wasn't sure how, but she did. She wasn't worried about him; maybe a bit curious about where he went, but she knew him and trusted him. She stretched in the bed and yawned. Her t-shirt rode up and she saw the tattoo and brand on her side. She traced them both with her fingers. She never realized how often she did it until Dean had mentioned it to her, but it had always comforted her when Dean was gone and now it reassured her.

She sat up and rolled her neck on her shoulders trying to work out the kinks as she checked the time. She figured a bath would be good. She hadn't had one in a while and now sounded like a good time. She filled the tub and gathered her things from her bag. She grabbed her iPod, slid her earphones in and then sank into the tub.

She was listening to Coldplay and shaving her legs when she realized she wasn't alone in the bathroom. She looked up, expecting to see Dean, but instead she found Castiel.

She frowned, dropped her leg from the edge of the tub and then pulled her earbuds out. She sat up some, but didn't make much effort to cover herself. She'd never been shy about nudity and she wasn't about to suddenly discover modesty for the odd angel.

"Dean's not here right now."

"I know." Cas canted his head to the side as if listening to something. "He is in his car drinking."

Logan stared at the angel. "Okay, so if you know where he is, why are you here?"

"I am here to talk to you." Castiel's eyes moved over Logan's body and his expression changed. "But, I am having some difficulty concentrating.

Logan smiled and straightened out in the tub knowing that she was giving the angel an excellent view of her body. She even stretched, making sure to arch her back so that her breasts rose out of the water. "What's the problem?"

Castiel's eyes followed her every movement. He shifted from foot to foot while his expression changed to something that could be called discomfort. "I am not sure." His voice was deeper and thick. "This body seems to have a mind of its own." His eyes shot to Logan's face. "I shouldn't be here."

Feeling sorry for him and wildly amused, Logan laughed and shook her head. "Wait outside for a few minutes and let me get some clothes on." When Castiel didn't move she shrugged and stood up. "Go to the kitchen and wait." She wrapped a towel around herself and stepped from the tub. She motioned to the thickness tenting his pants and chuckled. "Maybe think about something else?"

Castiel nodded almost desperately. "Good idea." Then he was gone.

Logan smiled as she tried and dressed. She thought it was hilarious that she'd tempted the angel, but then it seems angels did have the same types of desires as everyone else. After all, she wouldn't exist if that wasn't true. She took a couple of minutes to fix her hair and then headed out of the bathroom.

Castiel was standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the floor.

"What are you doing?" She moved closer and peered at the floor trying to figure out what he was looking at.

He held up a finger and scanned the floor for another few seconds. Then he looked up and nodded in satisfaction. "I was counting the tiles."

She was puzzled and gave him a patronizing look. "Oookaaayy…any reason why?"

"Yes. It was to distract myself from visualizing you in your bath." His eyebrow rose. "It worked, until I just thought about it again."

She chuckled. "You really need to get laid." She opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. She twisted off the cap and asked. "Okay, so what was so important that you needed to interrupt my bath?"

The angel took a breath and leveled his gaze at Logan with an odd intensity. "Sam is heading in a dangerous direction." He looked around the room. "You are playing a part in his destruction, and possibly your own."

Logan shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Castiel turned so suddenly that Logan jumped. He reached out and laid his hand on her belly, while his intense blue eyes searched her face. "Your son is strong, but he is vulnerable." He looked down at his hand and then back to Logan's face. His hand moved to Logan's side directly over the thin lines that her brother had carved into her side. "Blood is life, blood is power. The power he takes leaves less for you."

Logan felt as if something cold slithered down her back. She took a step back and placed both her hands protectively over her belly. "Sam or the baby?"

The angel's eyes narrowed and then he blinked. "Both of them take, but your son is the one who needs the blood and the power."

Logan watched as he wiped a hand over his face; because of frustration or fatigue she wasn't sure. She took a step backward. "Okay then no more blood for Sam."

Cas gave her a hard look. "It's not that simple. Your blood complements Sam's power, as his does yours, but at a cost." He looked at her hands over her stomach. "Each time he takes, you give up some of your power and before you were carrying a child that was temporary, but the child is constantly siphoning your strength. There isn't a chance for you to recover. Sam's blood used to help balance that, but now it's almost a poison to the baby and the child takes more of your power to repair the damage Sam's blood causes. Sam's blood has always only made you temporarily more powerful, but carrying the child in the end you will be weaker."

Logan couldn't help but shiver. She straightened her back and hardened her resolve. "Like I said; no more blood for Sam. I'm totally fine with that. It freaks me out anyway and I know Dean wouldn't like knowing about it. I don't know why it's not easy. I didn't want to anyway." She knew she was rambling, but she was worried about the baby. "I get it. No blood."

Castiel glanced toward the door. "I don't know the future, but circumstance may prevail against you. But you should know that both you and the child are safe for now."

The sound of boots on the porch made Logan turn toward the door. When she turned back, the angel was gone.

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They sat at a table along the wall with Sam and Dean facing the bar and the girls across from them. They were on their second beers, except for Logan who didn't stop complaining about her Pepsi with lemon as the others drank. She knew she shouldn't drink, but that didn't stop her from wanting to and really, she'd pretty much been drunk through her whole first trimester, she didn't see how a beer here or there now was going to hurt anything. Not to mention that she'd been told by an angel the baby was fine.

She glanced up as the next singer was announced. Some drunken girl and two of her even more drunken friends took the stage. They pretty much giggled through the first three or four lines of some song by Pink. She rolled her eyes and smiled when Kate pointed out the song was called _Stupid Girls_.

She took another sip of her cola and slumped into her chair. Her heart wasn't in to being here. Hell, she didn't know what she wanted to be doing, but sitting here with Sam across the table and smiling like an angel didn't just tell her Sam's blood could kill her was definitely not it.

Dean's foot gently nudged hers and she looked up to find him staring at her expectantly.

"Huh?"

Dean's eyebrows came together and leaned across the table and crooked his finger so she would do the same. "I asked if you were okay. You've been out of it since before dinner." His voice was as quiet as it could be in the noisy bar.

Logan nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine, maybe just a little tired still." She shrugged and smiled a bit to reassure him.

He didn't look convinced, but he sat back into his chair. She fiddled with her straw and tried to ignore the look from Sam. "I'm going to use the bathroom." She slid from her chair and started to move from the table, only to find Kate beside her. She bit her lip, so much for trying to find a few seconds for herself. "Guess you want to reinforce the myth that we can't pee without each other?"

Kate ignored the barb and took Logan's hand. "I think we need to talk." She headed into the hall that led to the bathroom, but walked past the rest room and out the back door. She slid a brick, that was obviously there for that reason, into the door way to keep it from locking. "Now tell me what the hell is going on."

Logan leaned against the brick wall and wished she had a cigarette. "Nothing's going on, but if you're mad at me for what happened between me and Sam I understand."

Kate sighed and resettled her glasses on her nose. "I'm not mad, I'm worried and I wish someone would explain things to me." She reached out, took Logan's hand and squeezed. "I'm not the jealous type, not that I like you kissing Sam, but I'm not going to hate you for it. I saw what he did before the kiss and I know how he was afterward at the motel." She took a breath. "What I don't know is what it's about."

Logan turned her head and looked across the back parking lot as she gathered her thoughts. "I don't know everything either, but Sam is more powerful when he drinks my blood. The strange thing is his blood does the same for me. It's a rush. Like a good drug and there isn't a crash afterward." She looked at Kate. "Only I don't need it or even like doing it because it feels like cheating…reminds me of what I did." She couldn't keep the sheen of tears from her eyes. "Sam doesn't seem to think about it that way and I think he even craves it."

"Did he make you do it?" Kate's voice was quiet.

Logan bit her lip. She wasn't sure if she should tell the truth. Hell she wasn't sure she knew the truth. "I told him no, but I didn't resist him, though I'm not sure I could have."

Logan heard Kate exhale and was surprised at the look of relief on her face. "I'm sorry I wasn't stronger."

Kate gave her a sympathetic look. "Okay, look at it this way. If Sam hadn't done it, Dean might not be alive. So, I get that he did the whole blood thing. I wish that didn't have to include the kissing, but I can understand it somehow. I mean I saw it. It was hot in its own way." She pulled Logan in for a hug. "Sam's a little harder now than he was before and I was worried that he forced or coerced you. I can live with a kiss here or there." She pulled back and shot Logan a look. "I guess you haven't seen Ryan kiss me yet."

Logan rolled her eyes. "I don't know how you can be so forgiving, knowing what happened between us and all."

"Ryan and I have our past and it doesn't stop me from caring about Sam and Ryan at the same time. I get it, sort of anyway, so you can stop feeling guilty." She pulled the door open. "So, do you have to pee or were you just trying to get away?"

Logan laughed and slid inside. "I was escaping, but I do need to pee."

"I'll see you back at the table then."

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Sam saw Kate and smiled at her as she crossed the dance floor and wove her way through the tables. He watched her smile when she saw him and then he frowned when she looked away and turned toward the door. He followed her with his eyes and grit his teeth when she threw her arms around Ryan's neck.

"Take a breath man. Best friends, remember?"

Dean's voice did manage to calm him and when Ryan released Kate and pulled another man toward him he relaxed a bit more. The other man was in his mid-forties, distinguished looking and he was wearing a white button up shirt and carrying a sport's coat. He smiled at Kate and must have said something charming because he heard her laugh from the table.

Dean hit his arm. "Dude look, Ryan found himself a boyfriend."

Sam rolled his eyes and watched the group approach. Kate stood between the men with her elbow hooked with theirs.

"Guys, this is Mark Shepherd. He just started at the hospital clinic today and Ryan's mom thought he might enjoy a night out." Kate smiled at everyone and then introduced Sam and Dean. "Logan's with Dean, she'll be right back."

Mark smiled. "It's nice to meet everyone." He motioned to Ryan. "Ryan says he's quite the singer, but he hasn't heard me yet."

Sam smiled when Kate slid onto his lap and motioned to the two now empty seats across from them. "Well, we haven't heard anyone sing yet tonight." Sam motioned for the waitress and ordered another round for the table, including the newest additions. "So, are you a surgeon like Ryan's mom, or an ER doc like his dad?"

Mark's eyes lingered on Dean and then slid to Sam before he answered. "Neither, I'm a pediatrician."


	29. Where Do Fallen Angels Go

**Where Do Fallen Angels Go**

Dean leaned in and tapped the bar to get the cute bar tender's attention.

She smiled and popped the top off another bottle before sliding it to him and leaning toward him. She opened her mouth to flirt, hoping that maybe he would be interested in hanging around until closing time. Her open smile abruptly changed to a cold frown when the girl beside him, who had been effectively ignoring him up until that time, leaned to the guy, hooked her arm around his neck and pulled him in for a slow, passionate kiss.

Dean knew what Logan was doing. He sensed how she tried not to smile as she watched the bar keep. He felt the other girl's eyes on them and he knew that Logan wanted the girl to know he was taken and she would fight to keep him. Logan didn't break the kiss until the barkeep sauntered away muttering under her breath.

Dean chuckled as Logan straightened up and sat back on her stool. He took a long draught from his beer and watched her out of the corner of his eye. "Was that really necessary?"

He thought it was funny when Logan stuck her tongue out at him. He also knew she was keeping an eye on Sam at the back of the bar. It wasn't the roughest bar they'd ever been in, but hustling pool can get dodgy if the mark realizes he is being hustled, which is why they usually tried to back each other up.

"He's good at this." Logan nodded toward Sam, who was doing an excellent job of losing and pretending he was drunk. "Guess I didn't realize he was that good at acting."

Dean leaned back against the bar and nodded as he drank a bit more. "I taught him everything he knows."

Logan snorted and rolled her eyes just before she sputtered and moved off her stool. She watched as Sam threw down his pool cue and shoved the pile of cash back at the boys he was conning. "What the hell is he doing?"

Dean's eyes followed his brother as he crossed in front of them to the short girl with dark hair, "Dammit, Ruby."

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Logan had thought she had an uneasy alliance with Ruby, but recently it was more a half concealed contempt on both sides. They tried to stay civil, but one of them was always glaring at the other.

Logan knew a large part of it was that Ruby reminded her in so many ways of how screwed up things had gotten. She saw Sam more often, and she still felt guilty some around him, but Ruby made her feel downright dirty. Right now, Logan wanted to punch the demon in the face for the scowl she shot at her expanding belly. Instead, she flipped her middle finger up and mouthed the sentiment that went with the gesture.

According to Ruby there was some innocent girl named Anna that the demons were after. Okay, not that unusual, but for some reason the angels wanted her dead. It didn't seem to make much sense to Logan, but then recently not much made sense.

Dean was pissed simply because Ruby was there. He didn't hide the fact that he didn't trust Ruby. Not that Logan could blame him much. She knew the bitch was tricky. Every time they dealt with a demon something bad happened. Logan knew that Sam felt like he owed Ruby something, but she kept getting the impression that Sam didn't really want the demon around. Maybe he didn't mind her around himself, but he didn't seem to like her around Logan and Dean and especially Kate.

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Dean watched the others as he sat in the cabin, if you could call it that. He was pretty sure a strong wind would take what was left of it to the ground, but it was what they had and for the moment it was safe. So, they were trying to keep their "angel radio" away from the demons and safe from the angels, which of course reconfirmed for Dean that angels really are just dicks with wings.

Logan had sort of taken to Anna for some reason, but he got the impression it was just to keep an eye on her and Ruby away from her. Anna was pretty and sweet and innocent in a way Dean never remembered being even when he was in preschool. For some reason when he was near her, he felt calm. He had no idea why, but it was there.

Anna looked over to Sam as if she suddenly remembered something. She asked to borrow a phone to call her parents; sure they were worried about her. Logan reached for her shoulder and Sam took a step toward her as he told her as easily as he could that her parents were dead.

Dean didn't miss the almost exact timing of the panic on Anna's face and the motion from Logan. Something was there.

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Logan was hiding with Anna in the back. She knew the boys would do their best to keep them safe and then it would be up to her, what she wasn't expecting was Anna to grab her knife from her belt and slice open her hand. She also wasn't expecting to understand what Anna wrote on the mirror, but she did and then she felt the power that came with the bright flash of light. She felt it draw her away, but something anchored her there. Still, she was disoriented for a few seconds and she knew the angels were gone.

The boys were in the room in the next second.

"Logan." Dean's voice was harsh with concern, especially when he saw the blood.

Sam helped Anna, wrapping her hand in some piece of cloth as he glanced to the mirror. "What the hell is that?"

Logan watched Anna's confused face and heard her tell them she didn't know how she knew it. But Logan knew what it was. She cleared her throat and leaned on Dean as the dizziness faded. "It's a sigil and it's ancient. It temporarily banishes angels."

Logan felt Dean's agitation. "You knew about this?"

Logan shook her head. "No, but I know what it is now that it's here." She pushed hair off her forehead. "Like reading a new word in context and simply knowing what it means. I didn't know it existed before now, but I can understand it plain as day and it sapped a bit of my strength. I actually felt it pulled a part of me when she finished it."

Anna gave her an odd look, but didn't say anything.

"Are they gone for good?" Sam looked up from Anna's hand and finished with his bandage.

Logan shook her head. "No, they'll be back. We need to move. We need some place safe and we need to figure out what the hell is going on."

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They ended up at Bobby's, which was fine by Dean, but he wasn't sure about Ruby being around and he knew it bothered Logan. He was glad to see Pam, but he was sorry she'd lost her sight. She really did have some odd sixth sense because she knew Logan was there before anyone told her and the two of them spent a couple hours catching up while Anna slept. He made a mental note to ask Logan a few things about Pam. He watched as they chatted, not really hearing what they said, but observing how they were around each other and he got the feeling there had once been more between them than friendship.

He was pondering that as Pam walked by him. She chuckled and slapped his ass as she leaned close to his ear "Oh, we definitely did that." She patted his shoulder and laughed again. "Mmm, that too dirty boy. Now pick your jaw up off the floor and point me in the right direction."

Sam, stepped in and helped Pam into the panic room where Anna was staying. He gave Dean a quizzical look, but Dean shook his head at him before going to find Logan.

She'd see the exchange between him and Pam and held up a hand as he opened his mouth. "I'm not sharing the dirty details Dean." She almost giggled when he pouted. "I know you have a good imagination." She pushed a finger into his chest and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "So, go ahead and use it."

Dean stood there as she moved past him to watch with Sam. He shook his head and smiled; she was right he had an excellent imagination and he had every intention to use at some point.

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"An angel? What the hell is going on?" Sam listened along with everyone else. So now there were demons, half demons, angels, half angels and fallen angels who were human. He wondered if Dean was with him on wanting it back to the way it was before they knew all this. He sighed and pushed his hair from his eyes.

He listened as Ruby apologized for dragging them into a war between heaven and hell. She insisted she didn't know and was just trying to help. Sam wasn't surprised that Dean wasn't convinced, but he did think his brother was coming around some. He noticed Dean was uncomfortable when Ruby mentioned Alistair and remembered how Alistair had talked to Dean in the church. He wanted to talk to him about that, but now wasn't the time.

Pam didn't hide that she wanted to leave and Sam was happy when Dean volunteered to drive her home. He wasn't surprised that Logan went with them. So he spent the next couple of hours tracking down things that fell from the sky around the time Anna showed up on earth.

_(Some time later…)_

Sam looked up from his computer as Logan came through the front door. He could tell she was upset, even before she slammed the door. "You okay?"

She stopped and turned toward him. He could see it was more anger than anything. "Pissed at your asshole brother, what else?" She moved through the kitchen and pulled open the fridge. She reached for a beer, made a disgusted sound in her throat and then grabbed a bottle of water before slamming the fridge shut and leaning her back against it. "He never knows when to leave well enough alone." She tore the cap from the bottle, tossed it and drank.

Sam tried to keep his face neutral, though he wanted to smile. "And you just realized this?"

Sam shook his head at her glare. "Well, you know him almost as well as I do and since when does he let things go?" He pushed away from the table and stood to face her. "You and him are both like pit bulls sometimes. Latch on and never let go."

He saw the tears in her eyes and reached for her. "It'll be okay." He was a bit surprised she let him pull her into his arms. He held her and waited, knew she'd eventually give in to her frustrated and angry tears or shove him away.

"I just want to help him." She said quietly against his chest. "I just want to help take the hurt away, but he won't let me in; won't let me get close enough and it aches." She was crying now, one hand gripping Sam's shirt.

Sam soothed her hair and let her cry. He wasn't used to seeing her this vulnerable and he realized how much she must hurt to let him. "He won't talk to me either, even though we've both told him we saw hell and know how horrible it was. It's not just you. He's not sharing with anyone."

Sam saw Anna enter the kitchen. She frowned and then pointed to the door, letting him know she was heading outside. He nodded and let Logan cry. He felt her pain and he wondered if Dean didn't talk to them because they'd hurt him. They'd fucked up and now he couldn't trust them. That thought twisted like a knife in his gut and he pulled Logan closer and refused to cry.

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Dean was leaning against the car, trying to get a hold of his emotions. He was angry, confused and hurt. He didn't want to talk about what happened. He didn't want anyone to know, especially Sam and Logan. He couldn't stand to see disappointment on their faces. He was glad he was out of the pit, and he never wanted to go back, but he hated not knowing why he was topside. Ruby almost knew more than he did and that really pissed him off. He wiped his face and then realized he wasn't alone.

She stood close by, and he could tell she hadn't meant to interrupt his solitude. He smiled. "Hey, how are you?"

She shrugged and stepped closer so she could lean against the car as well. She looked up at the stars. "Okay, I guess."

Dean watched her out of the corner of her eye even as he stared up at the sky trying to discern if she was looking at anything in particular. "Can I ask you something?" He paused and caught her faint nod. "What do they want me for? Do you know why they saved me?"

She dropped her gaze to his and shook her head. "I'm sorry. They aren't talking about it and it was after I fell."

He shifted, his hip to the car so he could face her a bit more. "That's another question. Why? Why would you fall and want to be one of us?"

Anna's expression became serious. "You don't mean that."

"I don't? We're a bunch of, of what? Miserable bastards. We eat, crap, we're confused, afraid…"

Anna interrupted him, "And you're loyal, you forgive…" She paused, her voice softer. "You have love?"

Dean almost grunted. "And pain?"

She chuckled. "Chocolate cake."

"Guilt?"

She shook her head and then flashed him an almost flirtatious smile. "Sex."

Dean smirked. "Okay, you got me there."

Anna turned to face him, more serious now. "I mean it; every emotion Dean…the good and the bad. It's why I fell. It's why I would give ANYTHING not to go back."

Dean paused, felt the guilt and self-disgust rise up inside. He swallowed, looked away. His voice was quiet and somber, "Feelings are overrated if you ask me."

She snorted. "Beats being an angel."

He rolled his eyes, "How? You guys are powerful, perfect, you don't doubt yourselves, God or anything?"

"All true, but we're prefect like a marble statue. We're cold, have no choice and can only obey." She took a breath. "Do you know how many angels have actually _seen_ God? I mean seen his face?"

He shrugged. "All of you?"

There was disgust in her voice. "Four of us and I'm not one of them." She flopped back against the car in frustration.

"That's it?" He shifted, leaned back and stared back up at the empty sky. "Then how do you even know that there is a God?"

"Faith. We take it on faith and if we don't have enough we're killed."

"What?"

She sighed. "I was stationed on Earth and for two thousand years I just watched. I was silent, invisible, just out on the road, sick for home and waiting for orders from an unknowable Father I can't even begin to understand, so don't tell me…"

Dean laughed, he couldn't help it. It reminded his so much of his own childhood and early hunting years. Waiting for orders, doing his job, not knowing why John did things the way he did or even what he expected from his son…other than obedience.

Anna frowned at him, confused. "What is so funny?" When he shook his head and laughed again she insisted. "What?"

Dean shook his head. "Nothing, really. Sorry, it's just…" He paused and looked at her seriously. "I can relate."

Dean explained what he meant and she nodded and then shivered. "Maybe we should head in?"

Anna smiled and followed as he headed into the house.

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"Union, Kentucky, you sure?" Logan asked Sam a while later while they all sat in the kitchen.

He flipped the computer toward her. "Makes sense. A full grown oak shows up in a field in the space of six months, right after a "meteor" hits the site, which is nine months before Anna is born."

Dean shifted back in his chair. "So, guess we're going to Kentucky." He looked around the table, catching everyone's eyes. "Make sure you have the hex bags Ruby made. We can't afford to let these assholes find us out there."

Logan watched him and nodded, and then she was up and moving. "Let's get shit packed. The quicker we move, the sooner we get Anna back her grace…" She let her words trail off.

Anna looked at her. "The sooner you can get rid of me." There was a bit of hurt in her voice.

Sam shook his head. "That's not what she meant. None of us feel that way."

Anna watched Logan leave the room. "You might not Sam, but I think she does."

Dean followed Logan and grabbed her arm. "What the hell is your problem?"

She pulled her arm free and crossed them over her chest. "My problem is that ever since we got back from Pam's and you and angel girl had your little "heart to heart" or whatever in the yard, she's been all over you." Logan ran her hand through the back of her hair, spiking it up. Something she's started doing when she was upset. "Don't pretend you haven't noticed."

Dean sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Logan, she's scared and lost. We just talked. I think she just feels safe with me."

"Safe doesn't mean she has to all but sit on your damn lap."

"What the hell Logan? Jealous? Really? You think you have the right to be jealous?" He arched an eyebrow and didn't bother to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

Logan opened her mouth and then shut it. She didn't really want to fight, she was just still upset from earlier and then she found out that he was talking with Anna, a stranger with no connection and it hurt. She sighed. "Whatever…like I said, let's just get this shit done." She shoved past him and packed her duffle.

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Logan drove herself, she needed the alone time. She was getting frustrated with all the people under her feet. She was even more pissed when Anna's grace wasn't at the tree. Well, it had been there at some point, if they could trust Anna, but now it was gone. Supposedly, Anna heard the angels again and this time it was a threat to Dean. Return Anna or they'd throw him back in hell.

She had watched Dean's reaction to hearing this and it wasn't good. He was terrified and Logan figured she knew why. From what she'd seen with Sam that one time, it was worse than she'd ever imagined and she was sure that being there was worse than her vision. She had wanted Dean to ride with her, but she wasn't going to ask him and when she he didn't offer, she was upset.

She knew she should be, but she couldn't help it. She wanted to talk to him, reassure him and help him with the shit in his head. He wasn't letting any of them close. She sighed and turned down the radio, frustrated with the music.

She was behind the Impala when they got close to where they were going to crash, but she didn't follow them off the highway. She wasn't ready to feel crowed again; not ready to spend more time with Anna. She hit the gas and kept an eye out for a bar.

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Dean noticed that Logan wasn't following and cursed under his breath.

"She'll be fine Dean, give her some time to cool off." Sam offered from the passenger seat. "She really can handle herself."

Dean glared as he turned into the lot beside the house they were using. "I know Sam, doesn't mean I don't worry."

Sam smiled. "I know, but give her space and she'll be back soon enough."

Dean put the car in park and nodded. "I'll be in in a few." He shut off the car and pocketed the keys. "I just need to think."

"Okay." Sam climbed out of the car with Ruby and Anna and they headed in to the house.

Dean sighed, climbed out of the car and sat on the hood. He closed his eyes and dropped his head to his hands. He'd been that way for at least thirty minutes and was surprised when a hand set gently on his shoulder.

"Dean?"

He glanced over at the cute redhead. "Hey. Sorry we didn't find your grace." He smiled half-heartedly.

She shook her head. "It's okay. You, Sam, Logan and Ruby have done more than enough." She looked away and then back. "You had no reason to help me, but you did and that means a lot. I knew what would happen if I fell. I knew if I was caught I would cease to exist." She shrugged and then smiled. "It was worth it."

Dean didn't understand how it could be, but he let it go. He stared off into the distance, letting his thoughts wander. He was surprised by Anna's words.

"I know what happened Dean…in hell. I know what they did to you."

She paused and Dean wanted to scream that it wasn't what they did, but what he did that haunted him…that made him hate himself. He fisted his hands and ground his teeth together as it hit him.

Her hand was soft on his cheek. "I know what you did and you need to forgive yourself."

He looked at her, his grief obvious and he shook his head. "I can't and I don't want to talk about it."

He listened to her tell him she understands and remind him that when he's ready there are people who love him and can help him. Then she leaned in and kissed him. He didn't stop her and when she leaned closer, he deepened the kiss. His hands moved up to cup her cheek and slant her face.

Something about her touch dulled his pain and he wanted more of it. He slid his arm around her and pulled her between his knees. It was then that he felt her pull back.

She pushed gently against his chest and broke the kiss. He held her loosely, watched her catch her breath as he struggled to catch his own. The question was on his face.

"I want to Dean, but we can't. It wouldn't be right and trust me, when you let Logan in, you'll feel the same thing with her. It's not me, it's that I know and still want you." She kissed him gently one more time. "There's nothing to forgive Dean. Logan and Sam both love you and it doesn't matter what you did. Logan still wants you…she always will no matter what, just give her the chance."

With that Anna moved away and toward the house, leaving Dean sitting where she found him.

Neither one of them saw Ruby sneaking out the back, and no one noticed the soft ticking as the Dodge engine cooled across the lot.


	30. I Can Feel Your Scars

**I Can Feel Your Scars**

Dean woke with a start, his heart pounding. It took him a minute to realize he was safe and then another second or two to realize Logan wasn't beside him. Then he remembered she was still sulking. It was early morning and he knew he wouldn't be sleeping anymore, so he got up. Anna and Sam were both still sleeping, but he didn't see Logan, though her sleeping bag was where she'd crashed the night before and there was a pot of hot coffee sitting beside the camp stove. He poured himself a cup and carried the pot with him as he left the barn.

Once outside the smell of coffee mixed with the scent of fresh cigarette smoke. He found her not far from the barn sitting on a fallen log smoking. He fought the urge to lecture. He wasn't going to be his father, beside she was already upset with him.

The air was cool and damp and he was almost mesmerized as he watched her take a long draw. Then she exhaled slowly, the smoke clouding around her like a mist. He didn't usually go for smokers, but he'd always enjoyed watching a woman smoke. There was something sensual about it that hit him on a visceral level. He took a step and his boot crunched on the gravel.

She looked up at him and then glanced away. She reached for her mug and then held it out to him even as she tucked the cigarette between her lips. He knew she was daring him to say something.

He poured her another cup of coffee and then settled down on the log beside her. He set the pot down on the ground between them and stared out into the wooded area she had been scrutinizing. He sipped his coffee and waited.

She was quiet until she stubbed the butt out in the gravel. Then she turned to look at him.

"Why?"

Dean wasn't sure what she was talking about, so he took another drink of his cooling coffee and watched her from the corner of his eye to buy some time. She didn't disappoint him and spoke again

"Why talk to her and not to me? I don't understand at all and then last night…fuck, really?" Her voice was tight with anger.

Dean shot her a puzzled look. Okay, so he still wasn't quite sure what she was talking about. "I haven't been talking to her."

She rolled her eyes and snorted. "Like hell." She dug in her pocket for her cigarettes and then remembered she was out. She cursed, half at circumstance and half at Dean. "I've heard you talking to her." She looked directly at him, letting him see the pain in her eyes. "I loved you. Lost you and then thank God, I got you back, even if you are half broken by something I barely had a glimpse of.

"Dammit, I'm carrying your son, I love you, I'd die for you and the baby and yet you can't share what's going on in your head with me?" She knew her voice was a bit panicked. "I told you every horrible thing that happened to me. I told you about how Finn broke me and I let you in where no one else has ever been. Just you." She poked him in the chest. "You." She punched his arm, a bit frantic now. "And you can't even share some of it? I don't need every detail Dean. Hell, I don't even WANT to know, but I know whatever it is, it's killing you slowly from the inside out and while I'll take you however I can get you. I'd rather have all of you, not whatever's left over once your soul dries up and dies."

She wiped at her face with a frustrated sob.

Dean finished his coffee and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you baby." He twisted to face her. "She heard some things." He moved his hand through the air. "You know from our angelic friends." He rolled his eyes. "So she actually knows what happened, not because I told her. Trust me. I had no intention of telling her or anyone." He reached out to wipe tears from her face, but she pulled away. "There's a reason Uriel wants me gone." His voice almost broke. "Things you can't begin to understand."

Logan clenched her fists. She wanted to hit him and beat some sense into him. She never thought anyone would understand her hurt either. "You're a jerk." She moved and knelt in front of him. She fisted her hands in his shirt. "Nothing you could do or did; nothing at all, could change how I feel about you." She glanced to the barn. "Hell, you could have fucked her in front of me last night and, while I'd be pissed, I'd still love you."

Dean opened his mouth to say something.

She leaned back and released his shirt. She figured she could mess with his mind. "Don't deny it Winchester." She frowned at him. "I was fifteen feet away. I saw her kiss you and I've been with you enough to know you liked it and wanted more. I also know it was her that turned you down." She couldn't keep the half smile off her face. "Not that I blame you, she is pretty hot and I like redheads too."

If she wasn't still pissed at him, she might have laughed when Dean coughed choking on coffee he'd just taken a sip of. "And that's not me giving you permission." She glanced back to the barn. "Truthfully, I can't wait to get rid of her. I don't like the way she looks at you."

"I didn't tell her anything, honest and I'm sorry for kissing her and I shouldn't have wanted to be with her."

Logan knew he meant what he said, or at least wanted to mean it. She didn't think he would hurt her on purpose and she understood the need to be with someone who 'got it'. Hell, that's how she fell into bed with Sam; he knew how she felt. She sighed. "It's okay. I really do get it…" She stood and stretched her aching back. "I'm just not sure we can trust her." She stared off into the tree line again and then added, "And so help you touch her again and I just might hurt you." With that she walked off toward the cars.

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Dean watched Logan. He was getting better at reading her and he knew she was hurt. Of course he hated how he felt. He hated guilt and as he wiped a hand over his suddenly, very weary face, he acknowledged how very good he was at it. Hell, he did guilt better than anyone and since he'd come back from hell he'd carried more than ever. Now he could add letting Logan down and betraying Anna to the reasons to hate himself.

He sighed and stood up. He followed Logan, caught up to her as she opened the trunk to her car. He slipped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest ad he bent to kiss her neck. "I'm sorry." His voice was gruff and filled with emotion he wasn't quite ready to deal with and he was relieved when she wrapped her arms around his and snuggled into him. She made him feel safe, she reminded him of family. He reigned his emotions in and then pulled back just as Sam called from the barn asking him if he'd seen Ruby.

"No man, not since last night some time." He turned back and picked up the now cold coffee pot. He caught Logan's eyes as he motioned with his head toward the barn. She nodded and told him she'd follow in a few minutes.

Dean shrugged and headed back to the barn. His thoughts were heavy, but ever since he'd gotten back they had been. He kicked the barn door closed behind him and set the coffee pot down before settling on a bale of hay. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flask. He toyed with the cap as he thought about Alistair. He shivered. He was afraid and he hated it.

Not only was Alistair topside, but the angels were threatening to toss his ass back into hell. He couldn't go back, hell he wouldn't go back. He cursed, opened his flask and downed a healthy swallow. He enjoyed the burn down his throat and felt it in his gut. He wiped sweat from his forehead and drank more. He hated himself. Hated how he'd been manipulated and used.

He looked up to see Sam and Logan enter the barn. Sam was still rambling on about Ruby. Logan looked tired and the guilt hit him again. When Anna asked if he was okay, his only response was to tip back his flask and drink some more.

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The barn doors blew open and Castiel and Uriel stepped inside. "Hello, Anna. It's good to see you."

Dean didn't bother standing up, just stared before taking another drink. It was Sam who questioned the angels and Dean.

"I'm sorry." Dean said so softly Logan almost wondered if he spoke the words out loud.

Sam glared and Logan saw the hurt on his face, "Why Dean?"

It was Anna who went to Dean and told him it wasn't his fault, but it was Logan who stepped up to the angels and ran her mouth. "They didn't give him a chance Sam. They either kill her or us." She glanced at the three angels, "Right?"

No one answered her, so she took a step forward"Look you assholes. I don't like her, but I don't want you hurting her either." She put her hands on her hips and glared from Castiel to Uriel. Her gaze swung back to Castiel. "Do you really have to kill her?"

Castiel answered. "I'm sorry."

Logan gave Anna some props for snorting in disgust when she spoke. "No. You're no, not really anyway. You don't know the feeling."

"Still, we have a history. It's just…"

"I know orders are orders." She sighed. "Just make it quick."

Logan moved between Anna and the angels. "You don't have to go with them Anna. We can figures something out." She motioned to the two angels. "Sure they're unreasonable assholes, but we can fight them." She smiled and rolled her neck on her shoulders. "Angel or no angel, they have weaknesses like everyone else."

Uriel growled and stepped toward her. "You'd do well to watch your mouth you disgusting half-breed." He snorted indignantly. "You shouldn't exist and yet you do…but I could fix that."

Logan heard Dean's growl and it made her feel warm inside, not that Dean had a chance with either of these pricks, but the fact that he was willing to fight felt good. She wondered when she'd become such a romantic. She shook her head and smiled. "You could try, but from what I hear," she waved her hand around over her head, "I'm pretty important."

"For a filthy human bitch, maybe, but that doesn't mean you're indispensable." Uriel added, ignoring Castiel's hand on his arm.

Anna surprised Logan by stepping forward. "I'll go with you. Leave them alone."

"I'm sorry Anna." Castiel's voice is quiet and controlled. "I never wanted it to be this way."

"I know."

Logan felt them before the wind kicked up and the sky darkened. Alistair was suddenly there with his followers. He was carrying a wounded Ruby and there was a twisted look of glee on his face. "Don't you touch a hair on that poor girl's head."

Uriel's indignant voice rang in the barn. "How dare you come in this room, you pussing sore!"

"Tsk, tsk, name calling." He put his hand over his heart and pouted. "That hurt my feelings you sanctimonious, fanatical prick."

Castiel spoke, quiet, calm and deadly. "Turn around and walk away now."

Logan shot a hesitant look to Dean and saw the terror in his eyes. She ground her teeth and tried to figure out what to do.

Alistair dropped Ruby to the hay covered floor and cocked his head to the side. "So much fun to play with." His eyes locked on Dean. "Mmm, once you get a taste for it, well you know what I mean don't you Dean?" He picked at a piece of dirt on his coat and then looked back to Dean. "You were so good, such promise…too bad you're a neutered little bitch topside." He cleared his throat and turned to the angels. "I can hear your threats without you voicing them and really, it's not going to happen."

Logan wanted to shake off the hand dragging her out of the way, but she didn't bother. There was an odd power in the air vibrating between the angels and Alistair and she wasn't sure if she wanted to bathe in it or run from it.

She watched as Castiel held out his hand and she was scared when Alistair laughed him off. She'd felt Castiel's power and knew that for him destroying a demon should be easy. Then Uriel growled and went from demon to demon basically whiting them out while Castiel fought with Alistair.

Dean joined the fight, right after shoving her behind a bale of hay…she laughed ruefully, like hay was going to keep her safe from demons and angels. She noticed the glow in Uriel's hand and motioned to Anna, who grabbed for it and then told everyone to close their eyes.

In seconds, it was over. The demons and the angels were gone…

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Dean leaned against the car and stared out into the wooded area beside the rest stop. He took the beer that Logan handed him and felt her settle against the car beside him. He glanced to Sam, who was half sitting on the hood.

Sam shuffled his feet. "You okay?"

Dean shrugged, "Bout as good as I can be." He took a long drink. "I can't believe we made it out of there."

Sam half smiled. "Again."

Dean looked to the ground, scuffed his boot in the dirt and felt Logan's hand on his shoulder. "I know you both heard him."

Logan glanced up from the ground. "Heard who?"

Dean hesitated, took a drink and noticed Sam playing with his beer bottle nervously. "Alastair and what he said…about how I had promise."

"Yeah, we heard him."

Dean looked up first to Sam, then to Logan as he repositioned himself against the car. "And what you're not curious?"

Logan's hand left his shoulder and Dean knew she was telling Sam something with her eyes, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know what. He didn't want to know if it was pity or judgment and hell, he didn't want either.

Sam cleared his throat. "Dean, I'm damn curious, but you're not talking about hell and I'm not pushing."

Logan shifted beside him. "When and if you're ready then fine." She reached for his hand, but he moved it, lifted his beer to his mouth.

There was a pause, he took a deep breath and crushed the fear. "It wasn't for months, you know."

Both Sam and Logan almost in unison, "What?"

"It was four months up here, but down there…I don't know. Time's different." He paused again, struggled with his feelings. "It was more like forty years."

Logan's sharp inhalation didn't surprise him and neither did his brother's quiet, "Oh, my God."

He wiped his face and steeled his voice as he swallowed, "They, fuck…they sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you…" He swallowed and fought for control, "Until there was nothing left, and then suddenly, I would be whole again. Like magic, twisted fucking magic, just so they could start in all over." Dean's voice cracked slightly and he forced the bile down. "And Alastair, at the end of every day, every fucking day, he would come over and he would make me an offer…He'd take me off the rack, if I put souls on, if I started the torturing." He swallowed thickly. "And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines."

He almost smiled at Logan's whispered, "Hell yeah."

He shook his head sadly and continued. "For thirty years I told him to fuck off." He glanced to Logan, tears in his eyes and then to Sam before looking down at the bottle in his hands. "But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't do it baby." His voice cracked and he wiped his eyes. "And I got off that rack, God help me, I got right off it and I started ripping them apart." He struggled for control, took strength in Logan's warmth beside him. "I lost count of how many souls…shit, the things I did to them…"

Sam wiped his own eyes and saw the tears on Logan's face. He cleared his throat. "Dean…shit Dean you held out for thirty years. That's longer than anyone could have…"

Logan caught a sob and Dean shook his head and clutched at his chest. "How I feel…this…inside me…I wish I couldn't feel anything." He let the tears fall. "I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."

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Logan cursed when some branch scratched her cheek as she ran through the brush. She sidestepped a fallen branch and lengthened her stride. She'd be pissed if she lost the…the, well whatever it was she was chasing, she didn't want to lose it.

She and Sam had found the jogger torn almost in half, his left arm missing and a trail of blood led into the woods. Dean had moved to the north and Sam was circling around from the south while she headed pretty much straight east. They'd all find each other at some point. She only wished she knew what they were hunting. Whatever it was had already killed three people when they arrived. Now its body count was four. Two had been known to be jogging and no one really knew why the other two had had been in the park, but it didn't matter…they were dead, torn apart in what had been reported to be an animal attack. Only, there weren't really too many predator animals in Central Park.

She heard the growl seconds before something knocked her to the ground from behind. She cursed, rolled and came up only to be knocked back down on her ass and behind a few large boulders. She found herself gasping for breath with two hundred pounds of heavy male on top of her.

"What the…get the hell off me." She grunted from beneath the heavy shoulder on her chest as she shoved.

"Quiet." A heavy hand pressed against her mouth. "If you don't move it can't see you." He whispered. "We're downwind, so it shouldn't smell us." He shifted over her and pulled his hand back from her mouth as his own mouth moved to her ear. "Let's hope its hearing isn't good, but since it's only five feet away shut the hell up."

Logan's eyes tracked the thing that had hit her. It was big; huge actually and ugly. It lifted its toothy snout to sniff the air before moving away through the trees. It was graceful for something so downright horrible. When she could no longer hear it, she shoved the guy on top of her again. "Now, get you get the hell off my so I can breathe?"

The man chuckled and slid off her and to his feet with ease. He held his hand out to her and rolled his eyes when she didn't take it but lumbered to her feet alone.

She stepped back and looked up at him. "What the hell did you do that for? You could have been killed!"

He snorted. "Me?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Excuse me, but you were the one who was going to end up with her guts spilled on the ground." He brushed leaves and something thin and sticky from his jeans. "Shit I hope that isn't what I think it is…" A shiver ran over him and then he turned his attention back to the girl. "What the hell are you doing in the park at three in the damn morning anyway? Don't you know it isn't safe? Damn tourist aren't you? Figure it's a nice night, take a walk? Or are you high?" He gave her a once over. "You don't look like the typical junkie hooker, so what's your deal?"

Logan shook her head. He talked fast and he was obviously local, his accent was thick. His left arm was covered in tattoos, fat plugs were in his ears and his hair was buzzed close to his head. He wore dark jeans, a Dead Milkmen t-shirt and black combat boots. She put her hands on her hips and glared at him, still keeping her eyes on her surroundings. "The only damn thing you got right, asshole, is that I'm not local." She checked her belt for her knife and gun, both there, and then rolled her head on her shoulders since she'd managed to hit something hard when he took her down. "I can take care of myself just fine and I hope you don't think that thing was just some ugly stray mutt."

He looked over his shoulder in the direction the thing went. "The Aswang?" He laughed. "Not. A. Dog."

Logan's eyebrows pulled together as she tried to remember what that was. She formed an 'O' with her mouth, "Shape shifter from the Philippines." She took three steps around her new friend to stare into the woods the Aswang had gone through. She glanced over her shoulder. "I didn't think they existed outside of the Philippines?"

He shot her a surprised look. "They aren't supposed to." He pulled a gun from a shoulder holster and checked the chamber before replacing the safety and slipping it back. "So, you're a hunter. What are you doing in my city?"

She glared at him. "Sorry, didn't see your name written across my map." She crossed her arms over her chest and then waved a hand around to indicate the park. "Also didn't think anyone was paying much attention since there are now four dead people."

He ignored her and held up a finger, but she was already on alert. Something was coming toward them through the brush. He stepped to the left, half behind a tree and Logan dropped low in a defensive crouch, ready to move fast if she had to. Her knife was in her hand and she noticed that a short spear of some sort was now in the big guy's hand.

She was surprised at how fast he moved. Sam barely had one foot in the clearing and he was no his back with a sharp object at his throat. She sprang toward them, shoving the spear away from Sam. "Whoa, man chill. Sam's with me."

Sam was up and in the other man's face in seconds. "What the hell? You always say hello with weapons first?"

He shrugged. "When something out there is bigger, stronger and faster than me, then yes."

Sam shoved his hair out of his face and looked the guy over. "News flash genius; there is always something like that out there." He looked to Logan. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, seems we're after a Aswang." She pointed with her knife before putting in back into her belt. "He might have saved me, not sure yet."

"No might have about it babe. If I hadn't tackled you your guts would be under our boots right now."

Sam looked between them and held up a hand when Logan started to argue. "Wait a second. What the hell is an Aswang doing in New York?"

"Beats the hell out of me, but that's what we're after. I can see them plain as day if I catch them at dawn and I've been to the Philippines and hunted them there." He stopped again for a second. "I saw this one five days ago, right after it killed the guy on the other side of the park."

"I'm not sure if knowing it's an Aswang is good or bad. I mean, now we know how to kill it." He paused and looked at Logan's savior. "Assuming that our intel on staking them with bamboo to paralyze them and then lighting their asses on fire is right." When the other guy nodded he continued. "But, the damn things can shift into any living creature from animal to human."

"Don't forget demonic. They can become demons too and not only do the look like what they become, but they have the same power and abilities." He spit. "Hate the dirty fuckers."

That was when Dean decided to join them. "What fuckers are we hating on and who the hell are you?" He looked up at the larger man and moved beside Logan. He took in the dirt on her clothes and scratches on her face. "You good?"

When she nodded he turned his attention to the new guy. "So again, who we hating on and who are you?"


End file.
